Is it Wrong that I Woke Up in Danmachi as the Main Character?

The plan was simple: run them hands and break them stuff.

Or in other words, wreak as much havoc as possible. Especially since Ishtar seemed to be in league with whoever was responsible for the recent monster invasion in Orario.

Like Welf initially suggested, I really, really, *really* wanted to send the entire place up in flames.

But I thought better of that.

This was Orario's entertainment district. Not only that, but it was one infamous for its red-light district that was run by Ishtar.

A red-light district that had tons of rickety buildings that were definitely occupied at this time of the night.

While I was sure that a majority of the people using said buildings would probably deserve getting hurt, there were also definitely a large portion of people who didn't, so we scrapped that plan.

Instead...

Lightning crackled and struck down all around the El Dorado Resort, lighting up the moonless night.

Fires spread where the lightning struck, but a torrential downpour instantly snuffed those flames.

I sat down on a pilfered chair and waited, quietly listening to the screams and panic spreading through the entertainment district as the El Dorado Resort guests ran out.

Welf leaned against the chair and looked up at the sky. "You know, Bro. I get playing the role, but do you have to go out of your way to pull a crazy light show like this just because you called yourself after a king famed for lightning?"

I shrugged and said, "It's the least destructive means of ruining things. Plus, bad omens and all that jazz."

"Uh-huh..." Welf looked up at the clouds and then said, "...How are you doing all of this by the way? Aren't you still a level one?"

"I am. Which reminds me that I need to still have Tia update my status..."

Kept forgetting about that between all the random stuff happening.

Probably a good thing though. I was pretty sure that I'd level up from all the crazy I'd been through recently, and I didn't want to do all the paperwork required for the new taxes and things.

Still, I'd been putting it off long enough, I guess. First thing in the morning, I'll bug Tia about it.

I needed to go look up some parenting books in the library anyway, so I could go meet with Eina and sort that out at the same time.

But anyway...

I looked at Welf and said, "Are you really going to ask that though, Mister 'Tsunami in a blade'?"

Welf shrugged and said, "Crozzo swords are built different."

"Me too, apparently."

Welf looked at the skies and said, "Seems like it... So, uh." He looked back at me and said, "We going to hang out here until Ishtar shows up in person, or are we gonna bail?"

"Not just yet." I pulled out a pair of masks from my inventory before tossing one to Welf. "Put this on."

Welf grabbed the mask from me and turned it over in his hands. "...A wolf?"

It was a plain white mask with a crimson wolf head patterned on top of it.

I placed my mask on and adjusted it. After that, I crafted a quick mirror to check my reflection.

Black hair, crimson eyes, and crimson lightning patterns all around my mask looking like cracks...

Paired with the black cloak I'd put on, it definitely pulled off the evil mastermind image.

After a quick nod, I glanced at Welf to check that he had put everything on properly as well. And seeing that he did, I said, "You ready to play the bad guys now?"

Welf sighed and said, "Ready as ever, I guess? But seriously, how are you such a good actor, Bro?"

"It's called being shameless. Now." I reached into my inventory and pulled out the bastard that I shoved in earlier. "Time for an interrogation."

A soft *pop* echoed, followed by a splash as a body fell to the floor.

Well, I guess it'd be more correct to say a 'person' considering he was still alive.

For now.

"Bwah?!" Terry gasped and then coughed, sending water and specks of blood onto the ground.

His clothes were ripped and tattered from his attempt at turning into a monster. But since he got knocked out, that had been canceled and he reverted back to his normal sleazy self.

I got up from my chair and walked over, purposefully taking heavy steps to send water splashing.

Terry noticed me and looked up, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. At first, he was confused. But when he saw the mask, his eyes widened and he stumbled backwards. "Y-You! Dammit!" His fear turned into anger and he said, "You masked bastards! I got into this mess because of you guys!"

In the corner of my vision, I saw Welf tilt his head.

To me, it was clear that it was out of confusion.

But to Terry, it seemed to be pretty intimidating considering the dwarf flinched and landed on his but again.

