Is That My Alter Ego

Chapter 151 – Afterword

Hello, I am the author Nottoday.

At last… my little novel has come to an end. It has been a long journey spanning four months.

Before diving into the story, I want to sincerely thank all the readers who have come to my small and humble tale.

I truly believed I was a person devoid of tears… Yet, from the moment I began to write this, all the memories flooded back, and I found myself shedding a few.

To the readers who have bestowed upon me such overwhelming love, I bow my head in gratitude and wish to convey my love.

Looking back, I remember the catalyst that led me to start this writing journey.

My heart, ravaged and broken by the rigors of exam life, felt so hollow, and there was not a single spark of motivation to live.

It was as if I merely existed, smiling in front of friends and family… but the meaning of life eluded me.

I played a game I had grown weary of, lost in thought, flipping through novels… it was a life devoid of meaning.

Then, while perusing novels on Novelpia as usual, I stumbled upon a notice for a contest.

Reading novels had been the only thing that breathed some life into my dull existence… and before I knew it, the desire to challenge myself took root.

Thus began my work, titled “Academy Mad Cult.” And the outcome… was, of course, disastrous.

Honestly, at that time, I viewed writing far too lightly. While others took months to organize their stories and characters, I hastily cobbled together a rough outline in just a few days, brimming with arrogance.

The story was dull and chaotic, the characters’ appearances and motivations difficult to grasp… and the most glaring shortcoming?

That would be my writing ability. So simplistic that even a child would find it uninteresting, filled with repetitive phrases and words. The narrative dragged on unnecessarily, laden with meaningless content.

In hindsight, it was truly pitiful. Thus, it was only natural that the results were equally dismal.

However… I did my best in my own way. I spent hours each day thinking and writing, hoping that readers would enjoy it, and I even tried to churn out chapters at a rapid pace…

But limits soon emerged. My favorites didn’t increase, the view counts were dismal… and most critically, the joy had vanished.

When I first began writing, it was incredibly enjoyable. The novelty of crafting my own story was captivating, and I found myself immersed in writing for long stretches without realizing it.

But… as my grades plummeted, and I began to compare myself to others, the writing that had once been a source of joy began to feel like a chore, and the fun faded away.

Writing became increasingly daunting, and I kept procrastinating… I hadn’t even properly established the world I needed to develop, nor did I know my purpose.

Then, at that moment, one of the ideas lingering in my mind suddenly resurfaced.

Having always had a penchant for dark themes, I thought, “Wouldn’t it be interesting if there was a genre where a protagonist uses a doppelgänger, and the heroines are unaware, leading to their downfall?”

Thus, without a clear world or characters, I began this work: “That’s My Doppelgänger!”

In truth, I had already failed one project, and my self-esteem was at rock bottom, so I approached this with a sense of resignation.

(The initial concept wasn’t as dark as it is now; the protagonist was meant to playfully use their doppelgänger while the heroines faced mild hardships, ultimately leading to an open ending!

However, as I wrote, the overall tone became too heavy, and my desire to keep it light led to the revisions that shaped the current version!)

On the day I conceived this work, I immediately set the name of the protagonist, Venice, and envisioned the first heroine.

In a fantasy world, a heroine means a swordswoman. A swordswoman means a ponytail! And thus, the current Seris was born in my mind.

Right then, I used AI to generate an illustration, and it turned out far better than I had anticipated, leading to the illustration of Seris that you all know and have seen!

In any case, I began to write the novel. Naturally, I started without much thought, never imagining there would be good results, merely intending to write for fun.

But lo and behold, unlike my previous work, I let go of my inhibitions and wrote freely, and the view counts and favorites began to soar!

I was taken aback. How could this be? The previous work I had poured so much thought into had failed miserably, yet this one was thriving?

I felt for the first time in my life that there exists a “flow.” Unlike my previous works, where the more I wrote, the more drained and disinterested I became, this time, the more I penned down, the more ideas and additions sprang forth, boundless and unending.

And in the end… this is the result that emerged.

The image above is a screenshot I took because I was so amazed that the view count reached 11,011! In truth, when I first began writing, I had hoped that once I surpassed fifty chapters, I would see over ten thousand views.

Since then, it seems I have truly been on a roll. My speed in writing increased, and the joy of it blossomed immensely.

Alongside the rising view counts, the likes, and the accumulating comments, I felt an overwhelming happiness. (No one knows that during my breaks, I refreshed the page every five seconds just to check!)

In fact… it was around this time that I began to feel alive. Unlike the days spent wasting time in boredom and meaninglessness, I found myself yearning to return home and write.

It was as if a once-frozen heart had begun to beat anew…

Thus, I awaited my writing time each day, and during moments I couldn’t write, my mind was always occupied with thoughts like, “What could I add to make it more interesting?” or “How should I narrate this so that readers would enjoy it more?”

My mind became filled solely with the act of writing the novel.

Looking back now… I can see I had included a self-promotion. It’s a bit embarrassing, but… at that time, every like and notification felt so precious that I couldn’t help myself…! (Now both are turned off!)

The view count soared past 50,000, and I had thought that reaching 1,000 likes would be a milestone to hit once the novel was completed, yet it happened so swiftly.

And… what I remember from that time is that it was during the end-of-term period, so I had all day to devote to writing.

Even now, I think back to those days when two to three updates a day felt like the norm, and I still wonder how I managed it…

Regardless, I became so engrossed, and with the overwhelming love I received, I poured all my energy into writing.

Ta-da! As the Ariel episode reached its highlight, the likes surpassed 2,000! The view count exceeded 150,000!

By this point, I was genuinely surprised by myself. I had thought I was incapable of doing anything well, yet here I was, able to bring even a little joy to others—it was incredibly moving.

