Jörmungandr

The day of the third and final portion of the exams came around. Thankfully unlike the OG Naruto world, there didn't need to be any prelims. Out of the fifteen genin teams had made it out of the written portion, and out of those fifteen, only ten had actually passed the second. 

Kushina was fidgeting next to me as we waited for the proctor to announce the matchups for the 1 on 1 fights. Around me, the other jonin and their teams sat around patiently. 

In the Hokage box, Ashina was with Hiruzen and a few other dignitaries from Suna. Konoha wasn't on speaking terms with Kiri, Kumo, or Iwa at the moment due to the attack on Uzushio. 

Uzushiogakure, being an unofficial part of the five great villages, also took part in the exams. Ashina had come with five genin teams to participate in the exams. Only four teams passed out of his five. 

The proctor finally started talking and called down the first names. I sighed and looked at Kushina, 

"Kushina, please wake me up when it's your turn to fight?" I asked her, not even aware of what I had called her just by her name with no teasing honourifics. 

Kushina stuttered a bit but responded quickly, "H-hai Sensei." A blush forming in her face while the other jonin looked at her curiously. 

I smiled at her before leaning back on my seat and closing my eyes. It was time for my favourite pass time. 

'The Madara Show.' 

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Madara scoffed in annoyance at the sight of Eren Yaeger proclaiming his everlasting hate for titans. The boy seemed to be fanatical in his rant. 

Next to the boy was a young girl and a rather effeminate looking blond haired brat. 

The girl he saw vast potential in, while the other two seemed like Hashirama and Tobirama reborn. 

The attack that had happened weeks ago had killed countless people due to the wall being breached by the 'Titan'. 

Madara didn't agree with calling them titans, not when a simple jutsu could turn them to ashes and especially not when they looked silly at best and downright ridiculous at worst. 

Eren's mother had apparently been killed by one of the giants that came through the wall while Madara was dancing with the bigger giant and the strange armoured giant. 

Madara continued to observe the boy and his friends, he watched as they all joined the military of this world. Somehow spurred by the events, he wondered if they had a deathwish. 

They used some sort of strange contraption to run along walls and perform great leaps. 

Madara laughed at the idea of humans needing ropes and mechanical tools to do what he only needed a minuscule amount of chakra to do. 

Then again, he felt absolutely no chakra in anyone making him wonder how they were even alive. As far as he was aware, humans needed chakra to function, so these people not having so much as a drop in their bodies was interesting to him. 

He did find that this world was much more abundant in natural energies. One such example was him being able to use his bastardised Mokuton easier. 

Years passed before he knew it, the Eren boy was still foaming at the mouth talking about killing all the titans when finally his effeminate friend snapped and told him to shut up. 

Madara got a good chuckle out of that. The girl had grown into a fine young woman, and a formidable warrior. 

Madara was sitting outside his cabin just a little beyond the wall surrounded by thick trees he grew with his Mokuton. The people from the walled city didn't dare venture into his woods as he had summoned creatures with the Rinnegan to scare them off. 

There was a clap of thunder, a smile formed on Madara's face as he stood up and donned his armor. It had appeared with a note written by the god who had sent him to this world.

At first he was angry that someone was using him as entertainment, but he saw the brighter side of things. He got to fight to his hearts content and he didn't have to worry about answering to people as he was being 'sponsored' by an actual god. 

Madara picked up his gunbai and shunshined to where he heard the lightning strike. A particular quirk that certain giants had. Madara wondered if this was some sort of summoning since the giants often just appeared out of nowhere. 

The giant he saw was the biggest one yet, this particular giant had shaggy fur covering most of its body. It had teeth like those of Kiri's seven swordsmen, long dragging arms, and a strange furless patch of skin on its stomach. 

Madara crossed his arms in his signature pose and glared at the giant. 

"Grrr, who are you?" The giant growled.

Madara was shocked, though he hid it well. "A talking giant, that's a first." 

"Leave or be crushed." The giant growled again. 

