I Was Sick of Loving You

18 – Daniel Brandt

「According to Kaian-sama’s will, I came out into the world to calm the chaotic world. A lot of blood was shed in the process, but peace was restored to the world.

When the world was about to regain peace and return to the Holy Land, the Emperor came to visit me. The emperor expressed his intention to bestow the northern lands and duchy. I refused because I was simply following Master Kai’an’s revelation, but the emperor did not give up.

I wanted to ignore him and go back to the Holy Land, but I couldn’t ignore him coldly because he was a comrade who had been with me for a long time. After not giving up their arguments, a compromise was reached by taking the duchy and northern lands for a short time. And at his request, he participated in the founding ceremony as a duke. From that day on, the problem started.

I met Bianca, the woman who took my heart when I participated in the founding ceremony to commemorate the founding of the empire. I thought I had a lot of experiences while living for a considerable amount of time, but the feelings I felt when I met her were so different and new.

I wanted to know that feeling, so I consulted with my comrades over drinks. When comrades hear the story, they laugh and ask questions. When I was looking at her, my heart beat wildly, and when I couldn’t see her, I nodded my head when asked if I wanted to see her. My comrades knew my condition so well that they envied me. The comrades laughed among themselves and said that the feeling was love.

I denied that fact. There is no place for a woman to enter me, who swore to live my whole life looking only at Kaian. I thought so. But that thought melted like snow in the spring.

I pursued her in order to deny that my feelings were love. The more I chased after her, the more my feelings grew. In the end, I acknowledged my feelings and asked Kaian-sama.

I decided to live my whole life looking at Kaian-sama, but can I accept her for the rest of my heart?

Kaian-nim smiled and told me to live as I wanted without having to ask about such things.

After hearing that, I ran to her and told her honestly, and was rejected.

Those words hurt so much, but I couldn’t give up. I continued to pursue her and confessed, and after a year, she raised the white flag. I’m sorry to Kaian-sama, but I’ve never been as happy as I was at that moment.

Time passed like a dream, and a year after we swore to take responsibility for her life in the Holy Land, our first child came to us. One year since that lovely child was born. The child has left us.

For the first time that day, I resented Kaian-sama. He lived with him all his life, but he did not answer the prayer to save the dying child. I hugged the child’s corpse and resented Master Kaian.

From that day on, misfortune began. The shock of leaving the child left his wife bedridden. In order to heal her, who was deteriorating every day, I sought every method, and the emperor came to me.

Instead of temporarily taking over the northern land and dukedom, he offered to help me if I fully accepted it as his subject, and I accepted it.

After accepting the emperor’s proposal, the imperial family dispatched high-ranking priests and precious medicines. It didn’t make her completely better, but it prevented it from getting worse.

Five years have passed since then. Still she was lying on the bed, and I was getting tired. A woman calling herself the Winter Witch came to me and said that she could heal her. Exhausted, I hung on without even doubting the words.

The Winter Witch went to collect her blood for treatment, and after 15 days, she woke up from the hospital bed.

Tears flowed down her face, and she embraced her with overwhelming emotions and let her pain go away. I went to the witch’s residence to let go of the pain and give thanks to the witch, but the witch was not there.

I was worried about sending him away without being able to say thank you, but I couldn’t do anything because he disappeared without a word.

Again, years passed and a new child came to us. From then on, a terrible curse slowly began to come.

The expressions on her face, which used to make various expressions, decreased, and my heart, which was filled with joy every day, began to dull. At first, I thought it was no big deal. I thought that the period of boredom others were talking about had arrived.

Time passed since then, and one day I was sure something was wrong. When my beloved child got hurt in training, I didn’t feel anything. After a while, I started to worry and my heart ached. But even that didn’t go far, and my heart calmed down.

After thinking about it, I recognized that it was wrong and thought about the cause. No matter how much I think about it, I can’t help but think that the witch is the cause.

To find the witch, they spread wanted letters and asked the emperor to gather information about the witch. But there was no income. After trying all the methods that came to mind, I remembered the cradle of knowledge in the Holy Land and went to visit it.

