Isekai’d Shoggoth

I am deeply thankful Moon Unit is kind and merciful and did NOT make me do something I'd have great difficulty in explaining to every single traumatized student and professor. I'm LESS thankful for her being an incorrigible TEASE! (Note to self - invent the cold shower. Because I'm fucking gonna need it. A lot.) I AM slightly thankful that she did hint at teasing being complemented with pleasing at some convenient point soon. Not exactly sure when, though. Probably after the academy starts, because right now everything is pretty frantic. I have had finished with the second king's order, bringing my earnings from that alone to a nice round hundred gold. He sent a note with the four guys coming to pick it up about holding off from further orders until the existing receivers are distributed as necessary. Apparently, the sudden glut of communication ability had caused something of an upending in the court. On a less pleasant note, I am short on paper and had to send Bridgit out for more. But on the upside, she did mean to pop back to our residence today to stash back what was unneeded anyway, so...

I keep spying on the people in the meanwhile. Hiram finally made an appearance. As in, he's now at his dorm room. His manservant is still turning away assorted visitors, so I am guessing he is not "officially in" just yet. Lemand is being his geeky self, failing to notice people around him. I have had surreptitiously swapped several books around, making sure he would get something other than dimensional theory. Admittedly, I did not plan on getting him stuck in a huge omnibus on enchantments, but this is much safer than the alternative he would get into without "assistance". (Note to self - try and steer Lemand into becoming a more conventional mage. Maybe get him into researching. By the time he graduates I should be able to afford him a very generous stipend - and he in turn should be a decent option to dump all the piddly research on while I'm concentrating on unexplored concepts.)

Oho, what's that? Ed and Alistair are having a serious conversation? Don't mind if I do.

"'...What is it going on with you, Al? Your face could sour the milk." - hm, Ed sounds pretty carefree there. Curious.

"Your behavior worries me, my prince." - aand here's serious Al. Way serious. "People are starting to talk..."

"When they are not talking about me, Al? Tell me something new for a change. And stop with 'my prince' already. I thought we've agreed it's silly to use in private." - Ed tosses back. Hm. Just clueless, or intentionally avoiding thinking about it? Because even I can guess WHAT people are talking about. He had been seen with Selene a bunch of times already, but not with me. Add to that that I live in the different dorm building, and people are wagging their tongues something fierce. Only a matter of time now before ol' Abe summons Ed to the castle to read him the riot act.

"As you wish, my prince." - Alistair retorts. OOh, he must be annoyed at Ed to needle him like this - "And people are talking about your fiancée. And how you don't seem to be in any hurry to meet her. And how you've been seen in the company of a maiden who is clearly not her several times already. At this rate, you're going to give lady Gillespie a reason to demand satisfaction."

"What of it? What is she going to do? Whine to father?" - Ed grumbles back, his mood clearly taking a nosedive - "Al, why are we talking about her again? Petty shrew never liked me, the less we see of each other the better. Let her spread the rumors if she wants to. The more of a harridan she seems, the easier it will be to make her go back to the boonies."

"Well, that's the problem, Ed." - Alistair finally dispenses with formalities - "Because she's not. In fact, so far common opinion is on HER side. Everyone thinks you are a bonvivant who couldn't be bothered to attend to your rightful fiancée and instead elects to spend time with jumped-up commoners. No, don't look at me like this, I don't set the tone for the public. I know lady Selene had earned her title, but the majority of students? Yeah, well, the most flattering opinion is "she lucked out being born into power". The rest are even less charitable."

"Did Gillespie put you up to this, Al?" - Ed demands angrily - "I know you've been talking to her. What's next, you'd be taking her side against me too?"

"I don't think she even knows she has a side, Ed. Much less that her side is going against yours." - reasonable Alistair is reasonable. Go Al, go. Rooting for you here.

There is a curious slam. I'm not quite sure what it is, but my best guess is that Ed slammed his book close or thwapped it on the table. You mad, Ed? You totes mad. And I don't even know why.

"This again!? Al, we discussed that before. She hates me, she made it pretty obvious and I don't see any reason why she would change her opinion." - Ed raises his voice - "She cried every time I was near when we were little, she avoided talking to me as much as she could when we were older, and she outright refused to spend time with me when we were of age to attend parties by ourselves. I do not know why she is still clinging to that sorry charade of an engagement and I wish she'd finally grow enough of a conscience to break it off."

