Isekai’d Shoggoth

"...All I'm saying, be very cautious." - Moon Unit repeats - "Keep weapons handy, spells on the fingertips and eyes all around. There were a lot of sore tempers over me leaving, and some of them are right bastards who won't think twice about harming any of you to get at me."

"So, to sum it up." - Lily-Anne pitches in - "You and Alyssa go first, assess the situation groundside, make preparations. In case you two deem it safe enough for us to descend, Bridgit and Alyssa will transport us down by magic. Airship remains up in the air at all points, lest someone overly enthusiastic climbs aboard, right?"

"Yes, that's about it." - Moon Unit agrees somewhat sullenly - "I wish I could offer you a better welcome to my homeland, but..."

She outlined the situation in Evergreens prior to that, as an explanation for why such caution is a necessity. And, apparently, it is because of the struggle that occurred around the three seats and four siblings. Apparently, the assumption was that Moon Unit and her siblings would fight it out for the privilege of taking the seat, so assorted clans had scrambled to offer support to whom they deemed most preferable, and everyone made plans for the all too likely situation of seat number exceeding sibling number in the aftermath. Which would mean one or two Counsel seats up for grabs. The situation had came to head when one of the more ruthless clans had attempted to kidnap Moon Unit to break the stalemate over the inheritance. She came out victorious, having killed two out of three would-be kidnappers, which inflamed the already tense situation to a fever pitch. Since the attempt failed, another clan attempted to persecute the would-be kidnappers "on Moon Unit's behalf". So Moon Unit's decision to bow out of the dispute and leave the Evergreens altogether had knocked the ground out from under both. And as elves are wont to do in confusing situations, both clans had responded with copious violence, dragging in others in their frenzy.

In the end, nine out of twenty four Counsel members were killed in the resulting skirmishes, four clans had ceased to exist in their entirety, eleven more became destitute and depopulated, including the original culprits, and eight rose to new prominence in the resulting power vacuum. As the previous head of conclave was among the perished, elder Tamaya assumed control and it is largely to her diplomatic efforts the situation simmered down to the current uneasy status quo. Some of the previously powerful clans had never accepted their fall from power and would be likely to lash out on one they perceive as "the root of it all". Namely, Moon Unit. Hence our initial sojourn. Moon Unit has to be there, because if I go down there alone, the likely outcome would be me gaining a couple hundred arrows in short order, followed by elves doing something needlessly rash in a panic. The variant with Moon Unit going alone is not in consideration. Period.

Furthermore, in order to avoid causing panic anyways, the airship is parked off a ways. Clearly visible, but well out of reach. Which means we're going to do a bit of a hike to get to the village proper. Thankfully, I have no stamina to worry about, and Moon Unit would actually enjoy the walk through the ancestral woods, dangers from her people or no. It's actually pretty nice, to be honest. Forest has this, well... smell, I guess? No, not just it. There is more than just olfactory stimulation to it, but... yeah, well. The forestiest forest that ever forested.

"Well, so far, so good." - I offer conversationally, as I trail after Moon Unit - "But I'm pretty sure we've been seen already, no?"

"Well, the airship certainly was." - she agrees - "Which means there are all sorts of people moving towards us. Or away from us, in some cases."

"Away?" - I puzzle - "I'm reasonably sure Dweezil warned everyone not to be too alarmed, no?"

"Sure, but treeborn are hardly the only ones to prowl the woods, you know." - she retorts - "There are all sorts of folks who are out there for one reason or another and had no prior warning at all. Some of them are even here for reasons they would rather not explain themselves about. Poachers, for example. Cagey lot, they know full well my brethren would offer them no mercy if caught."

"Huh. Come to think of it, I do remember vaguely there were certain animals prohibited from being hunted, but I don't quite remember the reasons for it. Something about alchemy?" - I muse.

