Lost

“No, that’s not it…”It seemed that just as I was flustered, Jung Woojin was also flustered. After all, this wasn’t something that happened often, as he had mentioned. Sighing as I decided to stop overthinking and focus on eating, I asked,“Anyway, is there anything I can help with?”As I scratched the back of my neck and spoke, Jung Woojin waved his hands vigorously.“No, I’ll do it. Just sit down. I’ll bring you some comfortable clothes in a moment.”As he quickly exited the kitchen, I started to follow him. What I thought was just a wall turned out to be a large space when Jung Woojin pushed it aside. It looked like a closet. The clothes were neatly arranged, almost like a display in a department store, and there was a huge variety. I walked in, looking around with my mouth slightly open, and asked,“But how old am I?”“Twenty-seven.”“And you?”“I’m twenty-five…”“Hey, why are you making such a mess? Move over; I’ll just find something to wear myself.”Jung Woojin was tossing neatly folded clothes aside. The tidy closet became a mess in an instant. I picked up some clothes that had fallen on the floor and started changing. As I was taking off my shirt to put on a t-shirt, I felt his gaze intensely focused on me. Curious, I looked up to see Jung Woojin staring intently at my upper body. Following his gaze, I looked down and noticed a scar on my left shoulder, near the middle of my chest. It wasn’t painful and was already healing. With a slightly bitter expression, I pulled the t-shirt over my head and asked,“So, what’s really going on between us? Are we just school sunbae-hoobae?”Saying we were nothing didn’t seem truthful. If we were nothing to each other, there was no reason for Jung Woojin to take such good care of me or be so kind. After I finished changing and picked up the shirt I had been wearing, Jung Woojin took it from my hand.“Yes. Sunbae-hoobae… I think that’s right.”“Really? Then why did you say we were nothing earlier? Did we fight before the accident? And don’t I have any family? How many days was I in the hospital? And how did I lose my memory? Oh, right. And what’s my name again…?”Even as I fired off questions like a machine gun, Jung Woojin just kept his mouth shut and stared at me. His dark eyes were trembling. As I saw his eyes start to tear up again, I quickly grabbed his wrist and pulled him out of the closet.“Let’s talk after we eat.”If Jung Woojin started crying again, who knows when he’d stop. As we arrived in the kitchen and I looked at him with a tense expression, the tears in his eyes quickly receded. I sighed in relief. Sitting down at the dining table, I watched Jung Woojin’s back as he prepared something, and I muttered to myself,“Such a crybaby.”“Huh?”“Nothing.”Why does a twenty-five-year-old guy cry so easily? Was he really that shocked by my amnesia? Or is there some other reason? Whatever it is, his tendency to cry at the drop of a hat left me at a loss for how to handle it. I sighed inwardly as I propped my chin on my hand.One thing was certain, though. Despite Jung Woojin saying we were nothing, it seemed like we were quite close before I lost my memory. I could tell just from the way he acted and how he looked at me. I didn’t know why he said we were nothing, but that much was clear.As I was lost in thought, Jung Woojin brought over a plate of kimchi fried rice topped with a generous amount of mozzarella cheese. I was so hungry that I started shoveling the rice into my mouth without a word. As I was eating, Jung Woojin spoke up.“I’ll handle the school issues, so don’t worry too much. Sunbae, you can just relax here.”I nodded as I chewed. Well, it would be difficult to attend school with amnesia.“Don’t worry too much. You’re smart, Sunbae, so your memory will come back soon, and you’ll relearn any words you’ve forgotten.”I didn’t know what being smart had to do with recovering my memory quickly, but I nodded again. Still, this was really delicious. Even though I had lost my memory, I was sure I’d never had kimchi fried rice this good in my life.“Would you like some more?”Looking at the empty plate that had been cleared in less than five minutes, Jung Woojin asked. I nodded and asked,“Is there more?”