Is That My Alter Ego

22 – Waiting

“…Anyway! That person is really… I think they’re the worst human being, Vice Captain!”

“Uh…uh… Got..it..”

After enduring tens of minutes of criticism and curses about her own behavior, Seris quickly fled the scene.

It was because every time Hans cursed and condemned, it reminded her of her own actions.

…Thinking about how that weight must have been crushing her… and the captain who also suffered from it, she couldn’t bear it anymore.

Slam-!

“Ugh…Uwaaah…”

Rushing back to her room, Seris couldn’t suppress her nausea as she remembered the disgusting things she had done and said.

“Uwaaah…”

No… That’s not what I intended…

I just… I was just so sorry to the captain… I wanted to help him, even if it was just a little…

“…Isn’t that person just human trash!”

“Cough…hack…ugh..”

Hans’s angry expressions and curses declared that my trivial thoughts and actions were utterly wrong.

I…I just couldn’t bear it if the leader rejected me… I did it out of fear…

“Just a crazy person who thinks only of themselves! Weren’t they just playing with that man!”

“Heave…sigh…”

I realized the blades that were disguised as words for the leader’s sake. How much pain must the leader, who was helplessly stabbed by those blades, have endured?

Thorns embedded in the excuse of fear pierce my heart.

It’s so painful that it feels like my heart could burst at any moment, and I find myself so disgusting that I want to kill myself.

“Hu…ah…”

Only tears kept flowing, falling to the ground. I had committed an irredeemable sin, beyond any words or actions.

“This stupid b*tch…! Are you even human..!”

Thump- thud-!

Seris struck her own face with all her might, with punches that would have been fatal for an ordinary human, so powerful were they.

“…Trashy b*tch..! You, to the leader..!”

Thump- thump thump-!

However, her body, which had surpassed human limits, wouldn’t even allow those attacks.

…No. It must be my will… that I had weakened, thinking I couldn’t even endure this much.

“Sob…sob..”

I was so repulsed by myself, wanting to harm myself but simultaneously unable to due to fear.

How much pain and suffering must the leader have endured all this time? My own pain is nothing compared to his.

Thus, endlessly blaming and berating himself, he continued only to offer unreachable apologies.

“…And yet, if he doesn’t even apologize. If he doesn’t realize his mistake… In my opinion, he’s not even human. That person.”

“…….!”

Then, I remembered what Hans had told me. What am I… What am I doing right now?

Seris immediately stood up from where she was.

Do you think you have the right to cry now? When you haven’t even apologized yet.

The wounds the leader must have suffered are surely incomparably deeper than your petty sadness?

….Stupid woman. Go apologize now, even if it’s late!

“Ev…even now… *sob*”

Right now, I must kneel down, bow my head, and convey my apologies.

With that thought, Seris left her room and hurried to the leader’s door.

“*Huff*..! *Sniff*! *Cough*…*Ahem*…”

‘…What am I doing, crying like a fool..! Stop it, quickly!’

Criticizing herself inwardly, Seris tried to stop and wipe away her tears.

“Ah…uh…”

However, the tears showed no signs of stopping. Instead, they flowed even more.

‘…Just knock on the door like this. It’s okay if he thinks I’m a foolish woman… Just to apologize.’

Knock-knock-knock.

“Le…Leader… Are you awake…?”

Seris knocked on the door of the commander’s room. However, there was no response.

Thump, thump, thump.

“Com… commander…?”

Certainly, judging by the flow of mana, the commander should be in this room. It might be faint, but there’s no way Seris could forget the magical power of the person she loves the most.

“Sniff… Are you… sleeping…?”

Probably. Considering the late hour and the fact that the commander tends to sleep early.

‘What should I do now? If I knock again, I might be causing trouble…’

Even though she wanted to apologize right away, Seris hesitated, thinking that knocking again might be more of a nuisance.

“…Alright. Let’s wait until the commander wakes up…”

…She was confident that she could wait better than anyone else.

For morning to come from now… it would take about 10 hours, but that should be enough time to wait.

…I have to apologize, express my words of apology to the commander. Fatigue is meaningless for that.

“I’ll wait.”

Thinking about the words of apology and actions to convey to the commander, morning came surprisingly quickly.

“Deputy Commander? What are you doing here?”

“…Ah. I had something to discuss with the commander.”

“Are you waiting from this morning…?”

Looking at the mercenary member who was surprised to see her, Seris sent a slight smile.

-Deputy Commander?

-Weren’t you two having a disagreement?

– Oh… Are you okay? Let’s reconcile quickly!

Other mercenaries passing by also threw in a word or two.

The common theme was that they fought with the captain, and they felt a little uncomfortable about it.

But I didn’t fight. I just… did something bad on my own.

Everyone wished for reconciliation between themselves and the captain, hoping to return to the harmonious mercenary group as before, and then left after exchanging such pleasantries.

