One-shot
Well, this is something new, isn't it? As it happens, I've come across some excellent Calvin and Hobbes fan-comics by Devorah (twitter link), and I was inspired to write this. (If you can, give Devorah a boost and throw her a tip, her art definitely deserves it!)
I started writing it after I read the second comic, so the characterisation I gave some characters is markedly different than Devorah's, which is the original; you may consider this a recursive fan-fiction of fan-fiction.
I hope you enjoy this story, folks.
So, without any further ado...
“Yes, of course, Mom. Yes, I’ll be careful. I love you.”
I hung up the phone, and sighed deeply. I loved Mom dearly, but sometimes she could be a bit much. Too anxious. Especially since I started living alone, she was always calling me to check up on me.
But I couldn’t really blame her, could I? After all, I was her only child; even though I drove her crazy when I was a kid, even though I made it all but impossible for her to find a babysitter for me, even though I caused lots of damage to our house, she still loved me at least as much as I love her.
But enough reminiscing about the past: I had a party to get to.
I pulled on my jacket and checked myself one last time in the mirror, to make sure everything was in place, then I walked down the hallway and put a hand on the handle of the front door.
And I froze.
I just stood there for what was probably minutes. No matter how much I willed my body to move, my hand just wouldn’t obey.
“Having second thoughts?”
I turned around, and sighed deeply again.
“Yes, actually,” I said.
“Why?”
“Well…” I paused to gather my thoughts. “What if tonight is a disaster? What if everyone hates me? What if they hate what I’ve become – what I am?”
A shrug. “They never seemed to hate you before.”
“They never met the real me.”
“Do you really think so little of your friends?” he shot back. “Do you really think they would be so… backwards?” He tilted his head to the side, as if in thought. “Well, Moe maybe. But what about Susie?”
“Nah, she’s good,” I replied automatically.
He smiled. “See? There’s someone you can look forward to seeing again, at the very least.”
I smiled back. “Thank you, pal. You always know what to say.”
“Of course I do. Tigers always know what to say,” he replied. “Now get up there and show everyone what you got.”
“I will,” I nodded. “See ya later.”
“See ya, kiddo.”
-----
Despite what I said, I was still nervous – understandably so – as I parked my car in the school’s parking lot. I turned off the engine and sat there for several minutes, just looking at the building: I hadn’t been there for several years, but it was still very familiar all the same. I had made lots of memories, most of them good, in these halls.
Alright, no need to dwell on it. Let’s rock.
I grabbed my purse while leaving my jacket in the car – the night was unseasonably warm – and made my way across the courtyard, to the gym, which had been set up to host the class reunion; it was almost unrecognisable, but like the rest of the school, I could remember lots of things which had happened in there.
I looked around, and saw several of my classmates, just milling around, apparently making small talk. Moe was instantly recognisable; over the years he’d become even bigger than he already was, a true hulk of a man, and it looked like he was already drunk out of his mind. (What the hell, Moe? It wasn’t even eight in the evening yet.)
None of my old friends seemed to recognise me, though, simply glancing at me when I entered before returning to their conversations.
Alright. I needed a bit of liquid courage before facing everyone.
I made my way to the refreshments table, grabbed a glass, and poured myself some punch. I gave it a tentative sniff: yes, definitely alcoholic – or spiked. I took a sip as I looked around, trying to plan my next move.
“Excuse me, could you hand me a glass?”
“Yeah, sure,” I replied; I grabbed a glass, and turned towards the speaker. “Here you… go…”
We locked eyes with each other.
“…CALVIN?!”
I gulped, and gave her an unsteady grin. “Uh… It’s Kayla, actually.” I waved at her. “Hey, Suze.”
She looked at me long and hard, mouth open, disbelief evident on her face.
“Wow!” she said finally.
“Yeah.” I laughed nervously, and shrugged. “Go figure, right?”
“I’ll say!”
“Heh, yeah. My mom said the same thing.”
She kept looking at me for a few seconds, then shook her head. “God, I’m sorry, where are my manners?” She stepped forward and wrapped me in a tight hug. “It’s so good to see you again, even though you look much different than I thought you would.”
I smirked. “Why, what did you think I would look like?”
