Merchant Crab

Balthazar did not know why the mage had been carrying a small piece of dark, rough bark in his satchel. Maybe it was a valuable material. Or perhaps he had a carpentry hobby.

It didn’t really matter that much at that moment anyway.

What mattered was that the piece of strange wood held between the tips of his pincers was quickly vanishing, swiftly being siphoned up his claw, arm, and all around his shell. It felt a little itchy.

The hissing sound of the charged ice between Reagan’s hands made the crab’s bristles stand as his eyestalks twisted backwards ahead of the rest of his body, bracing to face the unavoidable impact.

After an endless couple of seconds, the cryomancer released the ice spike from his grasp, the pointy icicle whistling through the air like an arrow of frost, aimed straight at Balthazar’s center of mass.

But by the time the spike reached him and the crab had turned, eyes squinting as he prepared to feel his chitin crack and be pierced, there was a quick fizzle sound and then… nothing.

The misty cloud of icy crystals in the air left by the ice spike’s trail dispersed, leaving the mage and the merchant facing each other again. The human’s eyes widened as he saw his unscathed target, and the crab’s jaw dropped as he saw himself.

There, in the middle of that poorly lit and damp crypt chamber, stood no longer a gray crab sporting a well polished shell of chitin, but instead a strange-looking Balthazar made of dark wood, like a life-size sculpture of a giant crustacean that absorbed the faint light shining on him like a black hole.

The baffled merchant looked at himself, examining his own shell, running the tip of his pincer over its now very rough wooden surface, struggling to see its details even from so up close, due to how dark it was, like the charred bark of a burnt tree.

“How…” muttered the bewildered mage, his expression riddled with conflicting emotions as he struggled to comprehend what had just happened.

A feeling not too different from the one Balthazar was experiencing.

[Imbuing - Voidwood]

[Duration: 1 minute]

[Effect: 50% chance to nullify incoming spells. 50% chance to double the effects of incoming spells.]

Holy profiterole… Not only was that a last minute save, but it was also a coin flip save. I don’t want to imagine what I would look like if I got the second effect instead.

Balthazar tried to move, an action that proved slightly more cumbersome than usual due to his wooden joints.

Ow, so this is what I have to look forward to in my retirement years…

“You should be dead!” exclaimed an outraged Reagan, pointing an accusatory finger at the crab as if expecting him to perish right there and then out of politeness.

The stiff merchant flexed his limbs a couple of times, trying to get used to his current state.

Looks like this guy has never seen an imbuing skill before. Not surprising, but I need to take advantage while—

A loud hissing came from the mage’s hands once again, and an icy gale began forming a spiral within his grasp.

So much for that! Screw it, maybe I can get one of his ankles before he finishes casting.

Throwing caution to the cold wind, Balthazar skittered forward, both claws open towards the caster, but the human released his spell before the crab could reach him.

A blizzard similar to the one that hit Jim and encased him in ice moments before blew across the room, rapidly whirling its way to the wooden crustacean.

Balthazar tried to jump out of the way, but the stiffness of his body made the leap impossible.

Oh, no…

The crab held both claws up in front of his face, preparing to feel the cutting winds, but for a second time, instead all he saw was the blizzard quickly fizzling against his wooden shell as it disappeared into nothing.

Oh, thank my lucky stars!

“This is not possible! How?!” yelled Reagan, his confusion and anger now mixed with a hint of fear.

I better make the most of the opportunity I have.

Balthazar stood up straight again, slowly lowering his claws as his wooden eyestalks glared at the apprehensive mage.

“You shouldn’t have come here,” said the crab, in the most confident voice he could muster. “You thought this place was going to be easy pickings. That you’d fool some weak adventurers and get an easy time. Now you’re all on your own.”

Reagan took a small step back as his face seemed to turn a shade paler.

“What are you talking about?! This is a beginner’s dungeon full of nothing but low level skeletons.”

Balthazar took a tentative step forward.

“Is it? Do I look like a skeleton to you?”

“You’re… you’re just a crab! I’m not afraid of you!” spat the human, trying to sound assertive, but not quite selling it.

“Does this look like a normal crab to you?” said the increasingly confident crustacean, opening his arms and showing off his Voidwood carapace, so dark it almost looked like a portal into an endless abyss.

“Wha… what are you?” the cryomancer asked in a trembling voice.

