I Want to F*** You

Chapter 134 Gu Zhizhou’s Real Past

(Translator's Note:

Sorry but I have to give a reminder to everyone, there are topics in this chapter that are extremelysensitive. Please proceed with caution.)

The girl in his arms is crying and choked up, sobbing hard and asking what he was hiding. He couldn't speak, as if a big hole had been opened in his heart, the wind blew violently, bloody and cut into him.

"Ruan Ruan…" the wind blowing in from the widow blew on them, sandwiching the warmth of the afternoon sun. At that moment, the boundaries of time suddenly became blurred, Gu Zhizhou closed his eyes. It seemed that he have returned to that afternoon many years ago.

(T/N: IT WILL START NOW)

It was the most traumatizing childhood experience.

The sickly and distorted nanny took him away while his parents were negligent on their divorce, he was beaten and insulted by her from time to time.

"What a beautiful little boy, I like eating the d*ck of a beautiful little boy the most." the ugly nanny smiled in infatuation, holding his lower part in her mouth.

He struggled, he resisted and he was slapped by the merciless woman in return.

"Don't be shameless, your parents don't want you anymore. I am willing to stay with you, love you and pet you, what else can you ask for?"

The woman worked all year round, her body was tough and strong, compared to his eight years old body, he was not the nanny's opponent at all.

"It's a pity that the little boy is good, but the c*ck is soft. Little baby, when your c*ck became hard and can ejaculate s*men, mom will eat it for you." the woman played with his p*nis, but was annoyed with his inability to get erection.

At night she drew all kinds of pleasure from other men, and during the day, she came again to pinch his p*nis and showed him a crazy smile.

He was only eight years old and was still at a time when he did't know anything about sex, but it had left an indelible shadow on this aspect, so that even if he was returned home and grew into adolescence, he couldn't get erection and ejaculate like a normal man…

The days were so frightening and gloomy. Gu Zhizhou thought that one day, he would not be able to endure it any longer, and he would die in such an abominable way. But one day, he saw a light amidst the darkness.

Little Tao Ruan appeared that day.

She was wearing a beautiful light-colored dress and standing at the door nibbling on a lollipop, watching the cold and humid warehouse being opened by the wind and ran over to see him.

"Brother, who are you?"

"Brother, why are you staying here? The ground is so cold, how can you sit on the ground, brother?

"Brother, brother, why do you have a chain on your body?"

He didn't ask for help. To the men who slept with that woman, to the village woman who occasionally came to visit, he struggled to escape and ran out to ask for help, but was caught by the village men and threw him back to that woman, "You little bastard running around. You have to listen to your mother."

"She is not my mother, she is not…" he cried, and asked for help, but no one listened to him. Now he saw a little warm kindness in his despair, even if the other party was a little girl younger than him. He still held his hand and asked for her help, "You help me.."

"What can I help brother?" the girl held a lollipop blankly, looking over. Before he could speak, she was hugged away by that woman.

"Litttle Ruan, this in not a place you should come."

"But brother…"

"He made a mistake and was not obedient, so he was locked here."

Little Tao Ruan was taken away, but she would often sneak over, sometimes with freshly baked sweet-scented osmanthus cakes, sometimes holding sweet candies, and always smiling silly and softly at him.

But Gu Zhizhou was full of disgust for her and no longer look at her.

He heard that this little girl is that woman's niece, a relative of the demoness, and must be that demoness little helper.

Of course, this is not ths case. Little Tao Ruan, who is only six years old, is simple and kind. Even if she was glared with malice, she still likes to get close to him.

"My name is Tao Ruan. Tao is for the pottery of ceramics. And Ruan is for soft."

"My mother, she is ill. She is very sick, so my aunt is taking care of me."

"Brother, why does my aunt keep you locked up? She is very good to me, but she is always fierce to you."

Little Tao Ruan came to talk to him a lot every day. The delight in her eyes did not seem to be false, but Gu Zhizhou still wanted to escape. Since he was taken captive in this remote mountain village, he has endured countless malice. He have forgotten his innocence and warmth feeling.

So he looked at the simple and beautiful girl in front of him and suddenly a terrible thought arose.

"Ruan Ruan," Gu Zhizhou changed his attitude and began to gently coax Little Tao Ruan, "Brother is suffering everyday here. Are you willing to help brother?"

Little Tao Ruan nodded dumbfoundedly. she stole the key to the chain and took him out to call the police.

That time was unsuccessful, the long ring sound was very long. When it finally connected, the woman rushed over and covered his mouth to prevent him from talking and immediately hung up the phone.

The woman beat him again, this time, it also affected little Tao Ruan, she tilted her head and confronted her bravely, "My brother said he doesn't like to stay here, why do you want to lock him up?"

Tao Ruan did not get an answer but instead was slap.

Would Gu Zhizhou feel pity for little Tao Ruan? No, he won't. The torture and hatred have made him distorted, he saw the value of this little girl and would only continue to squeeze her.

He intensified and continued his manipulation, as if possessed by a demon, full of crazy revenge.

"Ruan Ruan, your aunt is sick, only by killing her can all of us get free."

