I Want to be Alone, Beautifully

Chapter 147 As I saw (4)

Xu Jiao still doesn’t know Ye Zhen’s plan yet.

But she must quickly suppress those warm emotions in her heart–

Because according to Xu Han’s habit, he will come home soon.

He is a very cautious man, secretly torturing Xu Jiao, making her condition worse, while still hooking up with a woman who is richer than Xu Jiao’s mother. He must be very careful if he wants not to be discovered.

He doesn’t have much patience to deal with Xu Jiao’s sick child. It’s not easy for him to serve a child who hardly gives feedback and can explode like a bomb anytime and anywhere, especially He still has to not be injured by Xu Jiao’s sudden illness, this is not a simple task.

Xu Jiao has always been reluctant to recall childhood events. One is because of her bad mental state at that time, and the other is because of incomplete memories in her childhood. She only remembers that she deeply dislikes this family, this environment, and her The stepdad, the only impression is that when Ye Zhen came to her house by chance, he saw Xu Hankai’s evil deeds, and the two had some disputes——

The result is.

Ye Zhen fell from upstairs.

The clearest picture in my memory is the figure that I have never seen carefully before, disappearing by the window like a wind, that beautiful face is only a flash of surprise, so Xu Jiao remembers it, and immediately, there is still in the line of sight. The most common color of Xu Jiao is the extremely beautiful sky outside when the window is wide open, and the spectacular view of the burning clouds reflected in the fundus of Xu Jiao’s eyes, which was deeply burned on her retina.

When she reacted, Xu Hankai was taken away. Her mother hurriedly returned to her and held her in her arms and wept bitterly. At that moment, she seemed to hear voices from all over the world.

Just as the hard shell of the soul was knocked open, the world slowly smiled at her and said to her, hello, welcome to the world.

But it was too late.

She could only stare at the sky in a daze, motionless, without blinking, even before she could really look at Ye Hao, she had lost the qualification to meet each other forever.

Only the sky outside the window was grand and magnificent, and for many years to come, she never saw it again.

Because she was afraid that she would be more irritated, everyone, including her mother, didn’t let her see Ye Zhen when she died. They covered her eyes and told Xu Jiao to listen to that person with her ears. story:

“I just said that the Xu family’s mother-in-law is definitely not suitable for such a tender face

Shi, there is no hair on her lips and she is not fast enough to do things. In broad daylight, she is carrying her and hooking up with the 20-year-old girl in the next room. Who knows what happened…”

“This little Xu is also pitiful. He divorced his ex-husband at a young age and brought a child like that. He finally thought that he found someone he knew. Who knows he knows his face and doesn’t know his heart. Inside, I don’t know if I see anything…”

“You can keep a bit of virtue, Xiao Xu’s family is already miserable enough.”

“Hey, the divorced woman is like this, it is indeed miserable…”

Those gossips kept Xu Jiao’s memory fresh for many years. Even in the tube building many years later, no one remembered what the murder case was like. Even when she bought the house, there were neighbors. He smiled and said to her that it was not lucky to live in this house, but it was much better than the next door. I heard that someone died a few years ago.

The residents in the tube building came and went, and no one even remembered that Xu Jiao was the autistic daughter of the “poor little Xu” they talked about back then.

Later, she saw that strangers stopped screaming, and did not perform strange behaviors in crowded places. She just got an extra habit of looking at the sky in a daze, and then learned to communicate with others through a layer of computers, using words to express In my own heart.

Until she slowly learned to use language to build her own world.

In her world, women with the same appearance as Ye Zhen appeared one after another as the protagonist. Xu Jiao used the only one-sided impression to outline them. She thought she was writing only the shadow of Ye Zhen, but she never thought about that one. This word is also the expression of her soul. She unconsciously poured her own story into it, so the protagonists all have a horrible childhood like her, but they are as kind as Ye Zhen, and are always willing to be troubled by others. Time to come out to rescue and be the light in other people’s lives.

However, as she wrote, Xu Jiao discovered that she was not writing about Ye Zhen’s happy life, but the characters themselves, and the protagonists who had the same eyebrows as her benefactor, after all, were not her.

At first, Xu Jiao thought she didn’t have enough pen ability, so she wrote, feeling dispirited, abandoning the pit unsatisfactorily, unfinished, and wanted to write a more perfect story.

But as she mastered the stronger narrative ability, she realized that these protagonists have strange shadows on their bodies, that is, those little different pasts, which made the protagonists gradually break away from the original in the process of telling the story. The setting of-

It’s like

Do the same with her.

Xu Jiao wanted to give her benefactor a good enough story in her own kingdom.

But she couldn’t even portray the appearance of her benefactor.

As a result, the story failed again and again, and she was not even willing to give those copies a perfect ending. She deliberately changed the outline and went in disorder, causing herself to be posted on the website’s forums and be yelled at by readers.

She is the only one who doesn’t care.

