Idol’s Childhood Friend

27 – To me, Chaewon———

Resentment that she didn’t trust me.

Guilt for not being able to protect you.

The whole reason why I can’t love you completely.

+++

It felt like they were encouraging it.

I had a nightmare on the first day of filming, and the nightmare was that day when I was nineteen.

I know.

Everything I said and did to you until today was double, ambiguous, and incomprehensible……

I know this best.

You say you like it, but you push it away, and you push it away, but you can’t shake it off.

Then what I said was, let’s stay friends.

How ugly and pathetic it looks.

That’s why I accepted it.

The reason I nodded at your suggestion to decide on a relationship through a bet was because it was an opportunity you gave me, who was more stubborn than anyone else, to be able to make a clear choice.

15 Years. Period and comma.

We have to choose between the two.

『The blind date we talked about next Thursday』

『The place is here』

『Park Seon-woo』

I prepared to end today.

+++

The playground with puddles everywhere and the flowers and trees in the flower beds still containing water.

The sky is so dazzling that it’s hard to believe that it rained until yesterday.

A very familiar summer day.

A very familiar scenery.

I thought I was the only one who changed, but a lot of things changed at my alma mater as well.

For example, the prison-like exterior, which is a typical feature of old schools, was newly painted, giving it a neat and cute feel.

The classroom that remained empty due to the decrease in the number of children had many interesting items for creative activities, even to me as an adult, and most of all, a new gymnasium, which did not exist when I was a student, was opened.

Of course, there are many parts that do not change.

The desks and chairs on which children sit are still old-fashioned, the ominous atmosphere unique to the science room, where you feel like a ghost will come out when you turn off the lights, has not changed, and the slide on the playground that I glanced at before entering the building is still very static.

And———.

“Yumin~.”

Even your bright smile when you look at me.

Whether then or now, you are the person who looks best when smiling.

I looked at you with a little fascination.

Summer knit featuring dark blue slacks and stripes. Round horn-rimmed glasses.

Actually, the styling and makeup were nothing special.

But when everyone sees it, they open their mouths and exclaim in exclamation.

I was no different.

Because it’s you. Because it’s none other than Ever’s Han Chaewon.

Even if you take a photo of a certain moment, you are the person who can make even that moment special.

He is a pretty person———.

It may surprise you, but unlike me, you are a shining person. It was nice to be able to spend 15 years with you, and I’m glad that it was you who first introduced me to the feeling of love……

It would have been better if I had not known from the beginning. On the other hand, the thought that we wouldn’t have been so damaged if we hadn’t touched each other calmly and deeply comes to me.

So, let’s capture all the regrets and regrets in the lens and make them disappear.

Let’s let you go now.

After making up my mind, I erase all distracting thoughts and smile.

“You wouldn’t dress like an elementary school teacher, right?”

The sunlight coming through the window is particularly dazzling.

+++

「Do you remember the first time you two met each other?」

I expected it to some extent, and I remember it too.

I think back on that day and answer honestly.

Suddenly, I thought of you as an eight-year-old, holding a test paper worth only 1000 points in one hand, and a shallow smile escaped me without my knowledge.

「… “Then, can you two hear your first impressions of each other?”

I expected it this time, but I don’t remember it.

As memories are corrected and corrected over time, the emotions contained within them are bound to weather.

Moreover, I was timid and cynical at the time. According to a childhood friend, this is a kid who seemed like he would never cry.

There is no way there is such a thing as a first impression of me.

I thought it would be better to say I didn’t remember rather than lie, so after much thought, I answered honestly……

“If it were you, you would definitely have thought that way, right? “He’s such a bother.”

Puh-. He was definitely a guy I could have thought of in those days.

No, on the contrary, after hearing it, I even gained faith.

At that time, I looked at the cheerful you and wondered if there was such a troublesome person.

“Ha. “Even though I got it right, I still feel strangely bad?”

Your reaction never leaves a smile on my face.

I’m just talking about old times, but I wonder what makes it so interesting.

Looking back on my childhood after a long time, various memories came to mind like soap bubbles.

「Do you remember when Chaewon first told you that you would become an idol?」

Pababat-. When I think of that day, which became a big inflection point not only for you but also for my life, other memories big and small disappear in an instant, and that day is vividly pictured in my mind.

It was summer then too.

An apartment complex near the school.

The playground floor is finished with a soft material instead of dirt, and the playground is the only one in the area that can be used as a water park.

Because of that, there were some unique and fun equipment that can only be seen at water parks, such as structures that can spit out water. After all, aren’t we kids?

Chaewon and I always rode on the swing, and if no one was around, we would sit on the swing and talk for tens of minutes.

———Oh, that’s right. Even back then, you wanted to talk about yourself, so you asked me first.

Like a line of red drawn on a pure white canvas, it tells the story of a day that unfolded clearly.

What I still remember is that damn double bar.

They said it would be better for two people to eat one, so they stubbornly took half of the double bar I bought and ate it.

Then, after quickly eating all the ice cream, he got off the swing and showed it to me, saying there was a dance he was practicing these days.

The song was definitely good, but the dancing on the other hand was sloppy.

