It Seems Like My Childhood Friend Has Returned

#68

Sometimes, I think about it.

It’s an undeniable truth that I love Joonu, but…

Am I overlapping the current Joonu with the future Joonu?

Even though it’s just a short eight months before going back to the past…

The density of the time we spent together during that period was not light at all.

Joonu, you can change as much as you want, but am I blocking your changes by envisioning the future you?

With a guilty heart about that Joonu, I thought I couldn’t live a single day without your affection, which made me feel ashamed of myself for endlessly craving you.

I wanted to devote everything to Joonu as soon as possible.

I also wanted to receive all of Joonu, but…

Maybe my feelings for you could hurt you, and that thought lingered in the corner of my heart, making me hesitate every time I tried to step forward.

All I could do was wish that Joonu would love someone like me.

#69

Around the time I was preparing to be discharged from the hospital.

The travel list Joonu had shown me with a bright smile.

I felt both joy and fear about that list focused on the West Sea at that time.

I didn’t want to show my burned appearance to others, so I hid those feelings and asked Joonu why.

Why the sea, of all places? I thought Joonu must have known how I felt.

I approached it casually, thinking there must be a simple reason.

Then, Joonu looked at me with a calm smile, as if to say, “What are you talking about?”

“You said before that the West Sea looked beautiful in the video and that you wanted to go. Let’s go this time. I’ve planned everything for places you’ll like.”

Joonu spoke lightly as if just to follow along.

Did I really say that?

I couldn’t even remember saying it, but you hadn’t forgotten.

As my heart warmed at those words, I looked over the travel destinations again as Joonu suggested.

I felt Joonu’s meticulous consideration for me in all those places.

The places I wanted to visit.

The foods I love.

The spots I would enjoy.

It wasn’t a casual decision for Joonu at all.

I could feel that he had put thought into every little detail, thinking only of me.

And seeing Joonu say all of that nonchalantly, as if it were obvious, made me think of how he must have researched these places with me in mind, filling me with so much love and gratitude.

I felt my eyes slightly moisten, but I held it back.

Joonu wouldn’t want to see this expression on my face.

How could I express this feeling to you?

I softly held your hand, wishing that my feelings would reach you, even just a little.

But the day to go to the places on that travel list we had planned together while pressing our foreheads together all night—

—did not come.

#70

The day Joonu suggested going on a trip.

Naturally, the travel list popped into my mind, and my heart became heavy.

I had been looking forward to it so much.

I really wanted to go… with you.

It was agonizing to think that those happy moments had vanished without a trace.

But I told myself I could start rebuilding those moments with you from now on.

There would be plenty of opportunities to travel with Joonu in the future.

I thought I would introduce those places to you then—

I wanted to go to where you suggested for our first trip this time.

But a few days later, I realized.

I didn’t know nearly enough about Joonu.

#71

Walking shoulder to shoulder with Joonu on the way home.

I wanted to immediately link arms and wrap myself around Joonu’s strong arm, but…

I thought there wouldn’t be much time left to do that, so I held back a little longer.

Joonu would still be uncomfortable with it, I figured.

…Or maybe he would like it…?

As I walked with that uncertainty, Joonu showed me his phone screen, saying he had found the destination for our trip.

For a moment, past memories flashed in my mind, but I tried to forget them.

That would be something I couldn’t say to either the current you or the you from back then.

With my heart racing, I looked at Joonu’s phone screen, and the sight before me seemed unreal, like a dream.

I blinked a few times, wondering if I was seeing it right, but the unchanged screen froze my entire body.

The travel list was completely identical to the one I had seen in the past, and I felt a lump in my throat.

I opened my trembling lips and asked Joonu once more why he had chosen these places.

“What’s the reason?”

“The reason? Well, there are some famous places, but…”

“You said before that you wanted to go to the West Sea. Plus, there’s a famous salmon sashimi place nearby that you like, and there’s a nice walking trail too. We can play at the beach during the day, then walk in the evening, and when we return to the accommodation—”

Same places.

