Lament of the Fallen

The rest of the day was spent mostly catching up. Mneventh explained the recent situation between the participants in the War in Heaven, while Dee told Selvaria stories of her past. At first, she wanted to keep some of the worse things a secret but Selvaria caught on to that pretty fast. After that, Dee was forced into recounting the worst things that happened to her first. Selvaria was understandably sad and regretful about what happened when Dee arrived on Pantheon, but in the end that was all in the past. There was nothing that could be done to change things. She also grieved over Xinglong’s death. She had somewhat expected the news almost as soon as she had seen Dee, but the news still left a bitter feeling inside her.

Selvaria for her part explained her life while being trapped, although there was surprisingly little to tell. She had been doing some research most of the time. The rest was spent helping the women she had saved before being trapped, and who had been trapped with her inside her pocket dimension. Although Selvaria could manage almost everything, there were some things that they simply didn’t have access to. The lack of certain medicines and simple aging had taken a toll on the number of people over the years. Many of the women had already been either subjected to violence or disease that left them weak before being saved by Selvaria, so some of them died young despite all the help she could provide. And with no men, no new children were born. The number of people inside the pocket dimension had dropped by almost ten percent over the few decades. For a group being cared for by an immortal mage and a scientist, that was quite a few deaths.

There were still plenty of stories to tell and Dee had only managed to scratch the surface by telling only the shortest version of things, but some things stood clear to Selvaria. “So in the end, you are still planning on taking revenge on the angels? The years have not brought forgiveness.” Her tone was not judging, simply a little sad. The two happened to be alone at the moment, as the others had gone to prepare for their journey back.

“I intend to move against them, but I’m not sure if it could be called taking revenge any longer. I mean, that’s a part of it, but mostly I’m seeking closure and fulfilling my promise to Lumen. I want this business with the angels to come to an end. I don’t think I will be able to have a very peaceful life if I do not, as there will always be a nagging feeling of leaving things unfinished. Once I’m done, I’ll be reaching a point where no one can make demands to me anymore. Perhaps then I can find my own path.” Dee explained.

She had too much of her fate and goals tied with the angels. Even if she left them alone now, they would come after her because of what she was and because of what she had done. Killing the Morningstar did not help in that respect. Even if she was strong enough to not be in danger personally, the angels might target those close to her when she wasn’t around. Better to bring the matters to an end once and for all. If she made an example impressive enough, that would serve as a warning to all those that would harbor ill will in the future.

“And what is your path?” Selvaria asked, genuinely curious. She felt like a true parent wondering about her child’s future.

Dee knew Selvaria asked about things beyond just the list of things she’d like to do. Saying that she’d like to eat everything nice was an answer, but not what Selvaria was truly asking. Even though that truly was one of her major future plans. “Maybe I could find something peaceful to do. I always enjoyed alchemy when I was young, but that too fell by the wayside at some point. I could perhaps pick up an instrument.” She suddenly smiled. “I happen to know a painter. She’ll likely want me to model for her again. I’m not entirely sure, to be honest. I haven’t had much reason to think about it.”

Selvaria nodded knowingly. “I get that. I used to be like that too. So focused on short-term problems and goals that I didn’t know what I wanted to do once it was all over. And that’s not wrong. Focus is important. You’re certainly not alone in this. I just think you should spare the question some thought. I ended up with focusing on research and haven’t regretted it. Well, aside from what happened with the hells and the purge of course. But I have seen people who have turned their ‘mission’ into their sole purpose in life. Once that purpose has been fulfilled, they become adrift. Instead of celebrating their victory, they feel hollow as their life no longer has the all-consuming meaning that has been driving them for all those years. Some end up even taking their own life as nothing makes sense in their life anymore. In their mind, they have peaked and there’s no point in going further. That’s why I want you to have some purpose for what comes after. It doesn’t need to be something you’ll stick with forever, but just something to keep you going until you do find your new purpose.”

That gave Dee pause. The words about people going adrift hit a bit too close home. Those times she’d had time to herself, she had felt just like what Selvaria described, or at least eerily close. “I shall take that under advisement.” She decided a change in subject was in order. “So are you sure you can move this dimensional pocket once we leave? The Astral Sea works in ways that I do not pretend to understand.”

Selvaria chuckled a bit. “This dimension goes where I want it to go. Others might have trouble moving it against my will, but I do not suffer from that problem. You promised me I could move the entrance to your mountain, and it seems time for me to return anyway. I’ve been cooped up here for long enough. If you’re going to make a move against the angels, then as your mother it is my duty to help. Besides, you’re never going to get Mneventh to go back to the Astral Sea. He can stay here while we go back to the White City.”

“Speaking of, I’m not so sure the Assembly will be too thrilled to have him in the White City either.” Dee grumbled.

“Well, he’s just going to become a hermit again now that he achieved his goal with you and me. He won’t take part in the war unless we’re in danger. Might as well have him become a hermit right here where we can have him come out if necessary. Besides, he seems to be getting along with that Hyacinth fairly well. At the very least they haven’t killed each other just yet.” Selvaria said while tapping her cheek in thought.

