I Won’t Pick Up The Trash I Threw Away Again

Leila's birthday was exactly 10 days away. It was both short and long periods. 

It was his first time celebrating her birthday, so he wanted to take care of it properly. To the point where she would remember it for the rest of her life.

Shall I throw a party?

No. We're not even family, and that seems like too much fuss.

Rather than having a party, I think it would be better to just give her a proper gift.

“Rahel.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“What gifts would you give to women?”

Gifts for women?

It was a bit of a random question, but Rahel did not panic and poured the tea. 

In his head, he was wondering who was the woman who could make Kalian give gifts personally.

He didn't have to think deeply about it, because there were only two such women.

His half-sister, Duchess Cloud, and his aide, Leila. 

Although she was his half-sister, Kalian wasn't close enough to give Duchess Cloud a personal gift as it was not an anniversary. And Rahel knew that Leila's birthday was coming soon.

“Is it for Baron Aster’s birthday?”

"Yeah."   

He asked just in case, but it was as he thought. He didn't think it was unusual or strange because Kalian celebrated Ver's birthday every year.

“I usually give ladies pretty dresses or jewelry on their birthdays.”

“I want to give her a memorable gift.”

“If you give her very big jewelry or a fancy dress, it will be memorable.”

It wasn't his favorite answer, but it wasn't wrong either.

After a moment of contemplation, Kalian ordered Rahel.

“Call the accessory craftsman as soon as the sun rises tomorrow.”

At his order, Rahel went out. Then Kalian called Audrin, the chief female attendant.

“I will have dinner with my aides. Prepare it.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

Preparations also included telling Leila and Ver about it.

Audrin, who had sent a female attendant to Leila's room, heard the unexpected news and immediately informed Kalian.

"Leila isn't in her room?" 

Kalian raised his eyebrow and looked at Audrin.

“Where did she go?” 

“It has been confirmed that she is not in the palace.”

“Does that mean she went out?”

“Now the maid has gone to check with the guards, so please wait a little longer, Your Majesty.”

The guards recorded all those who entered the palace, so if Leila went outside, he could know right away.

After a while, the maid, who returned after checking with the guards, informed him that Leila had left the palace.

"Hoo."

Philen, with his eyes blazing in fury, was looking for her and she went out without a word? 

No one knew she was going out, which meant she went out alone without a carriage.

Kalian sent Audrin out and immediately called Hiltine.

“Maybe she went home. Find her right now and bring her back.”

"Yes."

After answering briefly, Hiltine disappeared immediately.

Kalian, who was left alone, tapped the desk with his fingertips.

He had a bad feeling.

*****

The abortion drug I prepared?

What is he…!

“You seem to remember from the look on your face.”

“…”

Philen said sarcastically, but I couldn't say anything. Because when he said that, something came to mind.

The abortion drug given by Countess Thebesa.

But I definitely threw it away when I left the mansion. How could Cecily drink it?

“As expected, it was you who prepared it.”

The smile faded from Philen's face. His eyes looking at me became colder.

“Why did you do that?”

His heavy voice was terrifying.

“Did you hate my child that much?”

"No, I'm not."

It wasn't a lie.

Although I hated Cecily, I had no such feelings for the child she had. I didn't detest or hate him.

“Then did you hate me?”

Philen asked, smirking.

“Or did you hate Cecily?”

“…”

BANG-!

“Why aren’t you talking?”

Philen slammed the table hard and shouted.

“I'M ASKING YOU WHY YOU KILLED MY CHILD!”

“…it's not me.”

“Ha, are you going to pretend to be innocent until the end?”

“I didn’t feed her.”

When I explained more specifically, he chuckled.

“Yeah, you didn’t feed her. Because it was Misa who gave Cecily the drug.”

Misa gave Cecily the drug?

“NO WAY!”

I clenched my fists and shouted.

“Misa, Misa wouldn’t have done such a thing!”

“There's already a lot of evidence that implies she is the culprit. I'm sure she's the culprit."

Philen firmly denied my words.

No, that can't be true.

I knew Philen wasn't the type who would lie about that, but I couldn't believe it.

There was clearly some misunderstanding.

So I was going to ask him to investigate it once more, but before I could do that, Philen gave more shocking news.  

“Misa killed Cecily's baby by drugging her and then committed suicide.”

What did Philen just say?

Misa… killed herself?

It was shocking. No, rather than shocking, it was a wave of emotions that couldn't be expressed in words.

If Misa really killed Cecily's baby by giving her the abortion drug, she was dead anyway. Because Philen wouldn't let the person, who killed his child, be alive.

