I was born the Unloved Twin

"I'm hungry" complains Lukas.

There's a floating spoon stuffing gruel into his face as he speaks and he's still crying about being hungry.

"Baaaaacon" calls the hungry child.

"No bacon." sighs Gable, heating up my sides with a strange device.

I assume it's a scanner of some kind. From the lack of concern, it looks like I'm still 'fine'.

"Meeeeeaaaaat." cries the child again, spoon sticking out of his mouth

"No fatty meats Lukas." replies Gable, turning sternly. Sternness is ineffective, Lukas is unphased.

"But meeeeeeeeeeeat."

"Eat it or don't Lukas."

"I can't grow into a big and strong hero to save everyone without meat," he sounds so stupid, but he whimpers so cutely and pathetically it offsets it.

"No."

It must be final for the magic spoon is no more as Gable turns around to personally stabs Lukas in the mouth, with the spoon of course. If you stuff his mouth at a fast enough pace he can't talk. Other than being mandatorily bedridden, Lukas seems pretty healed up, being as energetic as he is. What a healthy hero in training. Unlike me, I'm still feeling a long lingering mixture of numb and drugged.

I am essentially hopped up on painkillers.

Lukas and I have been locked into what I call the isolated sickbay of the garrison. It's actually late the afternoon after the day of our poisoning incident. That's two whole nights of unknown events. Though I've been unconscious for a good chunk of it.

According to Gable, our health is a-ok after sleeping so much under his supervision.

According to the swollen tongue in my mouth and the utter inability to talk more than mumbles, I would say I am not ok at all.

The only way to express myself is through feeble attempts at violence and or writing. Shakey but legible enough. When I finally woke up and was coherent enough to accept my temporarily silent fate, I wrote down everything I could via paper. But since paper is expensive and inconvenient I have been using the chalk slate.

From my waving motions, Lukas points and pulls and Gable to stop shoveling gruel at him.

"Rosa wrote something on the slate again."

"Is it the 'I'm going to kill him' again? because we have been over this. "

"Nooooo I think it says 'feed me too'! Gable when is Cap coming back? Cap is definitely saving Amar and then we gotta feed him lots of meat because now I know why he's so skinny and this isn't gonna do anything. I'll heal faster if we get some meat and then I gotta go beat up some bad guys after Cap mmmpffff argffbbbf. "

"Eat. Sick little children don't get to play hero."

"Mmmpffff grrrr."

This is unfair. Not only is Lukas getting hand fed by Gable, but he's not the one with a case of 'shut up' and 'sleepy' caramels.

The candy that Amar spilled all over us was collected and gathered up by grampa. They're all normal candies apparently, despite all my exclamation marks and chalk accusations. We even fed three or so to both Lukas and grampa. No effect, as seen here right now. They were all normal candies and caramels with no bitterness or salt. I got an extra special one yesterday. One that had nothing to do with the accidental poisoning and everything to do with me not talking. Whoopee me.

Did I mention it enough yet that I'm going to kill Amar?

Right after he gets his little neck rescued that is. Oh and after we bring those two blood obsessed creeps to their demise. After I'm done with him I can move on the Vincent, throttle him a bit, get him to bring back Amar and then kill them both again. Yes, a very good plan.

First, though, that boy really does need to be rescued.

Lukas and I can do nothing for him as we are, stuck in the sick bay. Lukas may sound spirited and in a much better condition than me but he's still red faced with a running fever. When he tried going off to 'rescue' Amar, he couldn't tell left from right or a door from a wall. If left to feed himself I don't know if he can tell his mouth from his ear.

A floating tray with a wooden cup of water and a bowl of healthy mixed lentil and grain gruel makes its way towards me. Seeing a spoon drop in my hand means that Gable trusts me enough to feed myself, unlike the only other child here.

There should be three of us here, not two. The one who is undoubtedly the most injured and in pain is not us.

My earlier questions of what happened, of what's going on was met with controlled smiles and empty assurances that all will be fine.

Fine.

Fuck fine.

No one is ever allowed to say it like that again.

Not much I can do about it at this moment. Or any time really. I'm a three year old child taken ill and can do nothing but leave this matter entirely to the adults. Which is not very assuring given the history. It's a matter I know too little about and it sucks. It sucks that I know little to nothing. That I can do nothing.

