I’m Not a Hero Like You

114 – 37. I don’t look into the future.(3)

I’ve experienced too many things.

Even if it’s an illusion.

The things I’ve been through never go away.

But, is it because the years were too long?

I almost forgot my original purpose gradually.

-Remembering is very simple.

Because humans and living things are slaves to memory.

-If you keep reminding yourself of the worst memories, you won’t be able to forget them even if you want to.

She said that she was taking a deadly drug… It definitely had an effect.

I didn’t use this method from the beginning.

But since I am also a human being, is it because of the bottomless winds and waves of the years?

At some point, the initial purpose began to become ambiguous or blurry.

And as if he expected that, the Demon King reminded him of it properly.

Thanks to that, I still have nightmares with my eyes open… Including the emotions and regrets, anger and helplessness I felt then.

I was able to openly recall and reflect on the emotions of various wealth.

At the same time.

… What he experienced through Alessia, and the small memories he had while going back and forth with Ruirin.

I was able to reflect on it openly.

After all, those memories were giving me the driving force to move forward.

Also.

The absurdity of this world, which must be painful just by existing, and cursed just by breathing.

… There were times when I hated it so much I couldn’t stand it.

And vice versa, of course.

There has never been a time when, immersed in stillness, a moment of peace was so comfortable.

As if at that moment, all the worries and anguish felt meaningless.

Which one is the real me?

The answer was simple.

Because it was all me.

As for me, everything that happens inside me is so colorful and diverse.

Chaos and order.

Peace and Discord.

All of them constantly collide, circulate, exchange, merge and scatter repeatedly.

It is also a variety of phenomena in nature.

In addition, it is often reproduced in all sorts of phenomena in the society of intelligent bodies, including humans.

“… ….”

It looks like it will be eaten.

But we were already devoured.

Rich and natural.

By law and providence, etc.

That I took as the basis.

Beyond the vastness of the universe, the vast world that expands, expands, and expands endlessly even at this moment.

That which is always at the center of such a world.

From the center, the world is established, expanded, and formed again.

That even the sun we see is infinitely pitiful compared to it.

I realize it without knowing it.

… In fact, I still didn’t know what it was.

I couldn’t even understand what I was hearing.

On the contrary, with my heart and mind, I felt like I was just realizing what it was.

I still couldn’t get past the surface level of accepting it with my head.

-That’s about right. What you don’t know right now is medicine.

Soaking your ankles in sea water.

Because putting the whole head down is a completely different case.

-That’s enough for now.

Speaking of that, I put my mind down so as not to fall into doubt.

As the body was equipped, what was understood and absorbed gradually changed.

I can do what I couldn’t.

I naturally came to know things I didn’t know.

Is it because the field of view has widened?

The things you see, hear, and feel are more sophisticated than before.

… Even so, it was still in the adaptation phase.

It is a law that a born child cannot fly and grow from the beginning.

It was just like him.

In order.

To grow bigger.

To jump higher.

As if you need to be prepared.

-Enjoy the directional wandering.

The demon king said.

Desperation is said to depend on the experiences you have gone through.

It depends on your heart accepting it.

It also depends on your consciousness of not forgetting it.

It depends on your will to overcome it.

Among them.

-Nothing was neglected.

The pain and joy you went through.

Everything that enjoys it and rejects it.

-It’s your right.

—-

“This, this, this, this, this! This?! Me, me, really me… Lord, you can give… Is it, is it, is it?”

The day before leaving the Valley of the Lake Dragon.

In an empty lot, they hold a party that is not a small party.

A wild boar is roasted by hanging it in its entirety.

Share the fruit wine that Ases has soaked.

And when he said he would hand over the guitar to Aristites as parting words, he made a fuss.

“I can go out and get it, but not you?”

“Yeah, it should be, but….”

His quadrupeds are long.

“If you give, it is human nature to receive.”

When Rance Ruth, who had transformed into a dragon, dismissed it, Aristites seriously handed over the guitar, shaking his hand as if he had been given a famous sword.

