NOVEL NEXT 4
With blonde hair and blue eyes, he was a friend Doyun had met through Secretary Kim’s introduction.
At that time, Secretary Kim had felt very sorry for Doyun who had left for America alone. For that reason, he had helped him stay temporarily at an acquaintance’s house, and that connection had continued until now.
It was also Edwin who had lifted Doyun from his listless days.
An aspiring model, Edwin had dragged Doyun to auditions almost daily. When later asked why he had been so caring, he casually replied:
‘If I didn’t do that, you looked like you might die at any moment. …At least when you were mixed in with people, you pretended to be okay. So I dragged you out somehow.’
Looking back, he was a benefactor who had helped him endure difficult times in a foreign land.
Doyun stared at the grammatically messy message and recalled the day he had impulsively returned to Korea.
Upon receiving the unexpected news of his mother’s death, Doyun had left the fitting zone without permission.
Only after the funeral, when Doyun had finally come to his senses and explained the situation, did they sigh and offer superficial condolences.
However, his mother’s death was merely a personal matter, and work was work.
Last month, Doyun had paid the penalty to the agency and brand before initiating contract termination procedures. It was unexpected when the brand’s chief director personally offered condolences.
He had intended to return to America after the 49-day memorial service. But even now, three months later, Doyun had not returned to America.
Though there was no reason to stay in Korea anymore, strangely, he couldn’t bring himself to leave.
“I will go back, but now… not now, Eddie.”
Staring at Edwin’s message, Doyun muttered in a voice filled with lingering attachment. He knew he should return to America, but his mother, who had unfailingly visited his dreams last night, kept appearing in his mind.
Occasionally, he dreamed of working alongside his mother.
She, who had never hugged him first even once, was incredibly affectionate in his dreams. She smiled brightly at whatever he did and proudly introduced him to others.
Then, as he was about to wake from the dream, they would gaze together at a billboard towering in the dark night sky. There, an advertisement they had filmed together would play, and his mother would offer a bright smile, thanking him for keeping their promise.
When the video ended, he would inevitably wake from the dream. Though he tried to continue the dream forcibly, it was all in vain.
Having been immersed in his promise with her for a while, Doyun naturally decided to fulfill her last wish and final promise. Rather than spending time without motivation, this way he felt he could meet his mother more honorably someday.
As if cutting off his thoughts, a vibration rang in his hand. Doyun lightly swiped the screen with his fingertip.
[ED. Renner: Anyway, you’re coming this month, right?]
Below the cautious message was an emoji pretending to cry. Imagining Edwin with his eyes drooping, Doyun couldn’t help but smile.
Contrary to Edwin’s expectations, Doyun replied that he would stay a bit longer. Though Edwin sent many question marks asking what that meant, Doyun mentioned his promise with his mother and didn’t back down.
[Me: I’m thinking of doing everything my mother did.]
[Me: Like standing in brand campaigns she was an ambassador for, or commercials.]
[Me: Even to the point of minor roles in drama series where she was once the lead.]
His busy thumb suddenly stopped moving. He suddenly realized that his decision was impulsive and childish.
“…But if not now, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”
He didn’t want to live like that anymore. Doyun reaffirmed his resolve and tapped the screen again.
[Me: I want to be with her by following her footsteps, even if it’s like that]
[Me: Eddie, I believe you’ll understand]
[Me: Right?]
Doyun sent the message with a gentle smile. There was no reply for a while, and just as he was about to make some coffee, a message popped up as if telling him not to go.
[ED. Renner: Whether I understand or not, you’ll do it anyway]
[ED. Renner: It’s not like you do things one by one]
[Me: Not one by one, but day by day]
[ED. Renner: Right. Anyway, that]
[ED. Renner: I’m upset because of you, Doyun :(]
At Edwin’s message, Doyun weakly raised the corners of his lips. Though faint, it was his first smile of the day.
“I’ll have to buy him a drink later.”
Otherwise, he’d whine for months. Doyun left a message apologizing to him and shook his head.