Hm. That's interesting. Let's... recall. Crying... Ah, yes. Our first ever meeting. When I was three and Ed was four, and he ran into me and knocked me over, then run away when three year old me naturally decided to bawl about scraped knees and palms. Then tried again two days later, which made three year old me start crying again. And run away again without explaining anything. That was IT as far as meeting while little went. The next time we met was when I was eight and he was nine, respectively, and I have been instructed up to wazoo on the proper etiquette and eager to show off just how well I learned it. There have been two months of on and off meetings while parents handled all sorts of things in capital, and I left under an impression he was well satisfied with a properly mannered fiancée. Which he apparently misinterpreted as "avoided talking", because I vaguely remember him fucking up protocol about several times per meeting. Was that him trying to get "informal"? Well, he sure did a shoddy job out of it, then. Because I came out of it with "woo-hoo, passed all the tests" impression.

I have absolutely no clue what he means by "refused to spend time with me when we were of age". I had spent all of my teens until now in our county, I could hardly refuse or consent to meeting with him while living two provinces over to the north, now could I? The last nugget takes the freaking cake, however. Because count's daughter just breaking an engagement with prince without a good cause? Yeah, well. It wouldn't fly well. At all. In fact, that would be pretty much taken as tacit admission I've been critically unfaithful and pretty thoroughly damage the reputation of Gillespie family. So either Ed is stupid enough to fail this consideration - or he believes I should value his convenience over the safety and prosperity of my own family. Which, for someone he believes to be hating him is pretty weird. So... Ed, why you so stupid?

"Have you considered the fact that between your father and her father wanting that engagement to happen, lady Gillespie herself might have no say on it?" - thank you for pointing out obvious, Alistair. Yes, I actually lucked out to have a father with conscience, but it would NOT be out of ordinary for your average noble dad to ignore their daughters having ideas on engagements. In fact, it's usually how it happens - daughters are usually simply informed about their impending marriages. Actually marrying for love is something that happens to commoners and eloping romantics.

"Pff, she has her father wrapped around her little finger. If Gillespie wanted out, he would've easily given up half his county to give her what she wants." - Ed retorts dismissively. But have you considered I might actually NOT want to pauper dad? Right. Sorry, Ed, but I'm NOT going to sacrifice my family because you're too chickenshit. This engagement is going to be broken on your fault. It may be a fault to remain faithful, a fault to see it through, or a fault to live. Depending on how stupid are you going to get about it.

Well, that was an interesting conversation to eavesdrop on. Gives me more ammo on Ed. Actually, now that I think about it, I am going to start coopting Selene to my side. Academy allows students to volunteer for certain tasks once the schoolyear starts. Participating in knight training is most popular, but there is an option to volunteer at the local temple if you are decent with light magic. So, my plan is to grab Moon Unit and make a public offer to Selene to volunteer at the temple as healers for all three of us. She can't refuse it, both on her logic (What if that horrible villainess curses people instead of healing?) and on her reputation (Because having a title for being good at light magic and refusing the offer to do healing? Even she should be cognizant it would ruin her reputation to tatters.).

But... I am worried for unrelated reasons right now. It's evening, and Bridgit is not here. She should have been here hours ago. Which is why I'm currently walking towards my family's capital residence.

___

Well. Shit on a stick. Klaus, you son of a bitch. Now I wonder just what the hell did prompt you to act out so early and so overtly? I walk into the house, having spread the eyespiders ahead to scout. There are three men in ambush. One of them is holding control of Bridgit. Which, correspondingly, means he just signed up his death warrant, because they used a slave collar on Bridgit, and the only way I know to take it off her safely involves using the guy on the other end as a "willing" human sacrifice. Klaus is in the center, having a cuff for another slave collar on his wrist.. and the third guy right next to the door, preparing to collar me the moment I come in. I could kill them all with eyespiders. But... then I won't find out what Klaus is doing here. So, as counterintuitive as it sounds, I'm going to let the guy put the collar on me. The funny thing about those collars - if you put one on a mage who knows how it works, it's entirely possible to reverse the direction. Unfortunately, that does not mean I'll be able to enslave Klaus instead. But it would be an entertaining way to kill him, and he might survive long enough for me to extract some data out of him.

