Love, Expired

Chapter 3 — The Video

The next morning, the other side of the bed was already empty. Jiang Yuqian got up and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Breakfast was already laid out on the dining table. As the living room was connected to the dining room, when he was eating in the dining room, he could hear moaning coming from the television in the living room.

He could not be more familiar with that sound. During many of his solitary nights, he had also secretly watched that video.

“Zhou Hao, what exactly are you doing?” Jiang Yuqian shut the television off, staring at the person on the couch.

“What can I be doing? I’m watching TV.” He spoke leisurely, but it had a challenging tone to it.

Jiang Yuqian laughed hideously. He walked over and sat down next to him. He held onto the flesh between Zhou Hao’s legs, using a little bit of strength.

“Is it because I didn’t satisfy you enough last night that you need to watch this kind of video in the morning?”

Zhou Hao grabbed hold of Jiang Yuqian’s hand, his fingers lightly stroking the smooth, fair back of his hand.

As the hand moved up and down, Zhou Hao sneered at him.

“Look at what you’re saying. What are you calling ‘this kind of video’? This is Cheng Zixu’s self-directed gay porn.”

Zhou Hao deliberately dragged the last two words out. He glanced at the other person’s ashen face, and continued speaking in a provocative tone, “Jiang Yuqian, you even sold your body for that sissy. Does he know about it?”

Jiang Yuqian seemed to have heard the world’s greatest joke. “Selling my body? Selling it to you? It’s been so many years, you’ve always been the one getting fucked.”

A feigned ruthlessness flashed past Zhou Hao’s eyes. He wrenched his hand away, and did not want to continue speaking.

He had randomly downloaded that video from some porn site long ago. In the massive catalogue, he had immediately noticed the man on the thumbnail — wearing a white coat, and the setting seemed to be in a toilet. As the lighting was not clear enough, from some angles, that man really looked like Cheng Zixu.

At that time, he had been thinking of ways to provoke Jiang Yuqian. However, he could not find a way, and later on, he finally understood what this person was like. He edited the video into three minutes, then took this edited video that looked like a rape in a toilet and went to look for Jiang Yuqian.

His condition was that Jiang Yuqian had to be with him, Zhou Hao, if not he would upload the video onto the school’s internet.

So what did Jiang Yuqian do? It might be because he was so madly in love with Cheng Zixu, that he did not even verify the accuracy of the video before agreeing to his unreasonable demand.

And so, a video forced Jiang Yuqian to do his bidding for many years, and the two of them began an unspoken agreement.

When Zhou Hao reflected upon himself, he too thought that he was a hateful person. After so many years, he only had one friend with him. He was unable to get close to anyone, his character withdrawn, and towards anyone unfamiliar, he always treated them coldly.

People who always kept themselves well protected would easily live a pitiful life.

He disliked the sissy Cheng Zixu, and his dislike had almost reached a perverse and disgusting stage. However, there were times when he was really envious of that person.

He had spent countless cold, lonely nights lying in bed, imagining himself as that sissy. With his fantasies, he coaxed himself to sleep.

It was clearly a lamentable, self-pitying action, but over and over again, he could not help but be obsessed with it.

After a long period of silence, Jiang Yuqian wearily responded, “Zhou Hao, have your parents never taught you what shameless is?”

“Fuck, you can fuck off right now!” Zhou Hao was furious.

Previously, no matter how ugly his words got, Zhou Hao would not be very bothered by it, and he would even rebut him. However, when he heard this, the old wound of many years in his heart was once again ripped open, and dripped with blood.

Because, he had no father, and only had a mother and a stepfather.

His father had passed away in a car accident when he was seven. Two months later, his mother had remarried, bringing him along. The man she remarried was tall and thin. Ever since then, his life went through a tremendous change.

His mother was a primary school teacher in a county. It was very strange. Teachers were to impart knowledge and educate people, but she taught her own son into becoming a strange child.

She often said, “I should have sent you into the village where your grandparents lived. It was your Uncle Li who rejected that idea, and you must know how to be grateful. Studying in the village, the old people will not be bothered with you, and it’s very easy for you to become an unsuccessful child.”

From his mother’s superficial words, he understood many things. His understanding of those matters had exceeded that of what a child of his age should have.

He was actually a precocious child. He thought, if he was not an unsuccessful child, then his mother would then love him again.

And so, he studied desperately. Every year, he would top his class. However, doing so, he was still unable to get his mother’s attention. This was because a year later, his mother had given him a little sister.

He disliked that girl, just like how he disliked the humid weather in the south.

Since his outstanding results did not get any attention, he did many unimaginably strange things. For example, he stole money from home, fought in school, and even stole his stepfather’s cigarettes to smoke.

He would forever remember that acrid, choking feeling the moment he inhaled the cigarette. He was very baffled, such a horrid tasting thing, why did the middle-aged men all like it?

However, he did not have time to think about it. Soon, his mother discovered his misdeeds. She was very angry, but did not even hit him, instead turning and leaving to coax his little sister to sleep. He was even more bewildered, why did his mother not punish him?

An eleven year old boy was unable to answer that question.

Many years later, his sister started primary school. She only did not finish the homework assigned to her, and his mother and stepfather hit her until she cried, before gently coaxing her for a long, long time.

The family of three were in his sister’s room, experiencing an education from loving parents.

From then on, he finally understood clearly that puzzling question from many years ago —

It was because that woman no longer loved him.

That night, his sister was crying. He hid in his little room in the attic, and he cried as well. He missed his dead father, and he missed his grandparents in the village.

His memories stopped abruptly… Jiang Yuqian had already left the apartment.

He had only had a bit of the breakfast on the table, and the food now sat on the plate, cold. Using the bowl and chopsticks that person had used, he finished up all the porridge and eggs.

It was still early. He went to his room and turned on his computer, updating his ongoing post on Douban — <My Years with Mr. J>

 

“I was born in the south in June. It was a long, rainy season. When it rained, the windows in the attic and the floor would always fog up, turning my little room damp and wet. I really dislike June, and I really dislike this season.

Actually, in my subconscious, the thing I dislike the most was probably my birth.

Yesterday was my birthday. I sent a text asking Mr. J if he would be coming back. If he was, I was going to prepare his favourite dish, chicken curry. But he never replied.

I’ve long expected that that would be the conclusion, and I was already used to it.

That night, my gastric pain returned, and it was extremely painful.

If the pain could cause my death one day, I probably would be completely freed. Would that woman cry? Would she be upset about my death?

I went downstairs to buy some medicine, and saw Mr. J with the sissy walking together. I purposely appeared in front of my love rival, but Mr. J only had an icy poker face on, ignoring me.

The next morning, I deliberately mentioned something in the past to agitate him. He was furious, but I did not feel any better about it as well.

He scolded me, saying I was a shameless person without parents to educate him. I was enraged, and it was true that no one had ever taught me what shameless meant. My mother and my stepfather never cared about me…

You see, the person I thought was closest to me could always easily jab at my sore spots, not giving me a chance to even fight back.

Could he not see that sometimes, I would also feel upset…

I want to gain a familial affection I’ve never received from him, but he always just ignorantly pushed me further into the pit.

After so many years, I’m also often puzzled — what exactly am I being stubborn about?”

 

Soon, many new replies appeared under the post — there were some that supported him, but also others that scolded him, saying he was crazy.

Zhou Hao selected a few replies scolding him. He sent his retorts back, then shut his computer off.