Chapter 45: Chapter 43 : Start of a dance, and past sins
Aemon Targaryen (109 A.C Eleventh)
Dragonstone Dragonglass caves.
"Well, as I told you, the Dance of the Dragons was between you and Aegon II. The war started with ravens and messengers sent out across the realm."
He paused. He was about to tell Rhaenyra of her son's death. He looked into her eyes and took her hand, and she allowed him to take it. "You sent two of your sons out on their dragons, Jacaerys Velaryon and Lucerys Velaryon." Both his wife's eyes sprung up.
"Yes, you were married to a Velaryon, and I suppose you both know whom I mean?" He asked them.
"Laenor? But you know his preferences. How was Rhaenyra married to him." Laena replied.
"Hmm, after the Stepstones, the Velaryons were in talks with the Sealord of Braavos about an alliance that would bring even greater power to Lord Corlys, and his relationship with the Throne was icy at best then. So to counter that and to quell rumors about you." He answered as he looked from Laena to Rhaenyra. "You were married to Laenor."
"What rumors?" She asked.
'Oh, shit.' He took a deep breath and spoke. "Before your marriage to Laenor, you were allowed to choose your own husband, probably as recompense for your father marrying Alicent. Yet you took rather long and even had a tour of the Realm. At some point after Daemon returned, the rumors about you started." He paused, "Sorry to say this, but they weren't good." He said with a grimace and stroked Rhaenyra's hair.
"Tell me." She demanded.
He nodded, "There were several accounts, one by Septon Eustace, stated that you lost your maidenhead to Daemon after he seduced you."
Rhaenyra and Laena both grimaced in disgust.
"Then there was the court fool, Mushroom, whose accounts were… worse."
"Mushroom the Dwarf, the court fool, who makes us laugh occasionally?" He nodded hesitantly and tightened his arm around her Rhaenyra's question.
"Oh, that little bastard," Rhaenyra said, and then her eyes widened, and she quickly apologized. "Sorry, I didn't mean-"
"It's okay. I know you didn't mean it that way." He reassured her.
"Well, he states he taught you the art of seducing and pleasuring a man. He goes on to say that you did this so you could seduce Ser Criston and that you were in love with him. Eustace doesn't say that but instead says Ser Criston confessed his love to you and wanted you to run away with him, but you refused. After these events and under the storm of these rumors, you married Laenor. Ser Criston was your sworn shield before going to Alicent's camp, supposedly bitter over your rejection. In the tourney held for your wedding, Ser Criston mortally wounded Ser Joffery Lonmouth, Laenors' alleged lover at that time," He sighed and closed his eyes.
Rhaenyra noticed his voice was getting a bit scratchy and handed him a water skein which he took gratefully. "How? I would never lay with either Daemon or Ser Criston, and why did he make it on our Kingsguard if you knew all this about him?"
"Because he earned it during our tryouts, and the Ser Criston of today, isn't the person of that time. Now he has fulfillment and friends. He is someone I trust, a brother in arms, someone I fought with during the Stepstone War. In many ways, I understand him quite well. As I said, in my previous life I was in a similar situation to his. He is an outsider as he's part Dornish and of a minor house, and I was a bastard born in Dorne."
He looked from her to Laena, his mouth set in a hard line and his eyes intense. "Both he and I had to fight for everything we ever gained. I became Lord Commander of the Watch and later King in North, and that was all before I knew I was a Targaryen. I earned my place then, and so has he now," He stated sternly.
"Alright, Aemon, I see your point," Rhaenyra assured him, before looking at Laena to see her nod in agreement..
"It's a good thing you have someone you can trust, and you found a bond with him. I'm happy to understand that." Laena added.
"Good," he said gratefully. "As I said, you married Laenor because of these rumors. Over a period of ten years, you gave birth to three sons, Jacaerys, Lucerys, and Joffery Velaryon. However, soon after the children's birth, rumors about their parentage swirled around the realm like a blizzard, as all three had brown hair, eyes, and pug noses. None of the three children of Valyrian-looking parents had any of the unique Valyrian features.
It was rumored that they were the children of Ser Harwin Strong. However, it could also be that they looked that way because of their shared ancestry of Arryn and Baratheon, they might have looked different. The maesters could have exaggerated or outright lied about their appearance even further, damaging your status. They hold no love for our family and their disdain for women is well known. You were not considered the rightful queen in the annals of history." He ended, and they both nodded. He looked into Rhaenyra's eyes and saw t how it pained her.