If it weren’t for the system to appear, Xu Jiao didn’t know how long she would continue in this countless cycle of failures.

It is true that she was depressed when she first entered the system space. She didn’t want to know what kind of life these replicas lead, because those stories were already familiar to her heart, and she didn’t want to see how she did it over and over again. lose.

until……

Xia Jingzhe slightly surprised her.

Then there was Shen Yelan.

It seems to be repeating the same mistake that she was unable to control the direction, repeating it in her ear over and over again, wake up, your story is destined to be unsaved, because you have never looked at your characters carefully.

Xu Jiao was perplexed by Xia Jingzhe’s death, and she was stunned by Shen Yelan’s fanatical emotions towards herself. She saw her shadow in Shen Yelan. Only then did she understand that whether a creator would like Still unwilling, there will always be her shadow in the text. She is so paranoid towards her benefactor, she unilaterally draws the other person as her inner spiritual support, the **** she believes in, the voice that awakens herself, just because the benefactor has Saved her–

So Shen Yelan, who was also miserable, saw her as a benefactor who extended a helping hand, and became fanatical and unscrupulously infatuated, just as she hid the appearance of Ye Zhen in her heart back then.

Shen Yelan is her mirror.

It seemed to indicate that she would never be able to escape from the tragedy and shadow of this childhood in her life. Even death was branded by her youth and could not be struggling.

She sympathized with Shen Yelan and also sympathized with herself.

And at this moment–

She met Feng Qingyu.

It was Feng Qingyu who told her how true love is. It is true that Feng Qingyu had a disdainful attitude towards her at first, but when she first fell in love with her, because she was a legal wife, she followed a little bit of love in her heart. Zhihuo wanted to hook her to make this wife a real wife, but in the end…

Feng Qingyu did not do that.

Sometimes people’s good and evil are only between one thought.

Feng Qingyu chose to respect Xu Jiao in countless most critical thoughts.

Knowing that Xu Jiao didn’t love her, Feng Qingyu had thought about fighting for and staying, but in the end she only silently appeared by her side to accompany her when Xu Jiao needed her, and quietly accepted her life. No facts about Xu Jiao.

Xu Jiao understood from her what love is and what is respect.

She began to be uncontrollably attracted by the heroine in her own writings, and truly took the initiative to accept the mortal world, allowing the fireworks of the world to stain her clothes, and truly distinguishing Feng Qingyu from her former benefactor. She finally accepted The fact is that the heroines she created are not substitutes for anyone. From the moment they are born, they have their own souls.

A soul not at the mercy of anyone.

Xu Jiao unconsciously applied this respectful attitude to Lilith in the next world. For the first time, she regarded the protagonist in the pen as her child, just like the people who tried to teach her back then, patiently and meticulously. , I sincerely want to give Lilith a different life, and want to see her create her own story with her own hands.

It was just a small accident.

Lilith also fell in love with her.

But at this time, Xu Jiao can no longer feel the heroine’s pursuit of her indifferently like in the world of Xia Jingzhe. When she was tempted, her heart repeatedly swayed and struggled, and she didn’t even know the system, she and Lily When Silk did those things, what kind of upside-down happiness came up in her mind.

In her subconscious, there is a kind of excitement and happiness——

Why can’t Xu Jiao refuse Lilith?

Because she also wanted to hypothesize in her heart, if her benefactor is still alive, if the spiritual support is still there, and when she grows up, will the other person look at her differently because of the speciality of this personal teaching, and then let her become What about the most important person in life?

The truth was not known at that time, but the sinking that she did not resist again and again was the answer to everything.

But this is not over yet.

She thought she was hiding well, but her protagonist had already seen it through. Her love was just a reflection, a kind of empathy, and proud as the other person. How could she endure herself as a shadow in Xu Jiao’s heart?

Time and time again, her protagonist covered Xu Jiao’s thoughts about her benefactor with her own deep and colorful traces, and finally let her know that those sustenances and fantasies are all in the past, and the only one in the moment is this lover who already has his own soul. .

She loves the books

The souls born in the story belong exclusively to the protagonists.

She doesn’t love Ye Zhen.

It is just a little nostalgia and nostalgia of youth, it is not the appearance of love.

…

“Ding Dong.”

Across the wooden door, Xu Jiao, with sharp ears, heard the sound of Xu Han opening back. She shouldn’t have remembered it so clearly, but her body seemed to have become so terrified and disgusted with the sound of footsteps that she had memories of conditioned reflexes in her mind.

Xu Jiao hooked her lips and called in her mind: “System.”

“?”

Xu Jiao: “I don’t remember some things clearly. Since this is the world you can come to, why don’t you help me consolidate my memory? Send me the content of everything I did when I was a kid, I know you can.”

system:”……”

It still works.

Xu Jiao stared at the door like this, while receiving the dim content of her childhood story, she thought casually in her heart:

What method should be used to make Xu Han feel that life is better than death?