She released the hug and cocked her head to the side, as if in thought. “Well… Short hair. About my height, thin, but not scrawny. You always liked running around everywhere, so I expected you to be reasonably fit.” She paused, then her lips drew back into a smirk that mirrored mine. “Oh, and a man.”
“Yeah, life is full of surprises isn’t it?” I replied with a laugh.
“You said it, sister,” she said, slapping me on the shoulder. “So, when did this happen?”
There was no need to ask what she meant. “Oh, I started about six years ago.”
“Wow! Well, you look amazing!”
I could tell that was a sincere compliment, so I took it. “Thank you,” I said, my cheeks reddening slightly. “To be honest though, I don’t really look that different, do I? I’m always a little nervous the wrong person is going to recognise me.”
“Oh, I’ll just bet, girl,” she said, nodding in agreement.
“Heeeeeey t-there,” said a loud voice, which was then punctuated by a hiccup. “Hi, sweetcheeks. What…” Another hiccup. “What class did we have together?”
I grimaced. “Or not.”
Susie’s expression was matching my own. “Hello, Moe,” she said, turning towards him. “Always charming, I see.”
Moe gave her a drunken smile, looking down at her from his six-foot-six height. “SUSIE!” he bellowed. “It’s so nice to see you! Who’s your friend?”
He was slurring his words pretty badly – he was clearly extremely drunk, and I wondered how he’d managed that: there was nothing to drink except fruit punch, and while that had a bit of alcohol in it, you’d have to drink quite a bit of it before it would have such an effect. Especially on someone of Moe’s size: he was a true slab of beef, and I felt a bit intimidated standing in front of him.
Susie hesitated. “Well, she…” she began, then her eyes darted to me; I imperceptibly shook my head, and she got the message. “You don’t know her. She transferred into our school after you were held back a grade, so you were never in the same class together.”
Moe’s eyebrows rose, and a wide smile crept his way across his face. “Weeeeeeell, if I don’t know her, let me just introduce myself.” He extended a huge hand towards me. “I’m Moe, dah-darling. And you are?”
I hesitantly shook his hand. “Kayla,” I said.
“KAYLA!” he shouted. “Great name!” Then he blinked, and bent over to look at me carefully.
“…What?” I asked.
“Are y-you… sure we haven’t met?” he asked, blinking owlishly at me, clearly trying to drive away the fog of alcohol from his eyes. “I could sh-swear you look familiar.”
I gulped. “No, sorry, it’s the first time.”
He kept looking at me closely, making me really nervous. If he realised who I was…
“You remih-remind me…”
“What the hell are you doing, young man?”
Moe snapped upwards, immediately standing at attention. “Nuh-Nothing!” he said.
Susie and I turned our heads towards the source of the voice; walking towards us, supported by a cane, bent over but still moving remarkably swiftly for someone her age, was a woman I recognised immediately, even though I hadn’t seen her in decades.
“Miss Wormwood!” I exclaimed.
She paused as she passed by me; she looked up at me, and simultaneously reached upwards with her hand, gently cupping my cheek.
“Hello, dear,” she said. “I must say, you look really lovely. And to think you gave me so much trouble.”
I smiled at her. “Yeah, sorry about that,” I said.
She waved her hand dismissively. “Ah, water under the bridge. And hello, Susie, how’s my favourite student?”
“I’m fine, Miss Wormwood,” Susie replied.
Miss Wormwood nodded. “Glad to hear that, glad to hear that. You, on the other hand…” she said, turning towards Moe, who turned pale. “You’re still bothering other people, I see. Wait until I tell your mother.”
“Miss Wuh- Miss Wormwood…” Moe began, but the old woman shook her head.
“I don’t want to hear it,” she said, stepping towards Moe and reaching upwards with her hand, which barely came up to his chest. “Now I’ll…” She paused. “Could you bend over a little, Moe? I can’t quite reach.”
Stunned, Moe complied, and Miss Wormwood grabbed his ear in a vice-like grip, pulling on it in a way which looked quite painful, and starting to drag him away.
“Now we’re going to a quiet corner, where you can sit and think about what you’ve done.” She turned back at us. “Susie,” she said, then looked at me and paused.
“Uh… Kayla,” I said.
Miss Wormwood nodded. “Susie. Kayla. It was wonderful to see you again.”
She turned back around, and dragged Moe away.