“Not for lack of trying…” Croestia commented. The pendant still wasn’t quite used to speaking with others besides Dee, but knowing that Selvaria was her previous owner helped.

“That reminds me! Pendant, do you want the memories of your old life back? I mean, they would be from my perspective and not yours, but we were together for so long that the difference isn’t major. I don’t want to push; I’m just saying the option is there. I would mention though that the sheer amount of memories would have an impact on your personality, but it might help you recover some of your old abilities as well.” Selvaria stated, looking straight at Croestia.

Croestia, in turn, was quiet for a long time. She was a little tempted, but also worried. “Dee?” She finally asked the opinion of her current owner.

“That’s entirely up to you. I will not weigh in one way or another. The old you was my friend as are you now. Do not accept or reject it for my sake. Only if you want to do it yourself. By the way, did you never name Croestia when you had her? I just remember calling her pendant.” The last question was for Selvaria.

Selvaria smiled a little secretively. “That’s between me and the old pendant I’m afraid. Let’s just say that whether I named her or not, there was a reason that will stay between us. Anyway, you do not have to decide right now. As I said, I was just making you aware of the possibility.”

As the day had been heavy both physically and emotionally, Dee was rather glad to retreat back to her childhood room to rest. As she said her night prayers though, she was immediately whisked away to the realm of the gods, this time Lumen’s realm. She had actually been trying to reach Umbra to talk about becoming the focus, but this seemed important. Last time she had been here, the goddess had given her the opportunity to admire the resplendent realm filled with light, but now she was placed right in front of the distraught goddess.

She didn’t even get the chance to talk before Lumen launched off on her tirade. “The bloody God of Order has finally done it! He’s blaming my people for the destruction of the gateways and now anyone still faithful to me gets hunted down like a criminal! I need your help, Dee. I know you have little reason to care about the death of angels, but I’m begging you. Please help me save the few that are still loyal.”

“Do you have a plan or are we just panicking?” Dee asked a little stunned. She wasn’t prepared to say yes or no, just trying to gauge the situation.

“No, I don’t have a plan! I’d love to have one, but my remaining children are dying. That makes planning a little hard. The best I can come up with is to have you enter Paradisia from my realm and put a stop to it. That’s not exactly a refined plan, but it’s the best I’ve got for now.” The goddess was clearly panicking.

Dee tapped her chin in thought for a moment. “We need time. I have some ideas about how I can accomplish the original mission you gave me, and they can probably be used to resolve your current dilemma, but I can’t pull something like this off hastily. Your idea about using your realm for me to enter Paradisia is something that I can work with though. I assume you have a way of contacting Nasir-Sin?”

“Why? To answer, yes I do, but I’ll need a reason.” Lumen replied. Making plans was not outside her expertise but gods usually didn’t have to work on a timescale of days. Especially gods that focused on stability and light like her. She knew her Champion was much better at it. She could come up with the same ideas, it would just take several precious days or weeks to do so.

“Have him put a leash on his servants for a short time. Use a bit of carrot and a stick for good measure. Threaten him that I’ll kill him if he doesn’t give you time, or something. For the carrot, you can promise to reveal the identity of the real culprit behind the attack. Of course, you won’t do so until after all this is over.” Dee told the goddess.

“I should probably mention that Eternity told us to keep you away from Nasir-Sin. If you kill the God of Order, Eternity will have to take measures against you to keep the universe in a relatively balanced state. He’s not thrilled about the idea either, but he made the threat anyway.” Lumen didn’t want to hide that from Dee. It was only fair that Dee was told.

”I kind of expected something like that might come sooner or later. Me killing gods was bound to have consequences. Anyway, does the God of Order know about Eternity’s threat?” Dee focused on the important part.

“As far as I know, no. There’s no real reason to tell him because that would embolden him to push you, and that’s against Eternity’s whole purpose in making the demand.” Lumen replied slightly unsure. She didn’t mention the possibility that either Umbra or Death might have told him if there was a good enough reason.

“Then it doesn’t matter. We’re not really moving against the god, you’re just buying some time. Once he agrees, start pulling all the angels loyal to you inside this realm of yours. You told me angels are not usually allowed inside this palace. Well, it’s time to change that. They will be safe here for a time I think, and I need that time. The more time you can provide me the better. I have a plan. Well, I have several actually. I think I just found a way to move your people somewhere safe once I can come here physically.” Dee gave a curt outline.

“I could arrange something like that, but I can’t completely eliminate the possibility of some angels worshipping Nasir-Sin from entering. Not the important ones, but those that still worship us both. If that happens, it is only a matter of time before more of them can enter. I can only buy a few months with this plan. After that, my realm will be compromised and Nasir-Sin might be able to attack directly.” Lumen agreed after a moment of consideration.

“That should be enough. Now send me to Umbra. The sooner we get this done, the sooner we will be able to solve your problem.” Dee found herself in the garden of darkness before her words were even fully out. Apparently the Goddess of Light was quite eager.

