Kaleidoscope of Death

Ruan Nanzhu kept that fiery gaze fixed on Lin Qiushi even after he spoke. A bit embarrassed to be stared at like this, Lin Qiushi made to speak, when there came from the entrance the sound of the door opening. He turned and saw Cheng Qianli and Cheng Yixie walking in, grocery bags of all sizes in their arms.

“What are we having for dinner? How about hotpot?” Thick-skinned as he was, Cheng Qianli didn’t notice the odd atmosphere between Lin Qiushi and Ruan Nanzhu at all. In fact, he even pouted after Ruan Nanzhu glared at him. “Why do you glare at me like that, Ruan-ge… I haven’t done anything wrong, at least not recently.”

Ruan Nanzhu didn’t say a word, just got up and left.

Cheng Qianli’s gaze turned toward Lin Qiushi. Lin Qiushi shrugged like he didn’t know anything.

Cheng Yixie scoffed in mocking laughter at the side.

Prickling, Cheng Qianli asked, “the heck are you laughing at?”

Cheng Yixie, “at you being dumb.”

Cheng Qianli, “how am I dumb, how am I dumb?! Even if I’m dumb, it’s because you sucked up all the nutrition that should’ve belonged to me in our mother’s womb. Pay me back, give me back my intellect!”

Cheng Yixie shot Cheng Qianli a single quelling look. The bewailing Cheng Qianli went instantly silent, wilting like a piece of limp lettuce.

“Go wash the vegetables.” Cheng Yixie jerked his chin in Cheng Qianli’s direction, hustling him to the chores in the kitchen.

Cheng Qianli wanted to protested, but after a while of just his lips moving, no words came out. In the end he could only slink after Cheng Yixie with his head down to do as he was told.

The previous matter so abruptly interrupted, Lin Qiushi didn’t quite know how he felt about it. Nowadays, he could actually sort of tell that Ruan Nanzhu treated him differently, but that sort of supposition was too unbelievable—Lin Qiushi couldn’t understand at all why Ruan Nanzhu would feel that way about him, in fact wondering at first if it wasn’t just his own wishful thinking.

After all, couldn’t a man as gorgeous and incredible as Ruan Nanzhu get any girl he wanted? Why would he be interested in a guy as stiff as Lin Qiushi?

It was in moments like this that the importance of prior romance became obvious. As someone who’d never been in love, who’d never even had a secret crush, Lin Qiushi had absolutely no experience in these matters. It was like being outfitted in some LV.1 armor and heading straight for the top boss—befuddlement wasn’t even a question. He couldn’t even pass the maze that came before the boss.

After some thought, he went to help prep dinner in the kitchen.

It was hotpot tonight. On TV, Tan Zaozao’s movie from a few years ago was coincidentally playing. Lin Qiushi watched the burbling pot, and recalled the two movie tickets Tan Zaozao had gifted him before. He considered it, then opened his mouth: “Um… Nanzhu, are you free the night of the twelfth?”

Ruan Nanzhu was just biting into a meatball. He finished chewing and swallowing first, before a faint confirmation.

“Why?”

Lin Qiushi, “well Tan Zaozao gave me those two movie tickets, didn’t she? That film’s premiering on the twelfth, I think.”

“Tan Zaozao? Can I go?” Cheng Qianli butted in from the side.

“You’re busy that day,” Cheng Yixie coldly interjected.

“I’m not busy…” Cheng Qianli looked baffled.

Cheng Yixie slapped his chopsticks down, tone unrelenting. “If I say you’re busy, you’re busy.”

Cheng Qianli, “…” Against his brother’s cruel imposition of will, he still chose, in the end, to weakly surrender, sounding very wronged: “okay fine, I’m busy.”

Seeing that Cheng Yixie had gotten rid of Cheng Qianli, Lin Qiushi once again cast his gaze back to Ruan Nanzhu.

“Sure.” Ruan Nanzhu nodded slightly.

“Okay, so see you then,” Lin Qiushi smiled happily.

The twelfth was a Friday, and the weather wasn’t bad. Having just rained the day before, it was relatively cool.

