I Won’t Pick Up The Trash I Threw Away Again

It was an Imperial order. What else could I say? 

“…I understand."

I had no choice but to accept his words even if I didn't want to.

“How long should I rest?”

"Well."

Kalian thought for a moment and said,

"A week."

I thought it was a day or two at most, but a week?

“It's too long.”

“It's not long.”

Kalian replied flatly.

“When you return from a long journey, you can take a week or two weeks off like a regular delegation, so I hope you would do that as well.”

That was a fact I knew too. However, I had no intention of resting. Without me, it's obvious that Kalian and Baron Delrond would suffer. How could I rest?

I also wanted to finish the childcare project with my own hands. So I was going to ask him to cut it down a bit, but before I could, I heard knocks.

"Your Majesty, it's time for the morning audience."

“Time for that already?”

Kalian clicked his tongue as he checked the time with the pocket watch he had in his pocket.

He seemed to be going now. As I was about to stand up to see him off, Kalian waved his hand.

“No need to see me off. Just finish your meal.”

"But…”

Kalian raised an eyebrow. 

“You keep repeating the same thing to me, huh?”

“…”

I put down my butt I had lifted back, and then Kalian's eyebrow returned to its original position.

“I'll come back later. Make sure to eat your meal.”

"Yes."

“You have answered, so you have to keep it.”

After Kalian left, I picked up the spoon to finish the soup.

I was thinking of going to eat well and get back to work soon. Also, I shouldn't cause any inconvenience for a week or so.

…but, will I be able to return to work in a week?

With that sudden thought, I put the spoon down again as I couldn't lift it. 

If I were to give birth to Philen's child as he demanded… I didn't think I would be able to be an aide anymore. And even if I didn't comply with Philen's demand, I still wouldn't be able to keep being an aide if I couldn't prove my innocence. 

How do I prove my innocence then?

Seeing Philen being so furious like that, I guessed he had accurate evidence that I ordered Misa. 

I wondered what the evidence was, but I had no way to know it. Because asking Philen wasn't going to get me anything.

I would naturally find it out if I was caught by the guards and went to court, but by then, it was too late to prove my innocence.

No matter how much I cried for my innocence, I would be branded as a sinner because of the false evidence that Philen had.

If that happened, not only would I be unable to work as an aide, but it would also make Kalian, who trusted me, lose face.

I have to stop that.

I didn't want Kalian to get on and off people's lips because of me. I never wanted to do anything that would ruin his reputation.

To do that… As expected, should I accept Philen's ridiculous offer? Should I go back to the life of giving birth to and raising a child of a man who had already left my heart?

“…”

It was a life that I once took for granted.

The goal of my life was to give birth to Philen's child, to help him, and to raise the child brilliantly.

But it's not anymore. I didn't want to have a child like him. I also didn't wish to return to the Duke of Williot. I missed the life there, but that didn't mean I wanted to go back.

…what would I do if I went back to that place where there was no Misa?

"Misa…”

As I thought of Misa, I felt a pain as if someone was squeezing my lungs, making it difficult to breathe.

Misa, why did you leave me behind?

Why did you do that?  

I didn't even want you to do that. 

I was out of breath. My eyes became hot again and tears streamed down my cheeks.

"Haa, haa…”

I clutched my chest and lay my face down on the sofa. I lifted my legs up and rounded my body as much as I could.

Kalian heard from the maid that Leila didn't empty half of the soup she took at dawn.

She hadn't eaten anything since last night, so she must be hungry, but she couldn't even empty a bowl of soup? 

As expected she's not feeling very well. Well, she heard such news, so she couldn't have been in good condition.

Worried about Leila, he immediately called the palace doctor.

An hour later, the doctor returned from examining Leila and reported directly to Kalian.

“Her physical condition is fine except for feeling a little weak because she hasn’t eaten properly for over half a day.”

"Really?"

That meant eating would make her feel better. 

Kalian was relieved.

But then, the doctor continued.

“But it seems that she has a mental illness.”

“Mental illness?”

"Yes. Baron Aster's sudden loss of consciousness and failure to eat properly was not because of her physical condition, but because of her mental illness.”