“Two years are approaching. It has changed beyond recognition in that short amount of time.”

“… ….”

It was a part that Kariel himself felt.

People around me said that I was taller than before, but I wasn’t very impressed.

Compared to before, my physique has improved a bit, but I thought it was the same.

Compared to the body type, it would still be a fragile physique, but this side was no longer in a position to use the body with muscles or skeletons, so there was no need to obsess or be tied to such things.

That said, there was no reason to feel deeply attracted to a well-trained body, or to be proud of that.

“I’ll give you a shot the next time I see you.”

“… Okay.”

Since the guy named Ryu Rick had a fight with Kariel, she has always been friendly.

Even when I sparred with Ases, I wasn’t that persistent. What is the reason?

“Puha!”

Mayer, who was tipping her wine bag in her corner, seemed to regard even this as an unnecessary act of catering, but she was still immersed in her own world.

She’s drunk every moment, but she doesn’t let go of her sword.

Her blood is made of alcohol, but her whole body has rough corners like a rusty sword.

Even so, she is one of the few talented people who can compete with Ashes.

In fact, the one who could be said to be Rurik and Aristetis’ teacher would have been Mayer, not Rancerus.

“… ….”

The author must have been born in some sense.

Drinking alcohol all the time and living with my mind free, but rather than loosening up, my skills are growing day by day… No matter how you think about it, the front and back don’t match.

Above all, being close to alcohol means that both the body and mind are not at their best.

For Kariel of the past, who could not cast off the category of a criminal beyond a model student, he would get wet with strange sentiments when he saw such an existence.

Even in the academy, everyone always sleeps, but starting with the guys with the highest grades.

Although he always plays dissolutely, when he shows his skills, he shows off his natural skills.

For Cariel, whose results were disastrous despite his hard work, he could not help but feel a sense of deprivation and inferiority.

… Considering that, even the current self must be at the height of irrationality.

So Kariel didn’t underestimate it, and she didn’t intend to overestimate it. She

She is much less proud of it or boasting about it.

If she was his age, she would be swayed by her desire to show off her achievements.

… Her motivation was not aroused.

She used to be harsh, but now it’s even worse than that.

She’s been through that long.

Almost 2 years of her life here was close to 10 years from Kariel’s perception of her.

How long has she been immersed in her illusions?

Not to mention, even during training to open his eyes and build his body, he was still halfway into an illusion.

… However, there is a limit to the level that can be trained and obtained with it.

Your skills do not improve just by working hard and working for a long time.

I didn’t know, but the demon king clearly pointed that out.

And.

“Did you find out on your own that hard work and polishing are infinitely not enough?”

“… ….”

Kariel thought for a moment before answering.

“No. I heard it.”

“Sure it is.”

Lance Ruth wiggled his big head as if his curiosity had been answered.

Even then.

“But how do you know when?”

“When?”

“Strictly speaking, it wouldn’t have been strange if you continued training here for a few more years. Why do you want to go out now?”

“That….”

Because I was told there was nothing more to gain.

To whom?

… To the devil

By cultivating the body in this place rich in natural energy, the body has developed accordingly.

On the one hand, it was biased.

I don’t know for sure, but since the demon king has a cold aura in the first half, it was said that it was necessary to infuse a hot energy in order to balance it this time.

… Then I mentioned the harmony of yin and yang, but I wanted something at first.

Coming to think of it, there was such a passage in the trial that Grandeus gave.

[Dive like fire that devours firewood, slice like the cold that freezes lakes and rivers.]

This is the essence of the harmony of yin and yang, and it was a little easier to understand when it came to the theory of heat and cold, which magicians commonly refer to as the theory of magic.

“At first, the mind couldn’t follow the body, but now it’s the other way around. The perfection of the body has reached its peak, but the mind cannot keep up with it.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. In my mind, I want to tell you to look a little more calmly and for a long time, but… You have an idea, so you’re going to leave here. Isn’t it?”

“… ….”

“Be firm in what you mean. If it’s at your level right now, I won’t be envious of it anywhere in the world.”

