Isekai’d Shoggoth

(written in Kraut language)

"...therefore, consider this missive to be official orders. You are not, by action or inaction, incur the ire of the aforementioned jungfrau Gillespie. The only exception we the king of Kraut permit to you is if you can prove to our satisfaction that the lady in question is committing hostile activities towards our kingdom of Kraut or royal house Hohenzollern. Should you find her embroiled in any manner of legal dispute within our domain, it is our will that you assist in the situation by whatever means necessary to attain a compromise that satisfies lady Gillespie. Should that prove to be impossible, you are hereby ordered to immediately report any such situation before taking any action. Any existing plans that MIGHT result in involving the aforementioned lady, be they just schemes or already occurring actions, are to be halted immediately, subject to royal approval.

Do not, under any circumstances, allow another such blunder, Klaus. Crownmark is the lifeblood of Kraut, and our country hardly needs to bleed gainlessly."

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(written in Albic language)

"I do sincerely hope this letter of mine finds you in good spirits and strong health, Cattleya.

In response to your question, I have been personally reassured by his highness king Abraham himself that my position by prince Edward's side remains unaffected. In fact, it was impressed upon me that now, more than ever, my service and vigilance are needed. I am not at the liberty to speak without restraint about the events that occurred at the Academy this autumn, but I am entirely at the liberty to confirm that in the end, we the Champagne nation and we the particular people have gained more than we lost.

The attack you inquired about in your last missive did indeed occur, and yes, I was at the forefront of the counterattack that thwarted the scheme, but it would be presumptuous of me to claim I did more than aid the castle guard. The bulk of praise should be given to lady Alyssa Gillespie, as it was her who broke the assault on his highness the king and it was her who recovered princess Lily-Anne from captivity. Furthermore, yes, she did wrest the secret oijan magics from the defeated magus and learned their fabled Worldstride. And yes, she did improve on the magic in question somehow. The exact formulae are well beyond my understanding and require of caster to be very thoroughly defiled to tolerate the exposure to the Void, but there are high hopes among the Royal Mages that with due diligence and effort, our kingdom may eventually benefit from our own Worldstriders.

The matters of kingdom aside, allow me to boast of my own gains. As I mentioned before, I did inquire with lady Gillespie on the topic of unusual weaponry, and although I did not expect anything beyond advice and maybe guidance, she delivered above and beyond expectations, as is her wont. To begin with, I must confess with some embarrassment that I have erred in my assumption that merely seeing the weapon would be sufficient for me to have it recreated. Upon impressing upon blacksmith what was that I wanted, this venerable craftsman pointed out that if he were to forge the hammer as I requested, it would be harshly unbalanced. At the time, I have rather arrogantly presumed him to be speaking in ignorance of this particular weapon's peculiarities, but once the item was finished to my specification, I found out, much to my chagrin (and loss of two planters) that he was quite right and the hammer as it was possessed no balance to speak if. Faced with such a quandary, I approached lady Gillespie for some advice and found out that Bec de Corbin she wielded was actually hollow in the hammerhead, filled with quicksilver instead of steel.

Through her contacts within the merchant guild, I was able to procure the necessary posson of quicksilver without delay and she deeply impressed me with her outstanding grasp of artisanal magic immediately after, hollowing out the failure that was produced to my specification to make it viable. She called the result 'dead blow hammer', and that name is very well deserved, I have to admit. As you are well aware, the crushing weaponry stemming from cudgels tends to recoil with each strike and by the strength of this recoil one could gauge the strength of the delivered blow. This simple maxim is potently untrue where quicksilver-filled hammers are concerned. Due to how the force is transmitted through the liquid metal, most of the blow power comes forth, leaving but a scant tithe at best to return to the giver as opposed to the full half one would expect. As such, I am currently in possession of a fearsome weapon that appears to be dangerous to any sort of foe. Lady Gillespie had cautioned me against practicing with my fellows at first, and I am glad to say I heeded her warning fervently.

At this point of time, I have attempted to strike the following...

Pumpkin - pulverized into juice and shreds.

Head of cabbage - pulverized into leaf shreds.

A head-sized chunk of sandstone - shattered into fist-sized pieces with plenty of sand and gravel.

Birch log - gouged a part of the log, reducing most of the gouged wood to splinters.

City guard helm (discarded for smelting) - shattered and squished into a flower shape.

The recoil of every strike was comparable to that of a small cudgel bouncing off the tree. In my humble opinion, if I were to strike any of my fellows on the limb, bones would be surely broken. If I were to strike someone in the chest, ribs would surely cave. If I were to strike someone in the head, they would surely perish on the spot. Dwarves of the Grand Forge may forge comparable weaponry on request, though I have yet to ascertain the likely costs of such a custom order.

