Kaleidoscope of Death

After entering the doors twice for it, Ruan Nanzhu could now be certain that the hint for the eleventh door would not undergo any additional changes.

The tenth door was too difficult, and was impossible to do a third time. Twice was plenty, besides, and they couldn’t risk their lives on it again. Had Cheng Yixie not left, then perhaps they could’ve gotten a third hint slip about the eleventh door. But there was no helping when fate refused to abide its people, and such incidents occurred.

Most of human life was pretty much like this, filled with impermanence and variables.

Ruan Nanzhu said that Ye Niao also gave off light, and was someone well-suited to the doors. Ye Niao too went exactly as Ruan Nanzhu predicted, quickly adapting to life inside Obsidian. His outgoing and lively personality kept the mansion’s atmosphere from getting too depressed.

Two years time wasn’t exactly long, but it wasn’t exactly short either.

Since Cheng Yixie left Obsidian, Lin Qiushi had not seen him again. Just like that, Cheng Yixie hid all traces of himself and disappeared so cleanly before everybody’s eyes, as if he’d never been there at all.

Disappearing with him was a man who used to come over plenty, that Zhuo Feiquan. He’d even visited once after Cheng Qianli’s incident, sprawled out crassly in the living room and asking, “where’s that little idiot Cheng Qianli? Where’s he gone?”

Nobody answered his question.

Perhaps the looks on everybody’s faces at his question were too awful, but Zhuo Feiquan seemed to understand. He started to say something, but stopped again, and in the end said nothing before leaving. Once he’d left he never showed again. He disappeared without a trace from everybody’s purview.

For the two years, Lin Qiushi never stopped going through the doors.

High-level, low-level—he did them all. His frequency averaged to about twice a month. Sometimes Ruan Nanzhu went with him. Sometimes he was alone.

During this time Lin Qiushi once again got to witness Ye Niao in drag…but never mind. Let’s not talk about it. His eyes burned at the thought.

With so many doors entered, he also met all sorts of people. The strong ones, the weak ones—the hundreds of different ways people behaved in the face of death always brought out in him a heartfelt sigh.

And Ruan Nanzhu never gave up on reaching Cheng Yixie, though he never really heard anything back. It wasn’t until a particular day in the second year that they knew there was someplace Cheng Yixie would definitely appear at.

That day was the anniversary of Cheng Qianli’s death.

Lin Qiushi and Ruan Nanzhu went to the grave where Cheng Qianli was buried and found a corner. After waiting for a while, they saw a figure appear before Cheng Qianli’s tombstone.

The figure was wearing a face mask and a hat, so it was difficult to make out any features, but Lin Qiushi only needed one look to be sure that the person in front of them now was Cheng Yixie.

“Do we go over?” Lin Qiushi asked.

Ruan Nanzhu shook his head. “Let’s let him be alone for a bit.”

Lin Qiushi sighed.

Cheng Yixie stood in front of Cheng Qianli’s grave for a very long time, before finally setting the flowers in his hand down before the tombstone. As he prepared to leave, Lin Qiushi couldn’t help but call out his name: “Yixie!”

Cheng Yixie’s figure halted, and he turned to look at Lin Qiushi.

Lin Qiushi quickly came up to him. There was so much he wanted to say to this child, but he didn’t quite know where to start.

But it was Cheng Yixie who spoke up first.

“It’s been a while.”

His eyes on Lin Qiushi were cold. Compared to his characteristic detachment of the past, his gaze now was like a frozen lake—profoundly dark and chilled to the marrow, without any trace of warmth at all.

“It’s been a while,” Lin Qiushi said.

Ruan Nanzhu too approached Cheng Yixie and inspected him up and down, all without saying a word.

“I still have something to do, so I’ll be going.” Cheng Yixie looked at his watch when he spoke, and his tone was distant.

“You…” Lin Qiushi wanted to ask if Cheng Yixie had been well, but also felt such a topic would be extraneous. Because anybody could tell that he had not been well.

Cheng Yixie had not been well at all. A lot more of his hair had gone white, and though he covered it with a hat, it was still quite obvious.

