Meddling The Omniverse

Inside a cozy mansion, Kazuma stared at the ceiling with empty eyes.

"It's been months since Seth left, everything became a mess." His eyes were somewhat hollow.

Good things did happen to me. This mansion was previously haunted, but since Aqua exorcised it, it became the mansion of my dreams. Everything else… eh… Not so much. Kazuma admitted.

"Kazuma! You got more letters!" Aqua barged into the living room.

Disgusted, Kazuma asked, "Are they… re-re-repair bills…?"

Aqua gasped, she immediately tore them open and read the contents. "How did you know!?"

This ticked him off, How could I KNOW!? IT'S BEEN THE SAME THING EVERY GODDAMN WEEK YOU PEA BRAIN OF A GODDESS!!!

Ever since Seth returned, he should have still lived an easy life. Money was not a problem since he got royalties from Seth's training book. But all that came crashing down thanks to two girls in his group.

The royalties are starting to dry they SAY! WE NEED TO DO QUESTS AGAIN THEY SAY! Kazuma was secretly fuming.

He wanted to Set Aqua ablaze with his toxic words, but suddenly…

"KAZUMA, IT'S HUBBY!!! HUBBY'S FINALLY CALLING!!!" Aqua pointed at Kazuma's hand, 

"Hah!?" Kazuma saw an orb flickering on the back of his hand.

"DARKNESS!!! MEGUMIN!!! WIZ!!! HUBBY'S FINALLY HERE!!!" Aqua rushed out of the mansion to call the others about this. 

Kazuma left behind was shocked by her enthusiasm. For the past few weeks, Aqua has been having bursts of sadness from missing her 'hubby'. Yet this is her worst outburst yet.

Kazuma peeked out of the windows. He saw that Aqua had truly left for what he assumed to be the adventurer's guild. With this, he saw a chance. 

Fire arose in his eyes, and Kazuma ran to the most secluded and hidden room he knew in this mansion.

Finally! After three MONTHS!

The moment a screen before him, he shouted:

"SETH! WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG!? DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH!? EVERY DAY HAS BEEN HELL FOR MY SCALP AND SOUL!!!"

He held his head in frustration, "Taking care of that DEADBEAT of a goddess drives me insane! All she does is sleep and waste my hard-earned money on useless junk like LIQUOR! You want to know the worst part… she has the NERVE to blame me for everything!"

His posture hunched as he threw his arms up in mock surrender, "WHAT!? WE CAN'T AFFORD THOSE SUPER SEASONAL LOBSTER!? I'M SUPPOSED TO WORK MY ASS OFF JUST SO SHE CAN WASTE IT ON ANOTHER STUPID DUMB BINGE!? DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HER 'CONTRIBUTIONS'—IF I HAD A BAR OF GOLD FOR EVERY TIME HER HELPING HANDS SCREWED ME IN THE *SS, THEN IT'll F***ING REACH THE MOON BY NOW!!!"

Kazuma leaned back, his arms flailing towards the sky as if pleading with the heavens, "AND WHAT KIND OF PARTY MEMBERS DID YOU DUMP ON ME!? DOES YOUR 'FUTURE SIGHT' EVEN WORK!? FATE SAYS THEY'RE THE BEST OF THE BEST, BUT ALL I SEE ARE THE GOD-FORSAKEN WORST OF THE WORST!!!"

Tears welled in his eyes, "All Megumin does is BLOW THINGS UP! And your teachings? Completely wasted! Yeah, you made her learn other spells, but does she use them? YES! But only to make her explosions more property crunching! As if our debt weren't high enough already…"

He tossed stacks of bills and debts at the screen, "LOOK AT THESE NUMBERS!!! THE CITY'S CROP FIELDS BURNED TO A CRISP BECAUSE SHE DECIDED TO MIX FIRE MAGIC WITH HER EXPLOSION! PRECIOUS ANCIENT RUINS? DELETED FROM EXISTENCE! AND WHY? YOU GUESSED IT, EXPLOSIONS!!! AND WHO DO YOU THINK THEY'RE SENDING THE BILLS TO?" 

He slammed his fist to his chest, "ME!!! IF YOU THINK, 'OH, JUST GET THE MONEY FROM THOSE HIGH-RANKING MONSTERS ON THE QUEST BOARDS,' THINK AGAIN! MOST OF THOSE QUESTS REQUESTED CERTAIN PARTS OF THEIR BODY, NOT PILES OF ASHES!!!"