My frustrations have nowhere to go but stress eating, which is exactly what Lukas has been mysteriously doing. It's better than letting him try to break through any more solid walls. The sickbay is pretty magically sturdy.

Eating is hard given that my tongue feels three the size it's supposed to be, obviously messing up my sense of taste. It's not actually that big but I have to chew carefully lest I accidentally bite it again. Nothing feels or tastes right. It's bland and accompanied by a too complicated sense of guilt. I can't taste any bitterness but I know there's no poison in it. I can eat my meals in peace without that knowledge, that fear.

It's tough to swallow in more than one way.

But that's all we can do. The little boy across the room from me has screamed out enough frustrations for the both of us. Screaming and eating. Can't grow into a big strong hero on an empty stomach. Can't save anyone like we are right now.

There's a strange event happening today. Some 'council', more like a meeting of random folks affiliated with the leadership of the troops and general Ventrella lands. How troublesome.

As much I wished it was, this isn't some true magical fantasy land but real-life for people. Even a king has those he must answer to and the system that my grampa set up around here involves even more than that.

Grampa is the founder of the troops. The icon and leader of this entire organization that not only bands under his name but draws fame, power and fortune. I hear that a long time ago it was run entirely by my grampa, with duties delegated to his friends and inner troops. But as everyone either died or got older and drifted away, it couldn't keep operating on such a basic system. Especially as the camp grew year by year.

I'm not kidding when I say it resembles a military university, from size to structure.

Then there's what I could call a certain part of the 'court'. It's partly related to the court that's my father's day job, or at least what should be his day job.

I wonder what that nerd is doing right now? Has he even noticed I'm gone or did grampa come up with another good enough cover story? As strange as my current relations are with my parents I don't think they would take well to 'nearly poisoned to death'.

Well, that's if they ever found out.

Which given father's information network at his day job....chances are actually quite high. I'm doomed, aren't I?

They're entirely different systems taking this technological backward world and noble caste system into account but if I could compare it to the political systems of countries in my modern knowledge, then grampa has founded a republic. It's not a full democracy but a lot more relaxed than a constitutional monarchy. There are checks and balances in and around Ventrella territory to keep anyone from really holding too much power but it's not as effective against further nobles who act as they always have.

That and for the most part, people tend to just fall on their knees when grampa enters the room. Don't know how to check against that.

Our Ventrella lands, as large as it is, runs similar to a classic noble fiefdom with my family as the overlords. There are no kings or queens to report to when we're at the top of the chain.  Yet it has nothing to do with royalty. There are kingdoms with their traditional royal families on our land borders yes. More of them the further we go if my lessons are to believed.

There are many people in many places, either appointed by my father or grampa. Those people then appoint other people, such as uncle Geoff. Some parts are a lot more like a company than a political system, especially the troops which run on a much simpler but military-based organization.

While father has been cooped up with internal building projects as of late, his real duty is as a sort of external liaison that can not only unify the local community leaders under grampa's territory but act in Ventrella's best interest against other 'lords' or even neighboring royals. What a strange state we are.

A part of me wishes it were simpler so we can get to the chop chop, but I understand the need.

Another part of me is sneering because well, fair trial smair trial. I was ganged up on and essentially mugged to death by noblemen's sons in another life. What justice?

Ah but this isn't so much about justice as it is about appearances right? Politics and public relations? It's not the good old fashioned days in grampa's prime youth where one could just freely chop chop anything you dislike. Okay, you can still but no one should know about it.

Apparently creepy hoody has connections and enough people to miss him, minor noble house or whatever. That and grampa is already too well known for chop chop or just general violence. No more senseless chop chops if we wish to be left operating in peace. Another one of my father's specialties I suppose, making things look good and presentable from our side.

"Are they done yet?! When will they be done?!" mumbles Lukas even with his mouth full, not minding the choking hazard.

"It depends, Lukas. I can't say when it will finish, how exactly how." Gable answers simply, but a tinge of dissatisfaction laces his voice.

"Why is only Cap there and not you too Gable?! Cap is super cool and awesome but you talk smarter and if this is another adult talk in a big locked room then I think you sound scarier. Cap can be super scary but you're scarier Gable but that's ok because that's your super power and I still like you lots so you should go be scary to someone else like over there."

"...thank you Lukas."

