I Will Disappear, Grand Duke

He felt like the back of his neck was going to be torn off. Fernan, who opened his eyes, picked up a glass of water on the side table.

But his dangerously shaking hand quickly dropped the glass.

The sound of a sharp crack filled the room. Fernan, fully awake, clapped his forehead with a hand full of raised blood vessels.

Looking around, I saw for the first time the unfamiliar bedroom. He couldn't remember when he had been in this place. 

Perhaps the knights brought his fallen self here again. Fernan had no idea how many days he hadn't slept.

It had been months since he had been looking for Julia, just like an insane person. He could only faintly feel that spring was already over. 

It had been half a year since Julia disappeared. Summer has now arrived on the continent. 

But Fernan’s time was still stuck in that winter when Julia disappeared. He stood up, biting his pale lips. 

It was just dark, and as if he didn't feel pain, he stepped on the shards of broken glass at random.

Opening the door, he could see a small lobby through the railing across the corridor. It appeared to be the village inn where they were conducting their search.

"Your Highness, you're awake. How are you feeling?"

The knight standing in front of the door suddenly approached him. Then his eyes widened in surprise when he saw the blood marks where Fernan stepped.

"Um, Your Highness, the wound on your foot…”

 "How many days did I sleep?"

Fernan asked, interrupting the knight. The hesitant knight quickly answered with his head down. 

"Three days. But, Your Highness, even that is not enough. You need to get some more rest."

Fernan closed his eyes softly and put his hands on the wall. He felt hurt, as if someone had thrown a stone at his head. With a deep sigh, he issued an order in a rough voice.

 "Bring me my clothes. We'll be leaving soon."

 "But sir…"

The knight tried to speak but Fernan turned around and closed the door. Eventually, with a soundless sigh, the knight disappeared across the corridor. 

It was less than two hours later that Fernan left the inn. He swept past the knights who tried to stop him and headed for the stable.

He went straight out, galloping his horse as fast as he could. Despite his skinny jawline and darkened eyes, his still intimidating body could barely support his spirit. 

He left first, and the knights were quick to catch up with him. Soon the procession turned onto a mountain road. It was a ridge leading to another country.

Fernan drove on for a while, keeping his eyes only on the front. There was nothing contained in his empty vision. 

“Your Highness…”

Then suddenly, someone's voice appeared in his empty brain. As if to hasten him to a standstill, a faint voice continued to whisper in his ear. 

“My name is Julia.”

For the first time, Fernan’s dark gaze came back into focus. 

It was Julia's voice. He tried to remember when he heard that voice.

Yes, it was the banquet room of the Imperial Palace where he had first met her.

 A luncheon where he first met his marriage partner.

"Do you remember me? We met a long time ago… “

Julia asked me as they were leaving after lunch, and Fernan just stared at her, as if looking at something worthless, and quietly brushed her off. 

He didn’t remember. It had  been a long time since he erased all trivial memories before the war.

It had been eight years of standing on a hill strewn with dead, dying, bloody graves. Because during those years, he had abandoned all humanity. 

And at that moment, Julia, who had dropped her gaze bitterly, lifted her lips slightly as if to say, "Still, it's okay.” He thought that little smile was annoying.

He knew that it would bother him to see that smile as he lived with that woman for the rest of his life. Fernan tightened his grip on the reins again. 

He hurt Julia so much. He didn't want to see her smile. He wanted to get away from her. As if to declare that she was nothing to him and that she shouldn’t want anything from him as a husband.

 "…Ha.”

Fernan was silent at once . All the mistakes of the past that filled his head made it impossible for him to move forward. 

His lips began to quiver. Finally, he looked up and grasped the reins, but something white suddenly came into his gaze.

Wildflowers bloomed under the shade of a tree in a corner. It was white and faint and fragile. It was lily flowers that Julia said she liked.

 "D*mn it.”

Fernan swore. There was no time for this. He had to move quickly. 

But as Julia's voice and face filled his mind, he couldn't move his body very fast. Every moment that passed, every single one of them held him in a vexing grip. 

He began to choke up with overflowing emotions. It was as if someone was mercilessly strangling him.

***

Around that time. 

