Isekai’d Shoggoth

-...Well now. As much as I loathe the necessity, I do actually need to take your report. Things are getting a little urgent.

- MM, sure, sure... Just, ah... One moment while I mmm... Oh quit it, I can hardly think of serious things if you keep distracting me like that!

- But it's ever so fun. How could I possibly resist?

- Flatterer... Mm, just keep it slow for now, alright? So... HM. What to begin with?

- Well that's easy. Tell me a little story about Champagne court.

- Those folks, mm? Well, they've been busy. That little prodigy you keep mentioning is literally burying them under an avalanche of new and exciting. Not just by herself, either. To be frank here, we keep hearing odd things about all of it. On one hand, we are quite certain the engagement with the third prince was dissolved because she wanted it gone. On the other, she immediately turned around and dragged the third prince into a joint production effort. Speaking of which, would you kindly arrange for a bit of extra funds?

- Oho? Didn't we already buy a whole gross of spyglasses? I'll grant that they're quite useful for certain kinds of job, but... Aaah, I see, something else they're offering that caught your eye?

- Mume¹ [Aunt] Magdalene and her girls were quite vocal about graduated glasses...

- Do tell?

- Oh, yet another of those "so simple yet so useful" little things. Remember the measuring cups? Well, imagine the same cup made out of glass. And having a stack of marks on the side. Fill it up to the first mark, that's onse, fill up to second, that's two, fill up to third, that's posson. Or a bigger jar that fits a pinte with posson marks. Or a fine vial that lets you measure out quarters of onse...

- I see, I see... And that's hardly the only thing they make for alchemists, I wager?

- Dokter Netsboym had been making noises about "Royal medicos kit", whichever that is. According to girls over at the guild, a fine and extensive collection of instrumentarium for a medical scholar. A little pricy, but I do believe we should get at least one, see what new things are inside. Maybe take some notes and pass them to our own artisans for, ahem... inspiration?

- Yes, that sounds reasonable enough. I'll see what can be done about extra funds later... For now, continue. So the new keeps coming?

- Just so, yes. NN, a little lower... Yessss... Anyway, the latest buzz among the knights is some kind of new weapon. They're being cagy about it, so we don't know much yet. Here's what I'm confident at. One, it's something similar in use to bow. Point and shoot. Two, it requires only one hand to aim and shoot, much like a small crossbow. Three, it's something alchemical in nature. Finally, fourth, it can punch a hole clean through the solid steel helmet, front and back. Not sure from what distance, though.

- Wait wait wait wait. Helmet? Not chainmail? Solid cap?

- Yeah, we actually have the helmet in question. Oh, this is just a conjecture, but we believe that this weapon was what Jungfrau Gillespie used to fend off the assassin on Year's Ending celebrations. If so, then we additionally know that using it produces a loud sound reminiscent of a thunderclap and that using it comes with fire and smoke. We also strongly suspect the projectiles are small round pebbles of the kind you'd see used in a sling.

- So our standing recommendation should be...

- Don't piss off any Gillespies or Cullens if they can see you. Chances are, if they can see you, they can make a hole in you at their convenience, and neither amulets nor armor would mean much.

- Scheisse, Old Man is going to be a problem there, won't he?

- Yes, indeed. He is supremely capable in the art of pissing powerful people off, unfortunately. On the plus side, after getting killed two times in a row, even he has a measure of healthy caution insofar as Jungfrau Gillespie is concerned. She is worryingly and remarkably unconcerned about erasing inconvenient people out of existence.

- Are your gals and pals safe?

- Oh, I have explicitly ordered all of them not to be inconvenient. We will have much need of them later on, when Old Man inevitably shits in the soup once again.

- Now, now, it's not like you to be so weary.

- Sorry. It's just... he used to be someone we all looked up to. A hero. A person to build yourself after. To see this... mockery of him resurrected over and over and OVER again... And to realize that we did not see how incapable this, this... this facsimile of a person truly is... Ugh.

- To be completely fair, I suspect the chief problem here is simply in the fact that being killed twice over in a short row gave Old Man pretty much no time at all to grasp all the new things that occurred in the last year. The pace is breakneck for the living, let alone revenants like him.

- True enough. I've certainly been wondering if I'm actually awake a time or three.

- Alright. So we know Jungfrau Gillespie is the real deal. How does she do that, do we know that much? God-blessed? Stable of scholars? Lucked out with her defilement target?

- Everything, by the looks of it. Champagne Temple is confident she's gods' chosen one. Kassandra confirms she is very thoroughly defiled. Plenty of scholars around her, both as lovers and as employees.

- Lemand Lemarchand, you mean?... What can you tell me about that consumption treatment? Something worthwhile or?

- Oh, that one is a real deal alright. Reliably cures consumption in any stage, so long as you stick to instructions and don't screw up.

- Oho? I suppose I should not be surprised. How many people are known to be already cured?

- We do believe at least two dosen, partially in Parsee, partially in Grenwille. Soon to be more, sir Pasteur gave his unrestricted endorsement for the treatment last week.

- Can we get our hands on a detailed enough description of procedure to reproduce?

- Sure, so long as you sign off on obtaining license.

-...And they will give license to someone from Kraut?

- On standard terms, yes. I have already made inquiries. His highness Alphonse had already signed off on royal endorsement of this license within Kraut.

- Ahh. So it's just a matter of getting herr Netsboym through the licensing office, then? Good, good.

-...And now I have a premonition that Old Man will try to steal it.

- Why would he? It's basically given out to us as it is.

- Because he would never be able to believe there is no hidden cost or trap with what was proffered to us voluntarily.

-...Scheisse.