Was it like that? Well, she had been through something like that, so there's no way she couldn't not suffer a mental illness.

I should have kicked that jerk out before Leila returned.

It was difficult to simply kick out a duke or someone who would become a duke without any reason, but it was not impossible at all.

If he insisted, it was possible. It's just that if he did that, the aftermath was so big that he couldn't do it.

However, seeing Leila suffering from a mental illness, made him regret not doing it.

“Can you make medicine to cure her mental illness?”

“Mental illness cannot be cured by taking medicine, Your Majesty.” 

“Then what should I do?” 

"Well."

The doctor thought for a moment before answering.

“The best way is to eliminate the root cause.”

In a word, it meant getting rid of Philen Williot.

He was seriously considering whether or not to start another war when the doctor added. 

“But Baron Aster already had it for a long time, and it's hard to find the root cause because it's piled up.”

What else is it?

“For a long time?”

"Yes. After talking to her, I think it has been years at least.”

No way. It's only been a few months since Philen brought his mistress and they broke up though, yet it is years? It is also piled up? Doesn't that mean she's been bottling it up for a long time?

Come to think of it, she was strangely afraid of thunder and lightning. Is it also caused by her mental illness?

There were plenty of possibilities. He was very concerned about what on earth had happened to make her so afraid of thunder and lightning.

“For now, I will prescribe scented or medicinal herbs that can help to stabilize her mind and body.”

"Okay." 

“And it is also necessary for those around her to help her so that she doesn't get stressed out for the time being.”

"I get it."

As soon as the doctor left, Kalian summoned one of the Crowd Knight's members.

“Investigate what happened to Leila Aster in the past. Even the little things, everything.”

He didn't like to dig into someone else's painful past, but there was nothing he could do. Because he needed to know what happened so that he could cure her mental illness.

He wanted to take action on Philen, but he couldn't because Leila didn't ask for help. Kindness that the other party didn't want was nothing more or less than being nosy. 

But I should help her if it looks like she's having a hard time. 

Because of Leila's personality, there was a high chance that she would swallow it even if her heart festered and exploded.

The reason why he felt Leila was like a fool, yet felt related, was because she was similar to himself in the past.

Is that why I keep worrying about her?

Every time I see her, I think of my foolish past.

“That’s funny.”

Kalian smiled bitterly and wiped his face bigly.

After a while, his work that had been stopped resumed when Ver came in.

Kalian, who had been working for a long time, ordered the attendant as lunchtime approached.

“Tell the kitchen to send Leila a special meal. The one that can be eaten comfortably by patients.”

"Yes."

As the attendant left, Ver said to Kalian.

“Your Majesty should also have lunch.”

Kalian replied with his gaze fixed on the document. 

"No need. I don't feel like it, so I'll skip."

“Why are you sending Baron Aster her lunch when Your Majesty doesn’t eat?”

When asked by the loyal Ver, Kalian looked at him as if he was ridiculous.

“You seem to have gotten a little brazen these days.”

"Thank you."

“It’s not a compliment though.”

"I know."

Not a little, but very brazen, huh? 

But he wasn't wrong. 

He then thought it would be better to eat something simple, so Kalian told the attendant to bring lunch.

Ver also left for lunch.

After a simple lunch, Kalian, who had been concentrating on his work again, asked the attendant as if he had suddenly remembered.

“Has Leila finished her lunch?”  

She didn't even finish the soup he brought at dawn, so he wondered if she finished her lunch. 

He thought she might not be, and sure enough, the attendant reported that Leila ate less than a third of her lunch.

No matter how deep her mental illness is, she has to take care of her body and eat properly. What is she trying to do? 

A deep wrinkle formed between Kalian's eyebrows.

He didn't like what Leila was doing at all.

Not eating. Until not asking him for help when she must have heard Philen's harsh words. All of it. 

Even though Kalian liked people who tried to solve things on their own rather than relying on others blindly, Leila was too much. 

If she had someone by her side who could help her, why didn't she turn her head even once?

Is she perhaps not trusting me?

Is that why she doesn't ask me for help?

Thinking about it made him angry.

Kalian tapped the paper to the point where the tip of the quill became blunt, and then stood up.