Jörmungandr

The feast of Asgard was as grand as I had expected. Odin made it about Thor's return and his imminent rise to the throne. 

Personally I felt like he just wanted to leave all the stress and responsibilities as soon as he could. Who wouldn't, especially when he had to explain why his firstborn daughter was a rabbit along with her existence and the fact that he hid that information as if people didn't remember. 

Amora was eventually interrogated and revealed that she was Thanos' back up plan but that failed since I blasted the purple douche to ashes and Hela was defeated rather anticlimactically. She also revealed that Thanos had promised her Thor but now that she had felt my power that she wanted me instead. The woman was delusional and just listening to her made me want to bathe in bleach. 

Which was saying something because normally I'd be into freaky women. 

I eventually got the chance to snag the Space stone and replaced it with a passable duplicate before leaving. Gabriel was sad that she couldn't keep Hela but brightened up when I told her that I'd get her one when we got back home. Ophis was oblivious to all the nervous glances shot her way. Odin had introduced her as the Ouroboros Dragon and everyone had the same thought as he did when he first met her. 

When we eventually said our farewells I teleported everyone back to the hotel before flying myself to where I sensed Natasha. 

[Scene Break]

"Need help with that?" 

Natasha looked up with a startle when I appeared in front of her. She was tied up by her arms suspended a few feet off the ground. 

"What the hell?" 

"Three days, I was gone for three days and you've somehow managed to get captured?" 

"I let myself get captured. I'm getting information from these clowns." 

"Red Room?" 

"Red Room." She confirmed. 

"Well don't worry, I killed them all and freed Yelena." 

Her face contorted for a moment, anger replaced with resignation.

"I should be mad at you for taking the chance to kill them myself, but I'm not. How is she?" 

"Your sister?" 

"No my dog." 

"You have a dog?" 

"No, just get me down from here." 

"Sure sure, your sister is fine by the way. Fixed all that nasty brainwashing business." 

"Thank you." She replied as I cut the ropes holding her up. 

She landed on her feet and massaged her wrists, looking around she sighed. 

"Let's go then." 

"Excited to see your sister?" 

"Yes and no, I'm afraid she'll hate me for not coming for her sooner." 

"Relax, she'll get over it." 

"How do you know that?" 

"I'm g-

"If you reply with 'I'm God' I'm going to kick you in the balls." 

"Fine, I just know. I have brothers and sisters myself. It's not that hard to figure out." 

"You really think she'll forgive me?" 

"She'll probably try to kill your first. Then she'll get all snarky, but yeah. I have no doubts that she'll forgive you." 

"Not really instilling any confidence with that answer." 

"Hey I'm nothing if not honest." 

"Oh my god, will you two just fuck already." A heavily accented voice came from the door.

Natasha's head snapped over to the direction, Yelena was standing by the door with her arms crossed. An impassive look on her face as she observed the two of us. 

"You brought her here?" 

"I had some time to kill, and for your information Yelena, we've already fucked. Your sister and I that is… but if you want to join next time, I wouldn't mind a ménage è trios." 

Natasha slapped my arm, "You did not just offer a threesome to my sister." 

"But I did?" 

"I like this one." Yelena said with a smirk. 

Rolling her eyes Natasha stomped out of the door with Yelena and I following along. 

"So, you down?" I asked the blonde assassin. 

"Maybe some other time." She responded. 

[Scene Break]

It was the last day I would be spending in the MCU, Tony decided to throw me a going away party in Stark Tower. All the Avengers were present. Bucky had finally been given a clean bill of health after Fury purged the HYDRA agents with information I gave him. Over all I had wrapped things up rather nicely. 

"You sure we can't convince you to stay a bit longer? We could always use the help in bringing world peace." 

"No thanks Tony, I have responsibilities in my own universe that I've been avoiding for too long. I will still come visit though, just don't know when." 

"Fair enough, I heard Natasha is going with you." 

"She just agreed this morning, her sister is coming with too." 

"Two bombshells added to your harem." Tony grinned. 

"Wouldn't say that… but I am hopeful." I returned his grin. 

"What are you two talking about?" The topic of discussion interjected. 

"Oh nothing, just making plan for world peace." Tony replied.

Natasha looked to me for an answer but I just shrugged.

"I'm not going to invite my sister for a threesome with you." She rolled her eyes. 