Ruan Nanzhu was dressed simply, in a dark red checkered shirt, blue jeans, and high tops. He sat in his seat, sleeves slightly pulled up to reveal his lovely wrists and a dark blue watch. His head was vaguely bowed as he eyed the phone in his hands. Against the well-known faces of the entertainment industry around him, he didn’t pale in the slightest.

“Nanzhu.” Returning from the bathroom, Lin Qiushi saw a middle-age man standing beside Ruan Nanzhu, trying to chat him up.

Lin Qiushi didn’t even have to get close to hear that man saying: “come on young man, you really won’t give it some thought? We can provide excellent resources, make you famous…”

Ruan Nanzhu didn’t look up at all, his tone cool like he was blowing off a salesman at the door of his home: “Not interested.”

“Why not?” The man wasn’t giving up. “You’re really suited to this industry.”

Ruan Nanzhu seemed to prickle, asking, “how much do you earn in a year?”

The man said, “a year? If you make it big enough, ten or even a hundred million a year’s not impossible at all…”

Ruan Nanzhu scoffed. “You know how much I earn in a year?”

The man started.

Ruan Nanzhu said, “I can make two million in ten minutes, and you want me to go be a star?” His dark eyes were filled with disdain. “Are you crazy or am I?”

The man went silent, then left in frustration.

Lin Qiushi reached him just now, laughing, “got hit on again?”

Ruan Nanzhu, “mh.”

“If you hadn’t encountered the doors, would you consider being a star?” Lin Qiushi was suddenly curious. He knew the Ruan Nanzhu right now was entirely specialized in the matter of the doors, and had little energy to get involved in other jobs in reality.

“I don’t know,” Ruan Nanzhu said. “When I met the doors I still hadn’t figured out what I wanted to do.”

Lin Qiushi went silent. It was only then that he remembered, Ruan Nanzhu seemed too far entangled in the doors. Leaving it behind was practically impossible.

But back to the matter at hand, Ruan Nanzhu really wasn’t lying when he said he made two million in ten minutes. Didn’t a single door last only ten minutes in reality?

As Lin Qiushi and Ruan Nanzhu chatted on, Tan Zaozao arrived.

She wore a beautiful bespoke gown, surrounded by a crowd of people. Black curls brushed along the pale skin of her back and shoulders, making her seem both dignified and mature—she drew everybody’s gaze.

Tan Zaozao and the movie’s director went up on stage. After a few short comments, the movie started.

She took the dark as an opportunity to take the empty seat on Lin Qiushi’s left, whispering, “Qiushi.”

Lin Qiushi, “hm?”

Tan Zaozao, “thanks for coming to see my movie.”

Lin Qiushi, “it should be us thanking you for the invite…”

Tan Zaozao seemed to want to speak more, but the movie’s audio track was already playing, so she went silent instead.

The movie was about a swordsman in Ancient China out for vengeance. Tan Zaozao played a dancer, a Hellenic beauty. She looked absolutely stunning in the film; the scene where she danced on the male actor’s palm was particularly breath-taking. But the movie was a tragedy. The swordsman trained for ten years, overcoming countless hardships, only to find in the end that his nemesis was already dead. Having lost his faith he slit his own throat. The dancer, devoted to him in love, held his head in her arms at the end of the movie before she threw herself into a sea of flames.

Lin Qiushi didn’t expect the ending to be like this. He asked, “will a tragedy sell?”

There was humor in Tan Zaozao’s tone. “This was never meant to be a commercial film. It’s award bait.”

“You think you’ll get it?” Lin Qiushi asked.

“Probably,” Tan Zaozao said. “Everybody’s pretty confident.” She spoke lightly. “I wasn’t so confident, but after seeing the film, I am now.”

“Then my early congratulations,” Lin Qiushi said.

When the credits ended, the auditorium lights came up. Then it was some organizer’s events.

Tan Zaozao looked over at Ruan Nanzhu, seated on Lin Qiushi’s right. “Ruan-ge, there’s something I’d like to discuss with you. Do you have some time?”

Ruan Nanzhu lightly inclined his head.

“Let’s go talk in the dressing room, there’s less people there.” Tan Zaozao twirled a strand of hair by her ear.

“Then I’ll wait for you two outside,” Lin Qiushi said.