And this was the day I was chosen by an algorithm that might never come again in my life!

I still remember it vividly. I was so curious about the readers’ reactions that I lived with the refresh button… even in the early hours, the likes and views began to rise endlessly.

What on earth was happening? Was there a bug? It felt surreal. If I recall correctly, on that day alone, the likes increased by nearly 800, and the view count recorded over 40,000.

You could say this was the golden age of my novel…

In any case, it was profoundly touching to see my work featured on the main page of Novelpia, a cherished memory that made me want to do even better.

And after running and running, I finally reached the conclusion.

To be honest, even I think the highlights of the heroines’ struggles were well-written! If you say that sounds absurd, I can’t help it…

Nonetheless, I put a lot of effort into expressing the desperate emotional lines that occur at the end of the buildup, and I am quite satisfied with it.

That unique feeling of a heart fluttering and on the verge of tears… Do you understand? I felt that emotion when reflecting on those scenes, and for that, I am content.

And suddenly, though it may seem abrupt, I hadn’t planned to write the adult chapters (Chapters 144-149). When I first started writing, my wish was to create a story that everyone could enjoy, regardless of age.

However… the readers expressed such a strong desire for it, and as I immersed myself in the characters while writing, I found myself wanting it too.

Still, I thought it might be good to include the love scenes, which could be considered the highlights of the romance, before the story concluded.

Though I felt uncertain and afraid… I wrote diligently. Personally, I am satisfied, but I wonder how the readers felt about it… ㅠㅠ

And… if there’s still something I regret, it’s that when the tale of Seris’ part came, I did not become the vice-captain as my father’s last wish dictated. There was an immense, truly shocking backlash regarding that…

To be honest, I never expected it to provoke such outrage… The status window being the hidden antagonist, and the fact that it was a world within a game, where the path was predetermined like ‘fate,’ meant that I failed to grasp the contradictions on the surface. It was a scene I wrote without a second thought.

And the result was… a barrage of criticism that left me dizzy. I do not blame the readers.

It’s just that… I felt utterly pathetic. I wondered if I had written it so thoughtlessly, without even considering such trivial matters.

I had written to entertain the readers, but instead, I felt I had only given them discomfort and a negative experience, and I was deeply sorry for that.

There were so many comments. Comments pointing out the lack of coherence, comments cursing me, and so on… When those issues arose, I was in a different place than now, responding to every single comment, but I couldn’t muster the courage to reply to those harsh ones.

And… I also felt guilty for not responding to the valuable feedback from my dear readers. Back then… I think I was quite broken.

I started writing to bring joy to the readers, but I found myself questioning whether I even deserved to write after such results.

However… I had already given up on the work titled ‘Academy Mad Cultist,’ and though there weren’t many, I had acted in a way that abandoned readers who were far too generous for my level.

Thus, I did not want to repeat such actions. So many more people loved my work and waited for me now than back then.

Even though it was tough, I endured. The comments left by the readers and the increasing view counts made me forget my fatigue.

The same went for when I was doing continuous updates. Although it was hard, I think I tried my best to provide as many updates as possible because the readers enjoyed them.

And lastly… I personally felt that the coherence and conclusion were truly disappointing.

In fact, I once did an ego search for research purposes, and to my utter surprise, I found reviews of this work.

At first, they were somewhat enjoyable, but then came the reviews criticizing the coherence, mentioning that the status window was the hidden antagonist, and that it ended abruptly, leaving a bad taste.

Regarding that… I have nothing to say but that I’m sorry. I had implemented the ending I had planned from the beginning, but even I thought it was too sudden and an odd development.

The last wishes of Seris’ father, the abrupt ending, my lacking writing skills… Looking back, there are so many regrettable aspects.

In the end… as a hack author, the results were overwhelmingly excellent, but I found myself wanting more, which made it all the more disappointing.

Regardless of whether the evaluations were good or bad, whether they were hateful comments or not, I just hope to receive a lot of attention. I’m okay with it.

As I write and engage with people, I’ve come to deeply understand the saying, ‘What’s scarier than hate is indifference.’

Anyway… Comments and reviews, and if possible, fan art too…! Always welcome! I read every single one!

Um… I think I got a bit emotional while writing this. Anyway, that’s all I have to say about my novel.

Ah… I’m reminded once again how quickly time flies. Back in mid-December when I started this piece, I never thought the day would come when I’d finish it and write a retrospective.

My heart feels unsettled. Thinking that my beloved novel and characters have come to an end, I feel a bit choked up, even though I’m not usually like this.

But… there’s a saying from a game I enjoyed, which became famous.

‘To end is to begin anew.’ That saying means that if there is a beginning, there must be an end, and that an end is also a new beginning.

I… am dreaming of another beginning. Although I’m currently preparing a remake of a new work that I didn’t quite like after a brief challenge, I’m also continuously brainstorming other stories!

This novel may have ended, but there are still so many stories I want to tell. So… if you’re okay with it, I hope you’ll join me on those journeys as well.

I was a person who couldn’t find anything special and felt nothing but disillusionment in life, utterly ordinary.

And through this experience, I received attention and love that I might not have received even when my life came to an end.

The reason I was able to endure last year and this year, which were too difficult, is all thanks to you.

The many hardships that occurred and the exhausted heart were given warm hope only by your interest and love.

Just like Venice, who was saved by the heroines, and the heroines who were saved by Venice.

I, too, was saved by the readers’ love and interest, and through writing novels, I was able to rescue my life.

You made me a meaningful person, and to those who accompanied me to the end of this arduous journey, I am truly grateful.

I’ve said it many times, but I’ll say it again. Readers, I love you and thank you always.

Please look forward to my future journey as well!