“Yes.”As Jung Woojin brought the frying pan over to serve me, I just grabbed it and started eating straight from the pan. Watching me quietly, Jung Woojin began to explain the situation before I lost my memory.He said that I was an orphan. I had lived in an orphanage since I was young, with no parents, relatives, or siblings. Jung Woojin was extremely cautious as he told me this, as if he was worried I might be offended, but it didn’t bother me much. If I was an orphan, it made sense that I didn’t have a family. And since I wasn’t a minor and had already completed my military service, it wasn’t really an issue.“So, where’s my house?”After swallowing the food in my mouth, I spoke, and Jung Woojin reached out. He grabbed my hand, which was casually resting on the table, and spoke carefully.“Can’t we live together?”“…”I stared blankly at his hand holding mine. I just realized that Jung Woojin had been unusually touchy with me—holding my hand, hugging me, things like that. I don’t know how many times this happened just today. It felt a bit awkward, but I thought maybe he was just like that by nature. Besides, I’m currently in a vulnerable state, so it could be that he just feels sorry for me.“Please live with me. It could be dangerous if you’re alone…”I slowly pulled my hand away and scratched the back of my neck. I knew I should decline, but his sudden suggestion made me feel oddly grateful. Right now, I have no memory, no family, no relatives, no siblings—I’m an orphan. The only person I know is Jung Woojin. I could live alone if I wanted to, but right now, I wanted to be with someone who knew me.However, just agreeing to his request right away felt strange too. After hesitating for a moment, I asked,“But do you live alone?”“Yes, I live alone. And I have a lot of money.”“R-Really? That’s nice.”“I’ll buy you everything you need, Sunbae.”I was so taken aback by the sudden mention of money that I almost bit my tongue. I also didn’t understand why he would buy everything I needed. The words “Why would you do that?” were on the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed them back down. Just then, Jung Woojin placed his hand on top of mine again.“Please live with me, okay?”“…”“Please… live with me.”Jung Woojin started to tear up again. Without realizing it, I found myself nodding in response to his pitiful expression.“Well… I mean, I don’t mind, but…”“Will you live with me?”“Uh… yeah…”I trailed off, nodding again, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. If I think about it, I should be the one asking for help right now. But why is he the one pleading with me to live together? Is he scared I might do something reckless if I live alone? Or does he just feel sorry for me?“You said you’re a student too, right?”“I’m on a leave of absence.”“Oh… I see. Well, anyway, thank you. I’ll only stay for a few days, so… thanks for taking care of me in the meantime…”“Huh? A few days?”“I mean, going home?”I understood that he felt sorry for me, but if this continued, it would be difficult for me. Even though I had amnesia, I was actually fine, but if he kept treating me like this, it would make me uncomfortable. Besides, we’re just sunbae-hoobae; I couldn’t impose on him like this forever. Initially, I was just grateful, but the more I thought about it, the more it felt like a burden.“Do you not want to stay with me?”“What?”Jung Woojin asked, his face pale. I narrowed my eyes and looked at him, then frowned.“Aren’t you going to eat?”“Huh?”“When do you sleep? Have you not been sleeping?”Now that I looked at him closely, his face wasn’t just pale from crying but probably also from not sleeping or eating properly. He seemed weak, with dark circles under his eyes, and to be honest, Jung Woojin looked more like a patient than I did. I put down the spoon I was holding and said,“You look tired. Why don’t you get some rest?”“No, I don’t want to.”“…”Not even a “I’m fine” but a “I don’t want to”? I frowned, and Jung Woojin tightened his grip on my hand.“What if you disappear while I’m asleep?”“…”What on earth is he talking about? I looked at the tearful Jung Woojin in bewilderment and sighed.“Why would I disappear?”“…”“Let go of my hand and rest. I’ll do the dishes. But which room should I…?”Jung Woojin tightened his grip on my hand again.“What if you disappear?”“…”Repeating the same words, his eyes started to tear up again. Fearing that he might burst into tears like before, I quickly stood up. As I got up from the chair, Jung Woojin also stood up. Pulling Jung Woojin, who was still holding onto my hand, I said…“I don’t remember much right now, so I have nowhere to go. So…”Please, I beg you, stop crying and just get some sleep. Even as I sighed and pointed out how tired he looked, he didn’t budge.