Although I resent Kaian-sama and haven’t visited for a long time, the brothers who served Kaian-sama welcomed me. It was hard to raise my face when I saw the brothers like that, but the emotions that faded quickly returned to their original calm appearance.

After searching the cradle of knowledge for a long time, I was able to find information about the witch.

Winter Witch. A monster who was born as a human and gained the status of a demigod with his own power, but remained in this world. The monster notices that the gods cannot directly intervene due to the laws of the world, and brings misfortune to the apostles of the gods, then cuts off the sympathy between the apostles and the gods, corrupts them, and curses them for entertainment.

I couldn’t breathe when I read the article. After her first child died, she resented Kaian-sama, who had served her all her life, but it was all a witch’s prank. His emotions faded, but his head grew hot, and anger that ate away his reason rose from the depths.

On that day, I made an oath to kill the witch to Kaian-sama, who would no longer be able to hear from me, and to the child I had sent away first.

As a duke, he left everything to his aides and wandered the world. After wandering the world for decades, I found the witch who killed my child.

The witch, who had risen to the level of a half-god, was indescribably strong. However, the life she lived to kill the mighty witch was not in vain. Borrowed the strength of a lifetime of polishing and the power of the sacred object to take the head of the monster.

The monster’s corpse was hacked up and burned, and it was even confirmed that the monster’s soul was taken to the gods through the holy relic.

However, a problem arose. There is no joy even when the monster dies.

denied that fact. I thought it was because I was too tired, and that the curse would be lifted in a little while.

He hypnotized himself and went to his loved ones and faced the terrible reality.

My dear wife, Bianca,’s feelings were almost dying, and a curse was spreading to my son, Cain. Even seeing that fact, I was a little, very, very sad. And my heart was at peace again.

It reminds me of the thought that since I got revenge on the witch, I just have to be satisfied. That thought makes sense. I thought so and spent my life.

Time passed after that, and she died. Since he lived as long as he was given, he went affluent.

I thought so. And the curse was broken.

The dulled emotions return, and the sadness that destroys the world overflows.

Hugging her corpse, drowning in sorrow.

Even though he feels her coldness, he cannot let her go.

I couldn’t let go of her even though the rotten me was vibrating from her.

The things I couldn’t do for her, the fact that I couldn’t protect her stab me.

cry for a while bury her body

My bloodline didn’t understand me like that. For some reason, my bloodlines were not cursed, and only I was lifted. The reason was unknown.

I don’t know why, but since the curse was lifted like this, I thought there must be a way, so I tried to find a way to heal it.

However, no matter what I do, I can’t bear to think of her. I couldn’t stand it, so I started carrying strong alcohol in my mouth.

As time passed, his body and mind, strong enough to ignore his age, collapsed, and he felt that the end of his life was approaching.

It was then that I wrote this book.

I wrote this in hopes of being of any help to those who wish to lift the curse stemming from her and my blood.

I wanted to leave this book in my family, but my bloodline gradually accepts the curse and begins to feel no need to do Haeju, so I leave it in the cradle of knowledge.

In order to lift the curse, I hope that you will not fail like me after reading this book, and I have included a map showing the location of the witch’s dwelling in case it will be helpful.

May Kaian-sama bless you.”

The content of the book is over.

After reading a book about the unfortunate life of a man who was praised as a hero, my head gets complicated.

Why was the curse lifted? Did I die and her curse was lifted? Would he have been so sad if it had been released?

I don’t know. I don’t know.

If you think about it, you don’t know, so put that question aside and look at reality.

This book tells the reason for the curse, but it does not give the answer to the question I wanted to ask.

However, the source of the curse, the place where the witch lived, was left behind.

I don’t know if I should see this as hope. It’s too small to be a hope, it’s almost invisible.

Even if there is no answer there, I want to go. Even if it’s unfair that I was sick to death, I want to confirm it.

So just one more time, just one more time to be fooled by hope.