Though I guess the fact that Welf was holding a giant sword glowing an ominous crimson hue added to the intimidation factor.

Anyway.

I walked forward until I was right in front of Terry and then crouched down until I was at eye level.

Terry gulped and then started shaking in place.

Did he instinctively sense he wasn't making it out of this place alive?

Either way, that helped.

I chuckled, making sure to distort the sound a bit with <Energy Manipulation> and then said, "Interesting. I had wondered why you were so brazen earlier. It seems there are fakers running about."

Terry flinched and said, "F-Fakers?" He quickly glanced behind me to look at Welf.

Welf laughed. Probably because he actually found it hilarious. But considering his build and outfit, plus the distortion I put on his voice, it definitely looked intimidating.

At least, judging from how Terry turned almost as white as his hair.

I smiled and said, "Yes. Fakers." I held up my left hand and summoned a bunch of Fina's flames from my ring.

They happily emerged with a giant roar before wrapping around my hand like a cute snake.

I reached out with my right hand to pet the flames before looking back at Terry.

He was already pale from shock, but now he had lost all color in his face. His eyes were wide, slowly following the flames before moving to my mask. "C-C-Could it be th-that the ring-"

"Was stolen from me? Yes." I lowered my left hand, dismissing Fina's flames.

They lingered for a bit, as if reluctant to go. But then they fizzled away, leaving everything back in the dark.

Terry gulped and then quickly flipped over, slamming his hands and head on the ground. "F-F-Forgive me great lord! I did not realize you were still alive!"

???

Great lord? The heck?

Wait. Let's roll with it and do some improv.

I chuckled and said, "Yes. Rumors of my death were... greatly exaggerated. As were those of Evilus' demise."

Terry trembled and said, "I-I knew that Lord Erebus had not returned to heaven!"

Oookay. Definitely a flag there. And someone to look up.

For now though...

I chuckled and said, "Indeed. So." I reached out to place my hand on Ted's head and said, "Please. Explain to me who these 'other' masked individuals were."

"W-Well..." Terry gulped and then started talking.

xxx

Welf eyed Terry's unmoving body and then said, "You know, Bell. You're pretty scary when you're serious."

I knelt down and sent out a surge of flames to disguise grabbing Terry's body in my inventory. Once there, I used it to craft an innocuous pebble. After that, I stood up and said, "Good." I looked at him and said, "Better to be scary and have less issues than too nice and have people test you."

Welf scratched his hair and said, "I guess that's true. People *did* stop bugging me to make swords when I threw a temper tantrum..."

"Yep." I brushed my hands off and then looked off into the distance. "So... ready for the real boss fight?"

A crash of lightning struck down, exploding another portion of the El Dorado Resort and sending it falling to the ground.

And with that flash of lightning, a crowd of women could be seen approaching in the distance.

Amazons, beautiful women with animal ears, a couple elves...

And all of them, obscured with that sticky pink mist that I saw earlier when I first arrived with Welf.

I gathered a pile of rubble together by using my inventory as makeshift telekinesis before stacking it together. After that, I sat down on top and waited.

Welf eyed the people coming closer and said, "Um... So I *did* make some anti-charm stuff, but I don't think I wanna test it right now, Bro." He gulped and nervously tugged at his collar. "Do you think you could send me back first?"

I rolled my eyes and said, "Sure. Go scold the kids for staying up too late and spying on us."

"Wait. What do you mean spying-"

Before he could finish, I sent him back to the house with my quick travel.

And just in time as a wave of pink mist swept out towards me.

Of course, nothing happened.

I saw the mist gather around me and try to stab into my head and heart. But the moment it got close, the mist broke apart and disappeared.

But that was obvious. After all, if my cheat skill was enough to stop Freya's full-power charm and reverse it on her, it was definitely enough to stop Ishtar's.

Though, I made sure to not let the charm fire back at Ishtar.

I already had two lovely goddesses in my life. I didn't need a third... and especially not one who used her charm to force people into prostitution.

The crowd of beauties drew close.

Rain continued to pour as lightning crackled up above.

I simply sat there and waited, leaning my head against my fist as if I was bored.