As he put the phone on the table and stood up.
Buzz-.
Short vibrations rang several times. Thinking Edwin couldn’t wait and had called, he checked his phone.
However.
[Han Yujae: Hello, Seo Doyun.]
[Han Yujae: This is Han Yujae.]
[Han Yujae: I’m texting to check on you since there’s been no contact.]
[Han Yujae: If you’re still in Korea, I’d like to meet you. Can we talk briefly?^^]
“……”
After checking the messages, Doyun froze. It was because he saw the name that had shaken him three months ago.
His cloudy eyes trembled. He felt overdramatic for being so affected by just a name.
He recalled Yujae handing him a business card three months ago, telling him to contact him. Even thinking it was just casual talk, Doyun couldn’t let go of the card for days.
But contrary to his long hesitation, Doyun hadn’t made any contact. Each day was already overwhelming with his own situation; there was no room to cling to an unfulfilled first love.
He thought he would be forgotten, yet somehow Yujae had obtained his contact information.
Doyun read and reread his messages in bewilderment. The serious yet kind tone, different from what he knew, felt quite awkward.
Suddenly, he recalled their first meeting. That day, his father, who had been bothering Doyun, had finally come to school.
Doyun had impulsively hidden on the emergency staircase to avoid his father. However, there was already someone who had made their nest there before Doyun.
‘Hello, friend.’
‘……’
‘If you’re going to cry, do it quietly. You’ll get me caught too.’
Han Yujae, who had become a topic online as the only son of the Haedam Group, and whose face Doyun only knew in passing—that was the first time he had spoken to Doyun.
He was leaning against the stair railing with ice cream in his mouth, humming softly.
Finding Doyun’s startled appearance amusing, he wiggled the ice cream in his mouth, looking quite pleased.
Later, when they ended up in the same class, Doyun started eating lunch with him instead of always eating alone. As they engaged in small talk, he gradually began to open his heart.
Then one late winter night, an unforgettable accident occurred to Doyun, who had gone to Busan secretly to see his mother.
While trying to stop her from impulsively crossing a crumbling railing, they both fell together.
When he barely regained consciousness, his grandfather visited Doyun, blamed him, and urged him to cut off contact with his mother. Because of this, Doyun had to be alone again.
With nowhere to lean on, Doyun impulsively called Yujae, his only friend. Although he didn’t know what Yujae thought at the time, with just one word about how hard things were, Yujae had rushed all the way to Busan for him.
It was probably around that time when he began his unrequited love that didn’t fit his status.
“…I shouldn’t have been greedy.”
Doyun quietly muttered while looking at the smiling emoticon in the text.
If he hadn’t confessed without knowing his place, if he had literally known his boundaries, they could have maintained a good relationship even now.
That thought brought out a sigh full of lingering attachment.
At nineteen, experiencing love for the first time, Doyun had expressed his feelings to Yujae with an awkward confession. However, Yujae merely raised the corners of his lips without accepting him.
‘Well, I think I’m quite content with how things are now.’
‘Now, meaning…’
‘If I had to define it, wouldn’t we be friends? The kind that get along just right.’
He wished Yujae had firmly rejected him instead. Just by leaving room for possibility, Doyun couldn’t let go, thinking “what if.”
Those around him regarded Doyun, who was being strung along, as pathetic.
They said Han Yujae was just playing with him, that since he knew Doyun liked him but wouldn’t accept him, wasn’t it obvious that Yujae didn’t think Doyun was worth it?
Even after hearing such words, Doyun couldn’t easily give up on Yujae.
Through Yujae’s initiative after learning about Doyun’s feelings, they began to engage in physical contact, and that contact increasingly deepened, frequently crossing the line of friendship. Doyun, who harbored false hopes because of Yujae’s attitude—neither pushing him away nor fully accepting him—grew increasingly tired.
Doyun also couldn’t endure the reality that was darkening day by day due to overlapping difficult circumstances. That’s how his contact with Yujae was cut off through an unexpected departure to America.