Merchant Crab

The calcified assailant rushed at Balthazar, his bones rattling as he ran with the chipped hatchet in his hand. A massive jaw bounced precariously from side to side with every step as his cackle echoed all around the chamber like a thousand shrieks from hell, making the crab quickly shrink back against the nearest coffin, every bristle in his body standing up in a fright.

“I’m a friend of Tom’s!” Balthazar blurted out as he covered his eyestalks with his claws.

It was the only thing that came to his mind in the spur of the moment, other than perhaps “please don’t kill me, I still have so many pies to live for.”

To the crab’s surprise, the charging skeleton actually stopped dead on his tracks. Which, really, is the only way skeletons can stop on their tracks anyway.

“Oi, you know Tom, do ya?” said the grinning skull, with a cheery and loud voice.

Balthazar’s eyestalks peeked up from behind his pincers.

“Y-yes. We’re trade partners.”

“Ooh, that makes sense,” said the skeleton, finally lowering his weapon and putting his hand bones against his hip bones. “I did wonder why you weren’t defending yourself. Usually, this is the part where they fight me back, heh.”

“Hah, right,” the crab said with a nervous chuckle, as he stood back straight and away from the coffin. “Just glad you stopped when you did.”

He glanced at the hatchet with a gaze of slight concern.

“Oh, this?” the unclothed skeleton said, tapping a bony finger on the rusted blade of his weapon. “No reason to worry, really. The thing’s so old and dull it can’t even cut cheese. It’s all just for show, ha ha.”

“That’s a relief,” said Balthazar, with an expression of someone who was anything but relieved. “I’m Balthazar, by the way.”

“Nice to meet ya, ha ha! I’m Jim!” The skeleton paused and eye-socketed the crab up and down for a moment. “Wait, you’re the merchant crab Tom talks so much about!”

“Well… yes,” Balthazar said. “Didn’t you suspect that might be the case when you saw a crab walk in here?”

The skeleton shrugged.

“Not really. To be fair, I wasn’t sure if you weren’t just a dwarf in weird armor or something, ha ha.”

The merchant frowned, but before he could say anything, the cackling maniac spoke again.

“So, I guess you’re here to see Tom, right?”

“Yes, that’s right, actually.”

“Want me to get him for ya?”

“If you don’t mind, yes, that would be—”

“Hey Tom!” yelled the skeleton at the top of his empty rib cage. “Get your bony butt over here!”

The sound of meatless steps came from somewhere behind the walls, accompanied by the rattling of an iron lantern that Balthazar knew well.

A section of stone wall split open revealing a secret passage, and from it came another skeleton, this one wearing an old, dusty suit full of moth holes, and an equally old hat with several rat bites around its brim. As the other traveling merchant appeared, surrounded by the faint halo of light from his firefly lantern, a big grin appeared on his skull once his empty eye sockets found the crab.

“Balthazar!” Tom greeted cheerfully. “You came to visit!”

“Tom!” exclaimed the crustacean, finally letting himself relax slightly at the sight of a more familiar skeleton. “How are those old bones?”

As the bony merchant approached, he stopped to look at the other skeleton, and his glabella frowned.

“Jim, what the hell?” he exclaimed. “How many times have we told you? You can’t go around the dungeon naked, it’s weird!”

The taller skeleton looked down at the floor sheepishly. “But I told you it gets hot and stuffy inside the walls, and I enjoy the nice breeze blowing through my ischium bones when I come out.”

“Oh, for the love of… Just go put on some clothes, will you? Can’t you see we have a guest?”

Jim grumbled as he dragged his feet back through the passage on the wall, closing it behind him as he left.

“Alright, sorry about that,” Tom said, turning back to Balthazar with a smile. “Some of these guys spend so much time cooped up down here they forget how to act civilized.”

“Heh, I noticed,” said the crab. “Especially the part where he came out of a wall cackling and swinging an axe at me.”

“Oh, I hope he didn’t scare you too much? It’s all part of the act for any visiting adventurers. But anyway, you’re here! I almost can’t believe it. You finally came out of your pond!”

“Yes, I did. I just had too many things that I needed to do out here, it had to happen.”

“That’s right, I remember now, your friends,” said Tom, the smile fading and his skull assuming a more somber expression.