And then eventually the crowd of beauties came to a stop, encircling me on all sides.

One of them stepped forward. An amazon with purple eyes and long black hair covering the right side of her face... She raised a curved great sword at me and said, "Foolish man who dares to cause such a ruckus in Lady Ishtar's territory! State your name!"

I chuckled and said, "My name?" I slowly stood up and said, "Why should I tell it to slaves of pleasure like yourself?"

The amazon bristled and tensed, ready to pounce. But then a hand reached out to stop her.

"Wait."

A sultry and seductive voice. One similar to Freya's but different in a clear way.

Specifically, in that it sounded like a lady on the verge of moaning at the end of every sentence. Or at least, that was the general vibe I got from it.

"Lady Ishtar!" The amazon immediately knelt down, revealing the woman who had reached out.

A well-endowed woman with light brown skin. One who was lewd enough to walk around with just a red sash covering her nipples instead of a proper shirt.

Something that really didn't do anything at all considering it was moving in the strong wind and baring everything to the world to see.

At least she was wearing a long red skirt to cover her lower half... though that had a super long slit that also would bare it all if the wind took it the wrong way.

She also wore a lot of gold. A gold necklace, gold bracelets, gold anklets, a gold tiara with a ruby set in the center...

Overall, a haughty and lewd woman without a shred of class or seductive charm.

Like, I had issues with some of Freya's outfits. Especially that super deep v-cut excuse of a dress that barely covered her breasts or groin. But at least that was something class and sensual that could pass for being night wear.

That lady... No, I guess she was a goddess?

The attire of that goddess in front of me just reeked cheap whore- I mean, 'escort.'

Ishtar stepped forward, flicking her purple hair to get off some of the rain. In doing so, it caused her close to shift and bare everything for a split second.

She must have thought it was sexy.

Honestly though... it was just pretty cringe.

"A man like you who managed to cause such a ruckus..." Ishtar slowly walked forward, swaying her hips side to side. She reached up with her right hand, placing her index finger on her lips and smiling. "Won't you have some fun with this lady?"

Again, that pink mist flew forward. A heavy and cloying mist that smelled a bit like spice mixed with flowers. Ishtar's charm.

I wrinkled my nose in disgust and said, "A lady? Looking like that?" I swept my hand through the air and broke the mist, shattering Ishtar's charm attempt. "Just call it how it is, you cheap escort."

"C-Cheap? ESCORT?!" Ishtar's face distorted for a moment. But then she smiled, redoubling her charm attempt. "Why, now I *must* have you..."

I chuckled and said, "Sorry. Already taken. And thanks for showing yourself."

"What?" Ishtar blinked. But a second later, she took a step back.

Was it a god's intuition?

But it was too late.

I smiled and chucked the innocuous pebble I made earlier at Ishtar's face.

It tapped her cheek and then fell to the ground.

Ishtar blinked and then scowled. "You dare to dis-"

"Evilus says hi. Also, rumors of Erebus's death have been greatly exaggerated."

*BOOM*

A blinding white light erupted, along with a pillar of flames.

Nothing too serious. It would be bad if a god dropped dead in Orario, regardless of whether she was a crazy bitch who deserved to rot in hell.

But definitely enough to make her life a living hell for the next week or so.

Ishtar let out a pained scream.

At the same time, the pink mist surrounding the crowd of beauties that she brought with her dispersed.

Confused voices. Footsteps racing as some of the girls more quick on the update ran away.

And as for me...

"Get fucked, Bitch-tar."

I left a one-liner and vanished.

Man, it was fun to be a bad guy to the bad guys.

The moment my quick travel activated, there was an immediate change in surroundings. The bright light and flames vanished, replaced by darkness and the familiar silhouettes of the ruined church that I called home.

And the silhouettes of a bunch of young women.

And the silhouette of my lovely goddess standing in the middle of the courtyard with her arms crossed.

And the silhouette of Welf standing in the back, rubbing the back of his neck.

Oh yeah. Can't have action without drama.

I sighed and walked forward, holding up my hands. "I can explain."