Susie and I looked at each other for a moment, then burst out laughing.
“Well, that was awkward,” Susie said.
“Definitely,” I said, nodding in agreement. “But hey, it could’ve gone worse.”
“You think you’re ever gonna tell Moe about you?”
“Maybe,” I replied. “If I run into him when he’s sober, I might consider it.”
Susie grimaced. “Well, good luck with that. I’ve only run into him a few times in town, but he was always drunk. Always.”
“Ouch,” I winced. “Well, that’s a ‘never’ on telling him, then. I don’t trust someone who’s drunk to not react badly.”
“Yeah,” Susie nodded. “But enough about him. Tell me, how many girls from our school were you friends with back in the day?”
I thought about it. “Just you, probably. I was in that ‘girls are icky’ phase I had. Remember G.R.O.S.S.?”
She smiled. “I do.”
“It’s ironic, isn’t it?” I smiled back. “But yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever spoken properly to any of our girl classmates.”
“Well, let’s change that,” Susie said. “Before I ran into you I was speaking to a group I was very close with back then. Come on, let me introduce you to the gang.”
She offered me her hand, and after a moment’s hesitation I took it, and let her lead me off.
-----
“You seriously don’t remember?” Susie asked.
I shook my head. “No, I don’t.”
“Well, let me remind you. What was the capital of Poland until 1600?”
I frowned. “Warsaw? No, that’s the current capital. Krakow, maybe?”
She nodded and smiled. “Krakow. Krakow. Two direct hits.”
My eyes widened, and I smacked my forehead. “Of course! It was a Spaceman Spiff thing!”
“Right.”
It was hours later, after the class reunion party had broken up, and everyone had gone home – or was supposed to: Susie and I didn’t want to call it a night so early, so we’d wandered into town, and were currently looking at each other from across a small hole-in-the-wall pub’s table, each of us nursing a drink, occasionally taking small sips from our glasses.
“Thank you for reminding me,” I said. “Let me just write it down.”
I rooted around in my purse, pulled out a small notepad, and jotted a quick memo on it. “Krakow,” I said. “Okay, that’s one more thing for the book.”
Susie’s eyebrows rose questioningly. “Book?”
“Oh, I’m writing a children’s book. The Adventures of Spaceman Spiff.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “You’re a writer?”
I waved a hand dismissively. “I’m just an amateur, it’s not my day job. But I’m planning on shopping it around to publishers once I have it completed.”
“Huh,” she said. “And what is your day job?”
I smiled. “Patent attorney.”
She blinked. “Like your…”
“…Like my dad, yes,” I nodded. “He showed me his work a few times when I was in high school and college, and it turned out I liked it, so now we work together. It’s actually a pretty good job, I can somewhat set my own schedule, and I can do a good part of it from home, which helped with…” I gestured vaguely at myself.
“Oh,” Susie said. “Yeah, I can see how.” She paused, and seemed to hesitate. “And… How did this happen?” she asked, gesturing at me in turn. “How did you figure it out? If you want to talk about it, of course, we don’t have to,” she added.
I looked at her for a moment, then sighed. “You know, after I got my ADHD diagnosis…” I paused. “Yeah, turns out I had that the whole time?”
She nodded. “Yeah, I kinda suspected,” she replied. When I looked at her in surprise, she jerked her thumb towards herself. “Child psychologist here. I specialise in helping kids like… Well, kids like you were, way back when.”
“Oh really?” I asked, and she nodded again. “That’s great! It’s a really important job, I’m so happy for you.”
“Thank you,” she said; I could see her cheeks were reddening a bit, probably from the alcohol – I was in the ‘comfortable mild buzz’ stage myself.
“So you know how it is,” I went on. “I had trouble keeping my attention on a single thing, I was always jumping around from one obsession to the other. But when I got that under control… Well, everything came into focus. Everything.”
Susie reached across the table, grabbed my hand, and gave it a squeeze. “I’m sorry,” she said. “Maybe if I’d realised it when we were still dating…”
“How could you?” I shrugged. “I hadn’t realised it myself back then. Don’t worry, it’s not your fault.”
She smiled, and squeezed my hand again.
“So tell me,” I said. “I’m in a gossipy mood. How has your love life been since we broke up? Are you seeing anyone?”
