Isekai’d Shoggoth

Ok, so... what exactly is this jackass on about? Foul murder, is that it? He's here with the body of the guy I just shot, but I notice he neither recovered his own people from the forest, nor bothered to find the remains of unmourned Romeo. I can see why he wouldn't want to do first - explaining what the fuck was he doing with a couple archers and capture specialists in the woods would be a pickle, and Moon Unit would be perfectly within her rights to cite self-defense and throw the accusation back at the dude. But why didn't he trot out Romeo along with this guy? Didn't find out his rival got headbitten or he is betting on the shooter being of an unrelated clan, and therefore... what?

"You mean the guy that shot me six times before I shot back?" - I respond lazily - "I'm reasonably sure that falls under self-defense. Speaking of which, who is that, anyway?"

Eldest Tamaya takes a long hard look. "That appears to be Benvolio of clan Montecchi." - she sums up - "Clan Montecchi is in an open feud with clan Zappa, Tybalt of clan Capulet."

Tybalt gives a coy smile. He seems like a pretty slick dude, come to think of it. Somehow, he managed to find time to get his hands treated and bandaged and still was here on time to cause trouble. Annoying fellow. Wonder what is his argument.

"Esteemed eldest, the slayer of our brethren is not a part of Zappa clan, nor is she even of the leaf to begin with. That makes her a murderer." - he proffers triumphantly. That is an interesting assertion, there. He does not even bother to dispute that this guy shot at me first. Is it still a murder by their laws? Come to think of it, probably it is. Moon Unit did mention that elven law recognizes no agency for foreigners, which means they do not consider me entitled to self-defense if my opponent is one of their own. Curiouser and curiouser. Is this the point that Cy was worried about?

"Not so." - eldest thankfully disagrees - "You have just missed it, Tybalt of clan Capulet, but Moon Unit of clan Zappa and Alyssa Gillespie gave spousal oaths in sacred language. That makes Alyssa of clan Zappa as well. I do believe you understand what it means."

Actually... That gives me an idea as well. I turn to Moon Unit, deliberately ignoring Tybalt as he takes in a breath to say something else and speak first - "Dear, something occurs to me. Is not clan Zappa in an open feud with clan Capulet as well?"

Tybalt pales and chokes on his words as Moon Unit smiles at him brilliantly and confirms - "It is so, beloved. Have fun."

"...No, I refuse to..!" - and this is as far as he gets before I give him his own headbite, prompting a brief scream followed by a thud. Then a rather disgusting wet sound. Then a number of gasps, hisses, shudders and a few thumps as more squeamish faint. I have to hand it to Tamaya, the only reaction from her is suddenly paled cheeks. Tybalt's henchmen startle, scatter and draw knives, only to pause, groan and drop them, following by kneeing. What the heck?

"Ahem..." - Tamaya finally proffers after a few seconds of heavy awkward silence - "Brethren of the leaf, let it be known that on this day, the clan Capulet had been conquered by clan Zappa in entirety. All the remaining properties and retainers of clan Capulet are henceforth properties and retainers of clan Zappa, with the rights of first refusal going to lady Alyssa Gillespie as the renderer of decisive blow."

Moon Unit (who did not toss her cookies this time, thankfully) leans over to Tamaya and whispers into her ear. A short but heated exchange in elven whispers ensues, by the end of which Tamaya adopts a pinched expression as she continues - "Furthermore, as I have just been informed, clan Montecchi had also been eradicated. As soon as the runners recover the body of Romeo of clan Montecchi..."

She trails off meaningfully, then sighs and waves her hand - "In the meanwhile, let us all enjoy refreshments." And with that she marches over to the table, picks up a bottle of cherry tincture, rips the cork out and drains a good third of the bottle in one go. A sentiment clearly shared by a majority of attendance, as they swarm the table and pick it clean of alcohol. Sorry, fellows.

