NOVEL NEXT Chapter 318
A/N: Welcome back, welcome back, here we go again. Reminder that chapters will be on Wednesdays and Sundays from now (though I am going on a trip next week so that might not hold for a tiny bit. I'll try my best, though!). Thank you for all the kind reviews during my break!
CHAPTER 318
Another day had passed since Craig's death; two since we'd been back from the Distortion World, and though everything was over, the restlessness constantly rolling through me had not abated even a little. The inability to sleep until I collapsed from exhaustion hampered me the most, which was partly why my head was currently resting against my palm. I barely awake at noon, with a few papers stapled together garnering my attention as one of the means to keep me conscious. Rain pattered against the hotel room's window, with thunder occasionally booming after a flash of light that would scare Mimi senseless and send them retreating into my shirt. The weather forecast had said it'd be raining all day. Again, I glanced toward—
"You keep looking behind you," Cece said, her voice as quiet as a whisper. We'd spent the night together, away from the League's buzzing activity that had only increased after the news of Craig's death. Her hand reached toward mine and stopped my finger from tapping against the table. Her digits were cold, but they still made mine tingle with joy and warmth at the contact. "Nothing is going to lunge at you."
The prickling sensation on the back of my neck was the most annoying. It wasn't as hindering as the lack of sleep, but it was an itch I couldn't scratch, crawling right beneath my skin and taunting me.
I sighed, sprawling over the table. "You know I'm not the best with numbers. I guess it's tough keeping focused with so much stuff going on."
"No half-truths with me," she softly chided.
I gazed upon her white, empty eyes— empty, but not vapid. There was still plenty of emotion in her stare. It was observing the depths of me, continuously digging deeper and deeper and leaving no inch of me unturned until I couldn't help but shy away. The bags forming under her eyes mirrored mine. Cece had compelled me to finally do my taxes this morning and was helping me figure out what number went where, along with deductions for being a trainer and the like. The stitches on her face would take a few days to get used to, as would the scars that would stick, but she had been there for me after burns had covered my left half, and I would do the same for her.
She didn't seem to care anyhow.
"Well." I cleared my throat and rose back up, straightening my back, though I did not allow myself to lean against the softness of my chair. "You know, don't you?"
Cecilia's eyes softened a smidge, and her head tilted to the side so far I wondered if that hurt her neck. "I have an idea." Her thumb traced the ridges of my knuckles, and I felt a little out of breath. At least this part of me was still normal. "Do you not want to see Aliyah anymore?"
'I could ask you the same thing' was what I'd wanted to answer. She hadn't seen her therapist again either, nor made any plans to. I searched for an answer, grinding my teeth together. Were my palms sweating? My eyes darted anywhere other than in her direction, suddenly finding our luxurious hotel room to be the most interesting thing in the world.
"Maybe. I don't know, I don't think there's anyone in the world that could understand what I went through anymore. Other than you and the others we were with."
Cecilia's lips twitched nervously as thunder rang out in the sky. "You'd think that Sinnoh would have modernized their tax forms," she said after a pause. "Doing everything digitally would save a lot of time."
"Um, right." She'd noticed my reticence to talk about the Distortion World and switched the topic, thank the Legendaries. "So, deductions…"
It took another hour for us to finish everything and double check the forms. We left the hotel room when we were done, traveling through the empty halls, down the elevator and into the nearly-vacated lobby with Meltan back around my neck in the form of a necklace. Now that we were done with Galactic, it was about time I allowed the steel type to reveal themselves— not today, but soon. I doubted many would care other than a passing glance and a piqued interest like my father—
Damn it.
This place would only fill up once the Conference began, which we didn't have a date for yet. With an umbrella in hand, my girlfriend kept me close enough to keep both of us dry. The walk to the nearest mailbox had us travel through the wide, busy League streets, which were filled with sleek, modern trams that put Eterna City's to shame. They were the lifeblood of the League's transportation, given that no cars were allowed here. LED screens dotted the sidewalks, displaying the weather, temperature and a map of the island. We were where the southern, residential and commercial district crossed with the central, governmental one, which meant that there were a mix of residential and governmental buildings around us. In a way, the Lily of the Valley island was not just the seat of Sinnoh's power, but another city unto itself.
Cece attracted plenty of stares, which she either shrank away from or returned with her own piercing glare that carried with it the weight of her own death. Very few people would be able to challenge her in that regard, including myself. I still had no idea what exactly made her decide to glare or avert her gaze. She'd taken much more to wearing dark or faded colors now. Today, for example, she had just hastily thrown on a black t-shirt and high-waisted skirt that revealed the bite marks on her leg.
Once we finished dropping off my forms, we were presented with a choice. There were two hours left before I was cleared to finally get Buddy back from the center. Despite my assurances that he would be able to heal properly in water, the nurses had preferred taking no risks and had kept him in the Center to monitor his recovery, just in case the Dusk had affected him for the long term. I knew they'd been correct, I just…
Really, really wanted to see him.
Fortunately, it looked like we weren't going to have to worry about that. The rest of my team were recovering well, as was Cece's, but it would be days to weeks before we saw any of them again. According to the Joys, Angel was even going to recover his eye, the loss of which was a prospect that had haunted me since he'd fought Saturn. It would take weeks for it to actually get back to his normal vision, but at least it would.
Honestly, right now I wanted nothing more but to get on Princess and fly off. I didn't want to escape, or anything. Running away into the wilds like I assumed Lauren had wasn't something even in consideration. Being in the sky, the wind thundering in my ear would probably help clear my head, and the League was a little suffocating, at the moment. I still hadn't gotten used to how everything sounded with my hearing aid. Being deaf in one ear was annoying. It was always the little things, like having to get used to turning my head to the left to hear what people were saying, or the constant, yet subtle ringing that had been diagnosed as tinnitus pestering me constantly.
Anyway.
We had two hours to kill, and I didn't particularly feel like staying holed up in an empty hotel.
"What do you say we swing by a café or something?" My tone wasn't as confident as I'd wanted it to be. I stuttered and messed up the delivery big time, but the way I'd pulled on her wrist let the desperation I felt bleed through. The thought that maybe if we tried, we'd be normal again. "Hop on a tram and go to the first place we see?"
