It Seems Like a Girl I Don’t Know Is Doing Housework at My Place. But She’s Cute, So I’m Watching Her.

“──Welcome home! Would you like dinner? A bath? Or… me?”

Q: You rushed home after receiving some unsettling information from a reliable source. What is the appropriate reaction when greeted with the above line?

“Hmm? What’s wrong? You’re frozen… Could it be you’re feeling flustered by my outfit?”

──As a side note, the person greeting you appears to be wearing nothing but an apron from the front.

“Hey, Chiaki-san.”

“Yes, darling?”

“I’m going to contact Harusaki-san now, so could you take a solid hour or so of scolding?”

“Wait a second!”

A: Contact a guardian.

“Hey, Haruto-kun. I know this is a girl’s once-in-a-lifetime bold move, but bringing up another girl’s name right now isn’t exactly the best move.”

“I came home tired from my part-time job, only to find a friend pulling an old-school comedy routine. Of course, I’m going to contact a guardian to lecture them.”

“Old-school comedy routine!? Did you just call it that!?”

Honestly, it’s several generations old. It’s the kind of joke you’d expect to see on a barely-out-of-black-and-white tube TV.

“Look closely at this! My outfit! I even said ‘Or… me?’ in this! I mustered up all this courage, and you’re calling it an old-school comedy routine? That’s too cruel!”

“Chiaki-san, this isn’t about mustering up courage. This is what we call ‘throwing yourself into it.'”

“Are you trying to say it’s just slapstick humor!?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

It’s just so outdated. Sure, some trends, like the classic 7:3 hairstyle or loose socks, come back into fashion. But not everything does. Some things that were once all the rage just can’t keep up with modern times.

“Chiaki-san, let’s think about the era we’re in. This is Reiwa. Even if a soba delivery guy falls off his bike mid-delivery, it’s not funny anymore. Even crawling around on the ground with glasses on your head, looking for them, won’t get a laugh.”

“That level!? Are you saying my effort is on that level!?”

“Yeah, it is.”

Well, I mean, with some tweaks, even those old jokes might still land. After all, a classic joke is a classic for a reason, but only if it’s done with some finesse. Just pulling out an old routine without any adjustments is bound to come off as stale and outdated.

“That’s not the point! I’m seducing you! A girl is trying to tempt you, and you’re dismissing it as comedy or a joke! What’s wrong with you!?”

“On the contrary, I’d like to ask: where’s the seductive part in all of this?”

“I literally said it! And look at my outfit! This embarrassing outfit! Are you seriously saying this isn’t seductive!?”

“No, I’d say that’s an embarrassing outfit.”

“That’s not what I mean!”

Once you’ve thrown your dignity as a human being out the window, it’s hard to argue otherwise.

“Look at me properly! Isn’t your heart racing!?”

“Well… I mean…?”

“Wait, what? That’s your reaction? Seriously? You’re really not even a little flustered!?”

“Well, it’s just… you know?”

Let me clarify one thing upfront: I am a guy, so yes, I do appreciate the appeal of the ‘naked apron’ look. At least as a scenario or in an illustration, it’s a pretty solid trope.

But how does it fare in real life? Sure, it gave me a bit of a shock. I’m not denying that. However, I can’t tell if my reaction was due to sexual attraction or pure surprise.

Because, think about it: If a friend suddenly showed up in such an absurd outfit, anyone would be shocked. It’s a sexy outfit, sure, but the sheer absurdity of it makes it hard to grasp the situation at first.

And then, just when I was starting to wrap my head around things, she hit me with that ridiculously outdated, nonsensical line. It’s no wonder I lost my composure.

“I was thrown off at first, but once I calmed down…”

“Why!? This is such a sexy outfit!”

“I’m not denying that, but… hmm…”

A naked apron. Yeah, that’s definitely an outfit that embodies many guys’ fantasies, and Chiaki-san is definitely pulling it off.

Her idol-like face, combined with the frilly lace apron, reveals her bare shoulders, sides, and legs, all of which are quite seductive.

It’s a sexy outfit, no doubt. I’m not denying that. If anything, it deserves praise.

“But still…”

Reality is reality. Once I cooled down after hearing that ridiculous line, my mind kicked into gear and started analyzing the situation.

“Here’s the thing, and this is just my personal take.”

“Are you going to criticize me even after I went this far!?”

“Based on everything I’ve seen from you so far, if you were actually in just a naked apron, I don’t think you’d be this confident.”

“Ugh, sss…”

Hey, don’t turn your head away so quickly. That reaction is basically a confession.

“You’ve been making a big fuss this whole time, but you haven’t once shown me your back. If you’re really trying to tempt me, you’d at least make some effort to let me see behind you.”

“Ugh.”

“You’ve also been oddly restrained in your movements. If that was out of embarrassment, I’d get it, but for someone embarrassed, you’re full of energy with your comebacks.”

“Ugh!”

“Besides, the ‘actually wearing something underneath’ joke is a classic, too. Excluding underwear, since that’s basically the same thing, there are lots of women’s clothes that could be hidden under an apron—like a bikini, tube top, or low-rise jeans.”

“…”

“I’m going to take your silence as confirmation.”

Chiaki-san still won’t meet my gaze. At this point, any chance of turning things around is long gone.

“To summarize, if there was one fatal flaw in your approach, it was that goofy line that made me lose my cool. If not for that, I might have been flustered and reacted the way you hoped.”

Well, I had already been on high alert from the reliable information I received, but that’s a secret.

“Final score: 60 out of 100. Depending on the school, that might be a failing grade. You’ll need to try harder.”

“Noooo…”

With that, Chiaki-san sat down, seemingly crushed by my unexpected harsh review.

That said, now that she’s sitting, I can finally see the truth. There’s a thick strap, or more like a band, on her back. It seems like she’s wearing a bikini after all.

But honestly, now that I can see it clearly, it’s quite the outfit. How can someone bring themselves to wear something like this? You’d need a lot of confidence in yourself.

Chiaki-san, for all her quirks, really does have the looks to pull it off.

“Um, Haruto-kun? It’s really awkward when you suddenly go quiet like that, especially when you’re staring so much.”

“Wait, after doing something this ridiculous?”

“I know, but still!”

Even if she acknowledges it, she still gets flustered when being closely observed. Her sense of shame is really hard to pinpoint.

“So, uh… what’s your verdict after staring so much?”

“Like I said when you were dealing with the stalker—you really do have a habit of screwing up the approach. If you’d just shown me your swimsuit, I would’ve reacted properly.”

“Just showed you my swimsuit? What kind of situation is that supposed to be?”

“Why not just ask me out on a date? Summer’s coming soon. We could go to the beach or a pool. Or even go swimsuit shopping together beforehand.”

“That’s all it would take? Even for you, Haruto-kun?”

“What do you think I am?”

I’m not a comedian. I’m not looking for some elaborate, quirky approach.

“Chiaki-san, you really need to stop overcomplicating things.”

“Ugh…!”

“…Though, I do acknowledge the effort you put in.”

“Wait, really!?”

“Yeah. So, I guess I’ll play along this time.”

“Seriously!?”

“I’ll take dinner, please. I’m in the mood for some fried chicken.”

“That’s not playing along! That’s not playing along at all! Wait, are you actually asking me to fry something? In this outfit!?”

“Tempura would be fine too.”

“No way!”