Meanwhile, me and Moon Unit are left with Dweezil and Ahmet. Latter of which sports the openmouthed shocked expression, while the former is wincing and massaging his forehead. "Sister in law." - Dweezil then proffers - "As the current head of clan, I give you thanks for ending two feuds so decisively in our favor. Montecchi in particular were elusive rogues. That being said, could I possibly prevail upon you not to eat any more heads in the nearest future? I daresay you have had ascertained your claims to being who you are in astoundingly many ways so far. I fear conclave members might be having a bit of a mental whiplash right now. Oh, also, welcome to the family? It was wise of you to avoid exposing the other members of your harem to our... ahem, unfortunate hospitalities, but to the best of my knowledge, you have had, well... eaten the heads of most egregious enemies we have. After such a display of overwhelming power and invulnerability, you should not face any more rash hostility in the coming days. I would be delighted to offer some true hospitality to the entirety of extended family."

___

In the end, Tamaya makes a decision that I'm probably safe to meet the entirety of Counsel, which is going to happen tomorrow. She's being coy about it, but I think that's when they'd ask me to showcase soul aria, as Moon Unit previously warned. I'm not certain how they go about it, and Moon Unit is also being coy and just keeps telling me I'll see everything tomorrow. I guess there's nothing much to it, then. If the actual procedure was tricky, Moon Unit would have tried to rehearse with me. Since she's not, she must be confident I won't have any issue with spells involved.

In the meanwhile, we all retreat to Zappa clan grounds. As it turns out, clans possess smaller glades, which essentially serve as inner yards, while the residences are a mix of treehouses and ground constructions forming a sort of perimeter around the glade. Dweezil begs off, citing that the sudden addition of two clans worth of properties requires his attention. He initially assumed I would want to take hand in it personally to "have the first pick" and was a little flabbergasted to be told I trust him to handle everything. This causes a little bit of argument.

"Sister in law, this is just not reasonable. You have to claim some spoils out of the conquest, it's a tradition and frankly speaking, I would be seen as a cad if you do not." - Dweezil posits with certainty. I suppose there is some sense in this.

"MM, but... I don't really need any of that stuff..." - I muse - "Moon Unit, what do you think? If I have to grab something, what should be good to satisfy traditions and not be a burden?"

She taps her chin thoughtfully. "Well... Traditional claims are, in order of majority... the claim of loyalty, the claim of domicile, the claim of gold and the claim of knowledge..." - she proffers after some thought - "The claim of loyalty means laying claim to all the conquered retainers, which is probably not what you want. The claim of domicile means laying claim to the conquered clan's glade as your residence and stronghold. Probably not what you want either. The claim of gold is pretty much what it sounds like, and the claim of knowledge is claiming the documents and secrets of the clan in question. The least problematic for you would be the claim of gold, as it just means that you take your spoils in form of gold and gems captured, the exact amount to be negotiated with the clan head. Claim of knowledge is the least of claims mainly because it's a huge gamble - you never know if clan's secrets and documents are worth anything or not. If it's all the same to you, I suggest making the claim of knowledge. Both clans are fairly old, the odds are they have some antique scrollwork if nothing else."

I smile. "I'm going to take my wife's advice, then." - I tell them - "I am laying the claim of knowledge for both of the clans in question, as I'm not interested in their retainers or glades."

Ahmet shifts uncomfortably next to me. "This is... Well..." - he begins - "I believe you should also take some of the conquered gold, at least. I can understand the lack of interest in glades, and I maybe understand why you wouldn't want sworn people, but you definitely should receive a part of wealth. As a dowry, if nothing else."

I'm about to answer him when I spy something we are walking past. A whole bin of coal. Curious, that.

"Is that coal?" - I ask him bluntly, pointing at the bin. I can see Ahmet is confused by a sudden change of topic, but he nods nonetheless.

"Dwarves are selling coal again, so we hurried to get some for the winter." - he explains - "Those past years had been cold and unpleasant without good coal to keep the heat up. Firewood just isn't up to the task alone on particularly chilly days."

Heh. Good, good. "So, might I have a piece?" - I ask. He is visibly befuddled, but nods nonetheless. Dweesil is equally baffled. Moon Unit, already knowing what I'm up to, starts giggling into her sleeve as I pick up a good chunk and smash it between palms. The coal to diamond trick never gets old for those people. Especially given that I can quickly cut and polish the resulting diamond before showing it off. Magic is at times stupidly convenient.

