Misadventures Incorporated

Chapter 36 - Darkwood Hollow IV

“How many are you going to answer this time?” Claire crossed her arms as she eyed the ancient human.

“Including that? One.” The old man shooed her away. “Now get going and don’t come back until you’ve found the third chapter.”

The halfbreed rolled her eyes and stood her ground. “I’m not falling for it.”

“I don’t understand.” Propping his face up with a fist, the wizard heaved a sigh. “Why is it that you fall for the fox’s tricks, but not mine? She barely knows how to lie.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Claire, with a faint smile. “Now answer the question.”

“Fine.” The celestial sighed. “You can ask as many as you’d like in the next five or so minutes. I don’t know exactly when I’ll have to get back to work, but I doubt it’ll be any longer than that.”

“Okay.” Claire took a moment to collect her thoughts. “I’ll start with the harder ones then.”

“Whatever you’d like, child.”

Claire nodded. “Why did a raven die after I killed my first Llystletein veaber?” She scanned the room as she spoke, focusing on the books and their titles. “And where did all the other random raven kills come from?”

“Random raven kills?”

He flicked his wand and caused a panel to appear right beneath Claire’s nose. Her log. With another brief gesture, he pulled the pixelated box towards him and began scrolling through it. His eyes darted rapidly, moving from right to left and back.

“Oh my. I see you are quite disliked,” he said, with a chuckle. “I’ve hardly ever seen a set of entries this snarky. Which deity do you have as your patron, and how did you earn their ire?”

“I think it’s supposed to be Builledracht, but I’m not sure if it’s even him, or why he hates me if it is,” she said. “Wait, how are you doing that? I thought you weren’t supposed to be able to read other people’s logs.”

“I’m a Celestial, child. This is as easy a parlour trick as any,” he said. “Ah, yes. That’s right. I never did introduce myself. The name is Alfred, Alfred Llarsse, Celestial Progenitor, as I’m sure you can tell from my appearance. I’m the head librarian here, as well as the creator and manager of all things related to catgirls.”

Claire blinked, slowly, as she took a lungful of fresh air, or at least she went through the motions. Breathing without a body was difficult to say the least. “I don’t think I heard that right,” she said, quietly. The rogue could already feel a second headache inbound.

“Oh trust me, you did.” The old man grinned from ear to ear as he took a drag from his pipe. “I made catgirls. I’m in charge of managing them as well as every other race that ever branches from them. It’s quite the privilege.”

Claire remained silent. Maintaining her poker face took everything she had.

“Oh, and no need to introduce yourself. I already know who and what you are,” said Alfred, his eyes still focused on her log. “Now where was I…? Ah, that’s right. You said your patron was Builledracht? That doesn’t seem quite right. He isn’t one to be petty, or at least this petty. I’d say it’s much more likely to be one of the Goddesses, maybe Griselda or Primrose. Both of them have… issues, to say the least.”

“Can you just tell me about the ravens already?”

“Yes, yes, of course.”

The old man leaned forward, muttering under his breath as he fiddled with his wand. Blue screens popped up and closed, one after another. Not all of them were in the same language, but each was filled to the brim with text.

“According to the system, you starved a group of nestlings to death,” he said, after a moment of silence. “The timing was entirely coincidental.”

“Nestlings? What are you talking about?”

“Baby birds.”

“What baby birds?”

“You don’t remember them? It says here that you killed their mother and left them to starve.”

Claire blinked several times as she stood in place. Oh... Those baby birds.

“I don’t remember that,” lied the halfbreed.

“You tried to feed them their mother’s flesh and they pecked you.”

“I haven’t the slightest clue what you’re talking about. I’d never do anything that awful.”

“I wouldn’t feel too terribly about it. They likely wouldn’t have survived to adulthood,” said the mage. “Most of them happen to die of… nocturnal emissions.

“I’ve heard the knights mention those. I didn’t know they could be lethal.”