Kazuma took a few gasping breaths, worn down by his lengthy rant, but he pressed on. "And don't even get me started on Darkness! Did you think teaching her Taunt and Counterattack would improve her in battle? Well, you weren't entirely wrong, but you clearly underestimated HOW MUCH of a MASOCHIST she is! She doesn't just like pain—SHE LIVES FOR IT!"

He shivered at the thought. "OH, SHE LOVES THAT TAUNT SKILL SO MUCH, BUT NOT FOR THE REASONS YOU THINK! SHE DOESN'T JUST DRAW AGGRO; SHE ABUSES IT, PULLING THE WHOLE FREAKIN MAP! WHAT!? THE QUEST ASKED FOR TWENTY GOBLINS!? TOO BAD! SHE TAUNTED TWO HUNDRED!!! AND YOU THINK SHE COULD JUST WIPE THEM GOBLINS OUT WITH COUNTERATTACKS? HAH NO!! SHE'S TOO BUSY ENJOYING THEIR LOVING BONKS TO FIGHT FREAKING BACK! I WOULDN'T CARE ABOUT HER KINK IF IT DIDN'T END UP ATTRACTING ORCS, WYVERNS, AND WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE!!!

Kazuma slammed his fist on the floor, "SO MANY QUESTS WENT TO WASTE BECAUSE OF HOW SHE'D TWIST THOSE SKILLS! YOU DIDN'T JUST MISS THE MARK; YOU GAVE HER EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTED, AND NOW I'M STUCK DEALING WITH THE AFTERMATH!"

Kazuma slammed his fist on the floor, "That stupid oh my goodness AGGRO! So many jobs became NIGHTMARES because every time we did a 'simple' quest, we ended up with an extra RAID BOSS THANKS HER TAUNTS!!!"

Finally, Kazuma sighed, his anger subsiding into weary resignation, "You know what, forget it. I get it, you're busy up there, probably dealing with complaints from other poor souls like me. But seriously, you know I'm kind of like your responsibility right? Since you're here, toss me a bone! I've been through hell and back thanks to the so-called 'goddess' and 'party' you saddled me with. A little compensation wouldn't hurt… right?"

He ran his hand through his hair, exasperation turning into a tired chuckle, "Maybe a blessing or more money to make things a bit more bearable? I don't even care what it is, I just want something to help me survive this madness. If you're too busy, just write me more books to increase my passive income. It wouldn't be too much to ask for, would it? You've already written one, so why not four? Not that it'll last long with that bottomless pit of a party I've got… but hey, I'll take what I can get."

Kazuma leaned back, a small, bitter smile playing on his lips as he stared at the screen. "So, what do you say, Seth? Help a guy out? Because if this keeps up, I might just lose what's left of my sanity... and if anything happened to Aqua because of this, I'm pretty sure that'll be more paperwork for you..." Kazuma stopped talking.

The face of that handsome god did not appear, instead, two beautiful women stared back at him in exasperation on a dark background. One had blonde hair and had a playful feel, while the other had white hair and was more refined.

Unable to see anything besides the two girls on the screen, he asked. "Is this the wrong number?"

"No, you're on the right call." The blonde one replied awkwardly.

"Yes, it's just that Seth's…" The white-haired one added.

Sweats instantly drenched Kazuma's back, "Ho-ho-how much of my… speech have you heard?"

"I think all… of it" The blonde one looked sideways.

"And it was recorded" The white-haired one helplessly spoke

"Well, um… give me a minute." the screen turned black.

Sounds of thuds and incoherent screamings were heard for some time.

The screen went back on and this time Kazuma like a gentleman asked, "May I first know the name of the two lovely ladies in front of me?"

Things had derailed awkwardly. Nevertheless, the blonde girl answered, "I'm The Goddess of Healing Ristarte, and this is The Goddess of Fortune Eris."

AH! Eris, the one Aqua mentions a lot, I think…? and the goddess of the money I use…? Kazuma pondered as he stared at the coin with the obvious 'ERIS' letter stamped on it.