“Mh.” Ruan Nanzhu stood, and left with Tan Zaozao. Lin Qiushi too chose to leave the theater, found a more remote corner, and fished out his phone, ready to play for a while. But just as he got his phone out, he heard a very peculiar noise…

Lin Qiushi startled, looking toward the source of the noise at the stairs marked “Emergency Use.”

Hesitating, he slowly approached the emergency steps. He saw, deep in the passage, two people overlapped… Though it was dark here, Lin Qiushi could still clearly see that one of the people was the proud director Tan Zaozao had introduced to Ruan Nanzhu, that Zhang Yiqing. And the person embracing him, kissing him, was Ruan Nanzhu’s good friend Bai Ming.

In shock, Lin Qiushi couldn’t help a shuffle back. The two wrapped up in each other seemed to hear his footstep, their motions halting before looking out at the entrance.

Bai Ming’s usual grin was nowhere to be seen, his eyes gone frosty and sharp—at a glance, he actually seemed quite like Ruan Nanzhu. He said, “who’s there?”

Releasing Zhang Yiqing, he took on a protective stance, before speedily coming to the entrance.

Lin Qiushi, with an awkward expression, stood where he was, afraid to move—until Bai Ming came out of the fire exit.

Bai Ming turned the stairs and saw Lin Qiushi. His tense expression instantly loosened, as he exclaimed, “what are you doing here?”

“Tan Zaozao gave me two tickets,” Lin Qiushi explained. “When it was over… she said she had something to talk to Ruan-ge about, so I was just finding a place to sit.”

“Oh,” Bai Ming laughed. “I see.” He scratched at those fluffy curls of his, grinning like a big harmless pup. “Then we’ll leave you to it.”

Zhang Yiqing had also come out of the tunnel. His hair was a mess, and his face was flushed an uneven red. Gaze wandering, his usual look of aloof indifference was utterly missing. When he saw Lin Qiushi, he only offered a nod of greeting before taking off.

Bai Ming hurried after him, saying, “babe, don’t be angry…”

Zhang Yiqing lowered his voice, but Lin Qiushi could still hear; he sounded slightly mortified. “I told you not to do it here, why didn’t you listen—”

“How could I know someone would actually come here? Babe I was wrong, don’t blow me off,” Bai Ming coaxed, as if to a child.

The two continued speaking, disappearing into the distance.

Watching their backs, Lin Qiushi had on a complicated expression. He did not think at all that Bai Ming and Zhang Yiqing’s relationship was of this nature. He’d thought that Bai Ming was just a fan, but who knew these two…

The complex feelings lasted for a while. He glanced at the time, thinking Tan Zaozao and Ruan Nanzhu were probably done by now, so headed for the dressing rooms. When he got to the door though, he heard Tan Zaozao crying inside.

“Ruan-ge, I’m begging you, Ruan-ge…” The dressing rooms were likely well-soundproofed, but Lin Qiushi still caught the faint sobs. “Ruan-ge, please say yes, I’ll pay anything. I’ll give you money, I’ll give you anything else. I don’t want to die— I don’t want to die.”

Lin Qiushi’s footsteps stalled.

Ruan Nanzhu seemed to have been silent for a while, and now finally spoke. “You think, the only reason Lin Qiushi’s survived is because of me?”

“Isn’t it?” Tan Zaozao said. “He’s less experienced than I am… Clearly, you’re the one who got him out…”

Ruan Nanzhu replied, “you’re too naive. The only reason he’s here today is himself. Zaozao, I’ve also asked you before. The one who chose this was you.”

Tan Zaozao’s sobs grew more tragic.

Lin Qiushi stood at the door in a daze, until the sound of Ruan Nanzhu opening the door snapped him back. Seeing Lin Qiushi outside, Ruan Nanzhu said, “let’s go.”

“Mh,” Lin Qiushi replied, gaze cast behind Ruan Nanzhu.

But Ruan Nanzhu didn’t offer any explanation, wide strides carrying him out. Lin Qiushi didn’t know how to ask either, and could only follow behind.

After exiting the theater and getting into the car, Lin Qiushi suggested, “are we going straight back? Or… should we find a spot to drink?” He could feel that Ruan Nanzhu’s mood was poor.

