NOVEL NEXT 31
Chapter 31
In Lu Xi’s heart, chaos reigned supreme, and all his psychological constructs crumbled to dust.
Xia Baiyuan squatted beside him, his eyes deep.
Lu Xi stared blankly at him, unmoving.
That wasn’t a dream.
In other words, everything he did in his dream wasn’t just his imagination; it had actually happened.
When he realized this, those fragments that he had forcibly suppressed in the depths of his memory, those fragments that he dared not even recall, finally came rushing back to him in a flood of memories.
As the saying goes, the longer a spring is suppressed, the more vigorous its rebound.
Lu Xi had suppressed for so long, almost exhausting all his efforts to suppress those fragments, and now they crazily played back in his mind.
So it wasn’t his moral degradation.
It actually happened…
“Xia Baiyuan.” Lu Xi’s voice was ethereal, as if in a dream. He looked at Xia Baiyuan steadily and smiled calmly, “So that’s it, I understand now.”
Xia Baiyuan buried his face deeper into his knees, his eyes flickering. “What do you understand?”
Lu Xi let out a deep breath, feeling relieved, “Do you know? I used to loathe myself.”
The heavy shackles that had been locked in his heart had almost suffocated him until today. Every single day, he was immersed in deep self-loathing.
How could he do such a thing to Xia Baiyuan?
He was gentle and cute, beautiful and powerful, he was the best female zerg in the world!!
The self who had such dreams was unforgivable and should be sealed back into an eggshell for reincarnation—
But now, that shackle was gone.
With Xia Baiyuan’s words, it shattered like glass.
It wasn’t his delusion.
Thank the zerg God.
Lu Xi gently held Xia Baiyuan’s hand and said, “Now I no longer hate myself. I’ve reconciled with myself, and I accept myself calmly.”
Although he didn’t understand what had happened, seeing Lu Xi’s expression, it didn’t seem to be a bad thing.
Xia Baiyuan let out a sigh of relief. Just as he was about to exhale completely, he saw Lu Xi’s smile deepen—a serene, compassionate smile akin to that of a deity.
Lu Xi looked at Xia Baiyuan and said softly, “I’ve completely accepted it.”
“It wasn’t a delusion. I wasn’t thinking about such filthy things.”
Lu Xi said calmly, “It turns out, I truly dared to do it.”
Xia Baiyuan: “…”
Why struggle? If one is destined for hell, one might as well cherish the days on earth.
When a person realizes their limits exceed their imagination, they enter an unprecedented state of tranquility, ceasing to struggle or waver.
Neither rejoicing in external gains nor sorrowing over personal losses, facing reality with a smile, and welcoming life peacefully.
Generally, we call this “letting go.”
Lu Xi released his hand, stood up, brushed the dust off his clothes, and extended his hand to Xia Baiyuan. “Let’s go.”
But Xia Baiyuan remained motionless in his previous position.
Lu Xi was puzzled. “What’s wrong? Gu Qing and Luo Zhao might still be waiting for us.”
“Lu Xi.”
“Hmm?”
“I said, if it were you, it wouldn’t be impossible.”
“…Sorry, I took advantage of you.”
Xia Baiyuan turned his head and muttered, “So, I agreed.”
Lu Xi nodded. “Hmm…”
Xia Baiyuan: “…”
Lu Xi: “Is there anything else?”
Xia Baiyuan’s back heaved as if suppressing some intense emotion. Lu Xi, in his state of letting go, felt no disturbance. “If there’s nothing else—”
Xia Baiyuan suddenly stood up, startling Lu Xi. “Wh-what is it?”
Their faces were so close that their breaths nearly mingled. Xia Baiyuan pushed Lu Xi. “Do you think I’d agree with just anyone?”
Lu Xi stumbled back a step. “I-I didn’t mean that.”
Xia Baiyuan took another step forward and pushed him again. “Do you think I’m gay?”
Lu Xi was a bit bewildered. “I didn’t think that!”