"Kill, kill her?"

"Yes, kill her."

Gu Zhizhou couldn't remember how he manipulated a six-years old girl to kill. Later, Gu Zhizhou was questioned by Tao Ruan's mother who was seriously ill. He trembled and said, "I didn't think it will succeed …I didn't think so.."

It was like the night he was caught in the middle of his escape and failed to make a successful call for help. Little Tao Ruan was only six years old that time, who would have thought that she would kill a strong and tough adult woman.

But fate always teases people.

That day, little Tao Ruan rushed towards him with blood all over her, crying and was scared, "I, I did it…when my aunt was asleep, I used the method brother taught me…..wooo….but this way, can my aunt disease really get better? That way, brother, you will be happy? Ugh…I, I, I should be happy right? but brother, I'm so scared… I, I'm so scared…"

Then the police came and he finally escaped his cage, and there was no more demoness trapping him in the world. His parents found him, took good care of him and helped him handle everything.

That almost impossible murder was judged to be a home invasion, then the case became cold. The history of him being taken captive was completely washed away.

He has the love of his parents, he has a dazzling family background, his future is open and bright and he has a great future ahead of him.

Except for his physical resistance to woman, he seems to have no other consequences.

He went and visited little Tao Ruan.

Tao Ruan's seriously ill mother had to get up from the hospital bed to take care of her daughter. Little Tao Ruan seemed to finally understand the meaning of blood and murder. She didn't eat or drink, and her heart was broken when she saw him. She choked and keep on muttering, "I killed my aunt… I killed my aunt…"

Little Tao Ruan started to fall ill, she continued to have a fever and fell into a nightmare that she could not escape all day long. Everytime he went to see Tao Ruan, he would make Tao Ruan's situation worse and more difficult.

Tao Ruan's mother dragged her heavy and sick body over to stop him, her eyes were heartbreaking with sadness.

"Little Zhou, I know that you are a good boy and thank you for your family's help. My life isn't that long and I don't have any relatives around me, I am afraid that little Ruan will be alone, I want to entrust you to take care of her."

Young Gu Zhizhou straightened his back and promised her, "I will, I will take care of her."

"Don't hate her, it was her aunt who sinned against you, it has nothing to do with her."

Gu Zhizhou said, "How could I possibly hate her?"

"Little Ruan will think of the wrong thing when she see you, and then will blame herself and fall into endless pain. Little Zhou, if you don't hate her, don't come back again. With your family's ability, you will definitely be able to find a good adopted family for her. When the time comes, you have to stay away from her and never see her again."

Gu Zhizhou's tears fell on the ground, he lowered his head and promised, "Okay."

Within two days, Tao Ruan's mother passed away. The expensive medical equipment and the top medical team failed to rescue her, she left Tao Ruan forever.

Tao Run was still suffering from a high fever and repeated nightmares, Gu Zhizhou endured not seeing her and she really got better. After being ill for more that half a month, Tao Ruan finally recovered completely.

After waking up, she forgot her nightmares, forgot everything that happened that summer, forgot about that woman and lastly forgot about Gu Zhizhou.

"Little girl, do you know who you are?"

"Why am I here…Who am I?"

Through the door, Gu Zhizhou listened to Tao Ruan's conversation with the doctor. The little girl has forgotten that terrifying summer months, this is probably the best arrangement.

Later, Tao Ruan also gradually recovered her memories. For example, her name is Tao Ruan and her mother's surname was Bai. She passed away from a serious illness not long ago. Her home is in a small town in the north where there is a snow in winter.

Gu Zhizhou stopped seeing Tao Ruan, his father found a suitable family for Tao Ruan. The man's surname is Tao and his family came from the north, his character and personality were good. His deceased wife was also surnamed Bai and his newly wed wife is gentle and virtuous, she will be a good mother.

Tao Ruan went to her new home, there was no shadow of that one summer months in her life, she started a new and bright life.

Gu Zhizhou did not forget about her.

When he was a child, she cared about Tao Ruan's well being, not because of love but because of what he made Tao Ruan do and the unspeakable guilt. He remembered what he promised to Tao Ruan's mother, he did not go and meet her. But she secretly spied on Tao Ruan's life, simply hoping that she would grow up brightly.

Later, the little girl grew up to became beautiful and charming. He didn't know when he fell in love with, and by the time he realized his feelings, he could no longer look away.

He promised that he would not meet her again, but he still used every means to bring Tao Ruan to the city where he lived. He said that he would stay away from her, but he could not help showing up in front of her, approaching her, hugging her, and pressing her down. He wants to completely possess her.

He could no longer let go.

"Ruan Ruan," in this afternoon many years later, Gu Zhizhou hugged the crying girl into his arms, his heart faltering but he still only said to her, "I'm sorry…I love you."

T/N:

I really hate translating this chapter. When I've read this chapter for the first time, I actually did not really read this chapter thoroughly, I scrolled down and just read to understand what is happening. And when I reread the whole novel again, I subconsciously skipped this chapter. I actually forgot about this chapter until I am translating this now, and I really hate this but I need to read this whole chapter to translate it properly.