"I didn't say anything." I chuckled. 

"Whatever." She scoffed. "So when are we leaving?" 

"As soon as this party ends. I have a feeling I forgot something really important in my universe and it's going to bite me in the ass as soon as we get back." 

"World ending?" 

"Unlikely, though it may cause me a migraine." 

"You could always fix it with a snap of your fingers." Tony added. 

"I'm actually thinking of limiting myself." 

"What? Why?"

"Cause it's boring when nothing challenges you. That and my other skills need to stay sharp. I can't just throw god powers at everything." 

"Surprised to hear you say that. You've been doing that a lot here." 

'And I nearly shot myself in the foot because of it. Had I not been who I am I doubt I could have resolved everything so cleanly.' I thought. 

"There's a time and a place for meddling while using my bullshit powers. I almost fucked up here." 

"What do you mean?" 

"It's nothing… everything has been resolved as cleanly as possible. Now you guys just have to make sure that there's no fuckery that'll change that." 

"Why do we have to do that." Tony grumbled. 

"Cause you're the Avengers?" 

"I'm just a consultant."

[Scene Break]

Eventually I managed to get around to saying my goodbyes to everyone who had turned up. With the farewells wrapped up I teleported the Widow sisters back to my hotel where Ophis and Gabriel were also waiting for me to transport everyone. 

"Everyone ready?" I asked. 

Confirming that everyone was present and accounted for I first teleported everyone to the Dimensional Gap where I wanted to drop Ophis off. The dark haired dragon refused to budge from her spot on my shoulders though so I shrugged and teleported everyone again.

This time we landed in Heaven where Michael greeted us with a smile. 

"Woah! Who's this hunk." Yelena ran up to Michael and started touching his armor. 

Natasha facepalmed and let out a groan. Gabriel gave me a kiss on the cheek before running off to go greet her friends. 

"Father, I take that your journey went well?" 

"Father?" Yelena butted in. 

"Indeed, let me give these two a tour before you debrief me on what's been going on in my absence." 

Michael nodded and teleported away in a flash of a magical circle. Yelena didn't seem to like being ignored and jumped at me. 

"You! Who are you really?" 

"You didn't tell her?" Natasha asked. 

"What? That he's god? I don't believe him." Yelena answers easily. 

"There you have it," I chuckled, "honestly I don't care if people believe me or not. It won't chance who or what I am. Now let's go on this tour." 

Yelena looked even more annoyed that I casually brushed her off. From Natasha, I sensed the feeling of surprise at how easily I handled her sister. 

"If you couldn't already tell, this is Heaven. My seat of power, and the home base to the Heavenly Faction." 

"It's a lot less golden than I imagined." 

"Golden everything is a bit tacky… I settled for blindingly bright lights and clean air." 

"Not as many angels either." Yelena pointed out. 

"There was a war a few centuries ago. Lots of people died on all three sides." 

"Three sides?" 

"Heaven, the Grigori, and Devils." 

"Grigori? There are fallen angels?" 

"Yeah, why wouldn't there be?" 

"You're actually serious… you're not making the 'God' things up?" 

"Obviously not, I find that telling someone a brutal truth is so much more entertaining than lying." 

Natasha glared lightly at Yelena for interrupting so much before speaking, "You were saying something about a three sided war?" 

"Oh yeah, so I've basically forgotten what it was even about but all three factions went to war. We all took considerable losses and both Heaven and the Underworld lost its leaders." 

Yelena and Natasha looked at me with confusion, "But you're still alive." Yelena said while Natasha nodded. 

"Nope. The previous me died. I've recently ascended and taken his place." 

"Wait so you're not actually God?" 

"No, I am." 

"But you said he died?" 

"Yeah, but then I took his place." 

"But you're you and he was him. How does that work?" 

"I absorbed his soul and with it all his memories and a large portion of his personality." 

"So you're a clone?" 

"What?" 

"You became him after-

"How does that make me a clone?" 

"Never mind, let keep moving forward." Natasha sighed

"Right, so if you look to the right,  that's the training grounds." 

"Wait wait wait, we're really just going to ignore the fact that you became god after absorbing his soul?" Yelena looked between Natasha and I. 

"Yes." "Uh, yeah?" 

"You both suck." 