And so, I walk on, making just enough noise to give an impression of a decently agile, confident and unworried woman striding through her own home. And push the door open. And... wait. And wait some more. Seriously, Klaus? A hench that takes two freaking seconds to latch the collar? I understand you are expecting to deal with women, but for fuck's sake. I take a look at Bridgit. And growl internally. She apparently didn't go down without a fight, given she's clearly beaten black and blue. And looking very dazed. Oh, the payback will be hard.

"Ahh, fraulein Gillespie." - Klaus begins with his fake kraut accent. Bastard can speak flawless albish when he wants to, but prefers to affect an accent while "out of costume". "So glad you could join us. My apologies about the collars, but people are just so uncooperative these days. Honestly, no tact at all. So I've decided to, ah... simplify the matters. Oh, just so we're clear - your pretty little maid over there will be killed if you try to resist the collar. Now, should you cooperate, I'll let you both go, and shan't bother you more often than once a month or so to do some small favors for me. Really, nothing onerous, just some rumor gathering and maybe some petty larceny. Do try not to get caught."

He pauses and gestures the guy behind the door to sit at MY desk. And start using MY paper. And MY quill. "Now, fraulein, be so nice to tell us how to make ripple steel, would you kindly?" - he continues. Seriously? THAT is what got you here? Not trying to kidnap one of the dwarves? "Oh, and the recipe for the cure for cold. I'm going to ask you to sign a confession that it was invented in Kraut kingdom. Nothing personal, just statecraft. You understand." I think I heard more than enough.

"Nope." - I enunciate clearly. And overload the collar to the brim. The loop around my neck crackles, as most of it carbonizes outright in a puff of light smoke. Klaus isn't so lucky, he lets out an incoherent scream as the wristband erupts into a fireball consuming most of his right arm and about a quarter of torso. The guy with Bridgit's control opens his mouth, probably to shout and gurgles as my hand sinks right in, morphing into a tentacle in process. He does not get a chance to do so much as a blink after that, as I tear through the roof of his mouth and into his brain, tendrils spearing through the mass as I override his control, destroying most of the frontal lobe in process. He sorta squirms and sags, as the magic directed by me drains his available energy reserves into severing the link, taking all precautions on Bridgit's side of it (which correspondingly means that the guy is in horrible pain, not that he has enough of brain left to register that).

The third of the invaders finally gets enough of his marbles together to try and stand up from the table, his hand reaching for the dagger. He does not get far, as the knife his fellow had on his waist abruptly enters his nasal cavity and proceeds further into the skull, dropping him like a sack of shit. Klaus lets out a gurgling cry as he tries to lift himself on his remaining arm. I shrug off the corpse from my hand and reach for Klaus, lifting him up by the lapels. "You know." - I offer to him conversationally, as more eyes sprout on my cheeks - "I wanted to eat your liver with some fava beans and a glass of nice chianti. But then you just had to hold an exploding artifact just right to blow most of your liver across the floor. You have some fucking gall talking about people being uncooperative when you can't even PRESERVE YOUR GODDAMN LIVER FOR A DISCERNING GOURMAND!"

"Monster!" - he spits in my face. Literally spits, I have to dodge his saliva. Jackass.

"So glad you noticed." - I return - "Know what's funny, Klaus? I'm a monster, but you're the monstrous one here." His eyes widen as I namedrop him, but I don't give him a chance to ask. "Now, if I know right, you were here both to get the data on the new wares and to silence the last witness on the Baumhoff case, ne?"

Bridgit, who was out of it enough to just sway in place so far, clearly takes notice. So does Klaus. His face is flabbergasted. I start laughing - "Oh, this is fucking hilarious, Klaus. You did not even know the daughter of the man you helped murder is my maid?... Then again, you murdered so many people you probably don't even recall the name." He clearly does, but I'm not about to let him blather about it. My free arm shifts into a pincer, like that of a lobster, but quite a lot bigger, and I clamp Klaus around the neck with it - "You know, I don't even care. I'm just going to take your head, dump it on Hiram's table and let him worry about how much it's going to cost to Kraut kingdom to smooth out your little screw-up here. Because trying to enslave prince's fiancée? I'm pretty sure old Alphonse is going to end up giving up one of the old treasures to appease me and Champagne."