“Besides, I felt it was time to come out here, get on the road and expand my business,” said the crab, wishing to quickly shift the subject.

The skeleton’s smile came back in a flash.

“Hey, you’re not going to step on my turf by becoming a traveling merchant too, are you?” he said in a teasing manner.

“No promises, Tom,” said Balthazar with a wink. “No promises.”

The old skeleton chuckled loudly.

“It’s great to see you, crab! How did you end up around these parts anyway? Something else brought you here?”

“What, am I not allowed to show up for a social visit?”

Tom threw his arms up. “Of course you are! Hell, in fact, come with me. Let me introduce you to the other guys and give you a tour.”

Balthazar cocked an eyestalk at the turning skeleton, unsure if a tour of a dark, damp dungeon is something he’d want, but the crab still followed the other merchant nonetheless.

“The other guys are going to love meeting you!” exclaimed the excited skeleton as he quickly tapped a very specific combination of loose stones on the wall, causing them to shift and a passageway to be revealed.

Following Tom through it, Balthazar was surprised to find a much more well-lit corridor right behind the wall of the crypt hall.

Rows of glowing lanterns lined the wall in both directions, and the lack of dust or skittering critters made the crab feel like he was in an entirely different place altogether by taking just a couple of steps.

“This way!” said Tom, heading down the corridor.

After just a couple of turns, they both arrived at a large room, about the same size as the previous hall, except this one had lights and no coffins, only skeletons.

Around the opposite side of the room, a few skeletal fellows wearing old ragged clothes were mulling around the place, seemingly busy either moving stuff into large wooden chests, or putting on different kinds of half-broken armor over their scrawny bones.

“Guys, guys!” called Tom. “Guess who came to visit. It’s Balthazar, the merchant crab!”

The others stopped their tasks to look over to them, and with toothy smiles and bony waves, they all greeted the crustacean, who despite the strangeness of the company he found himself in, waved back to be polite. After all, he always heard good manners form the backbone of a good relationship.

“Oh man, it’s a shame you didn’t show up yesterday,” the skeleton merchant said to Balthazar. “Monday is our rehearsal day, you’d have loved it!”

“Rehearsal?” asked the crab.

“Yes, did I never tell you? We have a band!”

“I could go get the instruments,” said one of the bigger skeletons standing over an open loot chest. “The day’s been pretty quiet so far, I doubt we’ll get any adventurers until after lunchtime. We could play a few tunes for our guest.”

Tom turned to Balthazar, a big smile on his skeletal face.

“That’s Bob, he’s a monster on the drums. You really got to see it to believe it.” He pointed back at another one of the skeletons. “And wait until you hear Tim on the strings!”

Stepping out of yet another secret passage on a side wall, Jim joined them in the room, now wearing just a pair of lime-green swimming shorts.

“What did I miss?” he asked. “Are we going to be playing?”

“Oh, and Jim over there is an ace on the xylophone,” the excited merchant told the crab.

“Guys, I appreciate the offer,” said Balthazar, “but I don’t want to be any trouble, and I also can’t stick around for long.”

“Are you sure?” said Tom, looking slightly disappointed.

“Yes, really. Remember, I’m out here on a mission, I can’t just stand around for concerts when my friends are out there counting on me to help them.”

“Ah hell, you’re right,” the skeleton said, scowling at himself. “What was I thinking, this is serious stuff. There will be other opportunities for us to play for you. Maybe after a few more band rehearsals we will even be ready to go play at your bazaar, make a nice party out of it.”

“Heh, sure, maybe someday,” said the crab, chuckling awkwardly as he imagined everyone’s faces back at the bazaar, watching a musical band of skeletons clacking their bones around on a stage.

“So, tell me, what can I help you with?” asked Tom.

Balthazar tilted his eyestalks, thinking.

“Well, I was wondering, with all the loot you guys handle down here all the time, and all those adventurers that come through here, have you ever seen or heard about something called a Scroll of Potential?”

The skeleton merchant looked up, tapping on his pointy chin bone.

“Hmm, don’t think so. We see lots of scrolls around here, adventurers carry and loot those things all the time, but honestly, I wouldn’t know what for or if any of them are called that.”

“Dang it…” the crab said.

“Maybe we could ask Sal,” Tom said. “If someone around here would know, it would be him.”