“Someone you shouldn’t have messed with, pal,” said Balthazar, slowly continuing his march forward.

“You’re… some kind of miniboss of this dungeon?!”

“That’s right,” said the wooden crab, deciding to just improvise with what he was being given. “And you’ve made me very upset. Me and my army of skeletons that are currently gathering beneath our feet.”

Reagan gulped as he placed his back against a stone coffin and took another step backwards.

“You’re bluffing!”

Balthazar smirked.

***

Deeper down in the dungeon, several floors below where the crab and the mage were, inside the last room of the crypt, where the giant slime resided, most of the skeletons were still moving chests and other unsorted pieces of loot back to their storage.

“Guys!” shouted Tom, slamming the door open as he arrived in the room with Sal’s skull still held in one of his hands.

“Woah, calm down, Tom,” said one of the skeletons holding a broom. “We already cleaned up your friend’s coins from all the sticky ooze, they’re over there. No need to burst in here to rush us.”

“No, Tim, it’s not that,” said the worried merchant. “We’ve got a problem up top.”

Tim and the rest of the skeleton crew stopped what they were doing, looking up at Tom with concerned glances.

“What’s going on?” asked the one with the broom.

“We’ve got a level 30 adventurer in the dungeon!” the skull in Tom’s hands blurted out.

One of the nearby skeletons dropped the crate he was carrying, spilling candlesticks everywhere.

Another one fainted on the spot, but only from the neck up, causing his skull to fall from its spine and his hands to clumsily try to catch it.

Tim held on to his broomstick like it was a weapon.

“A level 30?!” he said. “What’s an adventurer like that doing in our dungeon?!”

“That’s the other half of the problem,” said Tom. “The guy is luring low level adventurers down here under the guise of backing them up, just to then use them as meat shields and keep all the loot for himself.”

A buzzing of disapproving murmurs sounded between all the skeletons.

“Shameful.”

“Very unsportsmanlike!”

“The living really have no morals.”

“What a loser.”

“At least we play fair down here.”

With a sharp whistle, the bearded skull in Tom’s hands silenced all the others.

“Alright, fellas, we got contingency plans for these cases. Remember all our drills.”

“What’s the move here, Sal?” asked Tom.

“The same we do when higher level clerics or pyromancers show up. We all go into the emergency chamber, lock ourselves in, and wait for them to either fall for the drops or take their chunk of loot and leave.”

The skeleton merchant nodded and looked up at the others.

“Right, you heard old Sal. Pass the word around to the others not here right now and let’s move it.”

“You got it, Tom,” said Tim. “Hey, what about your crab friend? Did you send him to the emergency room already?”

The other skeleton scratched the side of his face bones. “Err, no, I asked him to go warn Jim.”

Sal’s skull suddenly jumped in his hands. “Wait, did you tell him about the contingency protocol?”

Tom winced. “No. Did you?”

“Of course not! I thought you would. He’s your guest!”

“Ah, damn it. Maybe Jim will know what to do and where to take him?”

The bearded skull shook itself from side to side.

“Tommy, my boy, this is Jim you’re talking about. When have you ever even seen him awake during our safety meetings?”

The other skeleton rubbed his forehead with his bony fingers. “Right, of course.”

“So what do you guys think is happening up there right now?” asked Tim, still holding his broom.

“Nothing good,” said Sal. “Against a level 30 adventurer, Jim is probably down and out already, and if he wasn’t lucky enough to get away, Balthazar is probably facing those adventurers all by himself at this point. And unfortunately for him, if they break him, we can’t put him back together like we can Jim.”

“What’s that?” said the deep and guttural voice of Montgomery, who had been quietly overhearing the conversation from above the skeletons. “Balthazar is in danger?!”

“Well,” started Tom in an uncomfortable tone, “technically we don’t know for certain, but… probably, yes.”

A sudden rumble shook the walls and pillars of the room as the giant slime violently slammed the ground.

“We can’t just sit idly by and hide while Balthazar is in danger!” yelled Montgomery in a thunderous roar. “We must help him!”

“Woah!” said the bony merchant, as all the skeletons in the room struggled to not fall from the quake caused by the creature. “Easy there. I thought you promised him you’d not bring this place down on our heads anymore.”

Montgomery’s slimy body vibrated gently as it stilled itself.