If it’s too much praise, it’s probably too much.

If it’s a high praise, it’s a high praise.

In a way, the lake dragon in front of you is a being that even the current Kariel cannot easily predict victory or defeat.

But even that.

“Your father is a breathing disaster. Even I can’t deal with that.”

It is called

.

“That’s how much the golden beast was a threat to the superiors. If it wasn’t for that bowl, I couldn’t defeat it. That’s how I judged it, so I must have made that kind of thing born in this era. Or not… Whether a greater ordeal comparable to that will come after that is something I do not know. I don’t even know the future.”

“… ….”

If that’s the case.

For what reason was Kariel herself born, and why did she come this far?

“… ….”

Kariel knew.

Because she has already been in her dreams, in a virtual world, with her father, whom the demon lord has embodied, and has been fighting one after another.

Seriously, she hadn’t beaten him even once.

The golden beast.

In other words, when he faced the demon king, he was at his peak.

As a father and active-duty warrior, he was still a huge barrier.

It’s like a barrier that rises so high into the sky that you can’t cross it.

By the way, the demon king said this.

Perhaps. That now is stronger than then.

Now that he possesses only the holy sword and no holy relic, he will be stronger than when he faced himself.

… At this point, I’m exhausted.

Does this give you room to be conceited or indulge in satisfaction?

I can’t help but feel inadequate all the time.

“Aiming high is a good thing.”

Ranceruth strangely threw words that seemed to penetrate his heart.

“But don’t get too hung up on it. A mountain is just a mountain. To turn that mountain into a wall blocking the path ahead. Making it a great view to see. It’s all up to you.”

“Yes. I am always thinking about it.”

In the end, the biggest stumbling block is what I make.

Nobody has ever said it was a stumbling block.

I just thought so. I just felt it.

So that’s why I’m taking it.

This is my heart.

“… ….”

However, even if I put my mind to it, it is realistic and true that it is blocking my path.

Just that you don’t have to be scared before you get over it.

If fear grows into fear as time goes by, then it will be more difficult.

At that time, Ases intervened.

“Are you serious about that? No fun Oh, what about playing a song to cheer up while you’re talking?”

When I invited her by waving a wooden cup, Lansrus left excitedly.

“… ….”

As if there was no problem with Kariel, Aristites handed her the guitar again.

“Yes. Only when this happens, the expression comes alive.”

While Aces giggled and widened the distance, Mines, who had been fixing his eyes on the fire grilling the meat, could also be seen turning his attention this way as if he was interested.

“Ha ha!”

As Aristites embraces both cheeks and makes an expectant expression, a sense of futility springs up.

Should this be called burden or anticipation?

A task that has been repeated over a long period of time? Day?

Anyway, seeing all that, there was no reason to feel nervous now.

“… ….”

Did Aseth tell you to cheer up?

Then….

Beyond the routine plucking of strings.

This time, I wanted to play the guitar in a different way.

As if sweeping your fingers.

Plucking, beating, plucking, hitting the strings as if swinging a wrist.

Even if you beat the body of the guitar with the back of your hand and the palm of your hand like a percussion instrument, separate from the strings.

Strike the strings again, etc.

“Wow!!!”

Rather than the music itself, it’s more like the style of the performance or the action.

In a way that focuses a little more on it.

The performance continued.

Direct emotions rather than stimulating emotions.

Splendid dance and rhythm.

As if the eyes were drawn to the splendid singing voice.

Although it is so close to a spectacle, it is an ice ceremony that adds to the excitement with the intention of seeing and enjoying it.

Like that, we continued our last performance here.

The night is deep, but thanks to the blazing fire and the surrounding forest, the surroundings are extremely bright.

As if they were enfolded in the bosom of the forest and settling down around their feverish heart as a hearth.

Roasted meat also smelled bad at first, but now it’s just savory and fragrant.

Even the sparks and sparks crackling in the flames are nostalgic.

In the end, all of this is a fleeting moment of entertainment.

It doesn’t matter.

If only I could take a break.

I was satisfied enough with that.