"I'm so sorry, my love. For me, you and Laena will always be my queens." He assured them both as he kissed Rhaenyra's forehead, then Laena's, who returned the favor upon them each in turn.
"Thank you, I know," Rhaenyra said, smiling sadly.
"This conflict of their parentage is partially what started the civil war between our family. If I recall correctly, in around 120 A.C, during your funeral Laena, as you had just died of childbed fatigue." He murmured sadly to Laena, grasping her hand before he turned back toward Rhaenyra.
"Your three sons fought with their uncle, Aemond, a future child of Alicent, and your father. He supposedly called them bastards or Strongs to their faces, and in the scuffle, Lucerys slashed Aemond's right eye, partially blinding the boy, and resulting in his epithet, Aemond One-Eye. This incident was after Aemond claimed Vhagar, the largest dragon at that time, Balerion had died in 94 A.C. So after that, our family became even more frosty." He ended.
"I can't even really blame them for being frosty, one of my sons cut out the eye of their kin. Although he shouldn't have claimed my sons were bastards, either." Rhaenyra added.
"True, it's what caused the fight, and a small childish argument turned into a thing of horror." He added sadly.
"So, in 130 A.C., the Dance of the Dragons began, and the ravens and messengers were sent out. That was Jacaerys and Lucerys, as they were princes of the realm. It showed you in a better light than sending a common messenger. Jacaerys went to the Vale and The North, while Lucerys had an easier route to Storm's End to treat with Boros Baratheon."
"That was wise, the Baratheons are my mother's kin. I suspect Lucerys received a warm welcome?" Laena added.
'Oh, if only that were true, perhaps the war would have ended differently.' He thought before he spoke.
"He didn't It was said that when Lucerys arrived on Arrax, his dragon, Vhagar, gave an answering roar that shook the foundations of Storm's End. Her presence there meant one thing: Aemond was there to secure Storm's End for Aegon II." He took a breath and closed his eyes before continuing.
"Lucerys didn't turn around, as he was your messenger, so he did his duty. He presented your message to Lord Boros, who is illiterate and had to rely on the measter to read the letter you sent. Unfortunately what was in the message, history does not tell. Let's say Boros Baratheon wasn't pleased." He paused for a second.
"They aren't going to break Guest, Right?." Rhaenyra questioned.
He flinched then, 'fucking Guest Right, what good did it do Robb.' He thought bitterly.
"What is it, Aemon? What happened," Laena asked, misliking the look on his face.
"Borros answered, 'Remind me of my father's oath?' And said that Aemond at least came with a marriage pact."
" So boy, which one of my daughters will you wed? He questioned Prince Lucerys. However, Lucerys was already betrothed to Rhaena Targaryen, your daughter." He said as he looked at Laena with a smile.
"A good son, not breaking that arrangement, not even for the Stormlands," Rhaenyra added.
"He was good for that, but goodness doesn't always save you or protect you from evil. So Lucerys refused and left Storm's End during a storm. What happened next is debatable. It is said that Marris, the youngest of Borros's daughters, goaded Aemond into going after Lucerys. Others say there was already a scuffle in Storm's End, and Aemond chased Lucerys but was stopped by Borros, as he didn't want bloodshed in his halls. He was quoted to have said, 'It is not for me to tell you what to do when you are not beneath my roof.'
"So, in the end, Aemond on Vhagar chased Lucerys. He might have escaped being younger and quicker, but the storm and Vhagar's might was too much for him, and in the end, Vhagar got her jaws around Arrax's neck, biting its head clean off, and with that Lucerys and Arrax's severed body tumbled into the waves of Ship Breaker's Bay below."
"This caused Aemond to be given the disgraceful title of Kinslayer," He ended, leaving both Rhaenyra and Laena gaping in shock.
"I know, Lucerys death caused a dynastic dispute to escalate into a war of annihilation, and soon maybe the most savage event of the war was to be committed." He added and shuddered at the thought of recalling the Blood and Cheese event.
He continued and looked at Rhaenyra, "You were so enraged by the murder of your son you demanded vengeance. After the news of Lucerys' death reached Daemon, he sent you a message from Harrenhal where he was gathering support for your claim: 'an eye for an eye, a son for a son', the message said.
" He conspired with the help of a disgraced former Goldcloak, and a ratcatcher in the Red Keep to exact terrible vengeance." Rhaenyra's eyes widened, and Laena clutched her arm, bracing for what would come.
