Leuko - Blind to the Sunlight

Darkness...it's mean I'm awake.

I connected once again my sight to Pandora, and I could now distinguish that I was in the same room as yesterday.

I sleepily looked around but noticed no one around me, but I did hear a beeping noise beside me. I looked out of the window, just to see the moon was still out.

Doesn't concern me then.

Now! Let's enjoy the only good thing here!

I took Pandora in my arms and laid my head against the wonderful invention that was called pillows!

It wasn't as comfortable as a bed, but apparently, this was why they came in pairs! One would not feel as good without the other.

Or that's what Nurse Joy told me, I wonder where she...

*Crash*

Without any warning, the door slammed against the wall as a little girl with golden hair entered it.

She looked around the room until her eyes lay on me, she smirked before approaching me. "Luciel! How are you doing?"

"Ah...Cynthia." I said timidly.

I'm really not used to anyone approaching me with a smile.

She climbed onto my bed before crawling toward me and putting a basket right in front of me.

"I'm sure you're very hungry, so I prepared you a meal! I' 've heard you like poképuff so it's exactly what I made!"

Cynthia said with pride as she opened her box and handed me a pitch black poképuff.

I took it upon my good hand with hesitation, and I could feel it slightly burning my skin, looking closer, I could sense that some ashes were falling from the burnt pastry.

Wow! I've never tried this savor before!

I verified that Cynthia really didn't want it before eyeing the meal with a hungry gaze.

I gleefully took a bite out of it, and immediately my taste bud was assaulted with bitterness as dust filled my mouth.

I froze for a moment, I just couldn't believe the taste of the meal.

IT'S SO GOOD!!!

I didn't even wait to chew my first bite and I already took another one to fill my mouth with this fragrance.

"Mmmh!" Even the second bite was delicious! I didn't know Cynthia was such a good cook!

Cynthia looked very satisfied with my reaction and reached to take another one from the basket and gave it to Pandora.

He didn't take any reservations and took it with one of his claws before putting it right below his costume as munching noise reasoned below him.

Finished with my meal, started to lick my finger to make sure I didn't leave a single crumb uneaten.

But Cynthia still fixed me, so I started to think before remembering that this meant she wanted to talk! That's what rule number 8 says after all! "How can you be so good at cooking? This is among the best meals I've tasted!"

Cynthia appeared to smug at my question. "Well of course it's because I'm the best, and as I am the best, everything I do ends up being the best result possible!"

That makes sense.

"So you're an esper Miss Goldwin?" I asked innocently, before noticing Cynthia frowning.

'Did I do something wrong?'

"Why did you call me Miss Goldwin?"

"Eh, isn't what I should do? My progenitor always told me that the pleb had the right to disrespect me, but treating them with respect would be an insult toward him and all the esper in the world! But if I meant an esper, I must treat them with all the respect my pitiful useless existence can muster!"

Cynthia was smug for an instant, before resumed frowning at me. I could tell she was mad because she crossed her arms together. "I am a superior being! But most importantly, you're my friend, which means you're not below me! You're right beside me!"

"Eh? It works like that?"

I must add it to the rule then! I will make rule 8 to be the cornerstone of how to treat friends. So now rule 8.1 is Friends are equal to me, no matter how pitiful I am!

"Yes, it works like that!"

"Then why did you want to become friends with me if it mean you will have to lower yourself to someone at my level?" I asked in confusion.

Cynthia seemed confident, but the moment she opened her mouth, not a sound left it. Instead, she started to think really hard, until she arrived at a diagnostic. "Because I wanted to become friends with you!"

Make sense.

"I see, thanks Miss Goldwin!"

"Ah! You did it again! Just call me Cynthia!"

I winced at her comment before hesitantly saying her name."...Cyn...thia..." I didn't know why, but simply saying this phrase made me feel like I broke a chain somewhere...weird. "So...you're an esper?"

She looked away from me and said in a stifled voice. "Yes..."