Susie blinked at the quick change of subject, but still answered. “Not right now, no. I’m still on the mend from my divorce.”
My eyebrows rose in surprise. “You were married?”
“Yeah, four years ago, but we broke up like three months ago or so.” She sighed deeply. “One of those things where it’s no one’s fault, we just weren’t right for each other, though it took us a while to admit it.”
I nodded. “And who was he? Do I know him?”
“You don’t. We met at college, he’s not from around here.”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
Susie met my eyes, and we smiled at each other.
“My turn now,” she said. “How are you doing in that regard? Anyone waiting for you at home?”
“Of course,” I replied. “Hobbes.”
She laughed. “What, you still have that old thing?” she said.
“Of course,” I repeated. “I’ll never get rid of him. Hobbes is my oldest friend, we stuck with each other through thick and thin.” I paused, and looked down at the table. “He was the only one who stayed with me when I found myself, besides my parents,” I whispered.
There was a short pause.
“I would have,” Susie said.
I looked up at her, and we locked eyes. We gazed deeply at each other, our fingers intertwined, and we started leaning in…
“Last call!” the pub’s owner announced loudly. “Get your orders in, folks!”
Susie and I shook ourselves, and straightened up in our chairs.
“Uh… Do you want anything?” I asked.
She shook her head. “I better not, I still have to drive to get home.” She looked at her watch, and added, “In fact, I think I better get going. I have stuff to do tomorrow morning, I should get to bed ASAP.”
I nodded as she got up from her chair. “It was good to see you again, Suze,” I said.
“You too, Kayla,” she said; she smiled at me and then turned around and walked away.
I watched her leave. She reached the pub’s doors, then stopped, seemingly hesitating.
Then she turned around and walked back to my table.
“Give me your notepad,” she said.
Wordlessly, I handed her my notepad and pen; she scribbled something on a sheet of paper, ripped it out, folded it in half, and handed it to me.
“See you, girl,” she said; she leaned in and gave me a quick peck on the cheek.
Stunned, I looked at her as she gave me another smile, then turned around and left the pub.
I looked down at the note she’d given me; I unfolded, and read it.
It was a phone number.
Below that, she’d written “Call me!” and added a smiling face.
-----
I closed the door behind me. “I’m home!” I announced.
A black-and-orange blur shot down the hallway and tried to tackle me, but I was ready: I grabbed him, and redirected his momentum around, slamming him into a wall; it was just a moment, though, before he pounced and was on top of me again.
Hobbes and I brawled for a couple minutes, until I managed to twist him around and throw him to the ground, pinning him in place with my foot.
“Ha! Yes!” I exclaimed, striking a triumphant pose.
“Alright, alright, I give, I give,” he said, tapping the floor with his paw.
I removed my foot and offered him my hand. “That was very good, though! And you’re still leading fifteen to twelve for the month.”
“Ow, darn,” he complained as I helped him up. “I keep forgetting you’re a big girl now, I can’t just count on brute strength any more.”
“You got that right. You better start thinking about some new tricks.”
Hobbes nodded. “So how did it go?” he asked, as he dusted himself off.
“Very well, actually. Most people didn’t recognise me, but those who did were surprisingly nice,” I answered. “Oh, and I had a nice long chat with Susie afterwards.”
“Susie?” Hobbes said. “Susie Derkins?”
“The one and the same,” I nodded. “She’s really nice.” I paused. “She gave me her number, actually. I think I’ll call her tomorrow.”
He tilted his head to the side. “…Is this what I think it is?”
I blushed a bit. “Maybe. I don’t know. We’ll see.”
“Oh, good for you, kid!” Hobbes exclaimed, slapping me on the shoulder. “Even though this makes us rivals again, you can definitely do worse.”
“Speaking of worse, I met Moe at the reunion,” I said.
“What about him?”
“He tried to hit on me. Called me sweetcheeks and everything.”
His eyes went wide, and then he burst out laughing. “Oh, oh gosh, this is so funny!” he said, between bouts of laughter. “Sweetcheeks! Lord, I wish I could have been there to see it.”
“Satisfy yourself with this story, because I don’t plan on seeing him again any time soon.” I paused. “Good night, Hobbes.”
“Good night, kiddo,” he replied.
He was still chuckling to himself when I went to bed.