She blinked, too slow to be anything but a conscious effort. "Are you sure?"
Countless people filed through the streets around us; Mimi's cold steel pressed against my chest; the knocking of the rain against our umbrella— but I only had eyes for us. I wanted this to work.
"Yeah. Everyone else is acting like… they're moving on, right? I wanna try. Just the two of us, before we go see the others again."
Cecilia freed her hand from mine and brought it up to the side of my face. Her cold thumb caressed my cheek and the corner of my lip. "Ignoring the past will not do you any good, my love." Something about her tone there showed that she was talking as much to herself as to me. For a moment, I thought she'd refuse. "But it would bring back fond memories. Like our time in Eterna, where you showed me what it felt like to be free."
"Right. Right."
"Even unintentionally, you make things rhyme, it seems," Cecilia said with a slight quirk in her lips.
Seeing her smile…
Seeing her smile was like getting a glimpse of the sun in this horrible weather, peeking behind the clouds.
—
The place we'd found was somewhat cozy— or as cozy as a place built to attract tourists like a Combee hive would an Ursaring could be. It was from a chain I'd rarely seen outside of Jubilife called Standing Ovation. A weird name for a café place, but it played a lot with the musical side of things. There was a nature-theme going on, with greenery and vines spread throughout the establishments. A group of Chatot were perched above the bar area, singing in low baritone. There was a lounge in a different room, but seeing as this wasn't the busiest season and the League was still on lockdown, only the Chatot were playing music for now. Honestly, it was surprising this place was even open at all, but maybe the owners wanted to pretend life went on. It was actually fascinating, how some of the group of ten Chatot could mimic the sound of instruments with just their voice, but after seeing Aubri's perfectly replicate her voice, it wasn't that surprising.
Cece's eyes were focused on our table entirely. She didn't dare to glance in any other direction, as if attracting attention would be her doom. I sipped on some kind of cold, mint-flavored drink I'd picked at random while she calmly gulped down her tea. We'd ordered some onion rings as snacks, but neither of us had touched them. The conversation had been a little bland. We'd mostly listened to the music and comforted each other with only our company. It was when my phone vibrated, that Cece snapped back to reality. Her eyes instantly grew alert as I grabbed my Poketch and scrolled through.
"Sorry," I said, knowing that it was bothering her. "It's just— yeah, it's Maylene, hold on."
She was texting me about how they'd nearly found her entire team. The only one missing was Machamp, now. I had fond memories of the fighting type playing charades with us back at the lake after the dinner Cecilia had prepared. I replied with a short answer and placed my phone back in my pocket. We hadn't really texted much, honestly. Whenever I did to check up on her, she'd read the message but take so long to answer I just gave up and put my phone back on sleep. Being left on read didn't really bother me, given I knew she was busy with Gym stuff.
"Hey, Maylene's only missing her Machamp, now." I stirred the mint leaves in the drink with my straw and looked up at my girlfriend. "No news from Mira with Lauren, though. She's asking around. Maeve's back in Jubilife seeing her parents for the first time in a while. She hasn't said it, but I think it's pretty obvious she wants some time away from us. I think she's considering working for the League…"
Something about Cece's expression confused me. It was almost as if she was puzzled at her own emotions. A mix of frustration and relief, maybe. She was hard to read now that her body language had changed so much, and it was something I was going to get used to again.
"That's… good," Cece said. Her tone was meek, yet it could cut. "What about her father?" she asked, showing genuine concern.
"I think he's getting there tomorrow? I'm not sure what time." My breath shivered when Mimi crawled up to my head in public. They were intrigued by the fork and knives on our table. Luckily the place was empty enough that nobody noticed. They turned back inanimate when I softly clicked my tongue. A yawn gripped me before I could keep going. "Might need to swing by if it goes badly. You should come with me, we can ask for a Kadabra if they're not too busy."
"Hm?" she made a confused sound.
"We've been there for Chase, and he might need more help, honestly." Recalling our conversation in his hospital room had me hide a wince. He was in much more pain than he wanted to show. "But he has Emi, Pauline and Louis along with us. Maylene doesn't really have anyone, since the other Gym Leaders are super busy too. You'd be able to handle it better than me. My dad's great, and my mother was absent, but I had decent parents. Good parents," I quickly rectified. Just because we'd argued didn't mean I needed to knock them down a notch. "You'd be able to help her better than I could."
Her jaw clenched. "I feel like she would be disappointed, if I was there."
"What? Why—" My foot tapped hastily against the tiles below our table. "Hey, are you angry with me?"
"What?"
"Are you angry with me?" I asked again. "I've— I'm sorry if I've done something bad, but I genuinely don't understand—"
"No!" Cecilia yelled so loud the few heads in the café turned. A few of the Chatot glared at her for interrupting their song, and she instinctively glared back until one of the bird shrank down and cleared her throat behind her wing. "No… absolutely not. You're one of the only things keeping me going."
That wasn't ideal. Not when we'd done so much to break from our codependency, but I'd be lying if I didn't feel similar.
My body relaxed, and I sighed in relief. "Okay. Then why are you angry?"
"I'm not."
"Is it because—"
"Just let it go. Please." Rare were the times when I'd seen her beg this way. She never would have allowed herself to appear so weak before in public, and now I felt like I'd messed up. I did have an inkling of what she thought, but— "Sorry, it's stupid," she sighed.
"Hey, don't call your worries stupid. If it's enough to move you to tears, then—"
Cecilia brought a hand up to her cheek, and then looked at her wet fingers. "Oh. I'm crying."
My foot gently touched the side of hers, and she took another sip of her tea. She said it made her body feel warm, a reminder of the heat she'd lost after dying. When she finished, I suggested she order another one, and Cece followed suit immediately. It wasn't until she'd calmed down, that she opted to resume the conversation by changing the subject.
"Have you talked to anyone other than the group yet?" Cece asked.
I took a bite out of the now-cold onion rings. "Do my parents count?"
"They do, but I meant more like, Poketch people. It's important for you to not stay too quiet, even if I know you'd rather be doing anything else right now."
I twirled my straw in my drink. "Right, right." An exhale escaped me, half a sigh and half a yawn. "I was going to do it today. Melody, Ramon, Bobby first. You know, they must be getting hit by Craig's death hard." And I had completely ignored them. "I'm going to today, I promise."
