It is Easiest to be Obsessed by Everyone

“How much does this cost here?”  

The incredibly handsome guy asked with an innocent expression.  

The three women could tell he didn’t have much experience with clubs. Their hearts, which were already overflowing with affection, softened even more.  

Sensing the moment, Jang MD made a show of excitement as he opened a bottle.  

“At our club, each bottle is 5 million won. So, these two bottles alone are already 10 million won.”  

“Wow. I remember scouring Seoul looking for stores that sold this cheaply.”  

“Oh my, you must really like the 38-year. MD oppa made a great choice, right girls?”  

“We should give our oppa a tip. Hold on a second.”  

Park Min-ha took out a check from her wallet and extended it with the most elegant gesture possible.  

A 1 million won check.  

Jang MD’s eyes widened.  

“Oh my gosh, thank you so much, ma’am! Really, thank you!”  

“This is nothing. Oppa, let me pour you a drink.”  

“Thank you. Wow, I’ve only ever handled this before; I’ve never actually had it.”  

Park Min-ha poured the drink and asked, “You said you ran errands for the 38-year a lot? But you’ve never tried it before?”  

“This is my first time drinking it.”  

———

I was an outsider all throughout my undergraduate years.  

Blind dates, drinking parties, gatherings—whenever I opened my mouth, the atmosphere would freeze.  

I was curious.  

What would happen if my poor conversation skills were combined with Lee Chang-woo’s looks?  

So now, I was speaking freely as if I were the former me, who died a virgin.  

“A friend of mine who got a job after getting his master’s once said to me, ‘Why are the new graduates so serious these days?’ I asked him what he meant, and he said that in an interview, they were asked to explain force and torque, and they just fumbled around.”  

“Oh! I sometimes hear from my dad! These days, people just use cards, but back in the day, they had to put something called torque when taking the bus.”  

“That would be a token, though.”  

“Oh… Is that something different?”  

“Yes, it is. Do you want me to explain it to you?”  

“Yes, please explain!”  

Engineering jokes, defense industry jokes, dad jokes.  

The three women found what used to be called ‘atmosphere-killing stories’ incredibly amusing.  

They couldn’t stop clapping their hands and laughing nonstop.  

To the point where I started wondering: ‘Do I actually possess good humor?’  

“Refill the glasses, refill!”  

“Song-hee, the bottle’s empty too.”  

“MD oppa!”  

As soon as Park Min-ha pressed the call button, the door swung open immediately.  

It was so fast that it seemed like they had been waiting just outside.  

“Ladies, sir! You called?”  

“Bring us two more bottles.”  

“I’ll deliver them like a bullet!”  

Two more bottles of the 38-year-old were brought in, and one of them was promptly opened.  

“I can see why my professor liked it. This is good.”  

“That professor was too much. He could’ve shared a few glasses.”  

“Because it was expensive, he never gave us, his slaves, a single drop.”  

“Slaves?”  

“There’s a saying that when college students commit a crime, they’re sentenced to ‘slave labor’ in the prison called graduate school.”  

“Wow. That’s hilarious.”  

“Hahaha, oh my god, I’m laughing so hard my stomach hurts.”  

“So what crime did you commit, oppa?”  

“The crime of choosing to go to graduate school instead of getting a job?”  

“That’s hilarious.”  

“Oppa, are you even allowed to be this funny?”  

“This is killing me.”  

The women laughed so hard they could hardly breathe.  

If nothing else, I could tell for sure that their laughter wasn’t fake.  

When professors told dad jokes, everyone had to laugh forcibly.  

But these women’s laughter was genuine.  

Now I knew for sure.  

The problem wasn’t my conversation skills; it was my face.  

“I’ll just go to the restroom for a bit.”  

“Oh, are you all going together?”  

“Yes. To prevent backbiting.”  

But why were they taking their handbags too?  

Although they left their outerwear, a sudden anxiety set in.  

“Sir, are you enjoying yourself?”  

Are those women going to run away and leave me with the bill?  

That’s what I wanted to ask.  

But I knew better than to say it out loud.  

“Are you close with them?”  

“Of course! They’re our club’s VVIPs. They usually spend a lot, but today, thanks to you, sir, I think they’re going to set a record. Thank you.”  

It appeared like I could relax.  

The women returned shortly after.  

As far as I know, when women go to the restroom, they usually touch up their makeup, chat, smoke, and take their time.  

“You came back quickly?”  

“We just did what we needed to do and came right back. We didn’t want you to run away, oppa.”  

“Oppa couldn’t run away anyway because MD oppa was keeping an eye on him. You didn’t know that?”

They must’ve had the same worries I did.  

It’s kind of like we’re in the same boat.  

“So, how old are you three?”

Usually, asking a woman her age out of the blue can make the atmosphere awkward. 

However, in this case.

“I’m 24!”  

“We’re the same age!”  

“We’ve been friends since elementary school!”

None of that applied to Lee Chang-woo.  

As if they were just waiting to answer, they all smiled brightly and responded.

I see…  

It turns out it only annoys women when guys who aren’t handsome ask their age.  

I gained yet another bit of enlightenment.

“How about you, oppa?”  

“This might be a big difference. Now, if you call me old and ask me to leave, it won’t be fair, right?”  

“Haha oppa, you’re so funny!”  

“Oppa, your sense of humor is amazing!”

They actually took that as a joke.  

I was worried they might think I was being awkward.

“I’m thirty-three.” 

“What? Really? Wow! You look so young for your age!”  

“A nine-year age gap! The best age difference!”  