"Not very bright though." Madara continued to voice his observations. 

"Gaaah!! Die human!" The giant roared. 

Madara caught the blow with his gunbai before a sharp grin appeared on his face. "So you want to dance with me too?"

"Huh?" The giant was confused, Madara had stopped his strike with little effort.

"Uchihagaeshi!" Madara called out. 

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I watched in amusement from my mindscape as Madara fought Zeke in his titans form. Madara had just summoned his Susanoo when I felt someone poking my cheek. Letting out a sigh, I released the image and opened my eyes in the outside world. 

Kushina was poking my cheek, "Your turn already?" I asked her. 

She nodded quickly, "Hai, I'm fighting Miko-chin." 

"Hmm, I won't wish you luck. You don't need it, but do your best." 

Kushina smiled brightly before hopping down into the arena where Mikoto was already waiting. The two eyed each other for a moment before exchanging respective bows. The proctor called for the fight to start and Mikoto immediately attacked trying to catch Kushina off guard. 

Unfortunately Kushina was trained by me, and I trained her until her reflexes could outpace even the Sharingan. The Uzumaki dodged the flurry of senbon that Mikoto threw her way. 

Flying through hand signs Kushina sent a wave of ice spears at Mikoto shocking many of the people watching. 

"But how? She created that ice out of nothing! The Hyoton is a Yuki clan Kekkei Genkai." Said a generic Jonin. 

"How indeed," I chuckled, "I taught her, that's all you need to know." I replied before crossing my arms and refusing to elaborate further. 

One could get ice jutsu by mixing wind and water chakra. However, Kushina really did have the Hyoton. Mainly because I was god, and I gave it to her without her knowing. 

I wasn't going to tell everyone that I also gave her most of the other Kekkei Genkai. They didn't need to know that I was making sure that Kushina would be disgustingly powerful by the time she became a fully fledged Jonin herself. 

If she was to be my wife, then I was going to make sure that she could easily crush anyone trying to hurt her. The only thing that stopped me from giving her the Sharingan or the Rennegan was because it would have been harder to explain. 

I wasn't going to tell her outright but I actually really liked her eye colour. It was like looking at a pair of shining amethysts. 

There was a hiss of steam as Mikoto sent a wave of fire at Kushina who blocked it with a wall of water. Mikoto was already sweating from the jutsu she was throwing around, meanwhile Kushina didn't even look winded.

'Fucking Uzumaki and their unlimited chakra hax.' I thought with a small grin. 

Mikoto switched tactics again and drew a kunai. She rushed at Kushina to engage in Taijutsu since her ninjutsu were ineffective due to Kushina's ridiculous chakra reserves.

Kushina didn't even draw her short sword which was sheathed across her back ANBU style. She took out a pair of curved knives and met Mikoto mid charge. 

'I'm probably going to regret giving her those karambit knives. I already sort of regret teaching her Pencak Silat.' 

Kushina, contrary her cheery and loud attitude, really liked the brutality of Silat. She had begged me to train her when she saw me practicing a few moves and I relented. I hadn't seen the harm in it then. 

Kushina's somewhat sadistic side revealed itself when we had run into bandits during a supposedly generic D rank mission. She had turned the man's internal organs to puréed paste with nearly two dozen brutal hits. 

Reason being, she didn't like that the bandit badmouthed me and that the bandit called her 'tomato bitch'. Honestly it was a completely fair and justified reaction. 

Now, Kushina displayed just how brutal Silat was when she countered each of Mikoto's strikes with elbows, knees, and painful sounding kicks. Kushina tried to avoid hurting Mikoto too much since the two were practically sisters. 

With one final sweeping kick, Kushina sent Mikoto flying out of the ring, making her win the fight. Once the proctor announced her win, Kushina immediately ran to Mikoto's side and started healing her. 

The two were clearly sharing a heartfelt moment when I noticed the bright smiles they shared while speaking. Kushina returned to my side with a wide smile on her face. 