A slight smile tugged at the corner of her lips. "Good. And Jasmine?"
"Her, too. I've just been so overwhelmed, you know? Sometimes I wonder how you manage to keep going after everything." The words were said with admiration, because I genuinely had no idea. Even now, after everything, Cecilia worked day and night to prepare for her arrival in Unova, even if it was done slower now and with much more self-doubt.
I was glad I had her. Without her to push me, I'd most likely be rotting in my bed all day without purpose.
"I've been wondering, you know, if my story's over," I added.
Cecilia's mouth gaped, then closed, then opened again. "Of course not. You have— you have so much left to do."
"I guess?" My hand rubbed the side of my arm, and I shifted in my chair. "It makes you realize that in all those books you read, after the hero saves the world, his family, the princess or whatever, he has his entire life ahead of him after. But how will anything he does ever live up to that?" I morbidly chuckled, keeping my voice low so no one would hear. "You don't know, because it just ends. What else is left?"
"Your eighth badge?" she suggested.
A waiter passed by to give Cecilia her second cup of tea. Honestly, I kind of regretted not ordering one myself.
"Can I taste?" I asked.
Her white eyes narrowed into slits. "Are you trying to change the subject?"
"Maybe."
"Then don't—"
She'd caught herself, probably because when she had asked me to change the subject, I'd done so without a fuss. Cece slid her teacup across the wooden table, and I had a little sip. Tasty, but not as good as Aliyah's brews.
Arceus, I'd missed tea.
"I'm starting to wonder why I didn't order this instead of this sugary mint thing." I nudged my chin at my drink.
"You can have it, if you want," she said.
"Nah. I don't want to steal your warmth. Anyway, I— yeah, there's this feeling of emptiness within me. I fought, fought and fought, to climb and survive, but now that the mountain is behind me, I don't know what to do. I'm scared that nothing will ever feel fulfilling again, Cece— I— I can't even shake the feeling that I'm going to get jumped and we're in the Arceus damned League. The most secure place in the country!" I threw my hands up with a tired groan. When that same Chatot irritably squawked at me, I clicked my tongue. "Sorry."
Anger came easier now, too. I was the one disturbing the Chatot, but I was also angry they'd said anything. The well was deeper now than it had been in a long time. I hadn't been this prone to anger since Solaceon and Veilstone, but this one had another quality to it.
It was a tired one.
"Your life is worth more than a single story."
I bit my lip. "I wish I could see it that way. I don't think you can get it."
How could it be worth more than all of that? My adventures held so much weight within my soul. It was still shackled to them, burdened by the size of the journey. As it stood, it would dominate my entire life, and no one would ever be able to even hear of it. Not only was a story meant to be told, to be sung, to be experienced through as many eyes as possible, but I was a book that had run out of pages. The tale of my life had been gimped. Left to decay in the dark without purpose.
She tilted her head. "I can try."
"Maybe." My fingers drummed against the table.
"...later, then."
"Yeah. Later."
Even now that we had finished our drinks and onion rings and paid for them, there were still thirty minutes left until I could pick up Buddy, but I figured I'd be able to get him early anyway. When we passed by the bar, with the Chatot who had gotten mad at us both, Cecilia shot her a glare and the normal type flew off to perch on another vine. With shaking wings, she messed up her landing and nearly slid off the branch.
I snorted as soon as Chatot was too terrified to even respond, not because I took pleasure in her suffering for 'wronging' us (it really was our fault, and I'd outgrown that months ago), but because—
Because it was silly.
My girlfriend carried with her an air of death. The burden of doing better in the second chance she'd been given at life; an incredible depth of character that was as deep as an ocean, and seeing it used to spook a poor Pokemon just wanting to do her job was hilarious. Cece giggled too, two short laughs that didn't mean anything, yet felt so freeing all the same because it served as a reminder that we could still laugh. We hadn't forgotten how, of course we hadn't!
Unfortunately, the moment passed as quickly as it had come.
The weather back on the street had cleared a little bit, even if it was still raining. We walked together until we needed to go in different directions. She'd be going off to talk to Chase, and the hospital he'd been put in was specialized to care for humans, meaning it wasn't in the Pokemon Center. After that, she'd be spending some time with Louis and Pauline. Emilia had left this morning to go see her parents in Hearthome, but she'd be back by tonight. We had helped the League so much at this point that we had enough pull to get her through the lockdown. After getting Buddy back, I'd go back to the hotel and finally stop ignoring the world beyond this island.
Going to see my parents was a possibility, but…
Not yet.
So here we stood, facing each other near a street corner under a tram stop to hide from the rain. Our hands were linked, and I was staring right up at her. Legendaries, she'd grown tall this past year. To be honest, I still wished I'd been as tall, or at least close.
"I'll see you later?" I said.
"Hmhm."
I snaked my hand around her waist and hugged her, which she took as a sign to do the same. Her fingers on the small of my back were cold, yet they felt warm, even in the rain and the heavy winds. I stood on my tip toes and kissed her as I melted into her arms. My heart sang and danced in my chest, electricity coursed through my lips and by the Legendaries, I smiled against hers until we were done. I pushed hungrily until they parted again.
It had been a while. Too long.
Part of me wanted to ask her to stick around, but hogging Cece all to myself when our friends needed her too would be selfish. After she gave me the umbrella, I left her at the tram stop and made my way to the Pokemon Center.
She was gone.
I couldn't help but feel on edge, now. I allowed Mimi to pretend to be a thorny crown, which had people look at me like I was insane, but hearing the steel type chime in excitement at every new sight helped with the anxiety. Cass getting back in a few days would be best, though. Sleeping and traveling without a psychic around was going to give me a heart attack. My umbrella kept folding onto itself due to the heavy winds, but eventually I made it to the Pokemon Center.
This was the League's largest Pokemon Center, still built in typical Center fashion. The difference here was that it was nearly ten stories tall. You had to crane your neck to notice the warm, orange and inviting roof Centers were usually known for, and a skybridge led to the human part of the Center, though it wasn't equipped to deal with injuries like Chase's or Denzel's. Even the Pokemon Center was empty. There were obviously the usual League Trainers here and there, having brought their Pokemon to be healed after a bout of sparring.