It's honestly more than a little anticlimactic as I close the pincer and his head rolls off.

"Mishtreshh..." - croaks Bridgit behind me - "Ware yee ahways a orrible onsteh?"

Sighing, I stand up and turn to face Bridgit, putting my claw and tentacle around her... OOh, shit. Shit shit shit shit! Shapeshift shapeshift shapeshift! There. Just hands. Regular hands. Nothing to see here. So. I place my hands around her shoulders to steady her, as I channel as much healing as it is safe into her body, momentarily suffusing her with golden light. When the light show subsides, she looks much better. Not ideal, there are still traces of bruises on her face, but right now they look more like "third week traces" rather than "freshly beaten", and more serious issues had been taken care of. Including the most worrying kidney bruise. I.. want to kick the guy, but I kinda ate his brain already. He won't feel it. But seriously, what the fuck, who hits a CUTE MAID in the kidneys? Inept fucks.

"Mistress." - she rasps tiredly - "You might want to put eight eyes away before going out." Shiiiiiiiit. Cover. Blown. Bleh. I blink with all ten eyes in response.

"Bridgit." - I offer, thankfully in a more or less normal voice - "I think we will have to discuss additional security measures for you. Because I will NOT TOLERATE this happening again." Honestly, I... just... Argh. So I hug her. And growl. And mutter dire threats to anyone stupid enough to try.

"Mistress." - she repeats - "I'm flattered you would burn half of Kraut for my sake if needs be, but might you let me go? Because I really need to sit!"

Setting Bridgit down on the couch, I briefly consider the corpses. The head of Klaus goes into a nice thick bag. Most of the blood already drained while I was healing and hugging. What do with the rest of the corpses? I could call guards, but then we'd have to give testimonies and there would be an investigation, and things would get uncomfortably official. Right.

"Bridgit, I'm going to get rid of filth, alright?" - I offer to her quietly - "No need for you to see this." She raises her head, starts to answer... pauses, sighs, nods. "I understand." - she offers, holding still as I lift her up and carry her out to the front room. Having had put her there, I return to the corpses. Fuck it, why not? I need extra mass anyway, if I'm going to use eyespiders a lot. Besides, it's good proteins. Not exactly gourmand eats, but plenty nutritious. Dissolving all three corpses takes but five minutes, after which I'm left to the collection of stuff they had. Clothes are straight up chucked into the fireplace, and so are the rags they have with them. Probably to wipe off the undesirable traces or something. I pocket a pretty comprehensive set of lockpicks from one, a couple of decent quality knives, which I strictly speaking do not need, but you never know when a nondescript knife might come in handy, and an assortment of coin. No papers or much of anything else. Which is pretty much par for the course for the underlings Klaus reared up. Opsec is something he's fairly conscious about. Was conscious about.

Setting fire to the pile in the fireplace, I give it a few minutes to burn, helping along with a low-key breeze spell to really kick up the burning. Into the smokestack you go, shoo, shoo. Having burned the whole thing to ash, I quickly put the room back in order and return to Bridgit, who looks fairly ready to travel. Hm, actually... Taking a look in the stables, I find the housekeeper with a huge lump on the head and a rag in the mouth. He is tied to the post next to the horses. Setting him free is easy. Setting him on ease not so much. I end up taking him to the house and showing him the head in the sack to make him believe I really took care of the interlopers. On the flip side, the looks he's giving me now are VERY respectful. Apparently, he's been clubbed on the head and left gagged in the stables all day. I quickly check him for concussion, find none and get him to drive me and Bridgit into Academy.

Bridgit is silent through the carriage ride. She keeps stealing glances at me. Probably wondering what kind of monster is wearing the skin of her mistress or something equally dire. Bother bother bother bother. But then again, she didn't raise a ruckus on the street. She could have, there were plenty enough people that she could cry havoc and be answered. Guess I still have some trust credit with her. Nice. I suppose.

"Mistress. Have you always been like this?" - she asks wearily when we're safely at my dorm room.

I ponder the merits of evasion. And decide that it's not worth it.

"Yes." - I offer simply - "Not that I wanted you to find out like this."