“Go,” Ruan Nanzhu said, not saying much of anything in the end. “If there’s anything, give us a call. We’re always here.”

Cheng Yixie nodded, still with no trace of emotion on his face at all, and he turned to leave.

Lin Qiushi and Ruan Nanzhu watched him go in twin silence. The truth was they didn’t know how to comfort Cheng Yixie. Even if it’d been a year, the impact of some things could and would never diminish.

Lin Qiushi slowly unwrapped a piece of candy and put it in his mouth. He felt the sweetness spread out across his tongue, and took Ruan Nanzhu by the hand.

“Let’s go,” he said.

The two finally left the graveyard.

Having seen that Cheng Yixie was still alive, Lin Qiushi could set his suspended heart down a few degrees. He didn’t dare ask for too much. But what he didn’t expect was that several days later, they would receive a letter from Cheng Yixie. The letter simply said that he’d obtained a hint to the eleventh door.

“The hint I got, it’s a special one,” Cheng Yixie wrote in the letter. “There are only two words: Life and Death.”

Lin Qiushi read the contents of the letter and spoke aloud those two special words: “Life…and death?”

Ruan Nanzhu’s brows furrowed as he too sank into deep thought.

Their hint was No Solution, but Cheng Yixie’s hint was Life and Death. An odd thought surfaced in Lin Qiushi’s mind, and he said: “Could it be that everybody’s eleventh door is the same?”

Ruan Nanzhu’s fingers rubbed at the letter, eyeing the two words written on it.

“It’s possible.”

“Before that senior of yours went into the eleventh door, did he give you any information?” Lin Qiushi looked at Ruan Nanzhu.

“No, I was still a newbie then,” Ruan Nanzhu replied. “Couldn’t even think about something as far away as the eleventh door.”

There was no other way then, since there was nobody around them who’d passed the eleventh door. The truth was, that Ruan Nanzhu and Lin Qiushi could safely pass the tenth door was already exceptional.

Life, death. Life, death. What did Life and Death indicate in the hint? Had this been any other door, they would’ve at least been able to think that they’d make the connections and proceed to analyze the hint once they were inside. But this was a high-level door in which any misstep could cost you your life. Even Ruan Nanzhu didn’t dare to be overconfident about it.

Even though they still had a year, they were already preparing to enter the door.

The two of them did a lot of research based on the words Life and Death—from Eastern myths to Western tales, from Yanluo Temple to Anubis…

Though they didn’t know whether or not any of this would be of use, they had to do something. It was easier to bear this way, instead of just sitting and waiting.

In the two years’ time, Ye Niao passed his seventh door. When Lin Qiushi asked if he wanted to skip a door, Ye Niao gave it some thought, but ultimately turned the offer down. He said that there really was no point in skipping doors. Whatever was his lot in life would still ultimately come.

Lin Qiushi quite admired his caution and self-discipline. After all, faced with this kind of temptation, not everybody could turn it down.

The precise time of their eleventh door was March 27th. Because the level of the door was high, they already had a concrete sense of when they would be going in.

With a deeply solemn expression, Ruan Nanzhu drew a circle around March 26th on their calendar, and even doodled a little heart next to it.

When Lin Qiushi saw this he told him, “you marked it wrong. We’re going in on the 27th.”

“It’s not wrong,” Ruan Nanzhu said.

Lin Qiushi blinked.

“We have to do it a few extra times on the 26th.”

Lin Qiushi, “…” It took him a few seconds to realize that the bastard was making a dirty joke, and couldn’t say anything for a good minute. Ever since he and Ruan Nanzhu established their relationship, Ruan Nanzhu’s more gregarious personality from inside the doors had become more and more apparent. Lin Qiushi thought this was a good thing—except, the only bad part was that Ruan Nanzhu often got jealous of himself.

“Do you like Zhu Meng or Ruan Nanzhu?” Ruan Nanzhu asked Lin Qiushi once outside the door.

Lin Qiushi could only say that the one he liked was Ruan Nanzhu.

Inside the doors though, he had to change his answer. And then Zhu Meng became possessed by the Drama Sprite again: “But yesterday, a man named Ruan Nanzhu called and told me that you love him.”

