I Thought I Was The Main Character

I woke up and was stunned at first.

 

A familiar space entered my blurred vision.

 

I was in my bedroom.

 

My physical condition was the worst, so I could hardly say anything.

 

‘What is this strange sense of alienation?’

 

“My lady, are you awake?”

 

My dazed mind returned to reality at the worried voice.

 

I reflexively looked for the voice owner, and my eyes met the nanny, who looked at me with a sad expression.

 

“Are you okay? Are you sick anywhere?”

 

When I heard the question, my whole body was in pain.

 

“Nanny,

urgh

–”

 

I opened my mouth because I wanted to whine, but my throat was so sore that I had to shut up again.

 

‘Why am I like this?’

 

“Please don’t speak. They say the inside of your neck is very damaged.”

 

She said so and helped me to drink water.

 

I felt hurt as the lukewarm water ran down my throat.

 

It was hard to drink more, so I shook my head, and the nanny cleared the cup.

 

When I swallowed the remaining water, the pain made me frown.

 

The nanny’s fingers came up and rubbed them out between my forehead.

 

And I stayed still because I liked the hand that wiped my forehead with her palm.

 

With every touch of my nanny, my pain felt gradually disappearing.

 

All the strength left my body with my nanny’s touch.

 

It felt more and more like a dream.

 

“Do you remember anything, my lady?”

 

‘Huh? What I have to remember all of a sudden?’

 

My eyes were twitching, and I opened my eyes. The nanny’s eyes were cautious.

 

While looking at my condition, I traced my memory, and I was able to recall the situation just before I collapsed.

 

“!”

 

The disgraceful situation when I vomited everything in front of Prince Luciano!

 

‘It’s must be a lie! Tell me it’s a dream!’

 

My eyes widened with no voice coming out, and I desperately pursed my lips.

 

The nanny slowly shook her head with a sad face as if reading my thoughts.

 

‘Did I really do that?’

 

“I went to the Imperial Palace to fetch my lady who’s already collapsed.”

 

My face showed an ‘it didn’t make sense’ expression as my body lost strength. 

 

The nanny was stroking my hair, but it wasn’t comforting.

 

I couldn’t believe it was all real.

 

I couldn’t believe I did that in front of Prince Luciano!

 

I felt as if I had lost the world.

 

Was this the right way to die?

 

I overestimated the child’s body.

 

It was foolish of me to believe that I would be able to persevere and endure like I did when I was an adult.

 

I wanted to cover myself with a blanket and kick it frustratingly.

 

Unfortunately, I was in such a bad condition that I didn’t have the energy to do so.

 

I was glad I got home while I fainted.

 

I should be grateful that I didn’t see Prince Luciano as soon as I woke up.

 

After showing such a thing, I didn’t have the confidence to face him right away.

 

‘What should I do?’

 

I felt like my head was going to explode with shame and hopelessness.

 

I didn’t know what to do.

 

First of all, my body was in the worst condition, so I should take a break and think about it.

 

I pulled my nanny’s hand anxiously and put it on my head.

 

The nanny, aware of my intentions, patted me gently.

 

“Everything will be fine.”

 

Yes, as my nanny said, everything will be fine.

 

I closed my eyes because I felt miscellaneous thoughts had disappeared due to the warm touch.

 

***

 

It was quite a shocking event for me as well.

 

Not everyone could experience pouring everything out in front of others with a clear mind.

 

Perhaps that was why, even as time passed, I kept thinking that I wanted to die because I was embarrassed.

 

I wasn’t really going to die though.

 

Still, I couldn’t help it that from time to time I let out a deep sigh and went crazy wanting to kick the blanket.

 

I wanted to dig into the ground and get into it.

 

I needed some time alone for my embarrassment to subside.

 

But I couldn’t.

 

“Aesvin, my sweetheart. Have you been resting well?”

 

My mother walked into the room and called me.

 

“Mother!”

 

“I’m disappointed. Call me [tnote keyword=”mom”]Aesvin called her mother in a formal term, 어머니/eomoni. Her mother want Aesvin to call 엄마/eomma.[/tnote],” said my mother, as if she was disappointed.

 

I just laughed, then my mother approached me and wiped my cheek.

 

“Are you feeling better?”

 

“Yes, I’m all right now.”

 

“That’s right, don’t overdo it.”

 

I just smiled because I knew how worried she was about myself in that kind words.

 

My mother hugged me and held my hand tightly.

 

“Aren’t you bored because you’re only at home these days?”

 

“No, I’m busy reading and studying.”

 

It was a time when I had a lot of thoughts, but there was no time to blame myself for my enormous mistakes.

 

This was because the family was in a state of turmoil, perhaps because the incident when I went to the Imperial Palace was quite shocking to my parents.

 

“Are you all right, sweetie? Even if he is a prince, how could he do that?”

 

My mother was in tears, and my father clenched his fists to calm his feelings.

 

He seemed to ignore the fact that his opponent was an imperial family and burst into anger.

 

“I’m all right. It was my mistake.”

 

So I had to say it was okay.

 

“Sweetie–”

 

“It’s really all right. Don’t worry about it.”

 

It was only after I told them I was fine a few times that they both calmed down.

 

But still, my heart wasn’t completely relieved, so my mother visited me from time to time to check my condition.