"Congrats I'm proud of you, you've really come a long way." I whispered, since the Hokage was bringing the exams to a close. 

"Thank you Sensei." She replied with a blush. 

[Scene Break] (Time Skip)

Five years came and went before I knew it. I have been in this world for a little over six years now, but less than three days have passed in my home world. It was a crazy bit of information if you really thought about it. 

Kushina stirred next to me in our bed, her red hair tickling my nose. I looked at the woman who had grown on me significantly since the day I met her. Three years ago I finally caved and started courting her. 

She had made Jonin a year after she had made Chunin. A Jonin at 16 she was the youngest to get the rank as far as I was aware since Kakashi was still in the academy and Itachi wasn't even born yet. 

Ophis and Gabriel had come to visit a month after the Chunin Exams. Gabriel was excited at the prospect of me getting married. Ophis just stared at Kushina, right before demanding food from her. 

Ichiraku sold out of ramen that day, Kushina and Ophis had eaten their entire stock for the month. I wasn't too surprised, I gave the younger Teuchi a solid bar of gold to compensate. It was my sister and my girlfriend that ate his entire stock. I had to take responsibility. 

On the topic of responsibility, Hiruzen wanted to retire. He had picked three candidates to replace him as Hokage. The first being Orochimaru, the second being Minato, and finally… me. 

Orochimaru was an obvious choice, thankfully my presence had changed his fate. He was still a massive creep but he worked solely to benefit the village. Minato, rose through the ranks and became Jonin a year before Kushina.

Jiraya endorsed him for the Hokage position. He was hesitant since he and Mikoto had publicised their relationship when he made Jonin. Kushina was happy for her bestfriend. 

Finally, there was me. 

While I was baffled that Hiruzen would even think about having me lead the village. I wasn't too surprised. It made sense that Hiruzen would want the man who took on three villages without breaking a sweat. 

The man who was set to be married to the village's nuclear deterrent was a deterrent himself. 

Which brings us to the present time. The Third Ninja war was currently  in a sort of 'Cold War' phase. Each village was probing the others' defense. Spies were sent to rival villages and borders were infiltrated. 

I had just come home from a mission deep in the land of lighting. The mission was to see if I could spot their Jinchuuriki and if possible, then I was to capture or assassinate the host. 

I actually found Kirabi or 'Killer Bee' hilarious so I wasn't going to kill him. 

I did troll him though, when I found him he actually spoke normally. I got annoyed and cursed the shit out of him to only be able to communicate through rhyme. I chuckled at the thought that I was the reason Kirabi rapped so much. 

When I came back home Kushina had jumped on me and excitedly announced that she was pregnant. I had been shocked, then I overcame that shock and found that I was actually happy. Happy and excited at the thought of being a dad. 

Then I remembered my earlier thoughts about a demigod Naruto. I wanted to flash away to avoid the maelstrom that was my kid but I held myself back. Kissing Kushina deeply I had pulled her along to share a passionate night. 

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Hime, wake up… you'll be late for your shift." 

"Wha? Hmm… Akimi…," she sighed while snuggling into me, "five more minutes." She mumbled. 

"Kushina… your shift at th-

Her eyes snapped open, "Oh! Oh! I'll be late for my shift!" She exclaimed. 

Jumping out of bed, she nearly stomped on my nuts as she hurried to wash up and get dressed. Chuckling at her panicked expression I snapped my fingers and cleaned her with my magic. 

I had told her about who I was a year into courting her. She accepted the fact that I was actually god rather easily. Though she agreed that we kept it to ourselves and not let anyone else know. 

"Thanks Aki-koi." She kissed me before disappearing in a blur. 

"Silly woman forgot her breakfast…" I muttered. 

Rolling out of bed, I snapped my fingers and cleaned the room. I gave myself the same treatment as Kushina and walked out to the kitchen to make myself breakfast. Kushina had moved in with me in the Uchiha compound. 

The other clan members accepted her openly, mainly due to me threatening to curb stomp their asses if they do much as looked at her funny. 