Moon Unit sighs - "If only. More like, snake oil products. Things that do not really do what people believe they should be doing, but everyone remains confident they should be. Two-headed snake was in fact the first such prohibited animal. The myth went that boiling an alive snake in a vat of oil would produce an antidote to any poison. Lies, the resulting oil is actually mildly poisonous itself and numbs the skin if smeared on it. Hence the legend that it is an antidote, because smearing it over the wound causes numbing and thus alleviates pain. Which is usually mistaken for being cured of poisoning. Honestly, it's common knowledge... And yet somehow does not register with those who actually pay for such cu... HEY! Watch out!"

Watch out, huh? Well, there is a lariat loop approaching my head, and... Well, fuckbisquits. I guess things are gonna get a little stupid. Since time dilation kicked in already, I reach up, grab the loop knot and pull it to the side, making the rest of the lariat miss my head. Then I yank. I'm pretty sure that guy is not named Wilhelm, but golly, does he ever do the scream. Admittedly, being suddenly yanked off the tree is a good reason for screaming. I wonder, however, just what the hell did he intend to do if he did catch me? Brace against the branch somehow? Or just jump off on the opposite side of the branch and hope his weight is bigger than mine? Though that last one would be a murder attempt, if so. Maybe just expected me to fumble over being suddenly choked, gi... Oh, hell, there it is. I catch the shaft of the mancatcher just inches away from Moon Unit's shoulder. Given the expression of the guy on the other end, he did not expect me to do it. Or succeed in doing it, in any case. I guess he expected his strength and copious amount of spikes on the end of the thing would thwart me. Then Moon Unit stabs him in the gut, and things get even screamier.

So... 2-0 in our favor so far. The guy with mancatcher expired pretty much on the spot, Moon Unit gutted him like a fish, and the other one didn't survive the sudden drop. Sheer misfortune, he appears to have actually managed to catch himself on another branch... only for it to break off as he was swinging himself up onto it, dropping him headfirst on the ground. Crack goes the neck vertebrae. Of course, there were more. And this guy is a fucking jackass. Slow clap and everything.

"My, my. Not even in the village yet, and already killing kin?" - this guy is clearly in charge, his clothes obviously better and attitude obviously cockier. Admittedly, as far as he knows, he has good reasons to be cocky, given that he's standing in the middle of four archers all aiming our way a good distance away. So the guys with catching implements were simply a distraction, then? Or this is a backup in case they fail? He continues, while I mull over the situation - "I suppose I should not be surprised you are as vile as ever, Ungrateful Daughter. Now lay down on the ground on your bellies, and put your hands behind your backs. Do not resist being bound, unless you want to be shot. It is more convenient for me to take you alive, but your body will do in a pinch. Best be on good behavior now, or your companion will get killed for your unbecoming attitude."

MM... How about no. I subvocalize to Moon Unit - "I'm not inclined to play along. Wall off, then let's see if they are any good with magic?" She nods and grins viciously, gesturing towards the guy in question quickly. I'm not familiar with the gestures she made, but if I were to hazard a guess, they were potently obscene, because there is a synchronized air intake from all four archers we can hear even here. To make things even more upsetting, I flip them a bird myself, then stomp on the ground, raising a wall of packed earth in front of us, curling on top to protect from arrows arcing from above, if any. Good timing, if the noises from the other side are of any indication. Moon Unit clasps her hands together, a ball of fire spinning up quickly between her palms. Really, fire magic in the forest? I guess she knows better than me, but still... The spell I'm preparing is more of a force blast than anything else. I figure if the fire doesn't get them, overpressure will. She winks at me as we both lob the spells like grenades and step forward under the earthy awning to avoid the follow-up arrows.

What happens next is, completely, a coincidence. An accident, even. Moon Unit's spell was released earlier than mine, but for some reason was just a little bit slower. As a result, my ball of force impacted Moon Unit's glob of fire from behind. The results are... well. The blast spooks all the birds in a mile radius, and the screams of burning elves keep them spooked as they fly away. No magic defense or we're just too fuck-off powerful to notice them trying to defend? I wonder. Hm... Oh, actually.. the guy who was in charge survived, though his hands look pretty burned. His archers, apparently, didn't react in time to raise any shields at all, and are currently rolling around on the grass and gurgling in pain. Third and fourth degree burns to the head and chest... Not exactly survivable, but... unpleasantly unhurried death. HMIC glares in our general direction, shouts something I can't quite make out in elvish (I guess the initial greetings were in Albish precisely so I don't do something stupid) and staggers off in an uneven run, holding his burned arms close to his chest as he goes. Wounded, but not lethally, I guess. Not immediately lethally, at least.