[Scene Break]

"Training the four new Seraphs has been easier than I imagined. Godric, Helga, Salazar, and Rowena have taken to the practical aspects well. However Godric is having some difficulty with holding back." 

"Godric is a battle maniac, he sparred with everyone he met back when he was just a wizard. He isn't clueless though, he'll learn to hold back eventually. Besides it not like he'll be interacting with mortals to fight them. What about the human world, what's been going on there?" 

Michael was standing in front of the throne recounting what I had missed during my brief stay in the MCU. Ophis was asleep on my lap, Gabriel had taken over showing Natasha and Yelena around. 

"The non magical world hasn't changed much, humanity is still progressing as normal. The magical world on the other hand has had some issues that we've observed."

"What's happened?" 

"The old man you took magic away from has somehow managed to make a deal with one of the devils." 

"Dumbledore?" 

"Yes father, he has made a deal with the Old Faction to return his magic." 

"I didn't know that was possible… I should have suspected." 

"He attempted to perform a resurrection ritual that we don't know the success of. We only know that he sacrificed a magical family to get the necessary power to do so. We don't know if it worked or who he was trying to bring back." 

I cursed silently, the old man was determined to make himself a problem it seemed. I had hoped that taking his magic would have been enough. I had expected him to die since magic was what was keeping him alive in his advanced age. The Potters should have been safe since they had escaped into the mundane world after I gave them the opportunity to do so. 

"What family did he sacrifice?" 

"I believe it was the Longbottom family father." 

"Fuck… that's what I forgot. Were there any survivors?" 

"Just a young boy, he was placed with another magical family." 

"That shriveled up bastard. I'll deal with that personally when I get the chance. What about Azazel and the Devils, what have they been up to?" 

"My fallen brother has been rather quiet, we've spotted a few Fallen wandering around the human world but have left them alone per your standing orders. The Devils on the other hand have been moving around discreetly. I believe they plan on doing something soon if they haven't already." 

'So the Fallen are laying low and the devils are getting ready to start moving. I really should have paid attention to more than just the tits in the damn show. I'm stumbling around blind here.' 

"Father if I may…" 

I looked at Uriel who had spoken, "What is it? Have something to add?" 

"The church has recently hired several human researchers to study the Excalibur shards. I believe they are trying to either piece the sword back together or experiment on the shards." 

"Keep an eye on them, they may commit some atrocities in my name if left alone. Should they start to kidnap children, I want you to let me know." 

"It shall be done father."

I felt comfortable not directly involving myself with the DxD world for now. I still had a decade or so before the 'story' would begin so I had some wiggle room to focus on other stuff. 

Other stuff, like smiting the shit out of a few people that refused to back the hell off. 

I stood from my throne after dismissing everyone. I teleported to the Chamber in Hogwarts first. Freya was fast asleep in her lair, I left her a few goats as a snack for when she woke up. 

In my personal room in the Chamber I checked the surveillance wards I had around the castle. Everything was business as usual. No one had snuck in and no one had tampered with anything. Satisfied with what I found I teleported to Godric's Hollow where I had turned Voldemort into a pile of ashes. The Potter's old cottage was silent. The repelling wards still up, I figured that James and Lily wanted a safe house of sorts.  

I felt trace amounts of devil magic around the place and frowned. It felt diluted, not like normal devil magic which usually felt like Samael's magic. 

'Has that Akajuggalo dude made the freaky chess pieces yet? Fuck me, I really should have paid attention to the damn show. I can't kept going in blind like this.' 

I had a feeling that I knew how Dumbledore regained magic. If that science devil already made the chess pieces then it wasn't hard to imagine Dumbledore somehow getting in contact with a devil. The old man must have finessed his way into getting made into a devil. 

I teleported to the Longbottom's manor next. The place was a wreck. The wards were shattered and the main building was still smoldering from whatever burned it down. I could sense the despair and anguish in the air. Using my power I pulled the souls back to the living world and watched as Frank and Alice materialized in front of me. 

"Wh- what's going on? Where are we?" 

"Frank?" 

The two ghosts embraced and I coughed to draw their attention. 

"Who are you?" Frank Longbottom was immediately on guard. 

"Relax, I'm not here to hurt you. Just trying to figure out what the fuck happened here." 

"I- we were attacked, oh Merlin! Frank, where's Neville?!"

"Neville is apparently safe, I'll check on him once I'm done here."