She gives a tired chuckle. "I think I, ah... always knew." - she offers - "You've always been odd, mistress. I just didn't... didn't realize it's not just in mind but in body too."

I ruffle her hair. "Well, I am. Do you mind?" - I have to know, come on. If she does, well, I'll just send her back to the county.

She leans closer and mutters - "I guess I don't."

Setting her to bed is much easier than usual. While I don't like the fact itself, she is much more accepting of being fussed over after being beaten. So there is almost no argument when I make her drink a nice tall glass of milk "for strength" and tuck her in. Time to have a chat with Hiram.

___

"Milady, this is far too late for visitations, and prince Hohenzollern is not..." - I cut the manservant off mid-sentence.

"Hiram! I want to talk about certain Klaus!" - I shout into his door. Not TOO loud, I don't want any eavesdroppers, but sufficiently so that he immediately shouts at the manservant to shut up and invite me in pronto.

"Lady Gillespie." - he offers warily, standing up from the table. He was doing something paperworky, if the inkstained fingers and dripping quill are of any indication.

"Kronprinz Hohenzollern." - I offer back without much ado, plunking the bag with the head on the table. He looks at it questioningly. I nod towards the manservant. Hiram nods back, sighs, then commands his manservant - "Yekb, vart mkhuts der tir. Farmakhn es gezunt, aun lozn keyn eyner arayn.¹ [Jacob, wait outside the door. Close it well, and let no one enter.] "

I wait for the door to close. Then, I pull the head out of the sack and plunk it on the table. Hiram draws a surprised hiss. I set down the remains of the slave collar next to it. "Interesting pair, don't you think?" - I offer to him - "Care to explain their appearance at my capital house, prince?"

"A lokh in zayn kop!² [A hole in his head!] " - he swears. Oh. Wow. Hiram, mister purity himself, swearing? Once in a lifetime situation. He growls and looks at me - "What do you want, lady Gillespie?"

"Well..." - I drawl - "Some guarantees this is an isolated incident, to begin with."

"Granted. Might you explain to me the details of this... unfortunate meeting, so that I know whom I need to yell at and how much?" - he inquires.

"Well, Klaus and his two accomplices had invaded my capital family house, knocked my housekeeper unconscious, beaten my maid and forced a slave collar on her, then laid in ambush for me and tried to force one on me too." - I sum up for him - "As far as Klaus was able to reveal before I fucked them up? He was after the technology behind ripple steel, the cure for cold and other assorted sundries. Oh, and he espoused his intent to use the slave collars to make us spy on students here in Academy. I was more than a little furious with his behavior, as you can tell from the evidence. The rest of them is currently cinders."

I lean forward. looking at Hiram intently - "Please understand me right. I want to be friends. But I can not and will NOT tolerate such... ahem, less than friendly overtures from a supposed ally." I pause to let it sink in, then continue - "I am willing to keep this incident between us. But only if you are willing to give me your word you will knock enough of tangentially responsible heads together to ensure this situation is not repeated."

He pinches the bridge of his nose. "Klaus. At least I can take solace in the fact this is the last time you give me a headache." - he mutters, giving a hard glare to the severed head - "I thank you for your forbearance, lady Gillespie. Most others would have demanded gifts to soothe the affront."

"Heh. I could, ostensibly speaking. I imagine Kraut kingdom would have to fork over quite a bit to smooth over an attempt to enslave prince's fiancée." - I quip, making Hiram groan again - "But, well. I happen to respect you. Not the kingdom, but you personally. If it was anyone else, well. But you do have the reputation for holding strong to your word."

"My thanks for the compliment." - he smiles thinly - "It's a cold comfort, knowing your personal honor is the only thing that shelters your country from the consequences of foolish spymaster's blunders, but I take my comforts where I can. You have my word, lady Gillespie, I will personally attend to the situation and thoroughly impress on the responsible parties just how foolish of an attempt it was."

Nodding, I pull out a third thing I have taken along to the meeting. It's a bottle of 'knight mead'. "If you pardon the presumption, I have made a guess that after such news you would want a stiff drink." - I offer to him, setting the bottle down on the table - "It's one of the new products our county offers now. Knight mead. Please enjoy."

He barks a laugh and stands up to kiss my hand. "My thanks, lady Gillespie." - he proffers - "I believe I shall indeed. Have a good night."