When he himself wasn’t feeling great, Wu Qi would come for a drink. A drink and chat between two people could help an incident pass by just like that—those trenches you couldn’t vault over stopped seeming so impressive. But Wu Qi was gone now. Lin Qiushi didn’t have anyone to get a drink with anymore.

“You’re still gonna drink?” Ruan Nanzhu said. “If the doctor finds out their liver cancer patient’s drinking, they’ll burst a vein.”

Lin Qiushi had completely forgotten his status with the liver cancer. It was always Ruan Nanzhu reminding him, so he was a bit exasperated: “I forgot, didn’t I?”

Ruan Nanzhu, “you remember it now?”

Lin Qiushi could only nod.

“Let’s go. Home,” Ruan Nanzhu said. “Lu Yanxue made snow fungus soup. We can drink away our sorrows with an extra bowl.”

Lin Qiushi huffed a laugh.

Ruan Nanzhu gripped the steering wheel, taking them forward.

Lin Qiushi asked, “what did you and Zaozao talk about?”

“You can’t figure it out?” Ruan Nanzhu bluntly replied.

Lin Qiushi, “I can figure some of it out…” He actually quite liked Tan Zaozao. Hearing her cry so hard today left an unpleasant feeling inside him.

“It’s exactly as you figure, nothing complicated,” Ruan Nanzhu said. “Not everybody can face death calmly.” Then with a self-deprecating sneer, “I couldn’t, in the past.”

Lin Qiushi was quiet for a bit. “Is she doing her next door on her own?”

“Probably not. She can find someone else to take her case, but the rate of success is not guaranteed,” Ruan Nanzhu said. “So really, it’s a gamble with her life.”

Lin Qiushi leaned against the car window and sank into silence.

“I asked her at the beginning, if she only wanted me to take her through the doors, or if she wanted me to train her. She chose the former.” Ruan Nanzhu’s eyes remained fixed ahead, his tone impassive. “The choice was hers.”

Lin Qiushi didn’t know what to say at all. He fished out a piece of candy, peeled off the wrapper, and stuffed it into his mouth.

They’d also come to a red light with seventy seconds left. Ruan Nanzhu braked and turned to look at Lin Qiushi. “I want candy too.”

“Oh,” Lin Qiushi said, and just as he was pulling out a second piece, he saw Ruan Nanzhu lean over, face looming suddenly large before him.

The next moment, Lin Qiushi felt a soft, warm touch on his lips. It lasted for only a moment before pulling away. By the time Lin Qiushi came back to himself, Ruan Nanzhu was licking his lips, with the mild comment, “tastes sweet.”

Lin Qiushi’s face went instantly red. He thought he ought to calmly reply something, but his heart had picked up a wild rhythm—he didn’t know what to do at all. Just now, Ruan Nanzhu, with that pretty face of his, had been so close. Lin Qiushi could practically still smell Ruan Nanzhu’s faint woodsy scent lingering.

Green light. The car started again. The two didn’t speak the rest of the way.

Though they weren’t speaking, Ruan Nanzhu’s mood seemed to have massively improved. The corners of his lips were lightly turned up.

Lin Qiushi kept feeling like he ought to say something, but he couldn’t figure out what. And so, under great conflict, he covertly pulled out his phone and typed into the search bar: what to talk about after kissing.

But all the results were: what to talk about to get a kiss—

Lin Qiushi, “…” We didn’t even have to talk before getting to kissing! People needed search results for this?!

Ruan Nanzhu didn’t want to talk, and Lin Qiushi didn’t know what to talk about—so the two maintained this atmosphere between them all the way until Lu Yanxue passed them each a bowl of snow fungus soup, and Lin Qiushi cleared his throat. He said, “tastes good.”

Ruan Nanzhu, “mh.”

Lin Qiushi, “…” Mh, that’s it? You don’t want to say anything else?

Then, after he finished his soup, Ruan Nanzhu just got up and left for upstairs. Lin Qiushi watched his back disappear, feeling momentarily cheated and wronged for taking a tease seriously.

Lu Yanxue, who’d seen their odd interaction, asked, “what happened between you two?”

“Nothing,” Lin Qiushi said. “Nothing.” He finished his soup, and asked, “Lu-jie, how long have you been here?”

Lu Yanxue replied, “I was the latest. I came… maybe three years after Yi Manman? What’s up?”