For what could be described as a long time and a short time, Julia adapted perfectly to her new life. 

Unlike in the past when she had to hold on to each day, now she had peace and quiet every day. At the monastery, Julia's daily routine was monotonous. 

In the mornings, she would spend time with the children. Then she would help Cedric give afternoon mass and after mass she would help Gabrielle prepare the meal. 

But only by lending a hand from the side. 

“You don’t have to help me every time."

Gabrielle said as she looked at Julia, who was diligently chopping onions. Julia replied with a narrowed frown in her spicy eyes.

"I'm fine. I don't have anything to do in the afternoon anyway."

It was largely with Gabrielle’s help that Julia was able to adjust so easily to monastic life. Gabrielle treated Julia like her daughter and showed her generous affection. 

Julia melted into that warmth surprisingly quickly. When she was with her, she felt comfortable for no particular reason. 

"I heard that you made the flower decoration of the chapel".

Gabrielle asked as she boiled down the stew, suddenly remembering. Julia nodded without stopping the knife.

 "Yes, I made it once before, and Cedric said it would be a good decoration for the chapel."

Recently, Julia developed a hobby. It was to make ornaments out of flowers from the garden. 

Originally, she only helped the gardener with the flower beds, but the flowers were left behind and it was a waste. The branches were broken, but the flowers were in good shape, so she thought she could make use of them.

 So, with their permission, she brought the discarded flowers and tried to make this and that. They were things like wreaths, corsages, and bouquets. 

She made various things as her hands wandered, but the finished products were better than she expected.

"The dark chapel became very bright. I didn't know you had that talent." 

"Thank you. I'll try to make it often in the future."

Julia spoke in embarrassment, but she felt proud nonetheless. It was fun to find out what she wanted to do little by little. 

Sometimes her hand got injured, but it was all good. After helping Gabrielle with dinner, she always went for a walk around the monastery. 

This was because the meadow at sunset was very beautiful. Knowing that she enjoyed walking as a habit, Cedric would always follow her at the same time. 

As if they had promised, the two spent every evening together.

"I think I'll have to be away for a long time soon."

In the middle of their trivial conversation, Cedric suddenly changed the subject. Julia asked,

"Why?”

 "The High Priest is visiting the Temple of Ilion soon. It’s an important event that all the priests of the Temple must attend, so it’s unavoidable."

Cedric, who said he would stay with Julia until she adapted to this place, had been staying at the monastery for months as if to keep his word. 

However, he was still a priest of the Temple of Ilion, and thus could not be absent for such a long time. 

"Yes, I see. Have a good trip. Will you give my regards to Master Matheus?"

Julia asked, staring at him. The Temple of Ilion was located in close proximity to the Empire, so it had been quite some time since she had seen Matheus. 

He didn't want anyone to recognize his face if he went to visit Julia unnecessarily.

 "Yes, I will.”

Cedric nodded meekly. So they walked in silence for a while. The front yard, bright with the setting sun, was dark and sleepy before they knew it. 

So, after their short walk, they returned to their rooms. They had just entered the front door when Cedric unexpectedly opened his mouth again.

 "Julia, and if you don't mind…"

Cedric paused for a moment as he was about to ask something.

Turning around, he saw Julia standing a few steps behind him, her brow creased and her chest heaving. 

"Julia?"

At the same time as Cedric called, Julia sat down as if she was collapsing.

"What, what is it? Are you hurting somewhere?"

Startled, Cedric approached and helped Julia to her feet. But Julia, frowning, could not answer and was shaking uncontrollably. Suddenly, her heart began to ache as if it were being torn apart. 

"Ah…”

Julia crouched down as if she could not breathe. The holy power was beating her heart violently.

Her mind went blank for a moment and Cedric caught her by the shoulders. He tried to heal her with his power but it was no good.

It didn't seep into Julia's body, and the light that bounced straight out disappeared into the air. In the meantime, Julia's pain grew worse. 

She involuntarily grabbed Cedric's collar tightly. She couldn't bear the feeling of something hot welling up in her chest. 

“Ah….”

Julia hung her head, covering her mouth from the feeling of something suddenly surging from her throat.

Red blood flowed through the gap of her fingers.