During the Conference, this place would be filled to the brim. It was the best Pokemon Center in the country, capable of healing so much it might as well have been magic, hence Angel's eye recovering perfectly. I paced across the warm, beige floors toward one of the multiple counters. There was only one Nurse per counter right now, with the usual Audino, Blissey or Chansey, however, again, once the Conference began they would be staffed by many more. There weren't just the tournament fights to worry about, but the thousands of trainers that would fight here too.
It was somewhat of an exciting prospect, but there was something lacking.
As it turned out, Buddy had already been ready. An excited Chansey brought back his Pokeball in a tray, and for once, things felt right again when I clipped it to my belt. Deciding I'd release him back at the hotel, I speed walked back as fast as I could. Maybe if my motivation ever came back, I'd start running again with Honey. I was terribly out of shape; out of breath by the time I was back.
Back in the hotel room, I drew a bath in the bathroom (which was larger than my entire living room back in Jubilife), and I released Jellicent. The ghost looked the exact same as he'd been— maybe his eyes were just a tiny bit brighter and his blue tone a little healthier, but—
"Ack!"
Buddy rushed at me, wrapping his head around my body as he enveloped me in a big, squishy hug. I tried to return it, but my arms were stuck at my side and all I could do was try my best to stay upright. The impact sent me spinning out the bathroom, grinning from ear to ear as he slowly slid off of me. He couldn't cry with physical tears, but that particular whistling tone was the equivalent of a wail. There was so much behind it, too. To this day, the amount of words and emotions a Pokemon could put behind a single tone astonished me. Relief, happiness, regret at having nearly blown up at me in the Distortion World, worry at the rest of the family— all of that behind a single sound.
He'd never been one for tears, but here we were.
"I missed you too, Buddy," I softly spoke. Finally, I managed to put my hand on his cheek, which he allowed to sink inside of him. From my head, Meltan jumped on top of his head and jumped on it like a trampoline. "And Mimi did too, apparently!"
Jellicent sighed in relief, a long and low-pitched whistle. The first thing he asked me wasn't how the others were doing, or if everything was truly over. It was how was I doing?
That—
That made me feel like tearing up.
"I'm fine! I'm okay!" I reassured him. "And you don't have to worry about what happened to you in the Dusk, it's— you aren't used to it. Hopefully you'll never have to get used to it." A shiver ran through me, from my neck to the bottom of my spine. Staring at the bath I'd drawn, I continued, "I'm guessing you don't need water to feel better."
Buddy shook his head and said he was feeling as good as new. I stepped around him and started draining the water.
"Let's head to the living room, then. I gotta get some… work done. We can catch up there!"
I let myself drift across the hotel room and sagged down on the comfortable, cushioned chairs surrounding something between a coffee and dinner table. Buddy followed me close with Mimi riding on top of his head, and the prickling sensation in my neck lowered some. Even if they were just chatting, and Meltan was sending waves upon waves of pride for keeping me sane in the Distortion World, it felt good to have him at my back like usual. No doubt I'd be able to sleep easier now that he'd be standing guard.
I turned on the television, which had already been switched onto the SGNC channel. Mallory Ryan was speaking outside of her nighttime slot, too, with a co-host I didn't know the name of. In the corner of the screen was a live-counter of the casualties slowly ticking up, and she was waiting for one of their correspondents in Snowpoint to show the situation in the city in a few minutes. If I was working anyway… I'd need to contact her. Anything to stay active and not let my mind fray into thinking my life was over.
My teeth chattered.
I lowered the volume to a manageable level, which wasn't much given that my deaf ear was facing the TV, and I dragged my laptop out of my bag. It had been sitting at the foot of the table since I'd filed my taxes earlier today.
"It's been a while since I opened you…" I trailed off as I typed in my password. Princess' birthday.
It had been so long, in fact, that the last thing I'd had open was my battle against Byron. My gaze lingered on the paused frame for a second. It was near the end of the battle, right before Empoleon took down Princess.
Then I clicked the 'x' and closed it.
First came sending a text to Melody. My liaison had been blowing up my notifications ever since the bombs had gone off, but even more now that I was spotted back at the League. I scrolled through the message with a dismayed look when I realized she had needed to go through my father to figure out if I was alive or not. She'd done so much for me, and yet I'd kept ignoring her for so long.
While I scrolled through my messages, Buddy asked me if I'd go more in-depth into what happened in the Distortion World, and my response was a quiet, dismissive no.
"Sorry, I just can't," I muttered. "I'd rather not even think about it. I can tell you about the other stuff you missed, though."
Distortion's worm-like frame was still visible as clear as day every time I closed my eyes, its piercing wings gripping my heart so tight it was ready to explode. When I got lost thinking about its form, it would beat so fast I thought I was having a heart attack.
"How do you think I should answer?" I asked. "She'll be angry like me. Like my parents. Because she won't understand." Jellicent's eyes dimmed, and I sensed his confusion. "It was a fight. A big one. I kind of blew up at them for asking about what happened, and I feel like she'll want the same thing, 'cause at the end of the day they all care about me."
Buddy stayed silent for a few moments, and Mimi screeched out something akin to 'it is your right to yell at her if she doesn't understand'. Not words, but a feeling. The ghost finally agreed, but in a softer, gentler manner. He said that he was fine staying in the dark, even if it hurt him, so she should be fine with it too no matter the pain it brought. I'd missed this. Having him to advise me, whether I took it or not. I hummed, hands hovering over my keyboard, and I began to type.
Hey Mel.
Sorry about not responding to your messages. I promise you I wasn't available until yesterday, and I was overwhelmed with everything. To be honest, I still am. I know you'll want to know what happened, but I can't tell you, and I ask that you please do not ask me—
"Too professional, you think?" I asked.
Jellicent rolled his eyes, saying that this was the only proper way to write a text. Cece had kind of rubbed off on me there.
"Of course you would say that. Anyway…"
—My Pokemon are currently getting healed at the League, so I'll be stuck here for a few weeks. I could ask for a League Kadabra to Teleport me, but all of my friends are here at the moment, so unless it's urgent Poketch business, I'll stick around here for a bit.