“The ravens don’t develop the ability to control their thrusters until the later stages of their adolescence, but their engines are fully mature by their first fledge.”

“So they would’ve run into things and died, even if I didn’t kill them?”

“Essentially, yes.”

“Then maybe I should’ve just put them out of their misery.”

“Yes, do that next time. You should be killing any ravens you happen to spot on sight. Altered creatures do not belong in Llystletein. Nor do their makers.”

“Is that another task?”

Alfred frowned, tapping his nose several times with his wand before replying. “No, that would be a waste of time and hardly enough of a challenge to merit a reward. You’ve already killed the only one that could possibly pose a threat.”

“That’s a shame,” said Claire, who may or may not have intended on murdering any raven she came across anyway. “Why do I need to make sure people don’t die?”

“You’ll likely benefit from their survival, if things go the way that I expect them to,” he said, with a chuckle. “Admittedly, it isn’t everyday that things go all according to plan, but it happens often enough.”

“And what, exactly, is this plan of yours?”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out,” he said with a smile.

“Fine.” Claire rolled her eyes. “What does force magic do?”

“Now that is a much more fun question.” The man adjusted his hat as he leaned forward. “Force magic is the most entertaining sort of magic there is. At its core, it lets you manipulate objects, like so.”

With a wave of his wand, the various items and utensils on his desk folded themselves up into different objects. Some became fences and tents while others turned into various exotic animals. A second motion, made in the opposite direction, undid everything. The elephants and giraffes turned back into pieces of parchment without a moment’s delay while the tigers and pandas unfurled themselves into fountain pens and bottles of ink.

“There are more complicated applications, as I’m sure you’ve already construed from both your summonings and the anomaly that is Mirewood Marsh as a whole, but manipulation is the gist of it,” he explained. “As much as I like it, I’m not sure I’d recommend it to you. You’ll need to develop some degree of prudence and sensibility to draw out its potential.”

“I’m very sensible.”

“You almost always fall for the sunk cost fallacy, and you are one of the rashest trial goers I’ve ever se—”

“I am a well educated, high-ranking noble lady,” huffed Claire, cutting him off. “I’m incredibly sophisticated, perfectly sensible, and certainly not guilty of murdering a group of nestlings.”

“I… think we are out of time. Why don’t we continue this conversation when you find the third chapter?” Not bothering to wait for a reply, the mage poofed her away and set down his wand. “Mortals, mortals. Always so vain,” he said, with a chuckle. “Not that we are any different.”

___

Claire shook her head clear of the odd sensation of getting put back in her body as she lifted her forehead off of the runic stone. Looking around, she confirmed that nothing had changed in the time she had spent away from her flesh. Her hair was still a mess, her cloak was still on the verge of becoming unusable, and her feet were still covered in muddy pawprints.

Wait a second… Muddy pawprints?

The rogue patted herself down to check if anything was amiss as soon as she realized that they ran up the back of her legs. Nothing seemed off at a glance, besides the fact that someone had stepped all over her, of course.

“Sylvia?” She called for the most likely culprit as she continued to confirm the state of her body.

“Oh, you’re finally done!” The fox’s muffled voice, which was accompanied by a yawn, came from above. “Geez, Claire, what the heck were you two going on about? That took forever.”

The orange fuzzball was curled up on top of the rock. Her head was still on top of her fluffy tail and her eyes were still shut. She didn’t even raise her head to speak.

“It was just a few minutes.”

“A few minutes? That was at least an hour! Though I don’t think you started mumbling until about a few minutes ago, so maybe it’s because you knocked yourself out… Why did you do that anyway? You know you just have to touch it, right?”

Claire turned her head away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she muttered. She turned her head away at first, but then snapped it back to its original position while shooting the fox a glare. “What did you do to me?”

“Huh? What are you talking about? I didn’t do anything,” yawned Sylvia.

“Don’t lie.” The rogue raised her cloak and pointed at the pawprints that ran up its length.

