Just A Normal RomCom!

Hey folks! I'm working on a new project right now, so JANRC and UFJ haven't been getting some love. In essence of valentine's enjoy a non-canonical episode of JANRC about the lives of characters during this very special day. 

Ethan Marshall's Valentine's Day

Ethan sat in his room, sitting on his bed and staring at his mirror. He analyzes his face and starts manipulating the squishiness of his face using his hands. 

Ethan: Man, why don't I have a girl. I mean I'm funny, attractive, and loyal. Any girl would be lucky to have me! Yet here I am, alone…

As he said that last sentence he collapsed on his bed and stared at his ceiling. 

Ethan: Curse you romcom writer, why couldn't it have been a fast romance where I get with the female lead in the first episode! Instead I'm stuck, waiting until the 3rd season finale to get a date, waiting until the movie to get to home plate, and waiting until a spinoff involving adult me to finally get kids. 

Ethan starts shuffling around on his bed, his room littered with dirty clothes and posters of various shows. 

Ethan: Why writer, why make me the protagonist. I mean you would think that would be a privilege, but instead it's a curse! Imagine if I was the side character who's already in a relationship and gives advice to the male lead. I would have such a baddie by my side, I would teach the MC how to kiss, it would be awesome…

Ethan sits up, now alert.

Ethan: Wait… what does a kiss feel like. I've seen it so many times in movies and po… videos. It always gets so passionate and it looks so nice. The feeling of lips against lips, tongue against tongue, hands against hand… I really want a kiss. I mean, a kiss shouldn't be too different between people. If you kiss any girl, it should be the same with others right? 

Ethan puts his hand on his chin and starts thinking.

Ethan: Any girl will do… any girl… MOOOM!

The writer is seen in a room, he's standing up next to another guy sitting down, both looking at a screen.

Writer: So as the scene continues, his mom appears and he goes ahead and-

Reader: No, just no. First you make him a narcissist and then you make him incestual? What type of characterization is that?

Writer: I'm trying to make it as realistic as possible

Reader: How is trying to kiss your own mother realistic

Writer: Come on, WE ALL had the thought of kissing their mom to see how it felt like.

The reader stared at him blankly.

Reader: If you don't change it I am OUT

Writer: Fine, fine

Ethan's mom replied back

Ethan's mom: Sorry honey, I have to go somewhere for work. I'll be back tomorrow morning?

Ethan heard the reply with a frown. 

Ethan: Welp, there goes my only chance to get a kiss from a girl. Wait, what am I doing? A kiss from your mom doesn't count. I really need to get a hobby… hold on. There's no one in the house. 

Ethan sees a pile of tissues and his phone at full battery. 

Ethan: Well, when in rome… 

Cut to Ethan wiping his tears with a tissue. 

Ethan sniffles: Man, watching sad movies beats having a girl any day.

Todd Wayward's Valentine's Day

Todd is seen walking in a park at around 5 o'clock. The sun is setting and he decides to find a good spot to watch it on another lonely Valentine's Day. 

Todd (mutters): This day really rubs it in on single people. 

A random feminine voice: I know right! 

Todd immediately screams and jumps up. 

Todd: Holy sh- you scared me!

A girl is seen laughing at Todd's reaction: Hahaha, you're so jumpy. 

She has medium length black hair, a flowery dress on, and is around the same height of Todd.

Todd: Yeah, I didn't expect anyone to be at the park. Most people are in their homes making out, watching a romantic movie, and having s-

The girl interrupts Todd: Yeah, this day is only for people with a partner. It's kind of cruel isn't it. 

The girl lays down and pats the grass next to her. Todd comes in and lays down. 

Todd: So, what brings you here? 

The girl: Oh, I just wanted to watch the sunset. It's such a beautiful thing, marking the end of the day and the beginning of the night…

Todd: And the sky just starts to glow, the silhouette of birds flying in an orange background. 

The girl: Did you come here to see it too? 

Todd: Yeah actually, that's a crazy coincidence. It must be fa-

Todd gets interrupted again by a sharp poke in his side. He jumps up with a yelp. 

The girl giggles again: Hehehe, you are so easy to scare. 

Todd blushes in embarrassment and looks away.

The girl notices this: That's not really a bad thing… it's… kinda cute to be honest. 

Todd blushes even more: Really? (mutters) well you're kinda cute too. 

The girl puts her hair behind her ear: What did you say? 

Todd: Nothing, nothing.

The girl laughs again: Haha, I heard you, you know? Thanks for the compliment. 

Todd begins stuttering: O-oh yeah, it was uhhh, it was just me, me errr notic- 

The girl realizes something: Wait, I don't even know your name. 

Todd: Oh yeah, my name's Todd, yours?

The girl smiles: Melissa, but you can call me lisa. 

Todd: Alright then Lisa, wanna see that sunset?

Lisa: Sure, hurry up though, it's about to end. 

And so there they were, a boy and girl lying next to each other, watching a beautiful sunset on Valentine's Day. 

Todd: Man, I see why Ethan thinks life is a romcom, this is so cliche, but… I like it. 

They continue watching, the sky darkening and the few visible stars shining brightly. Their silent viewing gets interrupted by Lisa.

Lisa: wanna exchange contact information? 

