Jörmungandr

"So let me get this straight…" Minato pinched the bridge of his nose, "your daughter and your sister captured an extraterrestrial invader, brought him to you. Then you proceeded to go interrogate the location of his home world from him." 

"Wasn't that hard to be honest." I shrugged. 

Minato sighed, "Then you used a space time ninjutsu to go to their home world so that you could eradicate this threat." 

"Yeah sound about right." 

"And along the way, not only did you somehow desecrate the moon, but you also freed a primordial goddess who wanted to destroy the world." 

"Yeah…" 

"Where is this 'goddess' now?" 

"Hmm?" I scratched the back of my head, "oh, right. I managed to convince her to be a maid for Kushina. We'll need all the help we can get especially with Himari." 

"You got a goddess to become your maid… how?" 

"Sounds like the start of a smutty joke that Jiraya would say." 

"While that's true, don't change the subject." 

"How do you get a goddess to become your maid? Simple, you ask her." 

Minato let out another tired sigh, "Akimitsu, for kami sake, you can't go out doing crazy things like this all the time. The paperwork it comes with-

"Imma stop you there Minato, are you telling me that you… the fabled Yellow Flash of Konoha haven't figured out the secret to defeating paperwork?"

Minato glared at me, "What?" 

"I mean it's so easy… why doesn't anyone think of it. Honestly I swear, it's like people purposely forget that there's a whole technique that lets people be in multiple places at once." 

"Akimitsu please just tell me," Minato's entire mood shifted, it looked as if he was a split second away from getting in his knees and begging, "Mikoto will make me sleep on the couch if I come home later again. Please!" 

"Alright, Alright, get up off your knees. Having another man on their knees in front of me is just gross as shit." 

"Thank you," Minato moved to hug me.

"Minato, I swear to fuck if you hug me I'm going to use the Sharingan on you to make you use the Shiki Fujin." 

"Right, hahahaha." Minato chuckled. 

"The secret is shadow clone." I revealed. 

Minato froze in place, his smile slowly becoming pained. His hands slowly came up and he flashed through hand signs. 

'Snake, Boar, Ram, Rabbit, Dog, Rat, Bird, Horse, Sna- holy shit!' 

I smacked him across the head before he could finish the set by clapping his hands. He was one clap away from summoning the Shinigami entity and losing his life. 

"Minato what the fuck, it ain't that serious." 

"P-paperwork." 

[Scene Break]

"I-I have trained in using this move for ten years in preparation for this day. I will defeat you Akimitsu-Sensei!" Obito shouted. 

I looked up from the book I was reading, putting in a bored look on my face. "Hmm? You say something?" 

Obito gaped at me while Kakashi and Rin snickered off to the side at his defeated look. Obito had come to me every year to challenge me to a fight. So far I have beaten him every time. Kakashi and Rin usually watched to either cheer on their friend and or try and learn some new moves in Kakashi's case. 

"W-what ever, here I come!" Obito drew a kunai after throwing a barrage of shuriken at me. 

Still reading the small book, on tortu- I mean, talking with potential boyfriends your daughter brings home, I easily dodged the shuriken. Plucking one out of the air I used it to block the kunai slash Obito threw my way. 

Sending a kick at his head, I hummed in amazement when Obito jumped over my kick and used my leg as a springboard to launch himself into the air.   

"Take this!!!" Obito cried out as he tried to do a heel drop on me. 

Catching his leg I smiled at him, "When throwing a surprise attack it's probably wise to not shout when you're about to attack." 

I then threw him at a tree with .0001% of my strength. Obito yelped in shock as he flew at the tree with blinding speed. Obito corrected himself mid air but still crashed into the tree knocking the wind out of his lungs. 

Shakily getting up he drew another kunai and charged at me with a defiant shout. Kakashi and Rin winced when I landed a flurry of blows that made him collapse to the ground with a groan of pain. 

"Come on you can do it Obito-kun." Rin called out. 

Obito pushed himself up on shaky limbs, one of his eyes was swollen shut. A grin formed on his face.

"I'm not giving up Akimitsu-Sensei." 

"Hmm? Impressive, Kushi-chan has taught you well." 

"If I give up, how will I ever become Hokage!" 

"Oh? Still trying to be Hokage? Even after Minato has just recently been appointed?" 

"Che, I'll defeat Minato-sama eventually he's not as strong, I just need to beat you fir- gahhhh." 

Obito faceplanted when Kushina appeared out of nowhere and bashed him in the back of the head with her fist. She smiled gently at her other two students. 

"I hope you guys aren't destroying this training ground and saying nasty things about the Hokage." 