"So why aren't you there beating people up?! I can be good and not move and eat all by myself and if I'm not Rosa can just hit me with pillows. Why does she have so many pillows?! You don't have to worry about us...."

Ow ow ow cuteness and sad attack, ow ow ow implied pain and mental anguish. Very effective move Lukas, he doesn't even need to try. But the signs of true worry and concern cracks at all of us. I'm also curious why someone of Gable's status and eloquence isn't in this 'court' but there's always some messy story to accompany cases like these.

Something in me says it's related to why, despite being grampa's very best friend and closest companion, he didn't appear in my last run as Rosalia. Or why he's not involved in the troops at all when it's clear that it's his magic and influence that built this place.

It's sad. Everyone has such messy stories underneath the surface.

"For many reasons Lukas....I can't be there, not a good idea. Despite appearances, Ronald is more than capable but...it's complicated."

There's that sad smile on Gable's handsome face again. At the sight of it, I can feel myself falling deeper into the pit of depression. That is until Lukas instantly messes up the mood by spooning Gable's perfect clean face. Just grabs the full spoon and u-turns into right into Gable's teeth, much to his surprise.

The shoveling that Lukas just received he's giving back aa good as he got. Except his aim is really too exceptional, there's gruel all over Gable's shocked and mortified face. Definitely a spoonful stuck in his no longer pristine hair. 

Lukas you....Just how does this child's brain operate?

"Boring, adults like complicated things too much! Okay dokey then if you can't do anything either then don't feel bad. You eat too so you can get big and strong and stuff. I'm a hero too so I know what I'm saying Gable! When you're all okay to battle we go battle and help Cap out! You get better first or everyone is gonna worry and then we're gonna cry and then we can't go save anyone else. So eat a lot, wait for Cap and don't worry! "

"....I see."

The shock of those simple words, that or getting a sudden gruel facial, has Gable still as a wall. It takes him quite some time to even conjure a wet towel to wipe the gunk off his face, let alone discipline Lukas like he so desperately needs.

"Oh and Rosa wrote something again! It says ...I can't read that word! Gable help!"

I can't speak but I can write. It's like a bad sitcom comic and I'm the character that has to have signs held up. It's a little messy to keep up ok? Especially at Luka's talking speed. Someone give him a weird drugged up caramel.

Fine, let's keep things simple. Taking my time to keep my words neat and spell check worthy.

'He's right. Don't worry. I believe in you guys.'

"Oh I can read that! Of course I'm right! See Rosalia says so too! You definitely helped and we're going to save Amar. It would just be a lot faster if you grown ups didn't like making things all confusing 'complicates'!"

"...I suppose so," Gable graces us with a small smile, a hint of relief. He must have his own troubles, his own feelings of helplessness.

'Is Amar there?' I scribble.

"Is Amar where?!" reads out Lukas in response.

He doesn't need to narrate everything so loudly but seeing that he's only a child, I suppose he does. Gable understands well enough to answer, but it takes him a moment to decide if he should grace us with that sort of info. If we should even be privy to it. But that just makes the worry worse.

'Please.'

I can't speak but I can use puppy eyes. I feel like there's really no need to, the sadness that prevails through both Lukas and I is more than effective. We must look pathetic, I certainly feel like it. But pathetic works, pathetic makes Gable give.

"Yes. Yes that child is there right now."

That's good. He didn't just poof into thin air with Vincent. Those two were most definitely up to something, but what? And why stay under Darius' watch? What was it that Vincent was talking about?

Too many questions, never enough answers. This little life of mine keeps adding on these questions. I suppose it's my fault for asking in the first place.

'Is he ok?'

Gable takes a deep breath and I know that no matter what he says the answer is no. There's no way he can be ok.

"Health-wise...he's stable. Coherent."

Half lies that pass off as a truth, it's a safer answer without much to infer if one didn't know the situation. This in itself is very public relations approved answer and thus nowhere near enough for me.

At least he's awake. He's not actually dead. The black nosebleed and fainting were very dramatic and very concerning given that it's reality and not some made up show. I miss my boring mundane life as a relatively normal toddler already.

"That doesn't mean anything! Amar lies really good!" whines Lukas, also unsatisfied and tugging on Gable's sleeve.

"Lukas. Rosalia, I know you're concerned. Just trust...that it will be ok."