“There you are.” Umbra’s voice came from the side. “I see my sister informed you on the latest developments.”

“I see you’re not all that phased.” Dee countered.

“Why would I be? Everything is going perfectly as far as I’m concerned.” Umbra shot back with a smile.

“So you really did want me to deal with the Morningstar. I knew it.” Dee gave a dejected sigh.

“Well, any of the options would’ve been fine with me. It’s the old dilemma. Will you take the easy way out by killing someone close to you? Or will you take the harder road by killing the Morningstar? Or, and this would have been the really interesting choice, will you condemn the demons currently trying to rebuild by killing the only one currently alive capable of creating a new hell, thus condemning a whole people for your own benefit? I’m actually a little disappointed you didn’t go with the last one, but this works too.” Umbra had an infuriating smile on her face.

“Would it have mattered in the long run?” Dee asked.

“For you? Not really. I mean, the choice would reflect your future development as the focus more than anything. Killing your friend would’ve been a sign of your fall into something even I would call evil and condemning others for your own benefit would have been the height of narcissism, but I don’t judge. Those are examples of change and development of sorts as well. Your choice will naturally have some consequences. What those will ultimately be, remains to be seen of course.” Umbra simply shrugged. She wouldn’t have presented Dee with the choice if any of the three choices would’ve been bad for the goddess.

“So what happens now?” Dee questioned.

“Now you get to decide the direction the forces of chaos and change will take. The power will slowly start to gather within you over the next few weeks, and once it has gathered you will start channeling it to the path you pick. Like I said in the beginning, you can choose to be an active leader or a passive one, but the direction you set tonight will carry to the untapped power of change regardless. Before you ask, you can still change that direction later on, but it will not be easy. Especially in the beginning.” Umbra explained.

“And why is that?” Dee asked a little skeptically.

“Well, the power of change has been gathering for a long time now. Not just because there is no focus, but also because the old focus took a very passive stance in things. With very little outlet, the power of change has been gathering, and these last few decades have just made sure that the dam is filled to bursting. Once you poke a hole in that dam, the power will come flooding out. Once the flood has passed, then you can direct the current more easily.” Umbra gave a wide smile. There was more of course.

“So let me see if I’m getting this right. There’s a ton of power just waiting to be unleashed, which I assume will empower you to no end. This while Lumen is especially weak and the gods are divided. And I’m guessing that if I do complete the mission Lumen has been asking from me that will also be playing into your hands. Am I missing something?” Dee asked with a slight headache.

“Plenty actually, but you’re on the right track. I wouldn’t bother trying to come up with counter plans as once tonight is over I have already reached my goal. Besides, it’s to your benefit as well. As my Champion and the focus, my benefit is your benefit.” Umbra stated with a small smirk.

“Why do I get the feeling this has all been going according to your plans?” Dee asked with suspicion clear in her tone.

“Now that sounds like a very convoluted plan with too many moving parts for any sort of reliability. Which makes it a pretty bad plan. Do I seem like the type to make such bad plans?” Umbra threw the question back.

“No, but you do seem like the type who could stack the board in such a way that no matter how this played out you would benefit. It just so happens we ended up with the reality where you seem to be winning everything. Assuming you had enough time to set things up. And I have a growing feeling that this whole thing has been building up for a long time now. No one is in real control, but someone has been nudging things this way and that just so things collapse in just the right direction.” Dee narrowed her eyes.

Umbra didn’t bother replying. Her Champion wasn’t entirely wrong and this was partly why she enjoyed working with smart people. Of course, Dee was also slightly wrong. Umbra was good at planning, but more than that, she was great at taking advantage of the opportunities that were presented. She was the Goddess of Darkness and Chaos after all. She could also see some patterns in the chaos, and certain ways to guide things. This wasn’t some master plan of hers, but it was the result of her persistent meddling and prodding things in the right ways. Her work was now coming to fruition. In a very short time, she would be the most dominant deity alongside Eternity and Death. If Dee wanted to play along, then the two of them might even be able to rival those two ancient deities. But she was satisfied even if that didn’t come to pass. She wasn’t really interested in defeating them, she just wanted to see if she could reach a point where it was possible. And now she knew it could be done.

“Well. If that is how this will be played, I might as well play along. Let the power of change be channeled through the deep shadows and dark places everywhere. Not malicious and seeking destruction, but neutral, cold and unfeeling.” Since she had already thrown in her lot with the dark goddess by becoming the focus, might as well go all in. Allowing the deity to combine her two facets would make them both stronger.

“I’m so pleased with your decision.” Umbra said, her words broken by a truly happy laughter. She knew they would get along. Soon the shadows on every world would grow longer and deeper, and beings of darkness would start to stir and grow stronger. A whole array of new dangers would move about in that darkness, and the people of light would once again learn to fear the night. As a Goddess of Chaos, she had gone along with the domination of demons and the passion of the malicious beings, but the cold and calculating shadows were truly where her heart belonged.