Step by step, Lu Xi retreated while Xia Baiyuan pressed forward, his eyebrows almost flying up in anger.
“Why don’t you remember? Why don’t you speak? Why did you run?”
“I let you hug me, I let you kiss me, I let you sleep with me—do you think I did it for fun?”
Lu Xi’s back hit the wall, and he had no way to retreat further. He pressed tightly against the wall and swallowed hard. “Th-that…”
Xia Baiyuan grabbed his collar, his voice low. “Only you can, understand? Because it’s you, it’s possible.”
Lu Xi’s eyes widened.
Xia Baiyuan squinted, staring at him. “Tell me, why?”
Perhaps due to his physique, Xia Baiyuan’s appearance was much softer than that of other female zergs. If it weren’t for his perpetually cold expression, one might even find him delicate and obedient.
But when he squinted his eyes, the thick ends of his eyes rising, his face exuded a sharp aura.
Lu Xi’s heart pounded fiercely, and an unbelievable thought gradually surfaced in his mind.
He stammered, “You… you…”
“Do you like me?”
“…”
As soon as this sentence came out of Lu Xi’s mouth, both their hearts thumped heavily, and their cheeks flushed a deep red.
Xia Baiyuan’s eyes quickly glistened with a shimmering light. His furrowed brows relaxed, revealing a clearly flustered expression.
“Wrong!”
Lu Xi opened his mouth, “Oh.”
Xia Baiyuan bit his lip, “It’s because Lu Xi likes Xia Baiyuan.”
Lu Xi slowly blinked, “Lu Xi likes Xia Baiyuan.”
Xia Baiyuan: “…”
His face turned bright red in an instant, and the hand holding Lu Xi’s collar lost its strength as his head lowered.
“Say it again.”
“Lu Xi likes Xia Baiyuan.”
“Say it again.”
“Lu Xi likes Xia Baiyuan.”
“Say it again.”
“I like you.”
Xia Baiyuan’s fingers trembled, his shoulder muscles tensed for a moment, then gradually relaxed. He said softly, “I like you too.”
When he was honest, it often didn’t end well.
Secrets revealed would eventually turn into blades aimed at himself.
But this time, it wasn’t him who confessed first.
With his head bowed, Xia Baiyuan gently placed his hands on Lu Xi’s collar, his silver hair softly brushing against his cheeks.
For some reason, Lu Xi felt as though he was waiting.
So, following his own instincts, he reached out and hugged Xia Baiyuan.
“Xia Baiyuan, I like you. I’ve liked you for a very long time.”
“Since the first time we met?”
Lu Xi didn’t respond.
He closed his eyes, feeling the warmth of the body in his arms, and thought to himself:
When I knew you, you didn’t know me yet.
That’s my secret.
…
“Wait, there’s one more thing.”
Lu Xi pushed Xia Baiyuan away. “You just said, you’re not gay.”
Xia Baiyuan raised an eyebrow, “I am now.”
“No!” Lu Xi nearly went crazy. “I’m not a female zerg!”
Xia Baiyuan was taken aback, then gently said, “It’s okay, two female zergs being together is quite normal. After all, there are so few male zergs now… Don’t be afraid, no one will say anything.”
Lu Xi took a deep breath. “I… am… a male zerg.”
Xia Baiyuan: “Oh, I know you have delusions.”
Lu Xi: “…That’s not a delusion.”
Xia Baiyuan remained silent, smiling.
Lu Xi wiped his face. “This is really important. I must clarify this. Don’t you hate male zergs the most?”
Due to a misunderstanding, he was mistaken for a female zerg, but he hadn’t actively tried to clear up the confusion. There were reasons for this, ones even he was reluctant to face.
If Xia Baiyuan had known from the start that he was a male zerg, he probably wouldn’t have allowed him to get close.
Lu Xi was very perceptive when it came to reading people.
Every time the topic of male zergs came up, Xia Baiyuan’s eyes would flash with disdain and loathing, thick and unyielding like ink.