I may have been taking a vacation in this world, but I was still God, and I took protecting people I cared about very seriously. I had nearly glassed all of Suna when I heard that they had tried to spy on Gabriel while she was visiting. 

Those two were taking their food trip to a whole new level. They visited each country and stayed at each place until they had tried every dish the place had to offer. The duo had become famous and even had a fanbase that the Akimichi started. 

When I finished eating I cleaned everything with a snap of my fingers. Then I left my home to head to the Hokage tower. I wanted to see if Hiruzen had anything for me to do. 

[Scene Break] (Back in the DxD/HP World)

Thalia Grace threw up for the third time that day. Natasha and Yelena were concerned so they kept watch over the young demigod turned Angel. They had a feeling that they knew what it was but they just had to make sure before they contacted Joe. 

He had been gone for nearly half a week now and they were curious as to where he ended up. They regretted not taking his offer to come with as heaven was actually boring without the random chaos Joe would bring. 

Natasha rubbed her belly and thought about how Joe had fixed her problem all those years ago. She used magic to keep herself from getting pregnant since she didn't want to have kids just yet. 

She wondered if Yelena would want the same thing. Her sister had also undergone the same procedure as she did in the Red Room. 

She was thankful that the program had been wiped out. It wasn't something that any girl should ever go through. 

The programming, the brainwashing, the torturous training, none of it was really worth it in the end. 

Thalia let out a groan of annoyance before hunching over and vomiting again. Natasha sighed and continued to hold the young woman's hair out of the way. 

Yelena had wandered off after she saw that Natasha had things handled with Thalia. She was deep in thought. Clearly the young woman was pregnant with their bosses child. They had shared that night together after stealing all that mead from Asgard. 

She also knew that Joe had healed Natasha and restored her ability to bear children. Yelena wanted the same thing, but she was afraid. She wasn't sure if she would make a good mother. 

Then she remembered all the orphans she had helped and unknowingly became the patron of. Those orphans adored her and saw her as a sister. Some even called her mom. 

'Then again, I did save them. Having kids is entirely different than taking care of someone else's kids.' She thought to herself. 

'I'll ask the boss when he comes back.' 

She walked off towards the training ground. She needed to burn off some energy to think properly. 

[Scene Break]

At Mikoto's urging, Minato joined me as I made my way to Kusa. Iwa had been spotted infiltrating the village to set up a base close to Konoha. The 'war' while still technically a 'cold' one was threatening to break out into a full on war. 

It was all thanks to Iwa and their constant prodding of Konoha's borders. In the last month alone, Iwagakure had tried to set up FOBs (forward operating base) all over Kusa in an attempt to gain a foothold near Konoha. 

The other villages, emboldened by this, also started trying to infiltrate closer to Hi no Kuni. Eventually the Hokage had enough of it, he sent out teams to deal with the invading forces.

Sakumo had been a part of one of these missions. Just like in canon he saved his team instead of finishing the mission. Fortunately I had gone with him and dealt with the invaders myself. I even got to pull a signature Madara line. 

I had created shadow clones while in my Susanoo and taunted the invaders by asking them whether I should have my clones also active their Susanoo's. The invaders had quickly surrendered. 

Minato and I reached an inn called the 'Cozy Teapot' and I decided to stop for the night to let Minato rest. Kushina was out on her own mission with her Genin team. Hiruzen originally didn't want to let her out of the village, being the jinchuriki and all that noise. 

Kushina challenged him to a fight however and proved that all my secret additions to her power had paid off and she was obscenely powerful. After that beat down he had rented and let her leave the village. 

Her genin team had been ecstatic that they finally got to actually leave the village. An interesting detail was that Minato's original team from canon was now her team in this world. 

Kakashi, Rin, and Obito went off with my fiancée to Kannabi bridge to cut off Iwa's forces while Minato and I flanked them.  

As the sun set I sat in the hot springs of the inn while watching a bit more of Madara frolicking through AoT. I was pulled from my thoughts when I felt someone join me in the hot springs. 