“Oh… that.” Sylvia pressed her front paws to her face to stifle a giggle.

“Well?”

“It’s a secret! You’ll just have to figure it out yourself,” she said, as she wiped several prints off the rock with her tail. “So who did you talk to, and what are they making you do?”

“If you’re not answering my question then I’m not answering yours.” Claire sat down, leaning her back against the stone as she pulled up a familiar blue box.

“Aww, come on. I’m just trying to help!.”

“Help later. I have to concentrate,” said Claire.

“On what? There aren't any birds around, if that’s what you’re worried about. Darkwood Hollow’s finally back to being perfectly safe.”

“Another class.”

“Oh… right. Well, shout at me when you’re done, I guess,” said the fox with another yawn. “I’m gonna take another nap.”

Nodding once, Claire pulled up all five options and eyed each in turn. The first two she considered were hunter and barbarian. Both were likely to mutate into more powerful Llystletein variants, if given enough time, but she wasn’t keen on experimenting for the same reasons that she hadn’t chosen either of them to begin with.

I can’t be a Hunter without a bow and I’m not going to be a Barbarian.

Focusing on each of the newer classes in turn, she brought up their descriptions and carefully read over them.

Club Dancer
To dance with a club is to merge the concepts of beauty and beast. Club Dancers are equal parts brutal and elegant, vicious and graceful, crude and refined. They whirl about with rhythmic, defined steps, but they know not of music. The metronomes that guide their tempos are the bloodcurdling screams of their foes. This class is recommended for individuals who are quick on their feet, despite otherwise struggling with simple tasks.

Every Club Dancer level provides a small bonus to your agility, dexterity, and strength scores.

Possible Class Upgrades include Whirling Dervish, Crimson Songstress, and Ravenous Thespian.

This class was unlocked by fulfilling the following requirements:
- Dancing level 5 or higher
- Club mastery level 5 or higher
- Leave an impression of elegance whilst attacking a foe with a club

P.S. Clubs are not more graceful than swords.

Shut up, Box. You’re just uncultured.

Llystletein Force Mage
Force Mages are known for bickering with one another as to the true nature of their mysterious magic. These stubborn sorcerers agree only on a single axiom: physically touching an object to be manipulated is a chore reserved for the unenlightened. They are pretentious and arrogant, but rightfully so. If there is one thing Force Mages possess, it is enough power to flaunt. This is even truer of those that have studied the Llystletein path. Llystletein Force Mages are capable of interacting with Spirit Guardians and affecting their own bodies with their spells, but they also tend to suffer from underlying psychological afflictions. Hardheaded individuals with revolting narcissistic tendencies are well suited to this class.

Becoming a Llystletein Force Mage doubles all Force Mage-based ability score boosts and provides an immediate bonus to spirit and wisdom. Every 10 Llystletein Force Mage levels will provide an additional bonus to all ability scores. Llystletein Force Mages will also gain additional bonuses on the 25th and 50th levels.

Possible class upgrades include Llystletein Psychic, Llystletein Vector Mage, and Flatulent Librarian, amongst others.

This class was unlocked by fulfilling the following conditions:
- Unlock the Force Mage class
- Flaunting your superiority over another individual of supposedly equal or superior status
- Single-handedly dispatch a Llystletein monster with an ability score total at least 2 times greater than your own
- Acquire the Lost Library’s Second Chapter while in possession of an active Llystletein class.

This sounds… appealing.

Llystletein Bloodzerker
Bloodzerkers are mindless brutes that have surrendered their ability to reason for a drastic improvement in their survival instincts, and it is likely for this reason that they are incapable of spelling berserker with an “s.” Bloodzerkers achieve such mastery over their bodies that they are capable of transforming their flesh and bone into weaponry. Llystletein Bloodzerkers take this concept a step further. Their knowledge of hemomancy provides the opportunity to forge blades of ichor, regardless of its source. Masochistic individuals that suffer from the inability to empathize tend to prefer this class.