"Lend me a knife, dear?" - I quip - "Someone needs to put those simpletons down, I suppose." She adopts a pinched expression, but hands me one of her daggers anyways. Dealing with gurgling husks is just a matter of a few moments. No reason to drag this out, just a quick thrust to the base of the skull to sever the spinal cord. Quick and easy. I could eat them to find out what is going on, but I have a hunch that all that they know is that the head honcho gave marching orders. And I don't really like my food burnt, anywa... Waaaait a moment. The guy Moon Unit gutted should be still fresh enough, maybe even a little bit alive still. One that I yanked off the tree might also be good.

"Dear?" - I offer as I return the dagger to her - "I'm gonna eat some heads, alright?"

"No complaints from me." - she retorts viciously - "Those sorry losers, gah! Honestly, not even waiting until I announce myself to the Counsel, that's just... ugh. Underhanded conniving cowardly rats!"

Thus reassured, I pick up the guy Moon Unit gutted, lop off the top of his skull and slurp out the gray matter with a tentacle. Aaand I might have grievously overestimated how inured Moon Unit is to my oddities, if the sounds of messily losing breakfast behind me are of any indication. Well... damn. I drop the corpse, clear off my hands with conjured water and come over to see what happened.

"...Good gods." - Moon Unit offers after a few moments - "I... thought you meant you're going to be violent to their sorry lot, not that you would literally slurp out brains." She groans and splashes more water on her face, shaking it off then - "Why are you doing this, anyway? Do you need to actually eat brains every now and then or?"

"Um... No? But if I get to eat a fresh brain, I can get some of their recent memories and thoughts that were on their minds last." - I explain - "For obvious reasons, eating still living brains works best for that, though a few minutes of dead is fine too. Further on, matter degrades too much for me to discern anything."

She has a considerate expression on her face now. "Oh. Well... that's vastly different from what I was thinking. Just to verify, it's not something you need to do, just a, uh... extra way to get some extra intelligence out of freshly defeated?" - she asks cautiously.

"No needs or urges to do that, no. Don't worry." - I riposte - "The only eating I want to involve you in would be eating you out."

She chuckles and grimaces. "Sometimes, you just don't seem to read the mood, dear." - she tosses back wryly - "Very well, let's go... I suppose you want to, uh... investigate the rest of bodies?"

I shrug. "Burned ones are no good, and I already scavenged the other one. Nothing really worthwhile, they were doing it because their clan chief ordered them to." - I explain as I proffer my arm to Moon Unit - "Let's hope there won't be more delays of the sort. Because if we are waylaid again, I just might forego pretenses and just go with biting into skulls from the get-go."

I blame the overall cavalier mood for what happened next. This whole talk about eating heads and Moon Unit being, albeit reluctantly, accepting of it, well... Add to this a sudden rustle from the side and slightly ahead, someone fumbling their stealth from, as far as I could tell, a shock at hearing what was said. My time dilation was already on trigger tip so to speak, so it kicked in the very same moment I perceived someone else, doubly so given how uncomfortably close he was. Good stealth, to dodge my attention this well. Weak nerves, though, to flinch on just hearing something unsettling. In short, with the combo of me being on a hair-trigger and the guy failing the stealth check...

I headbit him. In classic xenomorph fashion. Complete with horribly abrupt sound effects. The hiss, the bite, the crunch and the horrified scream trailing off into gurgling.

"...Dear, I'm sorry. Sometimes, the universe just seems to conspire to bring out the monster in me." - I apologize after a moment.

Moon Unit's slightly hysterical giggle is not as reassuring as I would like.