“No.”“…Woojin-ah.”When I softly called his name, Jung Woojin lowered his head. He looked like he was holding back tears. Maybe it was because he seemed so pitiful that I just started speaking without much thought.“Then I’ll stay by your side until you wake up.”“…”At my words, Jung Woojin stared at me with eyes full of doubt. His eyes were brimming with tears, and his expression resembled that of a child begging for a toy. Maybe that’s why I kept trying to comfort him with my words.“Is that okay? I just ate, so I’m feeling sleepy too. I don’t have any strength left. So, let’s go get some sleep.”That was true. Whether it was because I had just eaten or because the tension had finally eased, I felt completely drained. As I slumped my shoulders, Jung Woojin guided me. When we entered the room, I saw a large bed. The bed was neatly made, and white curtains covered the large windows. That was all. The room was huge, but the only thing in it was the bed, making it feel empty.I felt this from the moment I walked in, but this place didn’t seem like somewhere someone actually lived. It was more like a model house—completely devoid of any warmth.“Hurry up and sleep.”What kind of house is this, so cold and uninviting? I thought to myself as I let go of his hand. I turned my head to find the bathroom, but Jung Woojin suddenly grabbed my hand again. When I looked at him in confusion, he asked,“Why?”“Huh?”“Where are you going?”“…To brush my teeth.”At my words, Jung Woojin nodded with an “Ah.” But he still didn’t let go of my hand. He only released it when we got to the bathroom. As he handed me a new toothbrush, I thanked him, but he didn’t move. Is he planning to brush his teeth too? I started brushing my teeth, staring at Jung Woojin’s reflection in the mirror with a puzzled expression. But even after I finished brushing, Jung Woojin just stood there, watching me. After rinsing my mouth and drying my hands and face with a towel, Jung Woojin grabbed my hand again.It was strange, very strange, but seeing the anxious look on his face, I couldn’t say anything. Still feeling uneasy, I let him lead me out of the bathroom.And then, I lay down on a large bed big enough for at least five people like me. But…“…”Why is Jung Woojin clinging to me like this?I blinked in surprise, staring at the ceiling. Not only was Jung Woojin sticking close to me, but he was also holding my hand tightly. He looked more like a five-year-old than a twenty-five-year-old. Whenever I moved even slightly, Jung Woojin would open his eyes like a ghost and stare at me.“Do you need anything?”“…No, my back just hurts a little.”“Is the bed uncomfortable?”“No, it’s fine. Just go to sleep.”I quickly laid him back down as he started to get up. I smiled awkwardly, and he looked at me for a long time before closing his eyes again. He seemed like he was about to fall asleep, though he would stir and open his eyes whenever I moved.Why do I have to sleep in such a small space on such a big bed? No, more importantly, why are we even sleeping together? Well, I guess it doesn’t really matter? Everything has felt so strange that I can’t even tell what’s normal and what’s not anymore. I kept thinking like this, turning my head to look at Jung Woojin and then back at the ceiling.Jung Woojin, twenty-five years old, a Hoobae at my university. Rich.That’s all I know about him. Oh, and that he’s a crybaby. I turned my head to look at the sleeping Jung Woojin. His eyes were still red.As I quietly observed his face, with his stark black hair contrasting against his pale skin, I realized for the first time that Jung Woojin was quite pretty. It felt strange to call another guy pretty, but it suited him more than calling him handsome. Yet, there was something off about it. A vague sense of unease lingered in my chest. I raised my hand to my heart. Is this anxiety because of the amnesia? I frowned, pondering, when suddenly a loud noise rang out.Bang, bang, bang!Jung Woojin’s eyes snapped open. He stared at me for a long time before the banging noise sounded again, making him sit up.“Just a moment.”Is someone here? I started to get up as well, but Jung Woojin pushed me back down by my shoulders. Then, with a tired smile, he pulled the blanket over me.“Please, just sleep.”