Kakashi and Rin quickly shook their heads, Rin moved to heal Obito. Unfortunately Obito got up again…

"Kuso Ona! You interrupted my fi- er hi Kushina Sensei… um, I didn't mean to call you th-

Kushina's eyebrow twitched, she raised her fist up ready to pummel Obito. Her hair floated up into nine individual sections as an ominous grin formed on her face. 

"What did you call me shrimpy?" 

"Ah- Kushin- ahhhh! Not the face!!" Obito cried out. 

Kakashi and Rin winced as Kushina proceeded to chase Obito around while throwing devastating punches that tore gouges into nearby trees. 

'Hmm, maybe I shouldn't have taught Kushina how to infuse her punches with wind chakra.' 

Her two other students sweat dropped as Kushina sent Obito flying with a kick. Obito's pained yelp echoed through the village. 

Kakashi and Rin dashed off after Obito, they quickly said their farewells to their former teacher before disappearing in shunshin. 

'They all really care for each other, Kakashi and Rin took time off from work just to support Obito.' 

"So… I heard you call me 'Kushi-chan' again." Kushina's voice came from behind me. 

"Hmm? You say something?" I turned around and gave her an 'eye smile'. 

"Aki-koi, have I even shown you this move?" Her smile never left her face.

"What move dear?" 

"KONOHAGAKURE HIDEN TAIJUTSU OJI: SENNEN GOROSHI (one thousand years of death)!!!" 

Kushina charged at me faster than any Mangekyo could keep up with. Unfortunately I was the one who trained her, I stopped her with a light karate chop to the head. 

"Ouch! Mooh, Aki-koi… you never let me hit you with that move!" Kushina pouted.

"With good reason love, that's a diabolical move and I refuse to be subject to it." I said with another 'eye smile'. 

Kushina sighed, "Fine, let's go home. Anko-chan is babysitting." 

Gabriel and Ophis had decided to do an encore of their world wide food tour. Before they left, Ophis had dragged in Anko who they had met during their travels. Somehow the two had convinced Anko's mother to move to Konoha. 

Ophis had become fast friends with Anko due to their shared love for sweets. Anko fully believed that Ophis was like her, a young girl obsessed with eating all the sweets she could get her sticky fingers on. 

Now at eleven years old Anko was in the academy learning to be a kunoichi. Her mother ran a popular dango stand next to Ichiraku ramen. The two stalls had become a hub for people wanting to enjoy good ramen and a delicious dessert after. 

"You're not worried Himari is going to pick up weird habits from Anko-chan?" I asked Kushina. 

"Himari practically sees Anko-chan as her big sister." 

"Please don't put that image in my mind." 

I didn't need to imagine my daughter in the same outfit that Anko would end up wearing in the canon timeline. 

[Scene Break]

Kushina and I were standing at the center of our house in the Uchiha compound. Ophis and Gabriel had already returned. Himari was being carried by her mother and was sleeping soundly. 

"All set daddy." Gabriel gave me a thumbs up. 

I had tasked her with putting up wards around the house so that no one could steal anything nor could the place be damaged. 

Today was the day I was returning home to the DxD/HP world. I had created true life like clones of everyone and programmed them to act exactly like the originals did. I had also synced the time flow with my homeworld so that we didn't come back to visit a barren wasteland. 

"Alright, everyone grab on. I'm taking us directly to Heaven." 

Kaguya bowed to me and sunk into my shadow. Gabriel took her usual spot, so did Ophis, Kushina grabbed onto my hand and gave me a smile. Smiling back I used my power and shifted us directly to my throne room. We were greeted by the available Seraph, Raphael dragging Garbiel away to resume her duties. 

"Welcome back father." Michael bowed his head. 

"It's good to be back… oh, and before I forget. This is Uzumaki Kushina, my wife, and the mother of your newest baby sister, Himari." 

The Seraph 'awwed' and fussed over the now awake baby. Himari giggled excitedly when she saw all the people giving her attention. 

"She's going to be spoiled rotten." I grumbled. 

"Is that even possible?" Kushina looked over at me.

Shrugging, "Who knows, she'll have my powers and yours combined. If she were a full Angel I doubt she'd even fall." I replied. 

Natasha and Yelena came up to me looking serious, Thalia was with them looking nervous. 

"We need to talk." 

"Oh…" 

Kushina raised an eyebrow at me, "Aki-koi, are these my sisters?" 

"Er… right. Nat, Yelena, Thalia, this is Kushina. Kushina these are… well you already know." 

I silently thanked my powers. Kushina obviously spoke Japanese but since I had granted her the 'All Speak' power, I didn't have to worry about translating anything since everything was translated automatically. 