Lin Qiushi, “…can’t I love both?”

Ruan Nanzhu, “yes, I’ll allow you to love both.”

“…” Lin Qiushi sighed internally. Why do you have so many scripts in your hands?

The time of their eleventh door slowly approached. The atmosphere among the group once again began to stiffen.

Needless to say, this would be an extremely difficult door, so before going in, Lin Qiushi took care to calculate out how his affairs would be handled after he passed. He discovered, however, that he was pretty much someone utterly without mooring. His only friend Wu Qi was gone, and it had been a long time since he’d been in touch with his family. Beside his friends in this mansion, there really wasn’t anybody he had to say goodbye to.

What Lin Qiushi never expected was that, a month before going into the door, Ruan Nanzhu would take him to Ruan Nanzhu’s own home.

Lin Qiushi kept thinking that Ruan Nanzhu’s home would be a relatively desolate environment, but the moment they got there, a beautiful middle-aged woman appeared and threw herself sobbing onto Ruan Nanzhu.

Ruan Nanzhu was unmoved, slowly pushing the woman away.

“Ma,” he greeted.

Lin Qiushi stood awkwardly beside him.

Then Lin Qiushi was roughly introduced to Ruan Nanzhu’s family make-up. His family was fortunate, with a successful older brother, a strict father, and a charming mother. Beyond their successes the family seemed utterly normal, and Ruan Nanzhu didn’t seem to fit in at all.

On Ruan Nanzhu’s part, he very frankly introduced Lin Qiushi as his lover.

Lin Qiushi was a bit nervous at first, but saw them accept Ruan Nanzhu’s claim quite peacefully. It was only afterwards that Lin Qiushi knew that this family was pretty much the same as Yi Manman’s, believing that something had gone wrong with Ruan Nanzhu’s psychological state…

“My baby is good for everything. He just has a little problem with fantasies, is all.” In the time it took for Ruan Nanzhu to go to the bathroom, his mother said this to Lin Qiushi while wiping the tears from her eyes. “He’s had this sickness since he was young. Thank you. It must be your company that’s made him so much better…”

Lin Qiushi didn’t dare speak, thinking that he couldn’t possibly tell Ruan Nanzhu’s mother that he too had a little problem with fantasies, could he? If he thought about it though it was understandable. In the eyes of people without doors, after all, the time they spent inside the doors was simply them staring off into space.

It was only that after spacing out, their reactions could be intense. Some cried, some laughed, some even threw themselves straight off a building…

It was clear that Ruan Nanzhu’s family still cared for him, but it was this care precisely that became a sort of burden. They didn’t understand what Ruan Nanzhu did, and couldn’t comprehend why Ruan Nanzhu avoided the normal paths in life…

There had never been such a thing as pure empathy in this world.

After a meal, Ruan Nanzhu took Lin Qiushi and left. Sitting in the car, he looked over at Lin Qiushi and asked, “isn’t there anything you want to say?”

Lin Qiushi, “like what…your mom’s super young?”

Ruan Nanzhu, “…”

Lin Qiushi grinned. “I don’t have anything to say.” He paused for a bit, before continuing, “they’re all good people.”

It was just that some things, they weren’t meant to ever understand.

Ruan Nanzhu said, “I’m actually quite fortunate. My family all thinks I’m crazy, and wanted to send me abroad for treatment. But at least they didn’t force it.”

At the mention of crazy, Lin Qiushi was reminded of Yi Manman. Yi Manman was practically the prototypical Obsidian member—his family kept thinking he’d gone insane, and they’d even tried to shut him away in a mental hospital by force. Compared to him, Ruan Nanzhu’s family’s attitude stood in vivid contrast.

“It’s true though, from an outsider’s perspective we’re all crazy,” Lin Qiushi said helplessly. “We space out for a bit, and then start sobbing and yelling.”

“It’s been almost five years since I went home,” Ruan Nanzhu said.

Lin Qiushi watched him, and understood what Ruan Nanzhu was saying. Sure enough, Ruan Nanzhu continued slowly: “We’re not that close. This way when they actually lose me, they won’t be so sad.”