Cracking open an eye, I spotted Minato slump down into the water with a happy sigh. 

"This is nice." He hummed. 

"Hn." I gave him the trademarked Uchiha grunt. 

"This war is going to end soon." 

"Hn, this wasn't even a war. It was more like a bunch of random skirmishes." 

He laughed, "That's true, though it's all mostly thanks to you." 

"I didn't do much though." 

Minato scoffed lightly, "Didn't do much he says, what about the Uzushio Incident?" 

I rolled my eyes, "I just scared a bunch of people away. It wasn't much."

"Wasn't mu- you eliminated over five thousand Shinobi in the matter of one day." Minato deadpanned.

"I'm pretty sure a rock from the sky did most of the work." 

"You still defeated three armies by yourself and saved an entire clan. Look, they've even put you in the bingo book." 

Minato tossed me a magazine that he pulled from somewhere. This world was too wacky, he only had a towel wrapped around his waist. I really didn't want to know where he pulled the bingo book from. Opening the magazine-like book I flipped through it until I found my page. 

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Name: Uchiha Akimitsu

Title: Kishin (Demon God)

Rank: Jonin

Village: Konohagakure no Sato 

Threat Level: SSS

Chakra: Kage

Taijutsu: Kage

Ninjutsu: Kage

Kekkei Genkai: Sharingan & Unidentified ringed dojutsu, speculated to have Mokuton. 

Abilities: Processes unparalleled strength and speed, capable of punching through chakra armor. Survivors of the Uzushio Incident claim that he used a jutsu that controlled gravity. Extremely proficient in Katon jutsu, specifically the jutsu of his direct ancestor. 

Weaknesses: N/A

Bio: Is said to be directly related to Uchiha Madara. He is a Jonin of Konohagakure. Personally trained an Uzumaki clan member. Current Clan Head of the Uchiha Clan. 

Bounties: 

Iwa: 20,000,000 Ryo

Kumo: FLEE ON SIGHT

Kiri: 15,000,000 Ryo

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

I wasn't surprised that I had a bounty in the bingo book. It was funny that only Iwa and Kiri had actual bounties on me. Though to be fair, I did turn 90% of the Kumo army into a miniature moon. 

"Hn." I handed the book back to Minato. 

He put it away somewhere before chuckling, "Mikoto does that too, the grunt, I mean." He said. 

"During your guys sexy time?" I asked with a smirk. Trying to ignore that he literally made a whole ass book vanish.

Minato flushed, "N-that's personal." 

"Hn, Kushina is quite the screamer." I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. 

I could practically feel Minato blushing up a storm. 

'What a Virgin hahaha.' 

We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes until Minato spoke up. I could sense his nervousness and I had a feeling I knew what it was about. 

"Akimitsu-san, I- I'd like to ask for Mikoto's hand." 

'Called it.' 

I opened my eyes and glanced at Minato who had his head bowed. I sighed and debated on how to move forward. 

"Have you already asked Fujitaka for his blessing?" 

Minato laughed nervously, "Aha, I- I haven't. I'm worried that- 

"He'll reject you because you're an orphan with no clan?" 

"Bluntly put, yes." He looked down in shame. 

"Minato, you're a great guy. Mikoto loves you dearly and I care about my clan. I'll give you my blessing," 

"I- thank you Akimits-

"But," I interrupted him, "you'll still need to ask Fujitaka her father. Don't worry though, there very little chance he'll deny you." 

"If you're certain." 

"I am, but let me tell you," I stood up, Minato froze, "hurt Mikoto in any way and I swear by the time I'm through with you, you have to pee sitting down… like a girl." 

"Great… now THATS burned into my mind." 

I heard Minato grumble before I flashed away to my room with the hiraishin. Chuckling, I dried off and got into clean clothes. It was always fun traumatising my coworkers. 

