NOVEL NEXT Chapter 29
Time had already turned to late night.
Rudella lay down on the flat surface where Johan had spread out the water plants he salvaged.
Not knowing what might happen next, she had to get some rest while she could.
“…….”
Johan, dressed in a dry uniform, was sitting opposite Rudella with his eyes closed.
He couldn’t let his guard down, as he didn’t know when the Crown Prince’s shadows would discover this place.
Inside the quiet cave.
Click, click.
The sound of the bonfire crackling echoed.
Tap, tap, tap.
Outside, the sound of heavy raindrops hitting the ground could be heard.
An awkward atmosphere flowed, making time seem to move even slower; was it just my imagination?
Feeling suffocated, Johan stood up to get some fresh air at the cave entrance.
“…Where are you going?”
Rudella, lying on her back, raised her upper body and called out to Johan. Her sky-blue eyes shimmered in the light.
“I was just catching some air at the entrance.”
“…Is that so?”
“Did I wake you?”
“Not really.”
Rudella shook her head. Despite her tired face, she possessed a chilling beauty.
“I just can’t sleep, that’s all.”
“It must be uncomfortable to sleep on the ground.”
“That probably… is true.”
She seemed to have something more to say, but Rudella just fidgeted with her fingers and remained silent.
“…….”
Johan looked at her for a moment before taking another step towards the cave entrance, where the sound of heavy raindrops grew even louder.
Whoosh—
A cold wind tickled his skin. The peculiar awkwardness faded with sleep.
“Are you okay not sleeping?”
Crunch. Rudella, who had fully risen from the pile of plants, approached Johan.
She sat opposite him, hugging her knees and tilting her head slightly.
“I must protect Lady Bismarck. If I fall asleep, there will be no one to keep watch, and we could be in danger.”
“I think you’ll be fine, though…”
“That’s just it. They are specialized assassins and trackers targeting us.”
Johan and Rudella locked eyes. Her expression was hazy, as if she could fall asleep at any moment.
“They’re likely tracking us even now. The rain makes it hard to find traces, but we can’t let our guard down. If we do, we’ll surely get caught.”
It was merely speculation, but they were a shadow organization of the Crown Prince made up of elite assassins.
Doubt and vigilance were essential.
“…Is that so?”
“That’s how it is.”
Whoosh.
The rain fell.
The white noise tickled his ears.
An eerie atmosphere seemed to brush against his shoulders.
“Do you know who is behind all this?”
Suddenly, Rudella brought up a sensitive topic. It was something Johan had intentionally avoided. But since she brought it up first, he felt he had to speak.
“I do know.”
“Who do you think it is?”
Faced with Rudella’s probing question, Johan looked outside the cave.
“I think Lady Bismarck knows better.”
Johan noticed that there was no way she, who always thought politically and supported the Crown Prince closely, wouldn’t know.
“I’m not quite sure what you mean.”
“Lady Bismarck seems to have a lot of things she doesn’t know.”
Johan turned his head and looked at Rudella. Her expression masked a deepening pallor.
“Are you pretending not to know, or do you really not know?”
“…….”
“No. Let me take a guess. You’re just pretending not to know while you keep your eyes closed, right?”
Seeing Johan’s serious gaze, Rudella couldn’t help but stifle a laugh, a hollow chuckle.
“Your intuition is sharp.”
“It’s strange not to know.”
Rudella slowly nodded her head.
“Indeed. I know who the culprit is. It’s likely someone you think it is—a figure whom the heavens fear to speak their name.”
She also knew that the Crown Prince had orchestrated this.
“Are you alright, Lady Bismarck?”
“What do you mean?”
“You do understand what I’m saying, don’t you?”
If she were Lady Bismarck, she would know about the crimes committed by the Crown Prince. If she secured evidence, she could bring him down anytime.
Of course, it wouldn’t be easy, given how many factions were involved.
“I’m just saying.”
Rudella looked outside the cave as the rain continued to pour.
“Born for the Bismarck family, I’ve lived for the Bismarck family. That Bismarck family assists His Highness the Crown Prince for the empire’s prosperity.”
House Bismarck.
The family often referred to as the leader of the Crown Prince’s faction.
“This is my only path. Even if there’s something I don’t like, I have no choice but to swallow it in my heart. Because there’s nothing for Rudella Bismarck.”
Johan listened quietly to her words. Although they hadn’t known each other for long, it was the first time Rudella had directly shared her story.
“From the moment I was engaged as a child, my life was decided. Since then, I can only do my best.”
Although everything existed in Rudella’s life, she, in contradiction, did not exist.
“If His Highness the Crown Prince tries to kill me, I will have to die. I survived thanks to you now, but someday I will meet that end.”
“What do you…?”
Johan’s mouth slightly opened. This person was quite broken, like a cog in a mechanical device that had gone awry.
“My heart does not matter. I merely follow the Bismarck family’s orders and assist to ensure that His Highness the Crown Prince does not walk down a wicked path. That is my reason for being born and for living.”
Hearing her words, Johan began to understand why the Rudella in the story seemed so indifferent to murder.