She then apparently looked at me with a determined gaze. "Now that I revealed one of my secrets, it's time for you to reveal one of yours!"

Oh, is that why she let me Let's see...what is worth keeping secret about me...oh...no if she knew that she would hate me...I don't want her to hate me.

"There's no secret about me..." I lied...but didn't seem to notice it.

Cynthia looked disappointed for an instant before having a smug face plastered on her face. "Well then, tell me what type of esper you are!"

What does she mean?

"I'm an esper?"

Now she was the one looking at me in confusion. "Of course you are, or how else are you supposed to release this halo? Wait? Did you find a way to develop a way to gain power without being an esper?!" She took my shoulder and looked at me with excitement.

"Little Cynthia, I know it's your friend, but could you please not distribute my patient?"

Cynthia's excitement instantly disappeared only to look behind her in annoyance.

I also put Pandora in a position that allowed me to see behind my friend, only to see it was Nurse Joy standing at the door with her professional smile.

"It Miss Goldwin the Great for you!" She said with pride, but Joy didn't even react to her, just kept smiling.

"Tell me little Cynthia, would you happen to know why my kitchen was on fire?"

Oh, I know that smile! That is the smile of someone who is mad!

But despite this, Cynthia didn't seem worried. "It's because it couldn't handle my awesome cooking method!"

"Oh, what a super cooking method could justify burning down my lovely kitchen?"

"It's very simple, you know how they are asking to put the poképuff for 34 minutes in the oven? Well, I thought it took too much time, so I augmented the temperature to the maximum so it could be ready in less than one minute!" She said with pride as if she was waiting for Joy to praise her.

"Truly a marvelous idea indeed, it was even able to burn down all the ice cream that was right beside it."

Cynthia's confidence crumbled as she looked at Joy in horror. "What...what do you mean?"

Joy put her hand on her cheek as if she was remembering a tragedy. "It was so sad when I put it in the freezer right beside the oven, I could never have expected someone with such intelligence to decide to heat up the furnace to its maximum temperature, which resulted in the heat escaping and melting all the ice cream it contained. How sad, I was preparing to offer all of them to the new student. Well, I put those that survived on the table of the kitchen for now, but I don't give them long before they melt."

She barely finished her sentence that Cynthia already jumped out of bed in a hurry and left the door without even saying me goodbye.

"MY ICE CREAM! MY DEAR BABY!"

Joy wordlessly closed the door behind her, and locked it before looking at Luciel with a smile.

"...please don't punish her...she only did that because...I ordered her to do it!" I said, but I could see that Nurse Joy didn't believe me, yet I didn't see any anger in her face.

"I know very well you wouldn't even be able to order someone Luciel, even less to cause harm. But don't worry, her little foolery didn't cause any harm." Nurse Joy explained as she picked up the empty basket in front of me. She looked into it, but after seeing the ash that filled it, she closed it in disappointment.

"But...but she melted the ice cream you wanted to give..."

She looked at me in shock before calmly smiling at me. "That was a lie, we already distributed all the ice cream yesterday to all the candidates, and she even ate two whole jars of ice cream by herself." She said as if remembering a funny anecdote.

"So...you're not angry?"

"I can't be angry toward a child, can I? That would be immature on my part. However, what is sure is that she will grow up to be a handful comparable to Volo, trust me on that."

Oh no, according to her rule, I can't trust Volo, which means if Cynthia becomes Volo, I won't be able to trust her!

Just to be sure, I asked her directly. "Does that mean I won't be able to trust her?"

"What? Of course, you will be able to trust her, that's what friends are. If you can't trust her, then she's not your friend."

"...but I don't trust her. Does that mean I'm the one she shouldn't trust?"

Joy looked shocked at Luciel's commentary and tried to retort, but she couldn't find the words to say. "Ah, listen Luciel, I'm not sure what you've been through, but I'm sure that it was something no one from your age should have suffered. This would evidently lead you to not being able to trust others as easily as her."