Kazuma proceeded with his questions, "Nice to meet you Goddess Ristarte and Goddess Eris, may I speak to God Seth right now, I believe he has not fulfilled his duty and has neglected and untended me and Aqua here for the last at minimum three months"

Ristarte pulled Eris a bit, she whispered, "Wait? Three months?"

"Goddess Ristarte, do not forget that time flows differently from each world, plus it does not remain constant and can fluctuate."

"Oh right, kinda still forget that sometimes, Giabrande is two times faster… or was it slower?"

"Plus I believe Seth had already left enough things for him to live comfortably for a year," Eris placed the finger on her chin.

Kazuma asked again, "I'm in a hurry here! Before your friend, Aqua brings the whole group here."

"About that, I don't think he could–" *Dud!* something has fallen near them.

"Okay-okay, let me do the talking." a familiar voice resounded. Causing the girls to turn in shock.

Seth!? But he sounded different. Kazuma thought.

"First things first. Seth in the flesh is not here."

A question mark arose on Kazuma's head, "Hah? then who am I talking to?"

"Me!" Something behind the two ladies lit up, it was a huge menacing throne circled by many holographic screens.

"Is that really you, Seth… are you over there? At that throne? I can't see you…"

"Well of course you can't, because as you can see." The throne slid towards Kazuma's screen, "I am but his finger!" Kazuma finally saw it in all its peculiar glory. 

A finger was on the throne, in a jar with a small speaker beside it.

Kazuma rubbed his eyes, and nothing changed, he did it again, and nothing changed again.

"Are you just a finger now or…"

"Nah, my body's still whole" A new screen was pulled over, and Kazuma saw the Seth he knew managing the assembly of something futuristic near a construction site, though it was very noisy due to the activity and machinery.

The finger isolated the noise and zoomed in on Seth's left hand. Kazuma saw one of Seth's fingers was different from the rest.

"It's a prosthetic, his actual finger is right here." The finger wiggled into a dance, "Just view me as Seth's mini him." Kazuma leered at the two goddesses, and they nodded with affirmation. 

"You don't talk like Seth."

"Good, we keep it that way."

"Huh!?" Kazuma was a bit flabbergasted.

"Hey! Back to the topic! Say your piece immediately, you did say you're in a hurry.".

Kazuma reacted weirdly, the Seth he knew was honestly boring but also friendly. The one in front of him was more snap-jerky and casual.

Kazuma asked, "Are you sure you're him?"

"You serious?" 

"Sorry, wrong words, I mean if you agreed on something, can you guarantee that it was also from him? Are you sure he is also in the know too? Or along those lines?" Kazuma pointed at Seth on the second screen, not the finger.

"Ah… oh I see, sure, I'll prove it. My main body will look at you and say 'Yes Kazuma, I can see and hear you' like a 4th wall break or something."

Immediately after that, on the second screen, Seth who was assembling something put his stuff down and stared directly at Kazuma "Yes Kazuma, I can see and hear you, and Chomusuke is watching me from your window."

Kazuma immediately rotated his head to his window, Chomusuke was outside by the window staring at the screen. Oh, she's here—Wait? How did she get here?

"Bro, why are you staring at the sky? And did you say something?"

"No, Cerceus! It's fine! Watch over Seiya, he is bench lifting actual tons right now and it would be bad if he did it in the wrong posture." the muscular man Cerceus gave an 'OK' sign at him.

After this, the finger inquired, "Is this enough?"

"I guess so…" Kazuma answered, but more questions arose from his head.

Who is Seiya? Why is he a finger? And who are those two goddesses behind him? In the end, he accumulated all his questions into one.

"What happened to you, Seth? In the three months since you left?"

"Actually, time flows differently here. For me, only three weeks had passed."

"That doesn't change the question—WAIT THREE WEEKS!"

"Oops, talkative me," the finger apologized, "Jif, Check the rules or something! May I just send memories straight to his brain? Rather than slowly telling him everything, I prefer to have all answers downloaded to his memory instead."

"Got it boss!" a sound of typing was heard and seconds later an answer came, "As long as Kazuma agrees to this, it's all peachy." A thumbs-up was raised.

"So Kazuma, what do you say?"

Kazuma was hesitant, Yes this finger was Seth, but this whole mind-transferring thing felt… unsafe.

In the end, "Just get this over with." Kazuma complied, "Do it, Seth. Send me the files." He braced for impact.

"With pleasure."