It was a long-winded text, going into how I was doing physically, and then thanking her for taking such good care of me over the months. Without her with me, I'd never have been able to navigate the cutthroat business that was Poketch. Two minutes after I pressed 'send', she called me while I'd been texting Ramon my condolences for losing Craig. Arceus, of course she would do that. Talking over the phone had always been easier than texting for her.
After gathering my thoughts to figure out what to say, I answered, putting the phone to my deaf ear out of habit before remembering I couldn't hear out of there.
"Hello—"
"...lad you're okay! I was worried sick about you, I couldn't figure out where you were, and— and—" A small sob interrupted her, and I winced. "I'm so relieved to hear your voice."
"Listen, I'm— I'm sorry," I said.
"No, you have nothing to apologize for. I'm still reading your text, but I get the big picture." She sniffled. "The company's been up in arms since the news of Craig's death. God, twenty-six. He was so young," she sighed.
Right. That was young.
"I'm glad you made it out okay, Grace."
I frowned. "Made it out?"
"Whatever it is you were doing," she began, "whatever you don't want to tell me, I know you were involved in whatever was going on in Mount Coronet. Your ear," she knew about that already? "your Pokemon being so hurt, you being a League trainer and having participated in operations before, it lines up."
I relaxed a little, and my arms sagged against the table. "Right." She must have thought I'd only fought in Mount Coronet. That was fine. It was a lot, but it was fine. "I'm okay."
"The League is under lockdown right now, so I can't come see you. No one other than personnel, their families or the civilians that were there before the bombs can go in, they can only leave."
Luckily for us, me and my friends were an exception to that rule.
"I know, don't worry. You're okay, Mel. I can handle it."
"I hope you can," she said after a beat of silence. "I'm sorry if this is invasive, but this— this is part of my job, right? To watch you and promote you. You look like hell in your recent pictures."
"Yeah, I know I do. Sleeping problems."
"You sound… unwell, too."
How could I explain to her, that I was glad I was out of that hell ghosts called home, glad I would not have to fight Galactic and risk my team's lives again, but that as a result of that it felt like I'd been emptied and lost my purpose? I was a blade without a wielder, sitting and gathering dust in a forgotten corner. No one would ever hear of how sharp I'd once been.
Gah, everything was so conflicting.
We kept talking a while with the phone on speaker so Buddy and Mimi could hear, but eventually I had to hang up because I still had work to do and Melody was going to be called to an emergency meeting soon anyway for Poketch to decide how they would handle Craig's death. He was meant to retire, but not that abruptly. There were supposed to be parties, meetings and ceremonies in his honor, before he left. They were probably going to squeeze every penny out of his death they could. It felt dirty, how his sacrifice was being spun by both the state and the company he worked for to gain them the most.
Mel - I'll talk about you to the board and stabilize the situation a bit, but Remington knows not to mess with classified info, so you should be good for the time being.
That old man had worked with the League for decades to give his company a stranglehold on Sinnoh tech, so that wasn't surprising. Still, not having to deal with Poketch being nosy about what had happened would do wonders for my desire to keep working with them. My team still needed to eat.
Though the sponsor implied I'd keep training and battling. I wanted to? Or at least it felt like I should have. I was going to, maybe. There was just too much shit to worry about right now. My motivation had never been this low.
Jellicent clicked, telling me that was basically the best that conversation could have gone, and I agreed. "Now it's time to send her an email." I glared at the television.
My first time in Veilstone, Mallory had revealed herself as a follower of the Plasma Organization, a political party in Unova. Personally, I believed they had plenty of good points that shouldn't go ignored, but she was one of the extremists who believed trainers should be abolished. Who thought that the relationship was fundamentally unequal in all parts. In my opinion, that was anathema to the world itself. The foundation of everything was the relationship and cooperation between human and Pokemon, and life with the two as separate entities did not mesh well with me. I had grown a lot since Veilstone, as shown by my friendship with Maylene which seemed so impossible a month ago, but that core belief of mine still had not changed since we'd last spoken.
However, Mallory Ryan was a well-connected woman with links to Pokemon Rights organizations all over Sinnoh and Unova. It would be immature of me to just close that door before I'd even given it a chance. Sure, I didn't think I was going to suddenly become friends with her and her ilk, but I'd heard that Plasma had a moderate component, too, and learning about them would help…
Either way, she had told me to contact her if I ever changed my mind, and connections were everything, so I wasn't going to let this chance slip me by. I quickly sent a message to her business email asking if we could meet again any time soon in private. At the moment, she was a busy Combee, but something told me she'd make time for me anyway. And if she couldn't, well, we could always keep communicating at a distance for a little bit. I was mildly paranoid Poketch would figure out I was talking to her due to them having access to all of my accounts, so speaking face to face while I was supposedly still at the League would alleviate some of my worries. The board had explicitly told me not to get involved with Plasma even if they were fine with me being involved in Pokemon Rights, as my time in Pastoria had shown.
They made a mockery of my goals. Like giving a fake steering wheel to a child in a car.
Granted, I did not have the motivation to do even a fraction of what I wanted at the moment. I was kind of just hoping it would eventually come back. Fake it 'til you make it, as they said.
I stretched, cracking each finger in my hands with a satisfying pop. "Still not used to not having any bandages there."
Jellicent responded by saying hopefully I wouldn't get wounded so much now that everything was over and that I honestly deserved never to be hurt again.
"Hmhm. To be honest, I think I was lucky just to get off with only ear damage. It could have been a lot worse," I said. "Arceus, can you believe that typing messages can be so fucking exhausting?"
The ghost paused, and then said I could always take a break. I turned with a slight smile, my legs hanging off the side of the fluffy, cushioned chair, and rubbed the side of his cheek right next to his foamy mustache. His attention had been split between me, playing around with Mimi and the news.
"I can't. If I stop and sit down now, I don't know when I'll be able to get up again. Might be days—" A buzz from my phone vibrating against the table caught my attention. It was Maylene. "Hey, I guess she finally answered."
Maylene S. - Sry I was busy working. Thx for the kind words. Hopefully they find Machamp soon.
Then she started typing, stopped, and started again. The cycle continued for thirty seconds or so.
Maylene S. - How r you doing?
I answered by explaining that I was trying to be like her and stay active to keep my mind off things I would rather not think about.