"Two assassins, Blood and Cheese, were sent into the heart of King's Landing. They managed to infiltrate the castle and take Alicent's daughter, Helaena, and her children hostage. Jaehaerys, Jaeharra, and Maelor were their names. They were Helaena and Aegon's. The horror of what they did next is something that haunts the memories of all who knew of it. They forced Helaena to choose which of her sons would die, if she wouldn't choose they would kill all three, she tried to offer herself but it was no use." He didn't know how, but he continued as he looked at his horror-stricken wives.
"Helaena chose, her youngest son who was two namedays, instead of her older boy. Cheese is known to have said to Maelor, 'You hear that little boy, your mama wants you dead.' But instead of killing the younger boy, Blood cut off Jaehaerys' head with a single blow." Aemon ended.
"No, this is far worse than what happened with Lucerys! This wasn't justice. Those boys, Jaehaerys and Maelor, and Helaena were innocent, and Aemond was to blame, not his nephews or Helaena." Rhaenyra shouted up as she stood, shaken.
"I know, but it's what happened. I'm sorry for recalling it." He said, taking her into an embrace. Rhaenyra sobbed into his chest then.
"We can't let this happen again, promise me." She asked, sobbing.
"I couldn't ever do that, order senseless violence, killing innocents in rage. I committed kinslaying because my kin burned an entire city to the ground, with men, women, and children all still inside." He added.
Rhaenyra broke away from him and, together with Laena, looked at him in confusion. It was out. He had confessed his greatest sin. "What do you mean, Aemon?" Laena asked, her voice also cracked as she tried to comprehend the Blood and Cheese event.
"I told you I was killed, and I was the last of my kin. Not long before that, there was someone else: my aunt, my father's sister, Daenerys Targaryen. I killed her after she burned King's Landing down to its foundation stones. A million people lived in the city at that time. She burned them, and she started it when her own men were still in the city. I barely escaped the flames."
He added, the rage and pain of that moment returning. "What was worse, the city had surrendered, and we had broken the army defending it. Yet she massacred them all, and to my shame, my own men joined in the rampage. The War of the Five Kings had driven a hatred into them, into the North, for those of Lannister stock, for those of the South in general." He breathed as he was getting sweatier and started breathing harder than before.
Rhaenyra held his hand, "Just breathe, Aemon, and tell us the rest."
He did and resumed his horrible tale, "So, after that, I got her alone in the throne room, with only the Iron Throne still standing. She stood in front of the Throne, touching the damn thing. What was worse, she looked pleased. Rage and hate had consumed the kind, willful, and passionate woman I had come to love. I remember exactly how that conversation went." He heard his own bitter tone then.
Flashback.
After the burning of Kingslanding 304 A.C.
Throne Room
Ash and snow covered the damn Throne Room and centered in it was the monster that caused all this misery. The death, the burning flesh, he could still smell it, the air. In front of him stood the woman he once loved, but that spell had broken with her reaction to his parentage. He still had hope for a change in her, but the deaths of Rhaegal, Missandei, and Jorah had pulled her further away, and a few hours earlier, the damn world came crashing down further than it already had.
"A wonderous thing is not? What our ancestors built. I saw it before, in a vision in the House of the Undying. Seeing it for real, is almost too much to comprehend. I've waited years for this. The first time I heard of it was from my brother, who told me it was built with a thousand swords from Aegon's enemies. His eyes would shine brightly, wanting to see it again, yet he never would. But we did it, the last of our house, standing where we should have been standing since we were born." Daenerys said, her voice full of awe and not racked with grief as he expected, no, hoped for.
"Do you know what you have done? Or did you come in here to flee from it?" He questioned harshly.
"I do not understand," she replied, eyes full of confusion.
"Do not understand? I walked here through the ruins of the damn city you burned, the damned people had surrendered, and you burnt them anyway, women and children alike." He shouted, enraged and confused.
"Cersei used them against me. They chose her, and now they've paid for that choice. The world cannot hide behind mercy. To survive, the world must know what will happen if you betray me." She answered.
He closed his eyes and thought in despair. 'Betray you? The damn citizens didn't even know you, didn't even have a choice!' Who don't know any better.'