Lin Qiushi had to laugh: “I wouldn’t be so sure of that.” He recalled when they were first coming into their relationship, and how Ruan Nanzhu took a sudden step back. Thinking on it now, it had probably been this mentality at work.

It was just that now, they could both stand firm, and become pillars on which the other could rely.

For half a month before going into their door, the entire mansion partied hard. Everybody gathered every night to drink and mess around until late in the evening.

The feelings being suppressed underneath all this partying all came bursting out one night, and everybody in the mansion started crying—Chen Fei, Yi Manman, Lu Yanxue, and Ye Niao.

Ye Niao said, “Lin Qiushi you little bastard son of a bitch, you have to come out!”

Chen Fei said, “Ruan-ge, we’ll be out here waiting for you.”

Yi Manman and Lu Yanxue were crying so hard that they couldn’t even talk.

Lin Qiushi too felt teary-eyed at this development, and only Ruan Nanzhu remained as steel-hearted as ever, saying, “we’re not even dead yet, what are you crying for?”

“Uwaaaa…” But everybody had drank too much to heed Ruan Nanzhu’s words, and they continued to express all the uneasy feelings inside their hearts.

Lin Qiushi lied on the sofa, brain completely eaten up by alcohol. Even so, he felt a kind of joy that was difficult to describe. There were people who cared for his life and death, there were people who wanted him to survive. The feeling of being cared for like this was so inescapably moving that he couldn’t help but tear up.

Everybody cried, and ran about. The whole house became a mess.

Ruan Nanzhu came to Lin Qiushi’s side and sat down. Then he pulled Lin Qiushi into his lap, fingers tapping at the tips of Lin Qiushi’s ears.

“Your ears are like a fairy’s.”

Lin Qiushi watched Ruan Nanzhu, silly with giddiness.

Ruan Nanzhu, after some drinks, was still exceptionally good-looking. His cool demeanor was softened by a tipsy sheen, light rippling through his eyes, and his lips were red with a gleam of moisture, looking particularly tasty.

Lin Qiushi reached up and gave Ruan Nanzhu’s thick lashes a touch, laughing, “they’re so long.”

Ruan Nanzhu gazed down, watching him.

Lin Qiushi leaned back in Ruan Nanzhu’s arms and felt the warmth coming from the other’s skin. He said, “I used to think this is enough, but now…” A hint of sorrow surfaced between his brows. “I want to grow old with you. Is that too selfish?”

“No,” Ruan Nanzhu said. “Everybody wants that. It’s normal.”

He got close to Lin Qiushi’s ear and gave the tip of it a kiss, before speaking in a gravelly voice, “it’s the same for me.”

Lin Qiushi’s answering smile was brilliant. He said, “that’s great then. Are you scared?”

Ruan Nanzhu, “I used to be. But I’m not scared anymore.”

They had each other now.

Lin Qiushi’s heart too had settled. He said, “I’m not scared either.”

Gazing into each other’s eyes, they both smiled at the same time. Ruan Nanzhu picked Lin Qiushi up and started straight for the second floor.

Seeing them go, Ye Niao called, “you’re already leaving? We haven’t even had enough to drink yet…”

And immediately after Chen Fei smacked him on the head, saying, “wake the hell up youngster, those two are in love.”

Ye Niao, “…” This place was not friendly toward singles.

They had a dozen days like a doomsday carnival, and the week before the 27th, everybody gradually started to calm down again.

Ruan Nanzhu went to find Chen Fei and began delegating some matters.

At first, Chen Fei was resistant, but Ruan Nanzhu said one thing that got him to settle down. He said: “I can’t guarantee that I’ll be coming out. If I die, you have to keep Obsidian going. They’re all still here. You have to protect them.”

Chen Fei reluctantly agreed.

Unlike Ruan Nanzhu, Lin Qiushi had nothing to do, so he went to help Lu Yanxue with dinner.

Lu Yanxue was looking pretty down. She did her best to cheer up, but Lin Qiushi could tell her smile was forced.