"Hey, come closer for a sec." Jellicent approached until the cold air around him tickled my back, and I snapped a selfie of him and Mimi on his head. Somehow, the steel type had managed to get into a grand pose, swinging around a needle they liked to pretend was a sword. "Perfect. You look great."
Hmph! Mesprit harrumphed. I should be in that picture!
"Mesprit! You've been quiet today." When Jellicent's eyes flashed in surprised, I mouthed to him that I'd explain soon.
I'd rather not say something that randomly offends you in these harsh times, Grace, Mesprit complained. I could almost picture their pout. So alas, I await your recovery. Don't be too long, now!
That was… nice of them. After telling Jellicent that I was now alright with Mesprit talking to me and hanging out in my head, I sent the picture to Maylene.
You - I got this guy back, though! I missed him. It's easier now that I have him around. Not easy but easier.
Again, the same hesitation to reply.
Maylene S. - I think ur
Maylene S. - Sry pressed send on accident
Maylene S. - Im happy that things are going better. Id talk more but i have to go back to work and prepare the gym for my dad tmr. it has to be perfect or hell freak otu.
You - Alright. If things go bad Cece and I are always available to swing by. Might need to send a Kadabra though, they're running short here for anything that isn't essential and we don't have our Pokemon back yet.
Maylene S. - Thx. I rly rly appreciate it.
I considered sending another text warning her that Cece was still a little angry with her, but decided otherwise. Given the topic at hand— abusive dads— I doubted that Cecilia would let whatever feeling get in the way of helping a friend who was in the same, horrid circumstances she had lived through. I finished texting Ramon and Bobby, stretching until my extremities tingled. I considered Aubri, given that I could easily find her contact info, but we weren't close enough and she disliked me anyway.
Now, the last message of the afternoon before I'd go and join Cecilia and the others. Other than a few texts, the last time I'd had a serious conversation with Jasmine had been near Floaroma when I'd been traveling the region. She had sent a long-winded message after my loss to Byron that I had seen but forgotten to look at because of how the footage had enthralled me for days. Most of it were words of advice from things I had already noticed, along with telling me to keep my chin up and stand proud of my performance. 'Not many trainers on their first 8th badge battle would have been able to deal with that Bronzong as well as you had,' she had said.
To be honest, the loss felt kind of small now, and the way I'd reacted to it childish. The lessons imparted to me by Byron had probably saved my life in the fights against Saturn and Mars. Better a loss to him than Galactic down the line.
Jasmine, I had learned to know, was not the kind of person to keep texting you when you didn't answer, so she had stopped a few hours after the bombs had gone off. It wasn't because she didn't care. She just wasn't the kind of person to chase after someone who didn't answer back, even when they might be hurt. Part of me thought she might have been scared of what she might have learned if she looked too deep into it.
The words came easier to me this time. Jasmine wouldn't be able to understand fully either, but she was still her. She had gone through the Rocket Wars at my age, busting up compound after compound and fighting them on the open field as well. The story of how her first kill had been a young grunt crushed into red paste under her Steelix's tail had stuck with me all these months because of the face she'd made when describing the event. So sharp; a smile unbending like steel; yet pain hidden deep within.
Jasmine had lived through a momentous event, and she had to learn to live a normal life after. She would be the best person I could go to for advice, and both Buddy and Mimi agreed.
After finishing my text asking if she could call, the steel type Gym Leader messaged back with this.
'How about we just meet instead?'
I blinked, then shook in excitement.
She always did this, didn't she?
—
As it turned out, Jasmine had been on the Lily of the Valley Island already.
Her outfit was a tailored navy-blue pantsuit that clung to her figure, the jacket cinched at the waist with a thin, silver belt. The fabric of her suit was high-quality, with a subtle sheen that caught the light as she moved. Underneath it, she wore a simple white blouse with a delicate pattern at the neckline and thin, sword-like silver earrings to complete the ensemble. Flanking her were two… Indigo officials? I believed that was a pin of their flag on their chests, a gold and silver bi-color with a streamlined design of Mount Silver at its center. One of them was a raven-haired, lanky-looking guy and the other was a mousey girl with short dark brown hair who was shorter than even I was. Both were wearing dark suits with Pokeballs at their side, and the man was holding an umbrella over Jasmine's head. Buddy was evaporating the raindrops before they could reach me.
The Gym Leader beamed with that slightly threatening smile I'd grown used to and hugged me tight. It was not a suffocating embrace. Light enough to allow me to breathe, but tight enough to know she'd worried about me.
"It's odd seeing you out of your sundresses," I said.
"Believe it or not, I'm working." When the hug finished, she clasped my shoulders tightly and looked me up and down. "Oh, Ho-oh's Flames, you look like you've been through it."
My eyes widened slightly at the saying. I'd never heard her even mention Ho-oh's name, even though I knew the majority of the population in Johto worshipped him (though there was a significant portion of Olivine that batted for Lugia instead). She'd just never struck me as the type to utter his name like that, but it must have meant that I looked really bad.
"I guess." I leaned to the side and glanced at her two… colleagues. The short girl waved at me and introduced herself as Rynara. She looked nice, at least. The opposite of what you'd expect someone from Kanto-Johto, really, but the 'typical' hardy and assholeish trainer was just a stereotype, anyway.
"Oh, that's Rynara. The gloomy guy's Renzo. Don't mind them," Jasmine said. After nodding at Jellicent, and somehow knowing to glance at Mimi's bracelet form, she put her hand on my back and pushed me forward. "Walk with me."
A glare at Rynara and Renzo had them stay back at least thirty feet before they started following. "Remember the two goons I said Lance had sent to keep an eye on me? That's them," Jasmine whispered. "Rynara's pretty unremarkable. Just a bundle of hard work and dedication neatly stuffed into that tiny body. Renzo's a scion of the Natsume clan."
Already, I'd gotten lost in the flow of the conversation. "Natsume?"
"You know Sabrina?" she asked with a grin. "Sabrina Natsume? She's one of the advisors to the clan head, her mother, but really she's the only advisor that matters."
"Oh. Oh. Not the clan head herself?" Every time you heard of a psychic anywhere, you mostly heard of either Sabrina or Will, so I figured she'd be the leader.