“Wow, I’ve always dreamed of having a much older boyfriend. I think a nine-year difference is perfect.”

Thank goodness I didn’t have my ID.  

If they found out that my physical age was younger than theirs, they might start clinging to me.  

I didn’t actually ask their ages because I didn’t know.  

Thanks to the status window, I already know their names and…  

[Chae Song-hee]  

[24 years old]  

[163cm, 48kg, A-cup]  

[Park Min-ha]  

[24 years old]  

[164cm, 48kg, A-cup]  

[Kim Ga-eul]  

[24 years old]  

[165cm, 48kg, A-cup]

They really were close friends.  

[Basic libido: B]  

[Attraction to You: A]  

Even their basic libido and attraction were the same.  

But I had no idea why they were rated A for me.  

Can someone reach A-level just by drinking together and hanging out a little?  

Chae Song-hee, who was going to study in the U.S., had red-dyed hair.  

Park Min-ha, who enjoyed working out, had short hair.  

Kim Ga-eul, who worked at her mom’s store, had long hair.  

Without realizing it, I was trying to remember them by their physical features—maybe this was a habit I picked up from Chang-woo?  

But why were they ordering so much alcohol?  

“O…oppa… We’re fine… We can still drink more…”  

“Ugh, oppa… You’re really strong with alcohol…”  

“Can’t you just… Pass out already… Please…”

Chang-woo, you can really hold your liquor.  

I felt a bit tipsy, but I was still completely clear-headed.  

There were already 13 empty bottles lying around.  

Wait. Does that mean just the alcohol costs 65 million won?  

Suddenly, the alcohol buzz faded away.

“Oh no, ladies, are you alright? Why did you drink so much?”  

“Do they usually drink this much?”  

“They can usually handle a lot, but they’ve overdone it today.”  

“Let’s call it a night. Tell them it was fun.”  

“Oh no, sir! If you leave like this, those ladies will kill me.”  

“So what do we do? I can’t take them back to their place.”  

“No, I meant could you give them your contact information?”  

“I haven’t activated my new phone yet, so I don’t have a number to give out.”  

“In that case, please take this.”  

Jang MD quickly handed over a cheap burner phone.

“It’s my phone. Keep it with you, and the ladies will contact you on it.”

“Has this happened more than once?”

“Of course not. I just anticipated that you wouldn’t give out your number, so I came prepared. I’m meticulous like that.”

Jang MD gathered the empty bottles and took a photo. A moment later, a few burly bouncers came in and carried the unconscious women out, one by one.

“If they call, please pick up. Otherwise, I can’t settle their tab right away, and I’ll get paid late.”

“Wow… They’re running a tab of 65 million won?”

“They’re VVIPs. I can’t just take out a card from their bags and charge it. They’ll settle the bill once they sober up tomorrow.”

Seriously…  

This was a whole new world I never even imagined.

Out of a sense of duty, I followed them to the parking lot. The bouncers loaded the unconscious women into their cars and even buckled them in.  

Ferrari, McLaren, Bentley…  

They really were rich kids.

I felt foolish for worrying earlier that I might have to cover the tab if they ran off when they went to the bathroom.  

After a while, some designated drivers arrived. They seemed familiar with the scene. They promptly took the money from Jang MD and got into the driver’s seats.

“Is this safe? The world is pretty dangerous these days.”

Hearing this, Jang MD waved his hand and laughed.  

“These guys have driven our ladies many times. They know if they mess up, their lives are over. They’ll escort them home with the utmost respect, so don’t worry, sir.”

“How much is the bill?”

“65 million won. We threw in the room charge and snacks as complimentary.”

Before parting ways, Jang MD politely handed me his business card.  

“Feel free to come by anytime! We’ll make sure to treat you like royalty!”

——-

I went out for a drink in a noisy place to lift my spirits and ended up witnessing an entirely new world.  

For Chang-woo, this must have been just another day.  

Come to think of it, a 26-year-old wealthy daughter did give him an 8.5 billion won apartment, didn’t she?  

Could the events I experienced today have been just another tedious daily quest for Chang-woo?  

I returned to my studio apartment.  

I lay down and fell asleep while watching fancam videos of Jung Hyena’s idol group days on YouTube.  

———

I had a dream.  

“Hello, partner.”  

‘A sausage?’  

A sausage as thick as a baby’s arm greeted me.  

It didn’t have eyes or a mouth, but it spoke.  

On top of it, there was something like a cowboy hat.  

“You remember me. Yes, I was your faithful sausage companion for 27 years.”  

The sausage took off its hat and bowed. I felt a stirring shock in my chest.  

It wasn’t just a sausage.  

It was my severed penis, cut off along with the cancer cells.  

“You like the gift I gave you?”  

‘A gift? Ah.’  

“It’s good, right? I got it after crying and praying to the goddess of love every day for five years. Even she wept at the sight of a pitiful sausage like me and gave me a kiss in the end.”  

A second chance at life.  

The status window that showed information about women.  

Could it be that all of this was a gift prepared for me by the lost soul of my penis?  

“Even though we were apart for a few years, I was always with you. From now on, let’s live life to the fullest and enjoy it.”  

The soul of my penis flew toward my crotch.  

It gently landed in the center of my legs, where there was once nothing, and took root.  

“We’ll be together forever now!”  

———

I opened my eyes.  

When I lifted my head while lying down, I saw a proud tent rising.  

I felt hot tears rolling down my cheeks.  

I didn’t want to dismiss it as just a silly dream.  

I’d already experienced a miracle.  

“Yeah. We’re together now.”