 

Then, my mother carefully spoke up when I got out of bed.

 

“Dear, you’re not going to see the prince again, are you?”

 

My heart wanted to answer yes.

 

I had no confidence to face Prince Luciano again after the incident.

 

But strangely, I couldn’t answer it easily.

 

No words came out as if someone had covered my mouth.

 

Then my mother gave me a complicated expression as if she knew I would.

 

“It’s not compulsory. Decide slowly. You can do whatever you want.”

 

My mother spoke softly and embraced me.

 

I was grateful and sorry that I received such warm affection.

 

I couldn’t get rid of the feeling that I had stolen their beloved daughter.

 

I didn’t know how I possessed this body or where Aesvin went.

 

There was no guarantee that I would be able to return to my original self, nor could there be any guarantee that the real Aesvin would return.

 

When I realized that, I felt sorry for Aesvin’s parents.

 

I didn’t want to disappoint these good people.

 

All I could do was to treat them with sincerity and reciprocate their feelings.

 

So I re-established my will to live.

 

And since I received a lot of attention and affection from those who care about me, I was able to accept the fact that I was possessed by a novel with ease.

 

I calmed down quickly, but not my parents.

 

The incident in the Imperial Palace must have been quite shocking to both of them.

 

They seemed even worried that Prince Luciano might have deliberately harassing me.

 

So I had to pretend to be better.

 

Rather than staying in the room, I did something little by little and showed a lively appearance.

 

But my mother seems to be worried about that.

 

“Why did you already started studying again when you’re not feeling well?”

 

“It’s okay, I also didn’t overdo it.”

 

My mother’s face was full of concern, and I explained quickly.

 

“You still don’t look good.”

 

“No, I’m not. I’m really fine. You know I can eat well now.”

 

Still, I couldn’t make my mother’s expression better.

 

This time, on the contrary, I had to pat my mother on the back of her hand and reassure her repeatedly that it was okay.

 

After talking for a while, my mother left.

 

“My lady have grown up a lot.”

 

My nanny had seen all the actions I had taken to make my mother feel safe and said as if she was proud.

 

“Then, if you said so, I’m all grown up.”

 

When I responded, the nanny burst into a low laugh.

 

It seemed to be such a peaceful time.

 

However, human memories were very mysterious.

 

Memories of happiness and joy were easily forgotten, while the terrible and shameful mistakes remained clearly.

 

When I had time alone, I remembered that terrible situation.

 

Prince Luciano, who had only shown an icy expression on his face, widened his eyes and looked surprised.

 

Come to think of it, I felt sorry for him in a different way.

 

I must have left a terrible memory.

 

It was so shocking that it might remain in his memory for the rest of his life.

 

‘Every time he think of me me, he will remember me when I vomitted.’

 

… I realized that it was impossible to get along with Prince Luciano.

 

I gave up my future of getting along with him.

 

No matter how brazen I was, I couldn’t continue to act as the sunshine heroine.

 

Even Prince Luciano would no longer want to see me.

 

I thought it would be best to end things and get rid of each other’s memories.

 

I came to this conclusion during my rest when I was sick, and I wrote a letter to Prince Luciano after my condition got better.

  

[Dear Prince Luciano.

 

It’s been a long time since I last write to you.

 

I should have sent you a letter of apology and gratitude in advance, but please forgive me for contacting you now because I’m not feeling well.

 

First of all, I would like to thank you.

 

Thank you for sending me to my mansion after I fall unconscious.

 

And I’m apologize for the inconvenience caused by my unnecessary gifts.

 

There was really no impure intentions.

 

I’m really sorry for showing you a bad side that day.

 

I hope you can erase the terrible incident from your memory and have a peaceful day.

 

Lastly, I’m very sorry for bothering you so much all this time.

 

I don’t know what the prince would think, but I was rather happy while we spent time together.

 

In the meantime, if there are any things that have offended the Prince, I hope you will understand them with a generous heart.

 

I won’t be bothering you from now on.

 

From Aesvin Samuel, who has a hard time raising her head for being sorry.]

  

I sent a letter like that.

 

There was no more chance of meeting Prince Luciano.

 

For in the meantime, our meeting has been accomplished by me [tnote keyword=”clung onto his leg”]Clung onto his leg is an idiom meaning be obsequious or servile. In this case, Aesvin is obsessed with Prince Luciano and want to hang out more with him due to her believe that she was the main character and Prince Luciano is the male lead.[/tnote]. 

 

If I didn’t contact you, we would never see each other again.

 

It was such an empty relationship.

 

Of course, there was no reply after two days.

 

It was really over.

 

Still, I was expecting a reply saying he was doing well.

 

The relationship with Prince Luciano was neatly summarized.

 

It wasn’t my cup of tea to cling to what had already been done.

 

Let’s just live our lives to the fullest.

 

Let’s not look away any longer and live.

 

Let’s not look down on a life as a novel character.

 

Then the shameful memories would disappear.

 

A letter of invitation arrived the next day, overshadowing my determination.

  

[Dear Aesvin Samuel

 

It’s a day full of fresh spring energy.

 

We are going to have a small tea party in the Imperial Palace in a week on the occasion of a good day.

 

We look forward to your participation as much as possible.

 

Isabelle Frederick]

  

It came in the name of Empress Isabelle, so there was no way to refuse it.