Perhaps she would be brutally tortured and eventually leading to a miserable death. So it was a good choice for Misa to choose suicide.

But, but… You shouldn't have done that in the first place!

Then there would be no need for you to commit suicide.

“Why would Misa do such a thing…”

“Are you asking because you don’t know? Of course, it's for you.”

For me?

“Seems like Misa thinks that the problem between you and me is because of the baby.”

Though it wasn't because of that. 

Philen said with a small smile.

Because of me, Misa… 

I actually knew it. Because if it wasn't for me, there would be no way Misa would do such a thing.

I just turned a blind eye because I didn't want to admit that Misa died because of me. But Philen hit that point too accurately.

My mind went blank and my eyes were spinning. I felt suffocated and nauseous.

“Ugh-.”

I covered my mouth with my hand and lowered my head. 

“That was the first child I was expecting.”

Philen, who came closer to me without me realizing, grabbed my shoulders and said,

“But Leila, you killed him. You took away my chance to be a father.”

A groan came out at the great force that squeezed my shoulders. I bit the soft flesh in my mouth hard to hold back my groaning. 

“I actually want to do what was in my mind to you right now, but… that won't bring back my dead baby, so I'll hold myself back."

“…”

“Make sure you pay for your crime instead.”

Crime?

"Are you… planning to report me to the guards?”

It was a great crime to instigate a person instead of directly killing someone. Especially if that someone was a duke's bloodline.

In the worst case, my life couldn't be saved. 

Of course, I had never done that, so  I could be confident even if I was taken to the guards. 

The problem was when my innocence was not proven. I could be punished as well as branded as a murderer.

Even if I was lucky enough to receive a light punishment, I would have to let go of my position as the emperor's aide.

I hate that.

I had just got the position and I might have to put it down.  

It was hopeless. It felt like it was falling apart before my eyes.

“I’m not going to report you to the guards for now.”

I thought he would take me to the guards right away. It was unexpected.

But… for now?

“You have to pay for your crime in person.” 

"In… in person?”

"Yeah."

Philen narrowed his eyes and continued.

“You can give birth to my child on Cecily's behalf.”

*****

When he first learned that Leila had killed his child, he was furious. It was to the point where he wanted to go find her right away and kill her. So he went straight to her house in the capital.

But, like a lie, Leila had been away for a long time on a diplomatic mission.

After meeting the guards while making a riot in front of her house, Philen laughed, only to find out about it.

As soon as he found out, he got the news that Leila returned about two weeks later.

There was still plenty of time, but Philen did not leave and waited for her to return.

He wandered around her house countless times even though he knew it wasn't time for her to return yet. 

In the meantime, his anger towards Leila subsided slightly.

Philen had no intention of handing Leila over to the guards.

He was going to get Leila to pay the price for killing his child with his own hands.

What kind of method would be good?

How can I make her pay for her crime and get revenge at the same time?

He hated and was angry with her enough to want to kill her, but he didn't really want to kill her. Because death was the most comfortable punishment. He wanted to make her feel more pain and suffering than that. 

Should I take away what she cherishes now the most?

Like she did?

It seemed like a good idea, as she would feel the endless despair he felt.

What Leila cherished the most right now was probably her new lover, Kalian. And it would be the same for Kalian.

So, separating the two would be great revenge for Leila and for Kalian as well.

A mean smile was drawn on his lips. Just thinking about it made him happy.

The surest way to separate the two was to take Leila as his wife. That way, the rigid Leila would never look away again, and Kalian wouldn't be able to reach out to Leila with his evil hands. 

It was also nice to have her, who was as perfect as the duchess herself, to be the Duchess of Williot. Of course, he had no intention of taking advantage of Leila like before.

Even if he took revenge by separating her from Kalian, it didn't change the fact that she was the murderer who killed his first child!

“…”

Thinking about it made him feel bad again.

He would never forget the shock of losing the first child he had been waiting for the rest of his life.

Even if he had another child.

“Another child…”

Suddenly, Philen's golden eyes flashed differently as he thought of the child to be born between him and Leila.

It was something he had been dreaming and wishing for since he was young.

Although their relationship got a little estranged when Cecily carried his first child, Philen continued to dream of having a child with Leila and forming a cozy family.

However, Leila's betrayal thwarted the dream and made him fall into despair. But then the opportunity to achieve it came again. At the cost of his first child.

He was upset and sad, but it was a thing of the past.

Let's move forward rather than be tied to the past.

It was good for me and for everyone, Philen thought.