He didn’t want to see her like this either, and so subtly suggested that if she didn’t want to smile, there was no need. He understood how she was feeling.

When Lu Yanxue heard this, she couldn’t hold back anymore, throwing herself into Lin Qiushi’s arms and beginning to wail.

“I can’t imagine it. I can’t even imagine what it would be like if you and Ruan-ge weren’t here. I’m scared to think if something were to happen to you…”

Lin Qiushi stroked her hair, like he was comforting a child through a meltdown. He didn’t know what to do, and could only say, “it’ll be fine. Everything will be fine.”

Lu Yanxue cried herself into a mess.

March 25th, Cheng Yixie came back. His return put everybody at a loss, and underneath the joy, there was a deep undercurrent of worry.

Cheng Yixie got taller, and skinnier. In two year’s time, he’d completely morphed into a mature adult.

He knew when Lin Qiushi and Ruan Nanzhu were going into the door, so his visit this time was likely out of concern that this would be the last time they’d see each other.

The group didn’t dare talk about the past, only asked if Cheng Yixie had spent the past two years well.

Cheng Yixie answered on and off, but Lin Qiushi noticed that on his neck, there was a new pendant. This was the pendant that Lin Qiushi had seen around Zhuo Feiquan’s neck before…

“Where’s Zhuo Feiquan?” Ruan Nanzhu asked the question that Lin Qiushi wanted to ask.

“He’s dead.” Cheng Yixie’s tone was dull, as if death could no longer bring him to any emotion. “He died last year. Didn’t make it through the tenth door.”

Ruan Nanzhu said nothing more.

After staying an hour, Cheng Yixie got up to leave. Lu Yanxue asked why he didn’t come back, but he only smiled for a moment before saying three words: “I’m not worthy.”

Hearing those words felt to Lin Qiushi like needles jabbing into his heart. He looked at Ruan Nanzhu, but saw Ruan Nanzhu’s lips in a tight line, not saying anything to persuade Cheng Yixie to stay.

After Cheng Yixie left, Ruan Nanzhu finally said, “there’s always a price to pay for taking shortcuts.”

Lin Qiushi knew what he meant.

Most likely, Ruan Nanzhu also wanted to tell Cheng Yixie that he was welcomed to return to Obsidian, but in the end kept silent because Cheng Yixie had gone against his principles. Some things were bottom lines, and no matter the circumstance, bottom lines could not be broken.

On the 26th, Lin Qiushi and Ruan Nanzhu spent all day in bed.

They talked of love, gazes lingering and cloying in each other’s eyes. They fell asleep wrapped up in each other’s arms, and the sun set and rose again. The most important day had finally came.

March 27th. The day Lin Qiushi and Ruan Nanzhu entered their door.

It was a bright and sunny spring day—the breeze caressed and the sunbeams dazed.

Lin Qiushi and Ruan Nanzhu had breakfast together. Then they put on everything they were taking with them and sat together on their bed. They ate candy as they chatted, until all of a sudden, the atmosphere around them changed.

The person sitting across from Lin Qiushi suddenly disappeared, and Lin Qiushi knew that it was finally here. Backpack on, he stood up and opened the closest door. There he saw a familiar long hallway.

In the corridor, ten doors were shut behind seals. Only two doors were left at the very end of the hall.

Lin Qiushi took a slow step in, then approached one of the doors. With a deep breath, he took hold of the door handle and gradually pulled it open.

The scene around him twisted, and a strong force pulled Lin Qiushi inside. When he got a good look at his surroundings, however, his breathing stuttered.

Having experienced so many doors, and having seen so many peculiar scenarios, he’d never seen one as chilling as the one before him now. Cold sweat rose on Lin Qiushi’s back, and goosebumps appeared along his arms of their own volition—he’d appeared in what looked like a normal bedroom. Lin Qiushi remembered well that it was in this bedroom that he’d met Ruan Nanzhu in reality for the very first time.

That’s right, Lin Qiushi had returned to his old house, the apartment that he’d stopped renting a long time ago.

Lin Qiushi laughed bitterly as he thought, this truly was the nightmare among nightmares.