Same reasons.

Exactly like back then… you.

The past I thought had vanished without a trace had not disappeared at all.

I felt a shock as if someone had struck my head with a hammer.

Future Joonu, current Joonu.

It made me feel so foolish for worrying about such things.

Joonu had always done his best for me, prioritizing me above all.

The unfortunate energy that had lingered in the corner of my heart, filled solely with feelings for Joonu, completely vanished, filling that space with my feelings for you instead.

This is cheating.

How am I supposed to catch up with you like this?

I thought my feelings for Joonu surpassed his feelings for me at this moment, but…

I realized that was utterly impossible.

I might never be able to surpass you.

And my heart raced.

You have always endured this bursting feeling that felt like it would spill out at any moment.

While mere words couldn’t convey it all, I still conveyed my feelings to Joonu.

“I remembered all the places I definitely wanted to go with you. Not a single one forgotten.”

I wanted to go with you.

#72

Han Seo-ah walked, her nose sniffing, as if she hadn’t fully calmed down yet.

Was it really that touching?

Maybe I’m a bit amazing as a man?

As I thought this, I glanced down.

Since we had just held hands, there was no sign of wanting to let go.

Her warm hand, soft yet feeling our combined warmth, felt so nice that I didn’t want to let go, but when I came to my senses, I got nervous and thought my hands might start sweating.

—Stop sweating…!

Thinking she might have thoughts like, ‘Ugh… it’s damp,’ (possibly fictional) made me want to die, so I tried to pull my hand away gently.

Then—

Hug

She grabbed my hand as if to say, “Where are you going?”

As if to prevent me from even thinking about it, she interlaced her delicate fingers with mine, and I felt twice, no, even more, of the softness and warmth.

—No, now I feel like my sweat will double too.

Whether she knew my inner thoughts or not, Han Seo-ah looked up at me, pouting her cheeks, as if she disliked that I tried to pull away.

With her eyebrows slightly furrowed, she seemed to try to show she was a bit sulky.

But to me, she was just adorably cute, so without realizing it, I smiled and poked her cheek with my finger.

“Ugh!”

She let out a small sound as if to say, “Don’t do that,” and her cheeks puffed even more.

I couldn’t help but burst out laughing at such an irresistibly cute sight.

“…I’m still sulking, you know.”

Who says they’re sulking about themselves?

I pretended not to understand and didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry. I won’t let go of your hand.”

As I gently squeezed her soft hand as if it were true, she finally seemed satisfied and smiled, releasing the air from her cheeks.

“If you do that again, I won’t forgive you.”

“Got it?”

Her sparkling eyes seemed to ask if I understood, filled with certainty that we would hold hands again in the future.

My heart fluttered at that thought.

“Okay.”

Walking in the warm atmosphere, feeling each other’s warmth, we soon arrived in front of the house.

It was a bit regrettable that we had already arrived.

“Oh, by the way, Joonu.”

“Yeah?”

Han Seo-ah suddenly smiled brightly, as if she had just thought of something.

“Do you have time this weekend?”

“This weekend?”

Hmm… that’s a bit vague.

With midterms two weeks away, if I wanted to get a grade one following Han Seo-ah, I needed to study this weekend—

“I need to go buy a swimsuit…”

“Let’s go.”

Huh?

My mouth?

I was startled by the words that came out without going through my brain, and Han Seo-ah looked at me with a smile, as if she knew what I would say.

…What a tease.

“…When are we going?”

“Hmm~ Saturday works, right, Joonu?

—Any day is fine: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

“Saturday sounds good. Let’s go then.”

Hiding my true feelings, I answered, and Han Seo-ah giggled.

“You have to pick one by then, Joonu. Got it?”

I didn’t ask what I needed to pick.

“…Okay.”

I merely agreed, hiding my flushed face.

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