"Oh, betrayed you, is it? The man that raised me was beheaded here, and by the accounts of my sisters, they cried out for his execution, enjoying the damn spectacle. Yet they were told he was planning to usurp the Throne, that he was a traitor. Later they rioted against that cunt Joffery, and after, they were all told you would come and burn them all. Well, it seems they were right to fear you, and now you tell me there is no need for mercy?" he spat with disgust.
He growled at her, "Tell me, Dany, what does this world look like for you? Bow or burn?."
"That is our way, Fire and Blood. Aegon forged the realm with fire and blood, so now I will do the same: forge the entire world into something good, something better. They can either bow and live in the new world, the better one, or die in the old. I told Tyrion much the same when I burnt the Tarlys." She replied, and it sent a shiver down his spine. 'What happened to you? Did it even matter?. She forced this choice on me, if only I'd realised sooner.' He thought in dispair.
"A better world," he whispered, his voice hoarse with grief. "At what cost, Dany? At what cost? The children, the innocent... What about them?"
"They were casualties of war," Daenerys replied coldly. "The price of freedom."
He shook his head, unable to comprehend the woman standing before him. "This isn't freedom, Dany. This is fear. This is tyranny."
Daenerys eyes flared with anger, and she took a step toward him, her voice rising. "I am not a tyrant! I am their queen! I will break the wheel that has kept this world in chains for millennia!"
"By becoming everything you swore to destroy? Your people may not have physical chains any longer, but they will still live in chains, in fear of you." He cried incredulously, his voice laced with sorrow.
"You'll break the wheel by ruling through fear and fire? I told the Dany on that beach that if you burn castles and cities, you're just more of the same."
Daenerys looked at him, her expression softening again, her voice almost pleading. "I know you don't understand now, Aemon. You don't see the future I see. One land, one people, no more wars. But one day, you will. You're part of this, of our family. Together, we can build a new world, a better world. Please… join me." She was so close to him.
'Curse the gods for making him do this. Why did it have to be him? Let me die after this. My heart is nothing but dust, anyway,' He thought bitterly.
He took hold of her, "Please, for me, reconsider. I love you, Dany. You are my family." He said as his voice croaked.
"I…" She said as he held her cheek and he looked into her purple eyes.
"Please." He pleaded again.
"I can't, not anymore." She said, yet there was a small crack in her voice.
"I'm sorry," He said as he kissed her deeply . She wanted it, meeting his embrace eagerly.
And then it stopped, as he plunged his dagger into her chest and through her heart.
Daenerys' eyes widened in shock, the smile fading from her lips as she gasped for breath, her hand grasping at his as if trying to pull him closer.
"I'm sorry," He said as the tears rolled down his face.
"Aemon, I'm sorry," She gasped as she collapsed into his arms, her strength fading as her life slipped away. Her eyes, once filled with fire and passion, dimmed as the light left them. Her body went limp, and he cradled her against his chest, his heart breaking as he felt the last breath leave her.
For a long moment, he knelt there, holding her lifeless body, surrounded by the ruins of the world she had tried to build through destruction.
The throne room was silent except for the distant crackle of flames and the soft whisper of falling ash and snow. He closed his eyes, unable to bear the sight of what he had done, the weight of his choice crushing him.
The foundations of the Red Keep shook with a dragon's roar.
End Flashback.
'There it was. He told them how he killed the last of his kin.' He thought as he stared at them both in fear of rejection, of seeing disgust in their beautiful eyes.
"Oh, Aemon, I can't imagine what it felt like to be forced to do that," Laena said and embraced him, and he finally broke, sobbing.
"I didn't want to do it," he explained, almost frantic in needing them to understand. "She was too far gone," he cried, his face buried into Laena's shoulder.
"We know, Aemon," Rhaenyra soothed as she hugged him, too.
"By all the gods, I thought I had forgiven myself for what I did. Balerion even helped me break through that grief and heartbreak. My old friend helped quite well with it. He might be the oldest being around." He said after they broke apart.
"Balerion?" Rhaenyra asked, confused.
"Yes, he has been my support since I was born. I can speak with him through our bond. Weren't either of you confused about how I could make Valyrian steel and the other arts lost since the Doom?" He asked them, and both their eyes seemed to pop out heads.
"What, how is that possible?" Laena inquired.
"I'm not sure myself. I suppose it has to do with the fact that Balerion's inner flame, which keeps the dragons living, was infused with mine. It allowed him to heal from his wounds, and that's why Baelrion was able to fly past the wall, and can now breathe fire and ice. Because I am fire and ice, it's part of the song, the same one Viserys told us about. Jaehaerys, during the great council, told me about the song. He believed by then it was about me, and from my line would come the one that would bring the darkness to an end." He said.