"But it's not an excuse...is it?"

She looked at me silently, before sighing. "For me it is...but I don't know for her...neither for you, just do what you consider is right...but you have no idea what it's mean don't you?"

I only nodded in silence which only made her sadder, for a reason I still don't understand.

"...well good thing you joined the Zenith Academy then! It means you will be able to learn many things and maybe even develop friendships!" She changed the subject and smiled again.

But I was more surprised by another thing. "I've joined the academy? But I didn't even participate in the exam!"

"Do...do you not remember what happened?" She asked me in shock...and relief? Why is she...

Not now, she asked me a question.

"I remember falling in a hole, then Volo talked to me about helping him, but as you told me to never trust him, I decided to not aid him..."

She lost the look of relief just to show worry at me. "Did he do anything to you after this?"

Let's see, I need to show reassurance. "Of course not, he did nothing to me! It was the skeleton that hurt me!"

"The what?"

Oh, she looked at me in confusion, not in concern, it meant it worked!

Must have been the other girl who was defective.

"What skeleton are you talking about?"

"The one inside my mind."

Why is she looking at me with concern again? Is this actually her default expression?

Joy sighed again before scribing into her notebook.

"What are you writing?" I asked in curiosity.

"Oh, just that you should have a psychiatric."

What is that? Is that a pokemon? Is it friendly?

No, I already asked one question, and I can only ask another one after she tells me another.

"Also, to come back to your first question, you passed because the action of one of our members caused you harm, so the council has decided to compensate you by allowing you inside the academy."

Well there was no need for that, I barely remember it. And it isn't comparable to what my progenitor made me go through.

...why didn't I think of him?

"So Luciel, how do you feel? Do you feel any pain?"

Oh, I know these answers! "I feel nothing! And for the second one...constantly!"

Was it the right response?

I looked at her, only to see even more concern!

Ah! I made an error!

"...Luciel...you can't feel nothing and pain constantly."

So that was my mistake.

"Sorry...you can hit me for my mistake." I apologized, and even presented my cheek to her fist so she wouldn't have any difficulty reaching it.

But instead she just gently pushed me aways.

"No Luciel, I have no desire to hit you." She said firmly but gently while caressing my head. "No one here wants to harm you, you don't have to apologize for every mistake you make, it is what makes us human after all."

...she's wrong.

"But I am not human." She slowed down her caress on my head after hearing my response.

"Then what are you?"

"An abomination. A bringer of eclipse. A failure. Not a human, I forsaken that right when I was born because I was selfish."

"There is nothing selfish in being born Luciel, how could you be wrong about that?"

"Because my existence is wrong."

"Luciel, was it your father who told you that?"

I slowly nodded to her.

"Tell me Luciel, don't you think that maybe he was wrong? That maybe you aren't as terrible as he made it seem?"

"...but everyone agreed with him...so he must have told the truth."

"Luciel, try to remember one instance where your father was wrong about you. Just one moment where you can tell yourself that he was wrong."

I thought about it before answering her. "There was once a time he said that the only way someone could enjoy my presence was if I burned in front of them during winter."

"Oh, and then you discovered that you had other worth than this!"

"Ah, no, it's just people still didn't enjoy it. Maybe if it was a very cold day of winter?"

I thought about this possibility when I noticed Joy being in complete shock despite trying to regain her calm.

"I...I see...but he was still wrong about this, wasn't he?"

"Yes...yes he was," I responded, but I started to understand what she meant. "Does that mean he was always wrong?"

"Then, you told me he found you ugly. But do you think you're ugly Luciel?"

"Yes," I answered without any hesitation.

"I see, then do Pandora think you're ugly?"

"Kyu."

Eh? What does Pandora mean?

"You...you don't think I'm ugly Pandora?"

"Mi!"

"...then...was he really wrong...no...no! The refugees all said the same thing! He couldn't be wrong about...me...they...can't right?"

