Lost and Longing.

She found herself looking up into stormy green eyes. He had nearly a head of height on her and that fact was driven home by being so close to him. She hadn't been in such close proximity to him before, and realized he was a lot more intimidating up close.

Especially right now.

His eyes, emerald green seemed to swirl with energy. It was as entrancing as it was intimidating and for just a moment Aayla wondered if she could fall into those eyes.

Being this close to him was also slightly disorienting. As an empath she was used to feeling emotions from people, just magnified by the Force. She could generally tell what people around her were feeling. But Harry was different. He was completely blank. He might as well have been a rock for all the emotions she was getting from him. "I'm not letting you go until you agree to let me go with you," she stated, wishing her voice didn't quiver so much or have quite the tinge of desperation in it.

Harry scowled down at her, his voice taking on a cold and dangerous quality. "You think you can force me to teach you?"

Aayla's senses were screaming 'danger' at her but she ignored them. This was too important. She couldn't let her dark vision come to pass. "I won't let you walk away simply because I don't understand something! That could just be something else you could teach me."

"Why should I bother?" Harry asked, with scorn filling his voice, not backing away, nor making any move to engage her physically. Aayla's voice was rising and she pointed her finger right in Harry's face, her temper combining with her desperation to get the point across. "Because I saw it! If you don't, then everything I've fought for will be destroyed. Everyone I know will die!"

Harry's voice was utterly apathetic and ice cold as he stared down at her. His voice added a mocking tone, "What happened to 'no attachments?' Those that pass on … well according to you they shouldn't be mourned. They'd just be 'joining the Force,' right?'"

"Jedi will die! My friends. Innocent people… children... will die!" Aayla responded, the vision of the darkness in her mind rising again. She stepped forward, looking up at Harry practically nose to nose with him less than an inch of space between the two of them. She felt herself losing her composure and struggled to keep it but she was losing the battle. In her mind the horror of death after death of betrayal and darkness filled her, not just her mind, but her emotions.

Harry's eyes bored into hers, not backing away from her invasion of his personal space in the slightest. His tone not changing as it cracked like a whip. "Innocent people and children die all the time. What makes these ones so special? Who cares if a few more die?"

"I care, damn it!" Aayla snarled physically poking him in the chest with enough force that his body shifted slightly back as she pressed forward to glare up at him, her entire body heaving with emotion.

Harry's expression was blank for a moment and silence descended as those words hung in the air.

Aayla worried she had gone a step too far by almost escalating this to a physical confrontation. One of the cardinal rules of diplomacy and negotiation was to never be the one to first escalate things to physical violence. She winced at how easily her control had frayed and snapped.

Harry had just seemed to press her buttons one after another, and she'd lost her cool, and now she'd have no chance of staying with the duo. Once more the audible cries of betrayal and pain, from children and Jedi filled her mind. Their pain as their light was extinguished from the galaxy and darkness gleefully took its place. For just a moment she felt despair well up inside her, Despair gave way to confusion expression on Harry's face shifted.

as

the

What had once been cold and scornful had first gone to blank, and then it changed to a gentle smile and his entire demeanor shifted.

"Okay," he said simply.

Aayla scowled up at him and then blinked as the word and its connotations penetrated her mind.

"Huh?" was her eloquent reply

Harry looked genuinely pleased and glanced back at Ahsoka, in an official sounding voice laced with magic he spoke, "Ahsoka Tano, Aayla Secura is hereby exempt from any secrecy oath you've made to me. We'll get one from her later."

Ahsoka blinked as she felt a slight twist in the Force as the meaning of the words settled into her mind.

Harry turned back to Aayla, an impish grin on his face. "Alright Blue, we'll talk about your oath after you find out all you'll need to know about them and their effects from Ahsoka."

Harry patted her on the head and said, "Welcome to the Gryffindor," then pushed past her and out into the hold.

She turned and watched him leave, utterly bewildered by what had just taken place. Her previous anger and desperation had so completely shifted to confusion that she was struggling to process and catch up. Harry's mood swings were giving her whiplash.

Aayla, at a complete loss now as to how she should respond, looked to Ahsoka for clarification. "What… just happened?"

Ahsoka looked tired, especially after the emotional upheaval she experienced when she witnessed the Council's latest betrayal, but there was a slight smile on her face as she walked by Aayla. "I believe you just passed a test."

"Test?" she gawked at Ashoka's back, but Ahsoka did not respond or enlighten her, which left Aayla all alone in the room.

Aayla watched her leave with a befuddled expression on her face. 'What could he have possibly tested me over, and how did I pass?'

She thought back to what had happened, specifically his clinical analysis of the failings of the Order, and the dividing lines that were being drawn by its leadership. She requested training, and volunteered for an oath, only to be harshly denied, and it was done in a way that confused Ahsoka too.

Then he started talking about some other topic, how, after Yoda, Skywalker and Ahsoka were both considered powerful and successful. Why? 'Because they were reckless, emotional beings.'

She didn't get it, and it was where she became completely lost. Her mind ground to a halt as that thought finally registered. Was it as simple as that? He had just explained how emotions were necessary. Was showing strong emotions what he wanted?

Or was it even simpler than that? What had he asked? 'Who cares if they die?' In her desperation, she gave an honest reply, one she only now realized went against many of the main tenets of the Jedi Code itself, even if they would want to pretend that it didn't..

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