Mors Diary: 473 Days on the Road to Failure

Dear Diary

I've never written a Diary Entry before, my grammer sucks and I don't expect to actually continue writing it.

Before I start explaining my pathetic life I would like to point out a small detail. This is not fiction. As you did see in the tags (if i didn't forget to mention) this is realistic, or should I say this is the truth. Its my diary, and from my I mean, A- Mors' diary. Did you really think I was gonna reveal my name that easily?

I will, I will surely reveal my name at the end of 473 days (I won't). Now with that said I'll give you a brief description about Mors (me).

I am 17 years old, living in India (thats all you get for now). I will be appearing for NEET (medical entrance examination, for those who don't know) in 2026. The exam date is 3rd May 2026, or exactly 473 days from today.

16 Jan 2025, I've wasted the entire year of 2024 doing absolutely nothing. Now you might want to sympathies with me but I will ask you to not do so. I've already given up, that you can see in the title of this book; "Road to Failure". This book, or should I say set of diary entries, are going to be a collection of stories of my pathetic life.

As you progress further you'll realise someone as god-gifted and talented as me is walking towards their own demise. Now I use the words "god-gifted" and "talented", this is because I do feel like so.

Be it my parents, or my teachers. I've always been told that I am a genius. Maybe its true, maybe its not. I don't really know, but the reason why I consider myself as god-gifted is because up until now things have been happening in my favour.

I don't really know how to sit down and study, yet I am always in the Top 10. Tomorrow may be an important exam, but today I would be sitting and watching videos on YouTube. My life up until now has been going this way. I've never experienced struggle, that is why when your life suddenly shifts gears and things start to go wrong, that is when panic breaks.

Was it a few months ago? I don't really remember. That was the first time something happened which wasn't in my favour and from then on I seemed to have lost my "Luck".

But for someone as talented as me this is not something to worry about... right?

I thought I just had to put in some work, a little work. Up until now I've been putting 0% hardwork and relying 100% on luck. Lets just say that my luck has faded, but it is still better than the average lot. I just need to put in 10% hardwork, even 5% would suffice.

I couldn't... I couldn't. I realised that I don't know how to study, or how to actually put in hardwork. I am pathetic for relying on the "God of Luck" all this time.

Did I already mention about him? Perhaps not. God of Luck, or simply luck is my imaginary friend, although I call him my friend he is rather unpredictable. Maybe "friend" is not the correct word to use here so I'll use "soul guardian".

I don't believe in existence of god, that is why this feels so ironic. Luck is a superior being, an entity in this universe who has control over probability. His powers although, are no where close to "Fate", but he can alter fate. The amount mana required for this might be huge that I've never seen it happening, maybe someday it will happen.

I think thats enough about me for now, I'll fill in the gaps as I progress on this journey. For now lets come back to the present.

Its 9:34 AM, the diary entry is supposed to be written at night, but the 666 words that you've read up until now is nothing about today. I could've made a prologue, or Day 0, but considering how lazy I am, so I could never.

I've been feeling pretty down lately, it was yesterday, and so it is today as well. I missed coaching yesterday, and today as well. I do have two-day leave tomorrow and day after tomorrow but that is just because of that one Special Test on Sunday.

I bet my classmates are thinking that I am studying for the test. In reality all I've done is nothing!

I don't really care about the test that much. I'm going to flunk it anyway, but my family thinks the reason I've been acting so weird is because I'm worried about the test. If only they knew the real reason is that I've decided to 'give up.' I wonder how they would react.

My family thinks that I study a lot and perform well each time, but that is never the case! Even though I've been getting worse and worse scores on the test, I have yet to get a good scolding.

My family is really good. Not made of those damn conservatives who have no ability of empathy whatsoever, but people who do actually understand me (to a certain point).

Today morning, when I woke up I locked myself in my room. Obviously, the classic! Everyone has done this atleast once in their life. For me though, I have done it more than once. But this time it was for long, eventually I did open the door expecting my parents to lash out on me but all I got was the usual advice from my Father.

Does he even understand the situation? I know he does because he is "My Father", he does understand people well, but is it only me who he struggles with?

He usually tells me about studying this way, studying that way. Making plans for studying, scheduling and what not. Maybe that is why I've grown so uncomfortable with him. The first thing that comes to my mind when I think about him is "Studying", then again I don't know what studying is.

He is a smart man. A very smart man indeed. I fear him but it's out of respect.

---

17 Jan 21:40, I know, I know. This is technically the second day. Its just that I lost my will to write this damn thing, but today I thought to myself that it would be a great idea to just record my upcoming days, my experiences, so i am writing this yet again.

Today I woke up, did not bath, did not brush my teeth (my hygiene is messed up and I know that).

The usual morning routine that I've been following past few months be it a working day or a holiday, that us opening Genshin Impact and completing the daily commissions.

Then opening Pokemon TCG pocket and opening the daily packs. Hardly takes any time. I believe I invest about 15 mins into this; the first 15 mins of my day.

Day after tomorrow is the test so I did plan to complete entire Biology today. I am quite good at Bio, except for I only did about 3 pages... 3 pages out of 9 chapters. Each chapter is about 20 pages. Yea...

I was too busy completing the Floor 12 of the spiral abyss (i only managed to complete the first chamber). Then I was occupied by looking for the wonderpick for the 2x Rainbow Zapdos. (I managed to get it, I am super happy).

My depression seems to have worn off by about 25%. Now as to where I am getting those numbers, I myself have no idea.

There are a few things i have decided. For the next 473 days (except for now its 472 actually), I will confine myself in my room.

This is not the first time I have decided something so stupid, I remember trying the same only to fail in about a week. But I do really want to try once again.

There is no particular reason as to why I suddenly want to do this. But it is definitely something related with cold rebellion going in my head. My mind is probably thinking "All you guys know is study this study that blah blah blah....", and so it decided that it wants to state its point, but in a way which is not too straight-forward.

Today was rather calm, I did not make any academic progress at all however it seems like my family believes I've been studying for the upcoming test (which i plan to flunk), and so they've been providing me meals in my room.

My room is on the ground floor and I usual go up to the first floor for my meals. I honestly think of it as a hassel so it's better this way but the possibility of me getting bored and wandering up to annoy my little sister without realising, always exists.

I think thats it for today. I would go back and read what I typed yesterday morning but I am too lazy to do that so I'll let little spelling mistakes or grammatical errors to slide in. It's not like someone is gonna read this, after all its just a diary entry.

Mors.