It can't be right. It's just me, it's my fault, and will always be my fault! Yes! I was the one in the wrong, I deserve every instant of it! Because if I did...then...why...was it worth it to scream?

Did...did I? No...no...no...please no, I beg you...torture me all you want, just tell me I deserve it! OR IT WOULD WORTHLESS!

Was I supposed to be happy?

Was I supposed to be able to enjoy life and love from everyone? Was it my right?!

Was...

Was I even supposed to be born?

...

.̸̨̜̠͍̜̘̊̒̈́͗ͅͅ.̵̙̭̀̄͛̿̑͝ͅ.̸͖̯͔́̐̊͌̃̅͠͠"

.̶̨̢̘̬̙̪̯̯̯͖̩̮̓̽̈́́̾̎̌̊̏͆̏͠ͅͅ.̷̡̦̼̫͚̟̥̗̞̩̱̪̘̙̫̘̾̆̔̿͛͑̾͜͜͝ͅ.̶̛̘̙̌́̽͋̀̑͊͊͆ͅ

T̶͖̦̟̮̣̹͗̍̆̈̌̈́ȟ̸͖̞̬̔̈́̐̊̈́̊̈́͒̀ȩ̸̧͔̦̪̜̭̩̱̻͍̳̩̪̼̜́̎͊͑̄̿̀̅̊̃͆́̆̚͜͝n̴̹̥̦̼̘̻̼̗̱͋̐͊͌̆̾͑̉̇̈́͑̇̒̈͘͘͝͝ͅ ̵͓͉̩͍͇̝̙͎̝̙̭͒͗̈́͆͒̚ẁ̶̳̳̬̤̠̝̮̳̮͓͇͇̳̟̺͍͑̅́͜͜͜͠h̶̡̧̖̭͈͓̞̬͉͈̜̳͕̓́̓́̅̈́̆͗̍y̵̜͓̒́͛͌͋́̈̀̀̾̇̃͘̚̚͝͠ ̴̢̙͎̟̟̠͉͎̟̎͜ͅa̴̢̧͈̖͑̾̃́̂̿͊̓̀͌̈̽̌̎̇͑̕͘͝m̵̧̞̟͚̞̬͙̥̪̦͔̙͎͈͙̻͐̀̓̔̐̓̽ ̸̧̧͔͓̬̤̗͓̹̮̬̉̒̾͋̆̄́̎̋̋͒I̵̧̩̬̱̫͇̗̹̳̣̲͚̿͌̀̎̀͆̓͂̽͛̎͝.̶̨͙̙̥̟̻̻̫̥̹̝͒͜.̵̫̠͖̺͓̜̯̗̱̇̅̔̽̌̔̐̋͆͊̕.̵̘̯̯̬̥͖͎̯̝̌͒͐̄̍͒̋͑͜ͅ

"Are you alright Luciel?" Joy interrupted my thought, I tried to look at her, but I wasn't even able to lift my head.

"Yes...yes! I'm perfectly fine!"

She looked at me in worry. "Your halo doesn't say the same thing, it's currently extremely powerful, even stronger than during the exam."

My...halo?

Yes...right, it is the proof I am cursed. The proof that I was born to be hated!

I was supposed to be born to be hated! I was born for everyone to beat me, without any right. I suffered for this reason!

Joy's body visibly relaxed as my halo started to calm itself, but her expression only deepened.

"Luciel...do you need help?"

I tried to put on the brightest smile I could muster, and I looked at her. "I'm sorry, I lie earlier, I do not feel great, I feel nothing."

The moment I said that Joy stepped back in fright, already putting her hand on her pokéball and looking at me with fear.

Ah, this is the sight I deserve!

Yes, everything is fine! Even better than that! Everything is as it should be!

"Miss Joy? Am I cute?" I asked innocently, already knowing the answer.

I was hideous, I had to be.

And she probably knew it too, as she did not respond.

"Do you want to hit me?"