Lu Xi would deliberately avoid these topics because he didn’t want to see… Xia Baiyuan’s hatred towards male zergs.
Towards him.
But now he had to face it.
One day the truth would come out, and Lu Xi couldn’t imagine how angry Xia Baiyuan would be when he found out he had been with the kind of zerg he despised the most.
“This is hard to explain…” Lu Xi fidgeted with the ring on his index finger to hide his nervousness. “But I never lie to you, Xia Baiyuan.”
He lifted his head and looked directly into Xia Baiyuan’s eyes. “I won’t lie to you.”
In those bright red eyes, something seemed to be shifting and floating, something Xia Baiyuan couldn’t ignore.
Lu Xi: “You can’t remain in the dark about everything, Xia Baiyuan.”
Xia Baiyuan quietly observed Lu Xi, noting how even his fingers had stiffened.
If Lu Xi was a male zerg…
No, this was just Lu Xi’s delusion; he had seen Lu Xi’s medical diagnosis.
But… what if Lu Xi truly was a male zerg?
Lu Xi tried to appear calm, but his mind was in turmoil, with two conflicting voices battling intensely.
**[You love Xia Baiyuan, and Xia Baiyuan loves you. Isn’t that enough? Why complicate things? That’s foolish!]**
**[But that’s deceit!]**
**[Did you ever say you were a female zerg? It’s their assumption, not your fault.]**
**[It will be exposed sooner or later…]**
**[But that’s a future problem. Can you bear to lose Xia Baiyuan?]**
**[No, absolutely not!]**
…
The scales in his heart slowly tilted towards the devil’s side.
Lu Xi closed his eyes, pushing both voices out of his mind.
“Lu Xi, there’s no other male zerg like you in this world.”
Indeed, there weren’t any like him in this world, but almost all male zergs from three thousand years later were like him.
Lu Xi opened his mouth to argue, but Xia Baiyuan didn’t give him the chance, continuing, “Luo Zhao, Luo Qiuxing, Cheng Yan—they are anomalies among male zergs. But even so, they share something in common.”
“They offer kindness to female zergs, offer them peace, offer them freedom, but they never truly associate with them. The giver and the receiver are fundamentally different.”
Xia Baiyuan smiled. “Gu Qing never makes any advances towards Luo Zhao. He’s a very perceptive female zerg, and you never isolate yourself.”
Lu Xi opened his mouth, a look of confusion on his face. “I don’t understand. I always maintain a distance.”
Xia Baiyuan couldn’t help but laugh. “Maybe he thinks you’re just a homosexual.”
Lu Xi: =口=
“Whether you’re a female zerg or a male zerg, it doesn’t matter to me. I don’t care.”
Xia Baiyuan looked steadily at Lu Xi. “I like you, regardless of gender. If you’re a male zerg, then I’m heterosexual; if you’re a female zerg, then I’m homosexual.”
“I like Lu Xi, and he just happens to be of that gender, that’s all.”
“…”
Lu Xi’s eyes widened. The smell in the room wasn’t pleasant, and the lighting was dim, with one of the lamps broken.
In this hazy light, Xia Baiyuan was the only focus.
Growing up at home, he had read countless books. Those talented writers would describe love in such ways that made him marvel: how could there be such wonderful sentences in the world?
Xia Baiyuan’s words weren’t ornate or sophisticated, they had no rhythm or flair.
Lu Xi placed a hand over his heart.
But it was this simple statement that moved him deeply.
He stammered, “Since that’s the case, you can’t regret it.”
“I never regret anything.”
Lu Xi closed his eyes, his eyelashes trembling.
Whether Xia Baiyuan was a war god, a marshal, an angel, or a demon, he had to admit, he loved Xia Baiyuan.
In the first half of his life, he had the best family in the world.
In the second half of his life, he would have the best lover in the world.
Lu Xi must be the luckiest male zerg in the world.
—