Nevertheless, you smiled brightly and said you were happy, and to me you seemed sparkly.

He was an idol.

Enjoying the stage, the sight makes the fans go crazy, and before they know it, they are fascinated and cheering.

Whether then or now, you have always been an idol to me.

“… ….”

I blinked, and at some point I saw you making a blank expression.

… What did I say?

Then I felt heat rising to my face, and I reflexively lowered my head in shame.

I didn’t mean to say this.

You shouldn’t say things like this.

I blame myself for saying something useless again and try to pretend I’m okay, raising my head.

Fortunately, no one pointed out my remarks anymore……

「From now on, we will give you a mission.」

I also quickly accepted what the producer gave me.

… What? Where did you get these photos?

“Of course, at my house with you.”

I asked this even though I knew. Is it the only way I can leave my house with you?

Actually, what I really wanted to ask was when did he stop by our house, and why didn’t my mom tell me about his visit?

More than anything, why did you just ignore me even though you had an excuse to meet me?

I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been on a trip down memory lane for too long, if it’s the aftermath of what I said earlier, or if it’s because I’ve decided to draw a line, but I keep becoming conscious of you.

Because we are currently filming.

I tried hard to erase my emotions and focused on the photo, and as I looked at it, many thoughts came to mind.

I was really small at this time. No matter what moment you capture, I was always quiet, and you were always lively. Back then and now, we got along really well.

And.

As the grades go up, a smile appears on my face even when I didn’t know how to smile.

I swallow quietly and calm my mind at the fact that I didn’t know before.

I admit it.

At that time, school was everything in the world, and the person who stayed by my side in that world was none other than you.

The times that made me who I am today were all about you, so I know very well that you are a big part of my life, but……

When I opened and looked at the photos that had recorded the past 6 years, I couldn’t believe it.

Did I depend on you this much? ?

I thought my memory was worn out and my emotions were lost to give a satisfactory answer to the question I inadvertently asked.

I had no doubt that if I didn’t try to think of it, if I didn’t remember it, the memories would become more and more distant, making it even more impossible to understand this emotion that wasn’t easy to reach.

“Minah. “Let’s go and take pictures!”

It was a hasty misjudgment.

“I want you to look a little more upset about losing to me… !!”

“I’m embarrassed because I forced you to do it, but I’m telling you to act like this feeling of receiving attention is not that bad!!”

“As much as I received my support, I felt like I had to win this at all costs… …. What? The win is yours anyway? … “You really get king.”

Every time I look at a photo and recreate the situation, the memories and emotions of that day come to mind.

I wondered why I remembered it.

I wondered why something like this even came to mind.

Hot summer.

Outside, the grass grows thick and boys play soccer without realizing it’s hot. Inside the classroom, girls gathered in groups of twos and threes playing gonggi.

An air conditioner that was turned on at set times. A fan that rotated without stopping. My homeroom teacher always stayed in his seat because he couldn’t be bothered to go to the teacher’s office.

I went to the library every time because I secretly noticed it, and you followed me to the library together.

I sat in a sunny corner and read a book, and you sat next to me and hummed while looking at me for the entire 10 minutes.

The more I think about it, the more I feel like I was there on that day.

So you become immersed in the day you forgot, and so you forget the day you made a resolution to.

“The Beatles’ All you need is love.”

The end has already arrived.

I don’t know anything else, but I was reluctant to do this. I instinctively felt that I shouldn’t do it.

Just standing on this stage clearly reminded me of the time when I was immature.

I felt it, saw it, heard it…… If I continue like this, I won’t know what I did it for.

But.

As soon as you held my hand, I didn’t think anything of it. To be precise, there was no time to think.

“What was so embarrassing and exciting back then?”

Your face is right in front of me, brushing your hair and smiling.

I like it———.

He is speaking with his whole body, with his clasped hands, his eyes facing each other, and his drawn smile.

How can I think differently?

“Minah, do you know the lyrics?”

I know. I still enjoy listening to it often these days.

“What do you think? Tremble?”

I like this person.

He is someone who will push away at the same time.

There’s no way I wouldn’t be nervous.

“Then, no problem.”

I tried to smile at your shoulder-bumping behavior.

As if possessed by something, I carefully hold your hand with strength.

It is small. Soft. Thin.

This is your hand. This is your hand that I will never be able to hold again.

You have to let go. I have to let go now.

I was struggling to remember my decision throughout the song, and the moment the first verse ended, I relaxed my hands.

Kkwaak-. You say you won’t let go, and you give just as much strength as I have released.

I looked at you without thinking.

I looked into your eyes without realizing it.

———It was love.

I swear that the emotion in those eyes was love.

Emotions are rising.

Become aware of your rising emotions.

The feelings I have become aware of are spreading.

“”Love is all you need.””

Resentment for not trusting me.

Guilt for not being able to protect you.

I believed that the reason I couldn’t love you completely was that I couldn’t dye it with any color.

I like it. I liked you a long time ago when you said you liked me.

So I tried to give up. It was a shoot I wanted to take in order to give up.

「What was Han Chae-won to Yoo Min back then?」

But I.

“To me, Chaewon is———.”

I.