She did not respond, and the beeping noise beside me started to make itself scarce.

"Do you want to kill me?"

She stayed still, and so was the line on the machine beside me.

"I also want that, please kill me...if it finally end"

Without me knowing, a certain sea of blood was starting to get extremely still, as the violent wave started to become white blocks.

There was not a sound...and that was my answer.

"KYU!"

Without warning, I turned around Pandora so he could look at my face.

Pandora tried to close his eyes, but it was too late, as I already saw my face

In there I saw my face, my eyes were covered with a white bandana that was slowly getting covered in red.

I removed it and grinned.

Ah...I really look hideous.

Why did I ever think otherwise?

"Luciel, are you all right?" Joy finally uttered some words, but they weren't filled with any malice I was expecting.

This is not normal? She's seen the real me, she should be terrified...no...angry!

I hunched my head in confusion at her. "Why are you not mad? Why is no one mad at me? Why does everyone show me concern? Why does everyone pity me? Isn't my suffering something to pray for? I really do not understand why anyone would love someone like me?"

"...Luciel, are you...are you trying to know why you had to suffer?"

"Of course not, I already know why. Because I'm a curse and my existence is a sin!"

"Luciel...you didn't...you were born sinless...no...it doesn't matter if you were born with a without a sin! You were barely born! And yet you got tortured by your maniac of a father! There was not a single instance in your suffering where you deserved it!"

No...no...no! NO! NOOOOO!

"LIAR!!! IF I WAS NOT BORN TO SUFFER! THEN HOW CAN YOU JUSTIFY EVERYTHING THAT AS HAPPEN TO ME!!! HOW CAN YOU JUSTIFY THIS TRASH ORDERING ME TO CUT MY ARM JUST TO SEW IT BACK TO MY BODY!!!? HOW CAN YOU JUSTIFY HIM STARVING ME WHILE IMPRISONING ME IN COMPLETE DARKNESS!!!? WHY WOULD HE DO THAT IF I DIDN'T DESERVE IT!? I JUST WANTED TO LIVE! WAS I TOO SELFISH? WAS I...

I don't know why, but I started to scream...I didn't scream...usually...it made others angry...and they made me suffer...because...why...why do they make me suffer...

I must be cursed, I need to be cursed...or else...or else...

It would mean I suffered for nothing.

"Why...please...just...explain why I had to lose my eye?" I looked at her with my eye...but it only exposed the gaping hole where my eye should have been. Yet tears of blood still flowed out of those holes.

I still remember the feeling of the knife slowly cutting inside my head, the feeling of losing what I thought was mine...and I remember that during all this...he continued to blame me that my cries were hurting his ear.

But before I could continue I immediately felt a warm sensation around me.

"It alright...my little boy..." Joy murmured as she hugged me tightly.

No...please don't leave me without response...I need them...I deserve them...it the only thing that I had!

"I...I wanted to keep looking at this world...but...sniff...it...I couldn't...it didn't want me to...he didn't allow me to feel joy...he keeps said it was my fault...everything was done wrong because I caused it...I didn't do anything...but...I hope I did...I hope to be wrong..."

"You're not wrong Luciel, he was the one in the wrong."

"Then why...please tell me why?"

She stayed silent, hugging me even tighter.

"Sometimes... sometimes you're not lucky... sometimes you live through things you didn't wish to see, other time someone force you to see it, and you're powerless to change it."

"...so I...weak? Too weak?! My sin was to be weak?! I was hunted down because I was weak? Is that...why?"

This must be why! Yes, it a just new reason! I just need that! I have something...I have it! IT'S MINE!!!

"No...it was because someone else wanted to feel strong, and to do that, he had to bully those who didn't wish to attack him back."

...please...

"...I don't understand...anything...what did I do...what should I have done...why...me?"

"There no absolutely no reason Luciel, I could not bring you any single reason why they had any right to do what they've done to you...but I can give you a million as to why I'm doing all of this."

"...what?"