Todd's heart begins to beat: She wants my number? Is this really what romance feels like? My heart is beating like crazy. Sure!

Lisa: Here, give me your phone.

Todd gives it, and she begins tapping away. 

Lisa: If you ever want to watch the sunset again, call me, ok?

Todd: You got it. 

Lisa got up and started walking away, but before she left, she blew a last kiss towards Todd.

Todd's face was a mess, his face clearly stricken in love. 

Todd: I just got a girlfriend! I just got a girlfriend! 

The moment Todd arrived back at his house, he called the contact in his phone. 

Todd shook and fidgeted: Come on, pick up! 

The phone call started.

Todd: So Lisa, I was wondering-

On the other end, a voice that was not female at all spoke up. It sounded like a really old dude.

Old dude: Huh? Who is Lisa?

Todd immediately began to panic: Are you uhhh, Melissa's grandpa? 

Old dude: I don't know a single goddamn Melissa! You probably got the wrong number sonny. Now leave me alone!

The call ended, and Todd just stood there, frozen. His hand opened slightly, allowing his phone to slide down and impact the floor. His face twitched, his pupils small and his mouth somehow in a smile. He tilted his head like a crazed person. 

Todd: Hehe… hehe…. HAHAHAHA! She gave me the wrong number!

Todd looked up at his empty ceiling. 

Todd: You are such a funny writer! Really funny! Totally hilarious, teasing a poor lonely boy with a girl. So close to happiness, yet only a couple digits away! I get it now… Ethan's hatred. 

For the first and only time, Todd agreed with Ethan. Life is a rom com, and romcoms suck. 

Reader: wait, why didn't he just try different numbers or search her up on a phonebook or social media? 

The writer shrugged: It's realistic, kids are stupid. 

John Wanlord's Valentine's Day

The moment John got back from school, he raced up the stairs and into his room. He tossed his backpack down, took off the school uniform, and jumped into his bed. He took out his phone and began relaxing. 

John: Man, nothing beats just chilling and watching romance anime on the most romantic day of all. 

You see, John knows he will never get a Valentine, so instead of wasting time being sad, he made a tradition to watch purely romance anime, manga, or movies to spend time. 

Anime boy: I-I, have something to say…

Anime girl: Huh?

Anime boy: I like you!

Anime girl blushes: Oh my god, that's nice to hear since… I like you too.

The two then hold hands as the camera circles around them in an overly animated sequence

John: Awww, isn't the cute. 

As he continues watching, the couple slowly get more intimate. The next episode they begin kissing, making out, and even going out on dates.

Anime boy: Ever since I met you, every day seems like a dream.

Anime girl: Love is the greatest thing to eve-

Suddenly his phone shut down, leaving only a black screen and a tired John staring at his reflection.

John: Out of battery… 

The moment John stared at his face in the reflection, he raced towards his charger and plugged in his phone. As he plugged in his phone, his face changed from a smile to a frown.

John: Alright, just gotta charge it up and I can begin binge watching again. Wait… what am I doing…

John puts the phone down and sits on the edge of his bed. He looks at the mirror in his room. 

John: Is this who I really am? Just a consumer, just a spectator of the journey of love? Will I always be this lonely? Every single valentine's day, while people go out and have fun on dates, I will be sitting in my room, staring at a screen playing some FICTIONAL romance?! 

John then gets up, now with motivation. He paces back and forth. 

John: I am more than that, I am more than just a boy on the bench. Nothing is impossible in this world, nothing. 

John looks at the mirror once more and flexes his arm. Only a small bump is made. 

John: What is wrong with me? All I have been doing my life is sitting and watching when I should have been standing and DOING. My father got a woman, and so did his father, and his father, and so on. In fact, my existence is proof that anyone can get married, I mean look at him.

John's Dad: Hey! I heard that?

John: Sorry! Anyway, I need to put my life back on track. I need to… lock in. 

John began performing basic exercises and making affirmations.

John: 1, 2, 3, I can do it. Come on, push ups are light work! 4, 5, 6. 

He moans and groans in pain, causing it to sound a bit… off to people listening.

John's parents lay down in their bed, hearing the sounds emanating from the room. 

John's mom: What do you think he's doing there?

John's dad: Well, what do you think single boys do on valentine's day in their rooms, totally alone?

John's mom: Oooh, that makes sense. Teens are teens, aren't they? 

John's dad: It's best to leave him alone, let him "release" his feelings out. 

Cut back to John doing some forearm exercises.

Reader: "forearm exercises" or forearm exercises? 

Writer: Forearm exercises. 

John: Ugh, whew. This is… very tiring. I think I need a break. 

John attempts to sit back down in his chair, but something stops him. His butt only inches away from comfort, he stands right back up and slams his fist into an open palm.

John: No… I am more than that. This is more than just late night motivation! This is a life changing moment! I will turn my life around, and instead of watching virtual girls, I'll get a real one! The opportunity for change is now, I will become a bet-

BEEEP! John runs over to his phone. 

John: Ah, fully charged. Time to watch. When did I pause the episode? Meh, I'll just rewatch it all. 

John hops back in his bed and snuggles in, ready for more binge watching as the Valentine's Day moon shines bright in the sky.