“Sal? Who’s that?” asked the curious crab.

“Oh, you’re gonna love him. He’s the oldest skeleton around here. He knows this dungeon and adventurers better than anyone. Come with me.”

The skeleton quickly dipped under a small alcove and into a narrow passageway, Balthazar following close behind, struggling to fit his shell through.

As they advanced through yet another corridor and a few more winding tunnels, the crab realized that most of the areas they passed, well-lit and clean, were directly adjacent to the regular areas of the crypt, with vantage points and peepholes into their dark, dusty halls. No doubt the way the skeletons watched any adventuring fools coming to loot the place.

“Here we are,” said Tom, as they arrived at a small room with seemingly nothing and no one there, save for maybe some loose items and dim candles strewn around the indentations in the walls.

Balthazar rolled his eyes around, confused. “So… where’s this Sal guy?”

“Right there!” said the happy skeleton, pointing towards a small alcove built into one of the cobblestone walls. “Hey, Sal, I brought a visitor to see you.”

With a frown, the crab approached and looked at the space in the wall closer, realizing with surprise that what sat on the ledge was not another rock, but bone. The back of a lone skull, lacking any skeleton under it.

The skull spun around with a jump, startling the approaching crustacean. Just like Tom and all the other skeletons in that place, this skull had no flesh, muscle, or skin, only old yellowed out bone. Except it also had a long gray beard attached to its face.

“What?” said Sal, his face moving like someone looking around the room, minus the part where he had any eyeballs to do that with. “Who’s there? Tom, is that you?”

“Yes, Sal, it’s me. I brought a friend to meet you.” He turned back to the crab and whispered. “He’s pretty old, so he doesn’t see very well anymore.”

Balthazar cocked an eyestalk. “But… None of you have… You know what, never mind.”

“You did?” said the talking skull with great interest. “And who is it?”

“Remember the merchant crab I told you so much about, Balthazar?” said Tom. “He finally came to visit our dungeon! And I brought him down here because we were hoping you might know something about an item he’s looking for.”

“Ah, Balthazar! I’ve heard much about you,” Sal said, facing an empty area of the room opposite of where the crab was. “If I can help a friend of little Tommy here, you bet I will.”

“Go ahead, ask him,” Tom said to the other merchant. “Sal’s job here is to be the watcher for any incoming adventurers, so he knows everything that has passed through these halls.”

“Wait, his job is to watch…” an incredulous Balthazar started. “Actually, forget it, let’s get to the point.” He turned to the skull and, for whatever reason, decided he needed to talk very loudly. “Hello there, Sal. I’m Balthazar, and I was hoping you’d be able to tell me if you ever saw something called a Scroll of Potential around this dungeon.”

“Boy,” said the old skull, “you don’t have to shout, I’m not deaf.”

“Oh, right, my bad, I didn’t mean to—”

“Just messing with you!” Sal said with a cackle. “I am a little deaf too, actually.”

Balthazar scowled at the skull.

“Alright, but, about the scrolls…”

“Oh, that, yes, hmm, let me think,” the old cranium said, twitching his grizzly beard from side to side. “Ah, I do recall some adventurers mentioning that name before while delving into our halls. More specifically, they seemed convinced that they might find some of those scrolls down here.”

Balthazar’s antennae perked up. “Really?! And did they?”

“No idea,” the skull replied. “We get lots of old scrolls here, those guys always seem to carry loads of them in their packs, for whatever reason. But we never really know why or what's written in them that is so valuable to their kind. They’re all gibberish to me.”

The crab’s shell deflated with slight disappointment. “So you don’t know if you guys might happen to have one of them around here somewhere?”

“Not really, but—”

Suddenly, a powerful rumble shook the halls of the crypt from below, shaking Sal off his ledge. Tom leaped forward and caught the old skull in his hands right before it hit the floor, as tiny stone pieces of the ceiling dropped from above, along with clouds of dust.

The unnatural earthquake struck once, twice, and then again, like some gigantic being angrily stomping on the walls around and below them.

Balthazar struggled to maintain his footing on all eight legs, his body bouncing from all the shaking as he tried to speak through trembling words.

“What… is… going on?!”

“Oh no…” said Sal from between the other skeleton’s hands.

Tom had turned pale, which was quite the feat for a skeleton.

“We forgot to feed it.”