"You asked me earlier, why was I caring for you, the response to that is very simple. It's because you deserved it."

I...I deserve it?

"After every single bad thing that happened to you, you deserve happiness to compensate."

"But...I'm not...it not..."

"You're not allowed? Well, now you are."

"What?"

"You're no longer obligated to follow any of your father's orders anymore, as you're now under our custody! Understood."

"But...but...he..."

Then...then I lost? I lost it? The reason...then why am I alive?

"Understood?"

...because someone wants to see me alive.

"...sniff...yes..."

I hugged her back with all the force I could. I didn't know why I was doing this...but I liked it...

"There, don't worry, everything is going to be fine."

She patted my back with a smile...a smile that I liked.

"Kyu..." Pandora whimpered under me, trying to also hug me as best he could.

And for the first time in my life...I had a new reason to live.

***

I continued to cry on Nurse Joy for at least one whole hour, but not once did she appear to be tired of me, simply cuddling me until I became too tired to even stand straight.

At this point, Joy helped me lower my head safely on the pillow with a calm smile, but this time, I didn't notice an air of concern, only joy.

"I'm sorry..."

"Oh please Luciel, don't apologize again, we made so much progress about that." She said jokingly.

"...but I'm sorry to have dirtied your outfit."

Joy was surprised and looked at her shoulder I cried just to realize it was covered by blood.

I couldn't cry anymore, but blood could still flow out if I didn't control it movement.

"Don't worry Luciel, I can't easily clean that. Now, let's speak more about what you want?"

"...I want nothing..."

"Yes, you do." You don't have to be shy anymore Luciel, you can be as selfish as you wish to be!"

As selfish as I want?

"...I want poképuff."

I looked at her just to make sure it wasn't too selfish, but she didn't seem to mind, she even seemed more happy.

She smiled at me before patting my head delicately. "Don't worry, I will make sure to prepare the best one possible!"

Yeah! Ashes poképuff!

I felt all...giddy inside me. It was rare for me to feel it...I like it...I want to like more things!

"You seem happy Luciel, did you think even more promising than poképuff?"

"Yes...now that I know I deserve to be happy, I want to be more selfish than ever! I want everything I deserve!"

"Oh? Like what?"

"Friend! I want to make friends! All the friends possible!" I said excitedly.

The only friend I had previously was Pandora, everyone else hated me because they also believed my progenitor's word!

But now I can make more friends because no one knows about my progenitor word!

"Oh, so does that mean you're still planning on joining the Zenith Academy?"

"Of course! Cynthia is there! And she's my friend!"

Joy seemed conflicted but still continued to pat my head. "Well...I suppose the worst has already passed...but you will still be under my care!"

I nodded without any hesitation, because since she helped me, existing hurt less than usual, and I also liked not being in pain!

"Alright Luciel...then tomorrow is the school first day, so you need to rest now or else you won't be awake during the introduction of the class, nor when you will be introduced to all your classmates."

"Ah! There's no problem then! I can stay awake as much as I want without getting tired!"

She stayed silent before sighing and bringing a chair right beside my bed.

Eh eh...I have a bed! I'm so happy!

"Then Luciel, before going to make more poképuff for you, I will use this opportunity to ask you a question, what type of esper are you?"

"Oh, I'm not an esper, it's just my cu...wait...?"

I'M NO LONGER A CURSE!

Did he lie to me about that too!?

Wait! Of course he did! He lied to me since the start!

So I'm an esper...but I don't understand...he told me esper was always beyond me...but if I'm an esper...then it doesn't make sense.

Right...nothing makes sense...he didn't care to make sense...

Wait!

"Right! My progenitor told me he wasn't a simple esper, but a Divine!"

"...what was his power then?"

"He could levitate...and...throw stuff with his mind...and...and that's all I know..."

"Then he is probably just a psychic esper, and according to your saying, he was at best a level 6 esper.

So he lied about that too! Is there a single thing he said to me that was true?!