Becoming a Llystletein Bloodzerker doubles all Bloodzerker-based ability score boosts and provides an immediate bonus to your agility, strength, and wisdom. Every other Llystletein Bloodzerker level will provide an additional bonus to agility. Llystletein Bloodzerkers will also gain additional bonuses on the 25th and 50th levels.

Possible class upgrades include Llystletein Goredrinker, Akashic Skullrattler, and Stolid Librarian, amongst others.

This class was unlocked by fulfilling the following conditions:
- Unlock the Bloodzerker class
- Slay an enemy from the inside out and consume its flesh
- Single-handedly dispatch a Llystletein monster with an ability score total at least 2 times greater than your own
- Acquire the Lost Library’s Second Chapter while in possession of an active Llystletein class.

Making weapons out of blood? That seems useful.

Claire crossed and uncrossed her legs several times as she weighed her options. Club Dancer and Llystletein Bloodzerker were somewhat similar, in that they would both bolster her ability to fight in close quarters. The difference appeared to be that one would make her better with her most outstanding weapon while the other would make it possible for her to acquire new weapons on the fly.

My club has been pretty reliable, but there’s no knowing when it’ll break. The antlers seemed pretty dependable too, until I stabbed a few too many birds.

Of the two warrior-like classes, Bloodzerker was the clear winner, but that didn’t make picking between it and Force Mage any less difficult. They both seem pretty good...

Wait, didn’t the old jerk say that I wouldn’t make a good force mage?

Recalling his praise, Claire immediately locked in her choice.

Log Entry 852
You have become a Llystletein Force Mage.

Your spirit has been increased by 20. Your wisdom has been increased by 40.

Force Mage-related achievements have been unlocked.

The following Llystletein Force Mage skills have been acquired:
- Basic Force Manipulation
- Basic Force Resistance

Log Entry 853
Detect Force Magic has been reclassified as a Llystletein Force Mage skill. This reclassification has earned you a proficiency bonus.

Log Entry 854
Detect Force Magic has reached level 10.

Aren't mage classes supposed to be more complicated than all the others? Why are there so few skills?

Basic Force Manipulation - Level 1
Toying with vectors is something that comes naturally to most Force Mages. You, however, suffer from the inability to understand basic geometry. This will not prevent you from casting spells, nor will it necessarily lower their effectiveness, but it will earn you the ire of those who acquire their magic through the accumulation of knowledge.

Effects
- You are capable of applying a force to any object within 10.5m (10m + 0.5m per level).
- The maximum output of your force magic is increased by 5% (0% + 5% per level) of the sum of your strength and wisdom, expressed as a percentage.

Spells
- Apply Force I
- Summon Spirit Guardian

Apply Force? I guess that’s a basic force spell?

Apply Force I
Spend 10MP to push or pull an object of your choosing.

Looks like it. What’s the other one?

Summon Spirit Guardian
Spend 1000MP to summon your spirit guardian.

Thanks Box, I never would’ve guessed. Claire rolled her eyes. I’ll just have to experiment.

Basic Force Resistance - Level 1
To become a sorcerer is to gain an intuitive understanding of one’s own nature. Reflecting upon your vanity, lack of empathy, and sheer stupidity may eventually lead you to confront the idea that your life was not worth all those you sacrificed to keep it, but fear not. This knowledge will, at the very least, aid you in defending against your ilk.

Effects
- The damage that you take from force magic is reduced by 11% (10% + 1% per level.)

I don’t know what you’re talking about, Box. My life is much more important than anyone else’s. And I’m not stupid.

Log Entry 855
You have received a divine revelation:

If you were any more intelligent, then you would have poisoned more of the caveveabers’ supplies during your escape. Your lack of foresight has led you to miss out on enough experience to force an ascension.

…Shut up. Go away.

Closing her log, Claire decided the previous day had clearly never happened. Clearly.