She merely swallowed her grievances. The unspoken emotions were buried deep in her heart, building up until they became a heavy stone.
The feelings she couldn’t express festered, casting a shadow in her heart, and in the end, only the lump of bitterness remained.
If it continued like this, she would become one giant hell. She would plunge deeper into hell so as to become a hell for those who disrupt her role.
Without knowing it, Johan clenched his fist tight.
A feeling he could not articulate seized his entire being. Was it anger, sorrow, or pity?
“Feelings that cannot be expressed with words tend to reveal themselves through actions. Just like your attitude now.”
Only after listening to Rudella did Johan realize his state. He gritted his teeth, clenching his fists.
It wasn’t merely her behavior stemming from frustration. It was a tangled mix of pity, anger, and sorrow—an indescribable emotion.
“I’m fine. It’s been this way from the start. I crave something but already know I can’t have it.”
Rudella smiled weakly. It was a blurred smile. She had probably resigned long before.
“…May I speak presumptuously?”
“What is it?”
“If I were you, I would not live like that.”
Upon hearing those words, Rudella took a brief breath. Johan’s gaze felt like it had penetrated deep into her heart.
“Rudella Bismarck, you have the ability to stand on your own. You graduated at the top of your class from social studies and have handled various practical matters. You could have escaped the shadow of the Bismarck family at any moment.”
Those words gently tapped on her heart, which had been frozen for so long.
“Of course, I understand that it’s not easy. It’s about family obligations and many interconnected matters, so it would be hard to even attempt it. But… if you were to disappear, you would’ve tried anything.”
Living a life like Rudella, where one does not truly exist, is akin to being in hell. Doing so means becoming hell itself.
“When you’re caught up in compromises, before you know it, the path back disappears. It’s like walking through a fog. Gradually, you become addicted to that fog. By the time you come to your senses, you’ll have already reached a place from which you cannot escape.”
If one continues to swallow their emotions, they rot and decay into something black and dirty. It colors one’s insides black. It spreads throughout the body, turning even the blood dark.
“When you live a life of giving in over and over, one day you’ll lose the foothold of your own existence. I’m Rudella Bismarck, and I hope you do not lose yourself.”
Whoosh.
The rain did not stop.
Soft moonlight seeped into the cave entrance, gently illuminating Rudella’s flowing hair.
Her silver hair flowed like waves, merging with the moonlight.
It was a night when the rain wouldn’t cease. Yet strangely, the storm in her heart seemed to calm bit by bit.
“…That was presumptuous of me. I apologize. But I really wanted to say it. No, for your sake, I had to.”
Johan spoke without hesitation, even while apologizing. It was not a mere consolation. It was a call to choose her own life.
“That truly was presumptuous. This is the second time someone has commented on my life after His Highness the Crown Prince.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay; that much is fine. You saved my life, after all.”
Rudella couldn’t hold back her laughter, letting out a soft chuckle as her gaze turned to the cave entrance.
Whoosh.
The rain fell.
“Is that so? Was it something I had to say for your sake?”
A strange thrill stirred in her heart. It was an unfamiliar feeling, like the small warmth of someone starving for emotions.
“How many people have ever said something like that to me? A simple remark meant just for me. I’ve never heard it from my parents either.”
Rudella’s fingertips unconsciously brushed over her wrist. A strange tickling sensation spread through her heart.
It felt as if something that had been rigid for a long time was starting to loosen.
In twenty years of living, how many people have ever told her to live for herself?
None.
Even her parents had urged her to fulfill her duties as a member of the Bismarck family, while the Emperor commanded her to serve the Crown Prince.
Rudella had no life. As she kept giving, compromising, and yielding, she lost the very foothold of her own existence.
Johan’s statement was undoubtedly presumptuous, but Rudella could not argue against it. It was simply the truth.
If she wanted to escape the shadows, she could.
If she wished to break off the engagement to the Crown Prince, she could indeed do so.
But the reason she didn’t was clear.
It was because her role would vanish.
She feared that would mean she would disappear as well.
Rudella quietly gazed at Johan’s face. In the chill of the night, his sincerity strangely felt warm. A warmth incomprehensible radiated from his deep blue eyes.
“…….”
She found herself looking at him deeper, surprised to discover her desire to stare into his eyes longer.
Embarrassed, she cast her eyes down. It felt like a small flame was flickering to life within her heart. An unfamiliar yet sweet confusion swirled in her chest.
Rudella clasped her hands on her knees and gently squeezed them together. The coldness she had maintained seemed to be slowly melting away.
Whoosh.
The rain fell.
Rudella quietly sat opposite Johan, admiring the falling raindrops. The things he said resonated softly within her.
The echoes gradually sank deeper, softly loosening her previously hardened heart.
‘It would’ve been nice if I had someone like this by my side.’
A fleeting thought surfaced and gently seeped into her mind.
And soon, that thought planted a small hope deep within her heart.
Whoosh.
The rain did not cease.
Yet for some reason, she no longer felt the raindrops coldly falling.