...maybe... let's add a rule about that!

Rule 3.1; don't trust anything the Progenitor said!

Good, that's done! Now let's look at...why is she looking at me like that?

She looked at me as if she had an important decision, but after some instant, regained her smile...I was probably misunderstanding something. "No need to concern ourselves about this vile fiend anymore, now what is important is you!"

I nodded to her commentary, and it made her smile even more. "Now before starting, I want to make clear that he didn't give you an incorrect explanation of what an esper is!"

Right, I can't trust a single thing he said anymore!

"An esper is a human who was born with one of the eighteen elemental powers, and each one is delimited by 10 ranks which corresponds to the degree of power they have. 1 being the lowest, and level ten are the Archon of their element.

Now, the type of their element will decide what ability they will gain and it always has a central point, a core if you prefer. It can sometimes be a real aspect or a concept. Sadly, while some have well-known abilities, others are completely unknown to me.

First is the normal type, which deploys its power from its heart, it can deploy power similar to other types, but none are quite as effective as the original. They do have a specific power, however, and it is to speak to pokemon. They are not the most common esper but they represent 5% of the population.

Then there is the psychic type, which is without any doubt the most numerous esper type. If you meet any esper, there is an 80% chance they are psychic. But their power is often the power to control things from a distance with their brain.

After this is 10% of the esper population, the ghost type esper! Their power revolves around their soul and can allow them to see other people's souls, but most importantly, see ghosts.

Finally, representing 1% of the esper population, the dragon esper! They takes their power from their might. They can use it to control pokemon and even boost their power. Another power is to have access to knowledge, but it is very rare even among their clan members.

The rest of the esper type have extremely few members around the world, most of them can be counted on the finger of one hand and are among very influential clans, so almost nothing is known to the general public, and me even less. Some esper types have also disappeared since the age!

For example, the flying esper community has only one member left, and it's Volo. I have no idea about where power comes from, nor what they are, but it has certainly more than just flying."

Due to the number of times where he couldn't stop himself from splashing on the ground...it must mean he is really bad at it.

"So Luciel, among those that I said, do you recognize any of your abilities?"

Mmh...I can't control anything with my brain...my heart as stopped beating a long time ago, I certainly don't have any might and I can't fly.

Am I a ghost esper then?

"If you want my opinion, you are most probably a ghost esper." Joy only encouraged my thinking.

"Kyu. Mi ryu kiki!" Pandora suddenly said while climbing on my head.

Eh? What!

"What did you say Pandora!?"

"Kyu!"

"Really? How?"

"Mimi!"

"Oh...really?" I looked at Nurse Joy who was confused. "Pandora said I'm not a ghost esper, because pokemon have a sense of similarity with esper controlling one of their types. And Pandora doesn't feel it."

I explained to Joy, but instead of her being happy about learning this, or even confused...she was sad...

"Why are you sad Miss Joy?" I asked, but I soon hoped I didn't.

She slowly raised her head to look at my void eye, but she did it so slowly that I almost felt like she really didn't want to look at me.

Usually, I would have accepted this, as it was a basic reaction when looking at me, but with her...I felt sad. I hoped that she at least wouldn't feel disgusted at me.

No... it's not disgust... it's not a concern either...it was...devastation?

"Luciel...ghost esper are sometimes born dead, yet their soul let them keep living, this may appear scary, but it doesn't hurt the person at all. And after some time, their body will become alive as it should ." Some tears started to appear near her eyes.

...oh...oh no...she knows...she will know...

"So please Luciel...tell me...in any way you wish, please tell me you just misunderstood your pokemon. Tell me you're a ghost esper. Because if you're not...then it would mean..." She said tearfully, not even trying to keep her joyful façade.

...I should lie...it would make her happy...and maybe...she wouldn't hate me...

"...you will lie..." Joy said in hesitation, not even daring to raise her head to look at me with hesitation.

"Luciel...tell me...

...how are you still alive?"