"No. She's the heir, though." Jasmine waved a dismissive hand. "Anyway, he's a part of the main family, but the psychic powers he awakened in his teens were ridiculously weak. He could barely lift a stick with them, so he was sent to work for the League. It's kind of a de-facto exile, when you think about it. The politics of it are a lot less funny than him being bitter about getting his freedom from the clan structure." She shook her head. "Too bad he desperately wants to prove himself to get back in instead of spreading his wings."
"Huh." I glanced back at him, and he stared back silently. "I figured. He kind of has bitter body-language, really."
Jasmine chuckled softly. "Oh, how I missed you. What do you want to say?"
"About?"
"About yourself. How brittle are you?" Jasmine asked.
I took a deep, rapsy breath. "Let's… keep talking about you first. While we find a good spot."
"Isn't this place as good as any?" Jasmine gestured in front of us. The beige bricked streets were gloomy and slick with rainwater. There were fewer people out now than earlier in the day.
"No. It's important to… it's important to find a place that matters," I pressed. "I know one. I had a picnic with Cece there once after my stay in the hospital. It's a really steep cliff a ways off from the city up north near the hills. It'd take a while to get there, but—"
"I've got it." The Gym Leader released her Skarmory, who immediately croaked in irritation at the rain that bounced off his armor. The sound vibrated in his throat. "Yes, yes, I know. Feeling up for a ride?"
The question was directed both at me and at him. The flying type reluctantly agreed, and well, I wasn't about to say no to a flight. After confirming with him, I recalled Buddy and the rain started falling down our faces.
Jasmine turned toward her trainers and grinned. "I'll see you two later, I'm off!" she yelled before lowering her tone. "Watch his wings when you climb. They can cut."
"Got it. And Mimi," I whispered as I touched my bracelet, "no biting."
The little blob vibrated in disappointment.
—
Skarmory wasn't the fastest flier. Even when she had to mind me, Princess went faster. The world below us was encased in a thin fog you could only notice when you were out of it. Mimi shivered around my wrist, as they always did when we flew and they could see so many sights at once. We weren't above the city anymore. The League covered the southern half of the island, but the northern half were still untamed wilds beyond a few dirt paths. Cold rain and wind constantly battered down our faces and made it difficult to keep my eyes fully open.
At least, since Skarmory was slow, we could actually talk without the sound of the wind bothering us. It had taken some adjusting, since I had to ask for her to speak in my good ear. She was riding behind me and without a saddle, and it had taken a few minutes to get the fight or flight out of me. In my head, no saddle still equaled a fight to the death. All that remained now was a mild anxiety.
"What were you doing at the League?" I finally asked her. "I thought you were with Volkner?"
Her body tensed for a moment. "Lance decided to cut my vacation short after he got a call from your Champion. You should have heard his voice when he called me. Whatever it was, he was shaken, and it has to be big to shake Lance, of all people. Chuck said he'd never seen him in such a state since the League was losing battle after battle against Mewtwo."
I gulped. Yeah, and it was even worse than Mewtwo, somehow. The psychic had vanished one day, but it had been of his own volition, not because he'd been beaten.
"So, now I'm no longer citizen Jasmine on a holiday, but Gym Leader Jasmine on a diplomatic mission to Sinnoh, hence the getup," she explained. "Kanto-Johto's looking at sending personnel and Pokemon to Sinnoh to help out. You're lacking in manpower, and bodies are something we've never lacked. Ideally the next round of negotiations would secure you more drugs, Ditto cells for wounded Pokemon and helping to build more field hospitals."
"Oh, wow. Thank you."
"It's not completely out of the kindness of our hearts. It's—" A strong gust of wind interrupted her. "It's mostly politics."
"Well, whatever it is, a good act is a good act. Lance's decision will still save people." I didn't know much about the dragon master beyond what Jasmine told me, and it painted a complex picture. Like she both hated and liked him at the same time. "Arceus knows we need the help. So you've spoken to Cynthia?"
"Only once, and it was a short-lived conversation. Mostly, I speak to other League officials. It's a little bit of a breach of decorum to have a mere Gym Leader speak on equal footing to a Champion. I doubt either of us care about that, but people are watching Sinnoh now more than ever."
I nodded, my hand running over Skarmory's wet shell. The flying type crooned in appreciation. A minute passed before I just came out with it instead of waiting for her to bring it up. "So, are we— are we going to ignore the Copperajah in the room? Craig…"
I couldn't look at her, at the moment, but I pictured her face saddening with the subtle slumping of her arms. "Ah. Yes. I will miss him; he was a dear friend."
"That's… it?" I said, a little incredulous.
"It is what it is, Grace. People die. Friends die. I try not to dwell on it too long, or it'll be the bottle again for me," she muttered. "You know, in many parts of Kanto-Johto, it's considered rude to look sad or cry at funerals or people's deaths as an adult."
"What?!"
"Ha!" she laughed. "Volkner had the same reaction. A funeral; a death is an opportunity to celebrate someone's life. The sum of their parts and their accomplishments. You get to see how great they were, both in the big aspects and the small." Skarmory let out an agreeing, metallic squawk. "Why would you cry? That would mean you consider their lives to not have been fulfilling."
"That makes no sense— you cry because it's sad," I said. "You'll never see them again!"
She hummed after a boom of thunder. "Different cultures. Volkner's taking it a lot harder than I am, but he can't stop working because his friend died. Gym Leaders have it rough."
And she could relate to him, because she'd been in the same position during the Rocket wars, losing friends left and right but having to keep fighting. To an extent, I understood what she meant. Justin was dead, and it felt like a part of me had been emptied, but I could still live with it. I would never forget him, for as long as I lived, but it was getting a bit easier every day.
Louis was constantly planning for the funeral with Justin's father.
"I think this is the place!" I pointed at the familiar-looking cliffs, and Skarmory began his descent. Now that I'd lived through Princess' antics, it was hard to get surprised or scared at any sudden maneuvers.
The flying type landed in the wet grass with a slight thump that hurt my butt and back, and he screeched at us to get off. The rain had him too irritated to have us on his back for more than was necessary.
"Thank you, crybaby," Jasmine chuckled. Skarmory glanced away from her, and she recalled him.
Once Buddy was out again to shield us from more rain, I sat down on the grass and gestured at Jasmine to do the same. She took off her heels and threw them off to the side with a relieved sigh.