That's what grampa said last time at strike one of child abuse featuring Amar, so no.

"But one time Amar broke his foot right in front of me and I didn't know till after and I trusted him when he said it was ok but it wasn't!" argues Lukas in his own convincing way. "Oh more Rosa words...good question, me too!"

'What is he even doing there?'

I don't think he's there to testify on the horrors of his life here. I don't think that's how courts are even run here.

He and Vincent are up to something, something that prevents them from just booking it the hell away. I don't even have a hint of what it is and I don't trust them. Who knows what weird plans abused kids come up with?

"They...need to verify. Darius claims, the poison, the amount and the length of time...Amar's blood."

I don't want to think about how one goes about testing those things to a court. I don't want to because there's nothing Gable can do if he's sitting here, thus nothing I can do either. This sucks.

'The curry?' my hand erases and scratches in chalk quickly.

"Oh the yummy painful thing that hurts! Can I eat that again without all that bleah bleh bleaarg owie ow?"

Almost everything that Lukas says makes Gable draw a sigh, silent or not. Once in a while, he looks up to the heavens as if praying for a higher deity to give him strength. If this wasn't such a troubling topic I would be much more amused. Without trying, the mood lightens naturally. Why didn't the stupid prince get even a little bit of this level of funny? Well, that's Lukas for you.

I agree, can the next time we enjoy curry be without any bleh bleh ow ow poison and possibly death? I still need to kill Amar over keeping curry a secret too. Wow, his list of offenses keeps growing the more I think about it.

Again, let's not think about it too much. Instead let's think happy thoughts, like revenge. Stirring. Possibly extreme violence. No child abuse of course, there's been quite enough of that, but a lot of re-education and stirring. All happy thoughts.

"Yes...the pot was very helpful. We'll use that information well. Thank you, Rosalia. It was very smart of you to grab that evidence while you could." thanks Gable sincerely.

I nod simply because there's no way I'm telling anyone I took that thing to eat later. That was before the whole....incident.

'Do my parents know? Is my father there?'

Gable nods and that's all I get. Well, that settles that question from earlier. I can expect a major grounding from my mother soon. I hate being treated like a kid and left in the dark though. Even though I'm the eldest child to this overbearing household, even if I have cheat memories of the future, I'm still so useless.

Such a gathering wouldn't pass by my father, even if it's troop's affairs. It involves too many mixed members of his court if it's anything like I'm imagining. There are also people involved that aren't necessarily part of the Ventrella land.

Hoody and his hag sister may be part of the research department but they own land and property elsewhere. It's not uncommon. Unfortunately, they have support and merit from the outside. No quick and satisfying chop chop, any revenge has to be carefully played and planned in this system. Real-life is too complicated, in any world.

Is it bad that I don't have high hopes for the system in this world either?

It's frustrating.

There's a part of me, something shared with the original Rosalia, that's never satisfied. Especially in regards to other people. No matter how many people I would 'punish' it never felt like it was enough. Flogging? Dungeons? How juvenile.

It would be satisfying to an extent yes but then what? In modern times we have 'jail' and actual prison sentences. The death penalty wasn't so popular but it existed. Here too, and it's definitely popular. That in itself is satisfying in a different more lasting way. There's a lot of moral debate but it's simple in how it can bring people peace.

Yet a part of me burns that it's not enough. Too many guilty criminals never pay in full for their sins. If they get caught at all. They rarely hurt even fraction of what their victims do and it's not fair. Life isn't fair.

Ah, I'm getting too personal again. Out of control, underwhelmingly helpless, lashing out. The useless feelings do nothing productive, rather they contribute in turning me into a more bitter and hateful sort of person.

I sigh and push away at my tasteless food. I sigh and roll around my little allotted sick bed, unable to bear with myself. Gable is preoccupied with Lukas, the boy honestly acting out and coping in his own ways. A real child being comforted.

When they're side by side like this you could easily mistake them as father and son. A real family, how nice. 

I push and pack down at the annoying voice inside me trying to make a point. How dare it try coming out because I'm sick and feeling bad.  Stupid old dreams, stupid Amar and his childish attempt at a goodbye speech. Seriously what was that? Brain-damaged ramblings obviously.

The Ventrella family is a strange bunch, weirder and warmer the more I uncover about them. However, they're not mine. I can see where a child from the outside may see it as a good or loving thing but I know the truth. They're not mine. Caring too much is dangerous. Love is dangerous, love kills.