“I… I apologize. It was a force of habit. I’ll try to control it better, but still, we have to do something for Balthazar. He would do it for you if it was the other way around, I’m sure!”

Tom dropped his shoulder bones. “Ah, the slime’s right. We can’t just leave him to his luck up there.”

Sal looked up at the skeleton holding him. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Tommy?”

“Maybe?”

“The scapula protocol?”

“It’s the only option.”

Tim gripped his broomstick tighter. “Are you guys sure?”

Tom nodded. “We don’t leave a skeleton behind. Even if it’s an exoskeleton.”

Raising both hands up, the skeleton held Sal’s skull high for everyone around the room to see.

“Alright, fellas,” said the bodiless undead, “spread the word and grab your gear. We’re storming the second floor to grab the crab. No theatrics or playing hero. Just run in, be loud, grab him, and escape through the secret passages before the humans know what happened.”

For a moment, nobody moved, staring at the bearded skull.

“What are you waiting for?!” Sal yelled. “Move those old bones already!”

Jolted by the command, all the skeletons started moving about quickly, grabbing weapons and old pieces of armor, before leaving the chamber at a hurried pace.

“I wish I could go and help too,” said Montgomery. “But make sure you give the adventurer a good smack for me!”

The ground shook once more as the pumped up slime slammed an appendage against the ceiling.

“Oops, sorry!”

***

“You’re bluffing!” accused the cryomancer.

Balthazar smirked, and as he did, the whole room shook as if hit by an intense earthquake.

Reagan stumbled, hanging on to the edge of one of the coffins to avoid falling.

The crab was caught off-guard by the rumbling too, but luckily for him, the same wooden imbuing covering his body and making his movements stiff, also seemed to make him a lot more stable and harder to knock down.

This feels like Montgomery’s slamming from before. What the hell is going on down there?

“What was that?!” exclaimed the agitated adventurer. “What did you do?!”

Balthazar cocked an eyestalk at the human.

Never let an opportunity go to waste.

“Oh, that? That was just Montgomery.”

“Who?!” the confused mage asked.

“Montgomery,” repeated the wooden crustacean. “Our giant slime that lives at the bottom of the dungeon. It must be hungry again. It really has grown quite the voracious appetite since it tasted its first adventurer.”

Reagan’s eyes blinked rapidly as he licked his lips nervously.

“A giant slime? In a beginner's dungeon like this? That… that can’t be.”

Like a crab smelling the scent of pie, Balthazar approached his prey some more.

“Are you sure about that?” he said in a quiet, slightly menacing tone. “You also thought this dungeon wouldn’t have a giant crab, and here I am. Maybe you should meet Montgomery yourself. I can arrange for my skeleton army to take you down there, if you want.”

For someone with such mastery of cold spells, Reagan seemed to be suffering from a serious bout of intense sweating all of a sudden.

“This… this is insane,” he stammered, backing away from the crab as he approached. “What is this place? Who are you?!”

The dark-shelled crab continued his slow approach towards the human, each step he took forward followed by a step backwards from the caster.

“The name’s Balthazar, and all you need to know is that I’ve got friends in low places. Dark, deep down places. The kind cowards like you go and never come back from.”

“S-stay away! I’ll freeze you!”

“Please, you already tried that. Twice. Do you really want to waste the mana trying again? I assure you that all it will do is just piss me off even more.”

I hope he doesn’t, I don’t want to flip that coin again.

Another small quake shook the ground beneath them, nearly knocking the human down.

Reagan glanced from side to side, nervously searching for an answer to his growing panic as he cautiously backed away from the increasingly closer crab.

“You hear that?” said the looming crab void. “That means it’s lunchtime.”

[The Gift of the Crab: success]

“I’ll… I’ll leave, alright?” he said in a shaky voice. “I don’t want any more trouble. I will go and never come back here.”

Balthazar came within a couple of steps from the mage.

“Really? Now you want to go? After everything you’ve done?”

“L-let’s just forget all about it, y-yes?” stuttered Reagan, looking down at the void-covered creature in front of him while slowly backing away. “You just let me walk out of here, and you’ll never see me again.”

The crab brought his face up and close to the mage’s.

“Too late. You can’t leave anymore.”

Reagan’s eyes widened, and he let out a shocked gasp as he heard a quiet snap from below.