"Who are you?" Frank repeated. 

"I'm the one who can bring you back to life." 

"Impossible, no wizard ca-

I unfurled my massive golden wings, "Rules don't apply to me." 

Frank and Alice's eyes widened. "Ar- are you him ?" Alice asked. 

"You'll have to be more specific." 

"God, are you god?" 

"Interesting that you know about me." 

"I may be a pureblood but I'm not an idiot." Alice frowned. 

"I didn't say anything." I replied with a smirk. 

"Can we get back to the fact that we were attacked and that our son is now missing?" Frank said with a bit of annoyance. 

"Neville is fine, like I said I'll check on him once you two confirm a few things." 

"What things?" Frank asked. 

"Like who attacked you and what you can remember from the attack itself." 

"It- Dumbledore came knocking on our doors, Alice let him in and he said something about the greater good and that our sacrifices would bring about a new age." 

I frowned, it seemed that Dumbledore was already a resurrected devil by the time he came here. There was no other way that he would have found this place as a normal human being. 

"Dumbledore then cast some sort of magic that sapped us of our strength. There was a strange violet circle with strange symbols." Alice continued. 

"It was some of the strongest wandless magic I had ever seen. My mother, she drew her wand on the old man. He just waved his hand and sh- she was turned to ash." 

"Augusta tried to attack Dumbledore?" 

"She never liked him, she always said he wasn't who he seemed. We realized this too late and by the time we came back around it was when you pulled us from wherever we were." 

"Smarmy bastard… he used your families lives in a ritual to bring back a dark lord." 

"Grindelwald?" 

"No, at least I don't think so. Tom Riddle, or as he liked to call himself, Voldemort. I destroyed him when he tried to attack the Potters." 

"The Potters we tight lipped about what happened that day. James said that they were saved by a stranger. The aurors came around asking about winged men the day after. I take it that was your doing?" 

"It was, it seems that I underestimated just how much the old cunt valued his fame."

"Dumbledore did this for fame?" 

"His popularity was declining. What better way to bolster it by 'defeating' another Dark Lord?" 

"That bastard." Frank cursed. 

"Neville and the Potter's first born are both supposedly part of a prophecy that was given to Dumbledore." 

"We have to find our son." Alice looked at me pleadingly. 

"Right, you have two options." 

"What?" 

"You have two choices. Either I bring you back to life as you were or I resurrect you as Angels." 

"Wha- 

"You don't have to decide now, I suggest taking some time to think on it. You can even choose to move on to the afterlife." 

"What about Neville?" Alice asked. 

"I'll go find him, he was probably sent off to the closest relative or to a magical orphanage." 

"We put in our wills that James was to get custody of Neville should the worst come to pass." 

"That might be a problem, the Potters left the magical world a while back. It would be difficult for someone from Magical Britain to find them." 

"Then he should be with his uncle, the man works for the DOM as an Unspeakable." 

"I could just teleport over to where he is." 

"Then why didn't you lead with that?" A bit of anger crept into Franks voice. 

"No one asked." I shrugged.

I felt the air for a trace of Neville's ambient magic then traced it to where I felt a concentration of it. I looked at the ghostly Longbottoms.

"I found his magical signature. Would you like to come with me or would you like to stay here?" 

"We'll go with you." Alice spoke before Frank could say anything else. 

[Scene Break]

Another teleport later we were standing in front of a modest house that looked like it came out of a medieval picture book. I could already hear a baby crying inside the house as well as a male voice hushing the child gently. 

"This it?" 

"This is Algie's house, though it's changed since I last visited." 

"How long ago was that?" 

"Three years or so." 

I looked at the ghostly Longbottom who hovered mid air next to me. He was clutching his wife's hand tightly as we made our way over to the door. 

Being the only one with a physical body I was the one to knock on the door. There was a string of curses from inside the house and I instinctively put up an anti-teleportation ward with a twitch of my finger. More curses followed before the sole adult inhabitant shouted out from behind the door. 

"I have a wand aimed at the door. You've come to the wrong place." 

I looked at the ghostly Longbottoms, "He's supposed to be an Unspeakable?" 

"Hey! I heard that. Who's out there?!" 

"Algie it's us." Frank called back. 

"Frank? I- I thought you were dead." 

"We are, we got brought back as ghosts- listen, can you open this door. I'd rather speak face to face so that I can see my son." Frank started only for Alice to butt in. 