Ahmet and Dweezil are both shocked when they see me outright smash the coal. On seeing what it became, they both adapt curious expressions... but the expressions differ. Dweezil's is simply curious, but Ahmet seems to be slowly recognizing what just was made. His eyes grow round as he catches the diamond I toss in his palm and holds it up to the light.

"This is... I don't even... but... just... HOW!?" - he manages - "Is this diamond!? How is that even possible!?"

I shrug. "You seem to know your way around jewels, Ahmet." - I quip - "How would you appraise this one?"

He stares at me for a moment, then holds the gem up to the light again, tilting it this and that way slowly. "Big one..." - he says huskily, his voice cracking as he continues - "Enough gold to live a century comfortably, at the very least, if you find a noble wealthy enough to buy it."

"Well, you can have it." - I tell him blithely - "As a reminder that wealth only means ever so much to me."

He just stares at me in befuddlement, his eyes darting from me to diamond to me to diamond to me to diamond again.

"Juuuust so we're clear, if you raise the topic of dowry again, I'll make a bag of those and give it to you as bride price." - I threaten them with a smile. Ahmed jerks back and cringes. I think he caught the implications.

"Please don't." - Dweezil interjects immediately - "That one alone would more than suffice for any formalities. A whole bag of those and we'll never know peace from all sorts of thieves, brigands and scoundrels trying to make off with some. However, Ahmet is right. I understand that whatever wealth the two clans in their dusk might have had is but a drop in the lake for you, but there are certain formalities that need to be observed simply so you are not bothered over them by excessively nosy people."

I hum. "Well... if that is the case, let's make it a little bit eccentric, alright?" - I suggest, as I pluck the gem off Ahmet's palm and alter it lightly. Among my abilities as a shoggoth, this one is the one I am elated by and terrified of the most. The ability to mess around with atomic structures. In this particular case, I alter the crystalline makeup of the diamond, while introducing a couple of boron atoms into it to outline the star shape. The result is interesting, as while it is just held in the palm, it simply has a lightly blue center and transparent edges, but when you hold it to the light, the star within becomes clearly visible in vivid blue outlined in transparent whole. I drop the altered gem back into his hand.

"This should be sufficiently fancy to be shown off, right?" - I quip. Ahmet lifts the gem to the light again. His fingers start shaking a bit as he does.

"...Clan heirloom." - he whispers softly - "Brother, this should be included with our heirlooms. This... Blue Star is one of a kind gem that simply can not be matched."

Dweezil chuckles ruefully - "One could even believe you're but a noble lady after a while, and then you would go and do something like this... I think I understand. One-of-a-kind gem is definitely good enough for anyone within the shade of the tree to accept as a bride price. I'll have my trusted people canvass the domiciles of Montecchi and Capulet and collect the arts and oddities for you in return and add some scrollwork and odd curios from our own vaults. That should satisfy both the dowry requirement and the conquest claim and further confirm your interest in knowledges and arts."

"That works, but try not to make it too much, if you please." - I agree - "There is only so much extra weight I can stuff on the airship before it becomes a problem. Speaking of which, might I bring the ship to hover over your glade? That should make things convenient for everyone."

"No problem." - Dweezil agrees easily - "So long as you understand most of the clan will at the very least devote some time to gawk at this airship of yours. And a whole lot of others would be watching from beyond the glade bounds. Speaking of the glade, might I persuade you to accept housing within the clan glade? No requirements you live there or anything, I just want to have a treehouse set aside for Moon Unit and her family for whenever you're visiting."

I'm... not really sold on the idea. At least, until Moon Unit pitches in. "Actually, brother, I have a... thought." - she offers - "Is the dead tree still there?"

"It is, but...." - Dweezil begins, cutting himself off as he starts blinking rapidly - "...Oh, you are crafty, little sister. That is, if your wife goes for it, I suppose."

Moon Unit nudges me - "So how about it, Alyssa? There is a dead tree that needs to be extracted, and I believe you would be able to do it well. The resulting gap has to be filled with a sapling to grow, which we can claim as the family home."

I just... shrug. I don't really understand why this is somehow better than just getting rooms in a random treehouse or ground house in the glade, but if Moon Unit wants it to be like this, I'm all too happy to go along with her wishes.