I don't need it.

I don't need anything as silly as comfort or such when I'm sick. It's nice but I don't need it. I've lived more than one lifetime without it. I'm fine-..... I want tofu stew and banana milk. Yeah...that's it. Want and not need.

'I want mom' whispers a small voice inside me, one that sounds nothing like Rosalia. How stupid of me. But my mom is not coming. Even if we still existed in the same world...mom wouldn't come that easily. She wouldn't come for me.

"Ohohohohoho! Papa you're so silly! Now where is my Rosa? My my my are you in here Rosa dear?"

A ridiculous ojou-sama laugh, right out of a cliche series, makes an abrupt scratching dj sound in my head. Wait what?

Mother?!

The door, which if I recall correctly, is barricaded under layers of magical and physical reinforcements so no super-powered brats can even scratch it, slams open with a great bang.

What lies behind the door is possibly, no absolutely, the most terrifying thing I have seen in my little life.

Like a cross between a battering ram and a limp doll, grampa is half slung from the ground. He looks exhausted but still pandering in that way only Lilyanne or mother can reduce him to. His limp body is held up only by my mother's delicate gloved hand under his shoulder like he slumped down and was dragged around in escorting her.

Today she's dressed in a splendid full and flowing gown of embroidered red and gold, complimenting her radiant skin and hair. Such luxurious hair is fully done up and extravagantly veiled in braids, twists, and jewels, very modestly proper for a married lady to be seen in public yes. That train of her outer skirt, those bunched up layers on the sleeves. A very gorgeous splash of red all about.

Except for the obvious... that red....is not originally part of the dress.

"Ohohoho found you darling! Oh my poor baby, you must be feeling awful but you should not be going about eating strange things! Gable thank you so much for tending to her. Oh these poor little dears! This is no place for children, yes it's quite time to go home! "

There is red on my mother's face that is not rogue or lip paint, yet she smiles so serenely. Like a holy mother of some religious figure. A sight for sore eyes is underselling it, a beautiful blood-splattered mother is man handling grampa across the grounds to find me.

Oh no.

Oh no no no, I'm in so much trouble and there is no escape. What is she doing here? She can't capture me yet, Lukas and I are still sick in here and there's still the matter of Amar...

There is something shivering like a terrified little dog behind the layers of mother's shawl, well into the crook of her other arm. 

Amar, bedraggled as he is, has an extremely lost and confused look to him behind all the shivering. As if he can not compute what is going on, let alone decide if he likes it or not. He looks traumatized, far more than any reaction I've seen yet. Quick eyes dart between every person in the room, trying to find an escape from my mother's hold. The shaking intensities when he registers just exactly where he is and who is facing.

Oh goodie.

"Gable dear you must see to the poor sweet child, little Amar was trapped in an awfully tight space and couldn't get out! Oh it was horrid, I had to crack it open and no one would lend a hand to a frail lady? Can you believe it? Oh but enough there, I believe there are stingers still caught in him!"

Grampa falls with a relieved thud as mother uses both hands to hold up the scrawny creature like one would hold a puppy dog. She fully goes right up the Gable with a 'look look' expression in her moist doe eyes.

Everyone's eyes go to the 'stingers', skinny torn black tubes still dripping occasionally in what can only be blood. They look like they've been ripped and torn off violently. The ends are stuck with blood drawing needles, similar to what I've seen used on Vincent. The problem is that they're embedded still in Amar's arms and the side of his neck, making three in total.

Did my mother carry him here all this way like this? With a giant needle in his neck?

Said needle is the first one Gable gets to carefully removing. All of Amar's feeble attempts at escaping my mother's puppy hold are futile though.

Good, he still has the energy to try to escape.

"Oh men are such uncivilized uncouth creatures these days, not like my Frederick darling. I wanted to say it hasn't changed one bit here but I have been proven wrong, it's even worse! Oh Gabbey you should have seen the way they stared at me booo hooo hooo. It was so cruel and uncomfortable for anyone let alone a lady booo hooo. "

"....I see. Maria...you attended....was this...mid court?"