The door swung open and a red stunner flew out harmlessly passing through the ghostly forms of Alice. 

A middle aged man in gray robes gaped then he noticed me.

"You!" His wand snapped over to my direction. 

"Me?!" 

"You're a wanted man." 

"Sure I am, listen can we move this along. I'd rather deal with this sooner than later." 

"Why do you have a small child hanging off of your shoulders?" Algie asked. 

"Huh, I almost forgot about her. Oi, Ophis. Wake up." 

The Longbottoms deadpanned at me, Ophis rubbed her eyes with one hand while the other kept her latched onto my shoulders. 

"What do you want?" She grumbled with a bit more emotion than she usually put into talking. 

"Just checking in you were still alive…" I smiled. 

"…"

"Also these are the Longbottoms. Alice, Frank, Alfie, this is Ophis. My sister." 

"It's Algie." Algie corrected. 

"You really never noticed her till now?" Alice asked. 

"Nah." I replied. 

Ophis' grip tightened around my shoulders and I looked at the goth dragon. 

"Stupid." She muttered before karate chopping me on the head. 

The blow was deceptively much harder than it appeared. A shockwave of air rushed past the gathered Longbottoms making Algie stumble and the ghostly couple to flicker a bit. 

"How are you even alive after that hit?" Algie asked when he straightened himself. 

"Oh right, I never introduced myself formally. My name is Joe, but you can just call me God." 

Algie stared at me with a disbelieving look. Sighing I pushed him back inside the house. Alice and Frank floated in after me. 

"We don't have time for this. Just let Frank and Alice see their kid." 

"R-right." 

Algie disappeared into a back room where I presume he hid Neville. He came back a few seconds later with a bundle of crying cloth. Frank and Alice immediately blinked over and started fussing over the crying baby. 

"Oh I wish I could just hold him." 

"Have you made up your decision?" I asked Alice. 

Alice nodded, "I have at least. I'm not sure about Frank but I'd like to be able to spend my time with my son." 

"Right then. One express resurrection coming right up." 

With a snap of my finger Alice solidified into human form mid air and crashed onto the floor with an 'oomph'. Frank winced but Alice seemed to be more focused on getting to hold Neville again. The newly resurrected woman jumped back on her feet and practically snatched baby Neville from Algie. 

Frank looked at me pleadingly and I rolled my eyes. Snapping my fingers again I resurrected the remaining ghostly Longbottom. Frank rushed over to his wife and son and joined in on cooing at the now giggling baby. 

I turned to leave but stopped when I felt a spell splash harmlessly on my leg. I turned around slowly to face Algie who had his wand pointed at me. The man gulped as I quirked an eyebrow at him. 

"Really? Stunning people in the back?" 

"Y-you're a wanted man?" 

"I just resurrected two ghosts in front of you. What makes you think I care about being wanted?" 

"I don't know what sort of magic you used to bring Alice and Frank back but it must have been dark." 

I scoffed at the man drawing the attention of the resurrected couple. 

"Algie?"

"Man just tried to stun me in the back. Claims I resurrected you with dark magic. I have half a mind to just smite him and be done with it." 

"Algie what do you think you're doing?" Frank demanded. 

"He- he's a criminal. He ki-

"If you say upstanding members of society I really will smite you just so I can bring you back and let Ophis here violate you with a thousand snakes." 

The man gulped loudly as his eyes darted over to Ophis who glared at him. She had woken up when the spell had hit me. Alice sighed,

"Go on, we'll handle Algie. You have my thanks." 

"And mine. We won't forget what you've done for us… My Lord." Frank bowed his head. 

"Right then, I'll leave him to you. Gotta go deal with a fossil and an idiot with a snake fetish." 

Frank and Alice looked puzzled at my statement but then Frank's eyes lit up in understanding. He gave me another nod, which I returned. I waved at the couple and tagged them both with a tracking charm just in case Dumbledore came back around. 

"Snake fetish?" Ophis asked me. 

"Yeah, the man is a weirdo. Wouldn't be surprised if he had on snake themed underwear."

"Kill?" 

"Oh yeah, we're killing him. Why? Do you want to do it?" 

Ophis nodded and conjured up a snake.

"Violate." 

"I almost feel bad for Tom… oh who am I kidding. I'm gonna film this."