"What is ironic is the damn dagger your father carries." He laughed as he looked at Rhaenyra. "Is the same damn dagger that slit my throat when I was killed, and that my sister used against the Night King to shatter its body but not destroy what was within."
" You know what it's said in Valyrian runes: from my blood to come the promised Prince, who will be the song of Ice and Fire. The damn reason why Aegon came west and united the Kingdoms. Not that it mattered in the end. We all tore each other to pieces, and perhaps by then we deserved to fall." He added, his voice full of melancholy.
"It did matter. Do you truly think the gods would send you back if they thought humanity didn't deserve life? If they thought you didn't deserve it?" Rhaenyra's voice trembled with emotion as she cupped his face, her fingers trembling slightly.
"You've done the impossible, Aemon. People believe in you. We believe in you." She said as she looked at Laena, who nodded.
"You restored the Black Dread's strength when everyone thought it was lost forever. You've brought back our ancestry, brought peace to the Stepstones, and saved countless lives from slavery and death. How can you think any of that was for nothing?"
His eyes widened, her words echoing in his mind like a distant memory, similar to something he once said long ago to Daenerys. Half-dazed before shaking the memory away.
"Rhaenyra, I know what you're saying," he replied, his voice low, almost resigned. "But when I was rotting in that cell, when the Unsullied locked me up, half-starved and forgotten, hope felt like a distant dream. I wasn't sure what was to happen, only that Westeros was still in chaos. As I said before, I know what has happened to the world I left." He said as he looked down.
'Recalling all that happened to him was harder than he expected. Speaking of loves once lost, not being able to see them again. Yet, here he was, living a life he always wanted. He felt happy and content. While, the world he left had fallen into chaos and death. Why am I allowed to live when so many others weren't?' He thought guilty.
Rhaenyra broke him out of his thoughts. "What now? I know you have hope. Otherwise, you wouldn't have loved us. You wouldn't have opened your heart to us. You wouldn't have brought Arya and Aegon into the world," her face was stern though her voice was filled with love.
"Aemon," Laena whispered, stepping closer, her hand gently resting on his cheek. "You have gone through something probably nobody has ever done before. I know you feel guilty. I see it all over you, even if you say you forgave yourself. Not all of you has. Just know, we don't blame you for it."
"I thought I had forgiven myself, but it seems I haven't let it go even now, after almost eight and ten years. If I'm honest, I still see her in my dreams occasionally, the fear in her eyes and the regret. Only a moment between when she passed and said she was sorry. I knew then I had broken through her barrier, but she was gone. No more time to talk, say goodbye, or say I forgive you. I just felt regret and an emptiness inside of me. Although that has been refilled slowly over the years I lived this life." He said with a shaky breath.
"Aemon," Rhaenyra began softly, her voice steady but filled with emotion. "You've had a past that probably nobody could even imagine. You've tried and made peace with so much of it, but I know… I know some things will never truly leave you. They are part of how you are and shape you into who you are now. And that's alright. It doesn't make you weaker or less worthy of the life you've built."
Laena nodded, her hand never leaving his cheek. "What happened? It shaped you, but it didn't break you. You've come through the other side stronger, even if the scars remain. You need to learn to live with all the pain, to live and love. And you've shown us that you can."
He looked between them, his heart heavy with the truth of their words. 'He had tried to forgive himself as much as anyone could, yet the memory of Daenerys, her fear, and the regret in her eyes would always be with him. But it no longer held him captive. It was a part of his past, a piece of who he was, but it didn't control him anymore.' He thought as he let the pain flow through him.
"I shall try to live with my past. It is part of me and shapes who I am today, just like you said." He said as he looked at Rhaenyra and Laena. "So, perhaps it's time to accept that it is part of me, even though I'd wished I hadn't lived through all that. That past is my past and my life for better and worse." He said as he kissed both his wives on their foreheads.
"I don't know about you both, but I think we should retire and continue this later. I'm quite exhausted from recounting this all. I desire to sleep with both of you at my side." He questioned after he broke them apart.
Laena spoke then. "I agree, let's us retire. I think we all desire sleep, even if it is for a few hours. It's probably past the hour of the wolf."
"Come then, my loves, and let's leave this place of ancient history." He said as they walked away from the ancient gathering place.
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