[Scene Break]

"R-run! It's the Kishi-urkkk 

The Iwa ninja gasped as his throat was slit by my karambit. Minato flashed around not too far off taking out his share of enemy ninja. 

I danced around the Iwa forces with violent grace. Blood splattered my red armor and face. Grinning widely I rushed at group of Iwa Chunin. Skidding to a stop I blocked a kick that came from above me. 

A female Iwa Jonin glared at me hatefully, "Stay away from my team you monster." She hissed. 

"""Sensei!""" The three Chunin shouted in relief. 

"Hn. I suggest you retreat little girl, go on… I'll let you keep your lives." 

"Fuck you!" She shouted and rushed through a dozen hand signs. 

Rocky armor covered her body and she charged at me while her team tried to flank me. I sighed and put away my karambit. 

"Lady, retreat now or I will kill you." 

"Shut up and fight!"

"Fine, let's dance." 

She grunted in pain when I drove my elbow into her solar plexus. The rock armor breaking away from where I hit but reformed quickly. She threw punches that I dodged at the last moment, then she sent a sweeping kick at my head. Blocking the kick, I retaliated with my own kick that snapped her femur like a twig. 

Screaming she fell to the ground and her team jumped in trying to protect her as I went to finish her off. Blocking a hail of shuriken I kicked the female member of the chunin team into a tree making her gag and cough up blood. 

"Y-you beast! How could you strike a woman!?" A male chunin shouted. 

"I practice true gender equality. In other words, it doesn't matter what you are… you'll catch these hands either way." 

"Y-yo-you monster!" 

"Hai-hai, whatever. I'm bored, I'll let you four live. The rest of your forces are gone and you have been cut off. If I were you I'd heal your Sensei as best as you can before leaving this area as fast as you can. If you're still here by the time I get back, I'm killing all of you." 

The Iwa ninjas stayed silent, shrugging I flashed away to where Minato was. The blond haired ninja was looking towards the direction of Kannabi Bridge where a cloud of smoke was rising. 

"Looks like Kushina-san and her team succeeded." Minato said out loud. 

"Looks like it, go ahead and rendezvous with them to see if they need any help. I'll finish up here." I told him.

He nodded and disappeared in a shunshin. I turned back to the way I came. The smell of blood was thick in the air. Walking slowly I returned to where I had left the Iwa team. They had taken my advice and left while they could. Seeing the bodies scattered around I sighed. 

"Time to clean up." 

Omake: [Ophis & Gabriel's Food Trip]

"Auntieee, wait for me!"

Gabriel called out as Ophis left her behind going from stall to stall eating everything that caught her attention.

"Hurry up… you're so slow." Ophis said through a mouthful of dango.

"Hey! You you put that down young lady you haven't purchased it yet."

"Shut up annoying woman." Ophis grumbled while stuffing more dango in her mouth.

Gabriel chuckled and handed the purple haired woman some money. The woman sighed and took the cash. She watched Ophis continue to guzzle down all the dango she could get her hands on.

"I swear your daughter is even worse than mine."

Before Gabriel could correct her a small girl with the same hair as the shop owner ran up and kicked the woman in the shin. She stuck her tongue out at the woman and faked a farting sound before running away.

"MITARASHI ANKO! You get back here young lady!!" The woman chased who was clearly her daughter out of the shop.

"Shut up poopy head!" The girl shouted as she ran away.

The two chased each other for several minutes until Anko seemingly lost her mother in the crowd.

Anko walked over to where Ophis was stuffing her face and also started scarfing down sticks of dango. She and Ophis shared a look and nodded at each other.

Gabriel was shocked, she had never seen Ophis share her food with anyone other than her father before.

"Hi, my name is Anko. Wanna be friends?" The girl stopped eating long enough to greet Ophis.

Ophis gave a small nod, the girl cheered. Just then the girls mother came running around the corner and spotted her.

"Oh crap! Run!!!" Anko shouted while dragging Ophis along with her.

"Ah… they ran off," Gabriel sighed, then she realised that she had once again been left behind, "wait for me!!"