Lin Qiushi cleared his threat. “Have uh, have you ever heard Nanzhu talk about girlfriends?”

“Girlfriends?” Lu Yanxue shook her head. “Never. Ruan-ge never seemed very interested in that sort of stuff, I haven’t seen him get close to anybody.” After that, she added, “well, except you.”

Lin Qiushi, “…ah?”

“He really does treat you differently.” Lu Yanxue didn’t seem to know how badly her words were shaking up Lin Qiushi’s world. “I’ve never seen him care about somebody so much.”

Lin Qiushi looked at the empty bowl in his hand, not knowing what to say.

“What is it?” Lu Yanxue asked. “Oh but… Chen Fei mentioned that Ruan-ge once had a partner, who died in their ninth door it looks like. That had a major impact on him… but I wasn’t around then, so I didn’t see it happen.”

Lin Qiushi vaguely remembered this matter of a partner. But there didn’t seem to be any trace of that other person in the mansion, and Ruan Nanzhu had never mentioned the partner to him either. There were only the faintest clues from those who’d been around the longest.

“Got it,” Lin Qiushi nodded.

He set down his empty bowl and returned to his room. Tossing about in his bed, he couldn’t get to sleep, and so opened up the doors forum on his computer to check out the chats.

But then his DMs pinged. Lin Qiushi opened it, and saw it was Gu Longming messaging him, all not sleeping this late at night? You ghost-huntin’?

Lin Qiushi: You’re not sleeping either.

Gu Longming: I’m out of the country, it’s daytime for me now.

Lin Qiushi: Oh.

Gu Longming: What’s up? Bad mood?

Lin Qiushi: It’s fine.

A lot happened today, and digestion was slow: Tan Zaozao, Bai Ming, and that kiss… He thought a while, then asked: Have you ever been in love?

Gu Longming: Had my first kiss at six, have had more girlfriends than can be counted on both hands!

Lin Qiushi: “…” What a coincidence! He also had his first kiss, just, oh, about twenty years later than Gu Longming! But people ought not try to top each other; mental balance was at risk.

Did you meet a girl you like? Gu Longming’s viscous love for gossip practically oozed from the screen. Tell me, let’s see if I can give you a piece of advice or two.

She’s really pretty, lofty, a bit aloof. But she’s really good to me. Lin Qiushi knew better than to give away Ruan Nanzhu’s true identity. And she’s better and more clever than me at the doors. Today… she kissed me.

Gu Longming: Ooooooh… Hold up, better than you?

Lin Qiushi: Yeah.

Gu Longming: Holy shit then how fucking good is she?

Ruan Nanzhu’s face came to mind, and Lin Qiushi thought yes, he really was very good.

Gu Longming: She’s the one who kissed you?

Lin Qiushi: Yeah.

Gu Longming was getting worked up: Then what are you waiting for! Find an appropriate place and—

Lin Qiushi read up to here, and thought, find an appropriate place to confess?

And then Gu Longming’s actual text, in bold and caps, came: DO HER!

Lin Qiushi, “…” He wordlessly closed his computer. Gu Longming… That little shit really couldn’t be trusted. Besides, Ruan Nanzhu? In Lin Qiushi’s mind came the vision of Ruan Nanzhu’s proud and haughty gaze looking down on him and, for a moment, he felt a bit weak. Fuck, if it really came to it, there was no saying who’d be doing whom.

On the other end of the computer, Gu Longming waited a long while for Lin Qiushi’s reply to no avail, pulling at his ears in anxious panic. He was muttering, “holy shit, this Yu Linlin’s not the act-first type is he? Did he go ahead and do it? If he really misunderstood didn’t I just teach him to break the law…” Ah, he was starting to regret saying what he did.

Author’s Note:

Serious cold plus sinus infection plus time of the month, I am Xi-zi the Useless now. Everybody stay safe and healthy.

Finally, emotions have made serious progress today /collapses

Names in this chapter

• Lú Yànxuě / Lu(2) Yan(4) Xue(3) / 盧艷雪
• Yì Mànmàn / Yi(4) Man(4) Man(4) / 易曼曼
• Chén Fēi / Chen(2) Fei(1) / 陳非