"I hate walking in these. Arceus, I miss my sandals," she complained. "Whenever you're ready, little impaler."
"Grace the Impaler… I haven't been called that since Wake. I guess people kept it going online some. It caught on a little bit."
"It's a wonderful moniker. So?"
My throat felt tight, and rainwater was replaced by sweat. I put my legs close together and hugged my knees. The sea raged against the cliff stones below us like a constant drum, and the smell of salt filled my nostrils. Normally, Buddy would have been enjoying time in the ocean, but not today. Not now. There were many ways for me to go about this, but I decided to cut straight through and get to the heart of the matter.
"How do you live after doing something… something you'll never achieve again?" I asked.
Jasmine's eye twitched. "Ah. I figured it was that."
"Well, not just that, but it's what I think you can help me with. You experienced it, after all. With Team Rocket…"
"Thinking normal life isn't fit for you anymore… it's a common symptom of PTSD, actually." When she saw me flinch back and balk at that statement, she continued. "I guess you don't see it like that."
Aliyah had brought it up once already, when I'd nearly sicced my Pokemon on that girl whose friends I'd saved in Eterna Forest. I wondered how her group were doing. There was Edith—
Jasmine tapped my forehead with a finger. Her nail poked at the skin. "Focus on the conversation at hand."
"I—" How to say this? "It's like, I have spent my entire year preparing for this. I have honed myself, trained my mind, and—" I was chosen for this. As a coincidence, but chosen nonetheless. "It's like my entire life had led to this, and now it's over, and I'm finding it a little hard to believe. It's like, it's never going to sink in."
"Do you crave more fighting?" Jasmine asked.
I tapped a finger against my leg. "Would it surprise you to hear that I was more at ease fighting than not?"
"Not at all," she said. "When we finished purging the Rocket remnants from Johto… I remember feeling similar. Team Rocket had risen back from the ashes, so there was no guarantee they wouldn't again. I was on edge all the time, suspicious of everyone. Money talks, and Team Rocket had spies at nearly every level of our government. Think that little funk with Team Galactic was bad? The Rockets were the richest criminal organization the world has ever seen."
I let that fact settle, and then nodded.
"I had also spent my entire life preparing for this. As a child, I had heard and seen first hand the effects of Team Rocket running rampant. My father desperately tried to make a leader out of me, and when the time came, I was sent to war, and he took over the Gym and guarded Olivine again, he told me this." She leaned in close. "Don't die with a clean sword."
It took me a moment to understand the meaning of that sentence.
"I had been raised for this, and so I could not accept it to be over. I wanted them to reveal themselves, to strike so I would stop playing pretend, even when I was your age and I was just the shyest little thing." Jasmine smiled fondly at the memory. "The war beat most of that out of me."
"Did you get rid of it? That feeling of constantly being on edge?"
"I was an implement with no purpose, condemned to sit in my Gym, fill in paperwork, run Olivine and fight snotty little brats," she lamented. "Alcohol was my remedy for years. Obviously, you can't… you shouldn't do that."
I bit my lip. My hands dug into the fresh dirt.
She'd been an alcoholic for over a decade; had needed to deal with these feelings for over a decade.
"The truth is, Grace, as much as it pains me, I don't have the answers you seek. If I had a way to turn your mind back to that innocent girl I met in a restaurant in Sunyshore, I would do it."
I scoffed. "I was far from innocent."
I had already learned that the world would— might end, and I'd been through the Darkest Day in Solaceon. I had allowed myself to soak in the ways of the fae and bullied Maylene to the point of tears.
"You had not been quite sharpened yet, darling," she said with a saddened smile. "You had a child's priorities. Dates, birthdays, Gym Battles, badges, internet fame… there was a hint of who you could turn into, of course, otherwise you wouldn't have caught my interest, but you were still that. An innocent child."
I sagged against my knees, biting the inside of my lip. "Maybe."
Suddenly, Jasmine lay her back against the ground, not caring for the mud that would get on her pristine clothes. "Lay down with me."
I listened, even if my hands and arms prickled at the blades of grass. The sky was covered in clouds with not a single ray of sun breaking through. It was far more reassuring than staring at the endless expanse that was the Distortion World. It was silly, but when I looked at this sky, it felt like it was contained. Finite. "Okay. Now?"
"Let us speak of the small things, if you want. Unrelated to any confidential information. For example, you play the piano, right?"
"I do. It's at my apartment in Jubilife, though."
"How good are you at it? I've never seen you play!" When I didn't answer, she continued anyway. "You wouldn't believe this, but Surge has taken to the harmonica lately. He's thinking of retiring soon, you know? Maybe in a few years. He's kind of like a more advanced version of you, really. He lives for war and is never satisfied back at home rotting in his Gym, so he wants to die somewhere in Ransei blown up by a mine or something. It's part of why he goes so hard on Challengers, you know?"
"Hm? Does he?"
"I told you back in Sunyshore, didn't I?" Jasmine said.
"Oh. Right, sorry I forgot."
"Don't worry, I can't expect you to remember every little thing I talk about," she said. "So, Surge. He's been deployed to Ransei more times than I can count, and every time, when he gets back home, he gets these depressive episodes for a few weeks. It's like he's homesick." She turned toward me. Her stare was like a needle prickling to the side of my face. "You remind me of him. Your mental state, I mean. You're nothing like that giant oaf."
"...hey, um. Can you keep talking about, like? The small stuff? Like random facts about Gym Leaders in Indigo?"
Her smile dulled at its edges, turning into a soft little thing. "Sure thing! Where should I start… oh, there's Blue, I guess. He's totally obsessed with Red. I think it's love, honestly. Did you know he's never dated anyone, and that guy's close to turning thirty! He'll drone on about how one of these days he'll get him off that damn mountain— that's Mount Silver. Red's been stuck there for who knows how long. Sometimes he goes back down to resupply, but that's once in a blue moon. He even missed…"
I immersed myself in these stories. Closed my eyes and imagined them until they were as crisp as the real thing. Jasmine kept talking for nearly an hour, telling me every little fact she could find about her fellow Gym Leaders.
It was helping a little, but I was still drowning; stuck in a pit of tar.
I stayed silent and listened.