My apologies, Cattleya, but as you can well see, I am very enthused about my new acquisition. While I do remember about it, on the same day of me gaining this implement of blunt assertion, the whole of Academy had been treated by his excellency Edward and his presumptive fiancee, lady Selene, to a bit of music. Until recently, I kept it a secret that Edward knows his way around bagpipes, as it was one of the few private pleasures he never showed to the public. However, he seems to have shed his apprehensions about it - or mayhaps, lady Selene persuaded him to disregard them. She possesses a remarkable ability with all sorts of musical instruments, including some that I have never heard before. On this particular eve, she had bedazzled us with a selection of songs performed upon an instrument called "hurdy-gurdy". It is somewhat reminiscent of a lute in size and violin in principle but possesses a crank one must turn to rotate the rosined wheel taking place of the bow. The resulting sound is very reminiscent of bagpipe droning and compliments the aforementioned quite delightfully. You might want to know that lady Selene plans to sell magical records of her music at some point in the future. As this will doubtlessly become the object of immense interest among the nobility, I have taken the liberty of requesting a few devices for playing such records to be set aside for our closest friends. It may be presumptive of me, but I made my request in the assumption that one of those devices would become yours.

But I digress. Assistance with the hammer I described in much detail earlier had been a gift enough in my opinion. Lady Gillespie thought otherwise. Upon the conclusion of the end-of-year celebrations, I found a number of crates in my dorm room. Each of them contained an example of an exotic weapon. Along with this letter, you will find the sketches of each one along with the description and my personal opinion on it so far. The assortment is eclectic and arouses my interest much, but so far I found myself sadly lacking time to truly devote myself to mastering any of them... That being said, one of them required little in the way of training.

I am referring to the crossbow, of course. Although the mechanical arrangement of it is eminently different from what one would expect out of a crossbow, the function is more or less the same. I have taken it along with me last Caturday, having been invited by my fellows from the Academy to attend a hunt. Truth to tell, we were going to run down a boar with hounds and spears, the only reason why I cared to bring the crossbow along was the fact it is small and slim enough to shoulder it without much care. Unfortunately for Jacques Kessler, instead of a boar we chanced upon a bear and he foolishly trampled over the lair. His horse was immediately mauled and threw him off. A lucky break for the fellow, not so lucky for his horse, but that's the fortunes of the hunt. Kessler would have likely been mauled next, as none of us were close enough to spear the bear fast enough - but I had the crossbow on my shoulder. Furthermore, it was already prepared, for I scared up some foxes a few moments ago and made preparations in case there's more of them.

Thanks to the clever contrivance of mounting a light looking glass on top of the crossbow, taking aim from a distance was quite easy. My plan was to harrow the bear with a bolt to the head or neck, cause it enough pain to dismiss Kessler in favor of a more dangerous foe... However, upon taking a shot the bear toppled and ceased moving shortly after. As soon as we aided the luckless Kessler and sent him back towards the lodge on a sled with a few footmen, we investigated the bear and much to the incredulous bedazzlement of my fellows, we found out that my bolt had entered through the ear and punched clean through the bear skull to the other ear. As such, I am a proud owner of completely intact bearskin, a somewhat irksome nickname "Eagle Eye" and a whole stack of letters from my fellows to lady Gillespie all inquiring about the crossbow in question and the costs of obtaining one. Or dozen, coin permitting. I do believe your family is well-acquainted with house Gillespie and I do remember your vivid interest in all things archery-related, so maybe you should consider asking some advice from lady Gillespie yourself, should an opportune moment present itself. She is quite generous with her wisdom..."

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(written in Oijan language)

"...as per your enlightened instruction, oh great vizier, this insignificant is elated to report that great vizier's most cunning plan to subvert the cursed corpses into useful labor is eminently successful. May the thrice bedamned White Witch choke on the lowly fig and die upon hearing the tale of her horrid curse being subsumed by the sublime mental might of Sultanate's oldest and most experienced servant of sultan Salaadin the Eminent, may his reign last until the end of times. This humble servant of a servant is proud to report the third firewood stockade had been completely filled as of this morning. Per the grand vizier's prescient direction, the cursed corpses had been lured away from hauling firewood and redirected according to ordained proportion. Seventeen to collect dried manure off the streets, six to refill plaza basin from the far wells and two remaining remanded to the care of most learned hakims as ordained by great vizier for the betterment of our understanding on the ways of subversion to this most insidious curse..."

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(written in Albic language)

"Sand jackals had failed once again. By the looks of it, their mettle is broken. We might find a few holdouts willing to sell their lives for a chance to be remembered, but I would not count on them doing any better. Our best and most likely option by now remains Balthazar Lamarchand. Baroness XXXXXX arrived at Lamarchand viscounty two days ago, according to her last missive. She should be welcomed by viscount this evening. According to my sources, viscount should not need much in the way of provocation, he seems to be simply looking for an excuse. Baroness is confident she can incite viscount into declaring a duel.

Between us two, however, I have my doubts about viscount. Inciting him to hostilities should be remarkably easy, but I have no confidence he would be able to win. Lamarchands' fame notwithstanding, he had no serious duel for over four years and there is only so much that can be attained and retained through training. Say what you will about the impertinent bint, slaying a batal one-on-one is no easy task. Perhaps those of us with a modicum of foresight should begin planning for damage control in case viscount loses."

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(written in Old Champaignan language)

"Tremper, you have drawn the attention of a powerful noble, and they aren't looking to buy your services. Rather, they seem to be rather miffed with you offering services to someone you really shouldn't have. House Gillespie is looking for you. I strongly suggest you leave Verdun before they come here. In case you do not get it, strongly suggest means I expect you to get the fuck out of Verdun by the next sunrise before one of my more ambitious footpads decides to offer your head to Gillespies in hopes of a reward."