“Oh? Oh, okay.”He kissed the back of my hand, which was sticking out from under the blanket, then gently tucked it back in. Before I could even process the warmth of his lips on my hand, Jung Woojin had left the room. I tilted my head in confusion and shifted my position.What was that just now? Why did he kiss the back of my hand?I was baffled. Could it be that my amnesia is causing me to mix up my memories? No, that can’t be right. No matter how much I think about it, why would a Hoobae—especially a male Hoobae, not even a female one—kiss the back of my hand? Now that I think about it, this wasn’t the first time.When I first came to this house and asked what our relationship was, Jung Woojin…“You’re crazy! Why haven’t you been answering your phone? Where have you been all this time?!”Just then, a loud voice came from outside the door. As I sat up straight on the bed, the yelling continued.“I told you to answer when I call! Now my whole schedule is messed up! Do you think this is a joke? Are you messing with me because you’ve got connections, you crazy bastard? Why haven’t you been going to school? Where the hell have you been?!”Is there a fight going on? As I approached the door and grabbed the handle, I heard Jung Woojin’s voice.“Stop yelling, you’re being too loud.”“Do you think I’m in a situation where I can talk quietly right now?!”“Just shut up, damn it.”Damn it? My eyes widened, and I let go of the doorknob. Did Jung Woojin really say that? I blinked in disbelief. I couldn’t reconcile the image of him sobbing with that kind of language.“I’ll call you later, so just leave.”“If I don’t take you with me now, I’m going to get fired!”“That’s your problem.”“You son of a bitch!”At the thunderous shout, I opened the door. I was worried that a real fight might break out. As soon as the door clicked open, I saw Jung Woojin standing in the middle of the living room. Across from him was a man I had never seen before.The man’s eyes widened in shock when he saw me. He looked utterly surprised. I was about to greet him, but Jung Woojin quickly approached and grabbed me.“Sunbae, aren’t you sleeping?”“Huh?”“Jung Woojin, have you lost your mind?”The man started walking briskly toward us, glaring at both me and Jung Woojin. Before I could say anything, he grabbed Jung Woojin by the collar.“You bastard! While I’ve been losing my mind trying to find you, you’ve been screwing around with some bar girl at home…!”Bar girl? Before I could even react to that, I heard a sickening crack. The next thing I knew, the man was on the floor.“Argh!”Jung Woojin had twisted his arm. I took a step back in shock, and Jung Woojin smiled at me. It was a bright smile, completely out of place for the situation.“Please, go back to bed. This man is just an acquaintance of mine. He’s a little mentally unstable… I’ll be back soon.”Jung Woojin pushed me back into the room and closed the door. Beyond the door, the man’s screams continued. I stood there staring blankly at the closed door.By the time the screams had turned into sobs, I finally snapped back to reality, but I couldn’t bring myself to open the door. I just paced back and forth near it, when I heard a few more dull thuds. Pressing my ear against the door, I still couldn’t make out what was being said. Then, I heard Jung Woojin talking to someone on the phone.“His arm seems to be broken.”Broken arm? I was stunned again.“I’m not sure. I think he’s lost a few teeth too. Hurry up and come get him. He might die if you don’t. It’s urgent, so come quickly.”Jung Woojin hung up after a few more casual words, sounding anything but urgent. I quickly moved to the bed, lifted the blanket, and lay down. Just as I got under the covers, the door opened and Jung Woojin walked in. Seeing my tense face, Jung Woojin smiled awkwardly. I couldn’t believe it. Was his arm really broken? Did Jung Woojin really break that man’s arm earlier?“I’m sorry.”Jung Woojin approached me with a look of genuine regret. He reached out his hand toward me, but then, noticing the blood on the tips of his fingers, he clicked his tongue and withdrew it.Just a moment ago, he had been trembling with fear and crying, but now he had calmly broken someone’s bones. I pulled the blanket up to my nose and curled up. I couldn’t make sense of anything. I couldn’t even bring myself to speak. I couldn’t look him in the eye. My gaze darted around, and I was about to squeeze my eyes shut when I heard a forlorn voice in my ear.“Sunbae.”As if under a spell, I opened my eyes, and Jung Woojin suddenly reached out his hand.“I think I broke a nail.”“…”