The Seraph whined when Natasha and Yelena dragged Kushina away with Himari still in her arms. That left Thalia alone with me looking at me while fidgeting in place. 

"What is it Thals?" 

"Um- I don't know how to put this…" 

"Hmm? Are you having regrets about being here?" 

"NO! I- I mean no, it's not that. It's something else." 

"Well, spit it out," I laughed, "I won't get mad I promise." 

"I'mpregnant." 

"What?" 

"I- I said, I'm pregnant." Thalia repeated. 

I was shocked frozen momentarily, then I recovered and smiled at the former demigoddess. Kaguya emerged from my shadow with a barely concealed look of amusement. 

"Shall I go retrieve your wife and her sisters master?" 

Thalia froze when she spotted Kaguya, her eyes darted between me and the former Otsutsuki. I sighed and turned to Kaguya.

"Yeah, go get them. They're probably in the gardens outside or in a corner plotting something." 

Kaguya bowed briefly before floating away in her signature style. Thalia glanced at Kaguya's retreating form. 

"Is she another one of your Harem members?" 

"No… I don't thinks so?" 

"You don't sound so sure." Thalia smirked. 

"You seem to be taking this rather well now." 

"Once I realised that you weren't going to blow a gasket at the news I got over it."

"Why would I get mad?" 

"I don't know, gods usually get mad when they accidentally knock someone up."

"The Greek ones maybe… I'm not Greek." 

"Fair enough, but what was that woman?" 

"Oh, right… that was Kaguya. She used to be an alien goddess, she tried to take over the world I was in only her sons turned her into a moon. I freed her and now she's my personal maid." 

"That has to be a fetish somewhere right?" 

"Psshhh I dunno." I shrugged. 

"It probably is, well… I'm off to go find Natasha and Yelena. The Seraph want to speak with you by the way." Thalia pointed out before flying off. 

I turned around and faced my Archangels. Sighing when I spotted their questioning gazes, "Alright… back to business I guess." 

[Scene Break]

I listened carefully as the Seraph told me about what had happened in the week that I had been gone. So far nothing unforeseen had happened. The two devil heiresses were still in Kuoh, Richard or Riser or whatever the fuck his name was, was still a little cunt and constantly harassing Rias. 

While I had an inborn hatred for devils in general, due to my inherited mantle as the Biblical God. I couldn't help but to find the red haired devil heiress just absolutely mouthwatering. 

Sure I had a glaring weakness for red heads… but the fact of the matter was, Rias Gremory was hotter than sin, pun very much intended. 

"We believe that Kokabiel has remained hidden with the help of a god from the Dimensional Gap." 

"What proof do you have of this?" 

"We have surveillance equipment that we originally made to observe Lady Ophis. On a whim we activated them and saw two figures escape from the Gap and enter this world. Where they are now, we aren't quite sure, but we do know that they are powerful enough to fight the Dragon Gods." 

"How?" 

"I'm sorry? I don't quite understand that father." 

"How do you know they can fight the Dragon Gods?" 

"Oh, we saw one of them land a blow on Great Red on their way out. I believe Great Red was singing and it took offense so it struck at the Dragon God."

I sighed, "Looks like we'll need to visit the Gap again. Ophis wanna come?" 

Ophis who had been in her spot on my shoulders hummed then nodded.

"Okay, but only because I want to beat up that shitty dragon." 

"Alright," I turned to the Seraph, "good work everyone, please keep it up. I'll return in a while to discuss further plans." 

Michael smiled brightly, "It is our pleasure father." 

They all flashed away to return to their duties. I opened a rift and stepped through. Ophis and I appeared in the gap floating. A loud voice echoed through the void. 

dOoo yoU reAlLy wAnT tO hUrT Meeeeeee

Ophis grit her teeth and clenched her smol fists. I could tell she really wanted to reply but since Red's voice echoed through the void. We didn't spot her right away. 

Do yOu rEaLlY wAnT tO mAkE mE cRyyyyyy

I sighed and grabbed onto Ophis' arm before she could start blasting randomly. Shaking my head, I took Ophis' hand and we floated around looking for the source of the infernal noise. 

pReCioUs kIsSeSs, wOrDs tHaT bUrN mEeee

I spotted a flash of red as Great Red came into view. We flew over as fast as we could. Her gargantuan size really made it seem like she was much closer. 

lOvErs nEveR aSk YoU wHyyyyy

"RUBY!!!" I called out to her making the Red Dragon freeze. 

She nearly blinded Ophis and I when she erupted into pure red light. When the light faded away Great Red was replaced by a rather busty red headed woman with scales covering most of her body. 