"Mid? Oh it was so terribly long, it felt like days in the span of the morning! If that was mid. I do sob for Frederick darling who must stay to the end. I simply couldn't take it. Of course, no one could blame a lady for suddenly needing to leave. On my way out I happen to find poor cute little dimples here so unfortunately trapped. Oh children do play in the strangest things. Right in the middle of the room too! Right Papa?"

By this time grampa has pulled himself off up the floor and poured himself his second mug of water from the nearby pitcher.

"Yes Maria dear, the strangest things." he stiffly laughs.

Over my mother's lightly laughing head I can see the silent eye contact that grampa and Gable must be having a telepathic conversation over. From Gable, there is another too tired fake grin while grampa makes all sorts of strange hand motions and facial expressions. A pantomime of the day's events that somehow Gable can understand.

"But the most horrendous thing was how no one would do anything about but talk. It wasn't even any good talk."  cutely whines my mother, making tearing eyes at Gable as he works and patching up Amar.

As if she were a spoiled little maiden rather than a married woman with two kids. It's unquestionably terrifying for all the wrong reasons. The blood splatter doing everything to make the high pleasing tone in her voice more than threatening.

"I don't recall it being so awful." threatening and strangely wistful.

It's not just Amar shivering in here. I don't even know why I'm so scared! I just am? Even Gable can't stop a slight tremor. Mother what did you do?!

"Well that's enough of that nonsense! It's been a long tiring day and I do need a rest, perhaps some tea and refreshments. Rosalia, have you been behaving for Gable and eating well? Rosa?" questions my mother, smile getting all the colder at my lack of a timely response.

The chalk snaps in my fear and haste to write out excuses.

'I can't talk. Tongue broken.'

"Oh dear, my poor baby girl! That's it, time to go home where you can get a much sounder rest and recuperation! Oh you must have suffered! Poison! Oh hohoho mama remembers what that was like.~"

Grampa? Gable? Why is my mother so weird and scary?

"Home is best, where there's much better rest and recuperation."

"....Of course Maria, buttercup. Rosalia just needs time and few more options to offset the discomfort and side effect but there's no issue for her to head home. I really should be seeing to the children but I can stop to check up-"

"Oh why Gable dear don't be a stranger! Not you of all people! Oh no no no, this is not the place for children at all. There should be no worries! They can all come!"

There's no room for arguments, nor time. Not with my mama.

Seeing that Amar had been wrapped up in fresh bandages, though he is far from healed, she instantly tucks him back into the crook of her arm. The boy still too shocked and traumatized to figure out what's going on, let alone fight it. He is after all, most likely brain damaged and suffering from some serious anemia.

Then, like she's picking eggs or puppy dogs mother plops up a still feverishly pink Lukas, stacking him against the middle against her chest, careful not to let him crush the smaller child. Which is ineffective since Lukas fully glomps onto the other boy in feverish relief and glee. Then proceeds to talk his ear off.

Last is me, right into her other arm. I don't even fight it. It's futile. Best to play cute and stretch my tiny arms out in exaggerated need and put on the watery puppy dog eyes. Yes, that will save me, or at least offset the punishment waiting for me.

"Oh hohoho mama misses you too Rosa dear."

It's another puppy pile, not much unlike grampa's usual style when carrying all three of us at once. I must admit though mother's bosom is must more comfortable to rest on. Soft, warm and oddly safe, blood splatter and all.

"There there now little ones, be good~ " mother sing songs and she bounces us off, probably to the carriage.

Of course, I'm good mother. I can be so very good especially now that I can't talk.

I can't talk and I dropped my writing slate but there's still the universal body language. Across from me in my mother's surprisingly sturdy arms I force eye contact with Amar, who I still blame for all of this.

Lukas babbles on about everything the other still shivering child may have missed and while I just stare and be good for mother, nothing but all smiles. With one hand I make a slow dragging motion across my neck and point straight at him though.

For some odd reason, that makes Amar shake even more. Prompting him to bury himself behind Lukas and further into my mother where he was once trying to escape from.

Hey hey hey don't be scared. I don't believe in child abuse, just a bit of fairness. Why are you acting like I'm the scary one?

Hey! Don't fake being asleep!

"Ohohoho looks like this year's spring trip to the capital for our Rosalia must be postponed. Oh health comes first. Perhaps we should cancel it? Well, we'll see what Frederick darling has to say. Oh hohohoho~ Rest up now little ones!"

---