“Everyone… was worried. All because of me…”

It was because of me again. I knew the atmosphere in the mercenary group had been depressed lately.

I only knew it was due to increased incidents and accumulated fatigue from those incidents.

I must apologize. Apologize to the captain… and restore the atmosphere of the mercenary group to what it used to be.

‘…Do you think the captain will be awake by now?’

Thud, thud, thud.

In case the captain was still asleep, I knocked on the door more quietly than last night.

But still, there was no response. It seemed like the recent exhausting events had led to him taking some rest.

“Vice-captain?”

“Hans…”

“Why are you waiting here?”

“Ah… Yeah. I have something to tell the captain.”

“Is that so? Then wouldn’t it be better to swing your sword at the training ground rather than waiting here endlessly?”

…Just in case the captain wakes up. Let’s wait a little longer… and then head to the training ground.

Contrary to my hopeful anticipation of seeing the captain soon, the firmly closed door remained shut.

And so… Seris had been lost in a trance, wielding her sword until now.

It’s already past lunchtime… and it’s turning to night, yet the commander still hasn’t come out of the room.

By tomorrow, we must finish preparing for the battle, and the day after tomorrow, we have to go to the Death Gorge to exterminate the monsters…

Can I convey my apology before then?

Yes. I’ll be able to see the commander before that. I must convey my apology.

“…I hope it goes well.”

I really hope my apology is accepted. And then we can return to being the harmonious mercenary group we were…

After that, I’ll convey my true feelings. That I love the commander, and ask if they could be with me.

Thus, the day faded away.

And the next day faded too, and the commander didn’t step out of the room.

“…Tomorrow. I must tell them… If not, then after the battle at all costs.”

With our current level, we should be able to defeat even a 5-star monster without injury.

And so, the day of departure dawned.

“…Cough. Finally, the sandstorm… has cleared.”

The commander, whom we hadn’t seen in days, looked… visibly unwell.

They seemed frail and continuously coughed, as if they had caught a cold.

“Commander. Are you able… to go?”

“Of course. There’s nothing wrong… with me. Everyone, get ready.”

“Yes, Commander!”

Despite the concern his appearance raised, when Hans approached and asked, the commander insisted they were fine.

Thus, the Ska Mercenary Corps hurriedly began their preparations for departure.

Seris didn’t even have a chance to convey her apologies, as she had to quickly finish preparing.

After all, if the battle were to drag on and another sandstorm were to blow in, it would be a horrific event.

“Thanks to you, I could rest comfortably. Please, take this.”

“….I will accept it gratefully. Thank you very much… guest. May only light fill your path ahead.”

And so, we set off for the Death Gorge to complete the imperial direct commission.

To that place rumored to be lurking with numerous demons and dreadful calamities.

“…Once this battle is over.”

I will definitely convey my feelings… my apology.

Seris, with her burning heart steadied, followed the leader, sword in hand.

***

The day has finally come to head for the Death Gorge.

In the meantime, I’ve been holed up in my room for adequate rest, just eating and sleeping repeatedly.

Of course, I did stretching and training that could be done in the room. However, every time I moved my body vigorously, I vomited blood, so I could only do it moderately.

‘In an important battle, it’s crucial not to get injured.’

The battle with the 5-star demon was no joke. A single small mistake could lead to the annihilation of everyone, it was that dangerous.

Moreover, I couldn’t be certain that we wouldn’t encounter other demons on the way. So, it was best to preserve my physical condition as much as possible.

[Name: Venice / Age: 29 / Gender: Male / Status: Terminally ill.]

[Unique Ability (Magic Eye): Eyes that can see magic. Can observe the trajectory of magic and use it more smoothly.]

[Unique Ability (Talent Detection): Can discern the talents of others. Can instantly recognize unique abilities and potential.]

[Innate Ability (Supreme Physique): Your body is superior as if crafted by a god! Stamina, strength, situational awareness… all physical abilities are greatly enhanced!]

[Body Overload: Your doppelganger has surpassed the available limits. Your physical form will perish 6 days, 15 hours, and 32 minutes from now.]

Not even a week left… within that time, I should be able to catch the demon.

The time to bid farewell to this body was approaching.

‘Ending the battle unscathed, without any casualties.’

If I die after this battle, that’s enough for me. Everyone else will become the torchbearers for the empire’s future.

It’s not just about Ceris, who will become a legend in history. All the mercenaries have talents and efforts overflowing within them.

And I have already… invested affection in them. As I’ve said before, I really dislike any harm coming to characters I’ve grown attached to, no matter how trivial.

You guys… are truly exceptional people. You’ll do just fine.

…Even if I’m not around anymore.

Walking towards the Valley of Death, I memorized the faces of the mercenaries I might not meet again after this battle.