"Brother! Sister!" She cried out in joy before glomping onto Ophis. 

"Gaaahh!" Ophis cried out in surprise as her face was pulled into Ruby's cleavage. "C-can't breathe! Let me go you fat cow!!!" 

Ophis managed to break away from Ruby's grasp. Great Red, who's real name was Ruby, ignored Ophis and jumped into my arms. She couldn't quite pull my head into her cleavage since I was much taller than her. 

Ophis pulled her away and started slapping her tits, kind of reminded me of that one scene with YunYun and Megumin. 

"You stupid fat cow, where do you get of on shoving your fat in my face!" 

Ruby just giggled despite the earth shattering blows Ophis was throwing at her. She cutely scratched her head and hugged Ophis again, this time she did so normally. 

"I've really missed you sister," then she looked at me, "and you! I thought you were dead! Why didn't you come to me, I was so sad." Ruby pouted. 

"Ruby, I really did die." 

"Then how?" 

"I got better… that's the excuse I've been using. But really it was a plot that involved my soul and the spear of destiny." 

"Hmm, fine. Why are you guys here? Sister you left your post. You were supposed to make sure that people didn't come through the Gap." 

Ophis pouted, "I was busy!" 

"It's fine! I covered for you," Ruby smiled brightly, "I crushed some idiots that wanted to come through but these two meanies got through anyways." Ruby looked down sadly. 

"That's why we're here Ruby. What did these two gods look like?" 

Ruby looked contemplative, "Let's see… both of them were really big, but they didn't feel normal. They felt more machine than anything else." 

"Hmm, that narrows things down but not by much. Sounds like some 'probably makes sense in the manga' bullshit." 

"What's manga?" Ruby tilted her head.

Ophis pulled out a book from her dress pocket, handing it to Ruby she quickly looked away when Ruby thanked her. 

"It's fine, you can keep that. I was done with it anyways." 

'Was she always a Tsundere with Ruby?' I shrugged after a moment, 'Oh well, they're both my sisters they're blind to have some quirks.' 

"Thanks Ruby, are you alright though? I heard that one of them attacked you." 

"Yeah I'm fine, he hit me pretty hard but it didn't do as much damage as I thought." 

Ruby showed me some scratches on her scales on her side. I poked her side to see the damage eliciting a rather strange noise from Ruby.

"Aahnn." 

I quickly pulled my hand back and looked at Ruby, who was now blushing and fidgeting. Her eyes met mine and her blush intensified. 

"Big Brother…" She moaned out while inching close. 

I felt fear for the first time in my long life, "Ophis," I grabbed the loli dragon, "We're leaving!" 

Before the jailbait dragon could protest I forcibly teleported away back to my throne room and let out a sigh of relief when Great Red didn't follow. 

"That was a close one… almost got caught up in that weird anime trope where my sister wanted my d-

'Let's not think about that…' 

I quickly shook my head getting rid of the raunchy images threatening to form. Ruby was a beautiful woman/dragon, but she was my sister. There were some lines I absolutely refused to cross. 

'Still, mechanical gods are something I need to look up, this world just may get more complicated than it already is.' 

Omake: I am ROB

I looked at the glowing soul floating in front of me. Despite my near perfect aim especially since giving myself the Sharingan, I had still accidentally hit someone with a bolt of lightning effectively smiting the wrong person.

That said, I was now debating on sending this person to Michael to be let into Heaven or letting it go to another world as a reincarnatator.

"Um… so what now?" The soul asked.

"Now?" I sighed, "I'm sending you to another world as an apology for killing you while you were sitting on the toilet."

"Really?!" The soul asked excitedly.

"Really… now what world do you want to get sent to?"

"Um, before that can I ask a few questions?"

"Sure, go for it bud."

"Right, um… Will I also get wishes?"

I raised an eyebrow, "Sure why the hell not."

"Sweet, so um… I'd like to go to the Attack on Titan world."

"Hmm, are you sure? It's a dangerous world."

"Yeah! It my favourite anime."

"Fine. Now make your wishes."

"Er right… can I get some sort of system?"

"That's… do able, two wishes left."

"Uh, unlimited money? No wait… I want a companion."

"A companion?"

"Yeah, doesn't have to be human, just something that can watch my back."

"Sure, let's go with a Dire Wolf."

"Sweet! For my last wish can I ask for another power like the Sharingan from Naruto or something?"

'Oh, I'm definitely sending him to Madara's world now lol.'

"Sure kid, have fun."

I Spartan kicked the soul through a portal I opened over Madara's home in the AoT world I had sent him to.

'Hmm, this is kinda fun. I should do this more often.'