I Swear I Won’t Bother You Again!

71. Disappointment

The middle of the brain, is like the duplication of the heart. The place where the five senses go, the organ where no nerves pass – the deepest, innermost part of the institution is called the heart. Violette felt as if the soft, delicate, and most important emotion of her heart had been suddenly crushed by someone.

It was not that she felt pain. The intimidation she usually feels from her father was subdued. Only at times like this, the space around her, for better or worse, was overpowering on Violette’s shoulders.

The discomfort pressing down on her chest and the cold sweat running down her back was simply uncomfortable. She had been standing on the sidelines a while ago, but now, she didn’t feel like she could be objective about anything and ignore them.

She thinks people recognize this uneasiness in their hearts as fear.

If so, what is she feeling fearful of?

“I am in a different class than him, but we have some classes together. And if he is a friend of my sister, I would like to talk to him about many things!”

“So, uh……”

Violette can’t go anywhere, she can’t run away.

She is being cornered by an innocent smile that she had accept head-on.

Her breathing became labored. As if her lungs were not working properly. She felt something was stuck in her esophagus and she couldn’t even swallow her saliva properly. Her eyes became dizzy and everything in her vision was distorted.

Violette could understand that she was not feeling normal right now, but…

（Why ……?)

(Why am I so frightened now?)

Considering Marijune’s character, it would be a no-brainer statement. The mind of a benevolent girl is vast, which is why she likes to fill it with all kinds of things. In fact, she had spoken to Yulan several times last time. Perhaps they didn’t match in personality, but she was never recognized as more than Violette’s sister.

It’s too late now to say it was different from the last time. Violette was prepared for any change when Claudia apologized to her. In fact, she is not surprised now.

So, although she was not surprised, she couldn’t just shake off the fear that was covering her heart.

“I’ve been able to talk to some of the kids in my class lately.”

Fortunately or unfortunately, Marijune changed the subject and began to talk happily with her parents. Violette looked at three of them as if they are far away. As if she was a spectator, watching a beautiful family drama playing in front of her with a smile on her face.

But for Violette, her uncontrollable feelings are much more important than such a distant and imaginary world.

The fear that should have passed away was still burning in her brain.

************

” Violette-sama, ……”

“I’m sorry, Marin. I’d like to be…… alone for a while.”

“……, yes, Miss. Please call me if you need anything.”

“Hmm. Thank you.”

In the room where Marin had left, Violette’s breathing was the only sound that could be heard. The rhythm of her breathing was somewhat uneven, and her heart was beating excessively, making her feel uncomfortable.

Over and over again, the fear of what just happened just kept being repeated in her mind.

Violette looked up at the dressing mirror opposite of her and saw herself in the mirror. She was looking very sick, as if she might collapse at any moment. Her skin, which was already white, had lost its color and turned a terrible shade of red. She had always thought she had little blood, but this was nothing like that.

It was pallid. When she looked closely, she saw that her lips were quivering, and her forehead was glistening with sweat that has not yet dried.

Violette was afraid. She was afraid of something, something she couldn’t still find. An act that should have passed away was still clinging to Violette, and she could not get rid of it.

(That girl would be…… with Yulan.)

Next to Yulan, Marijune’s smiles adorably. The two people standing side by side were not looking out of place. They will probably continue to smile and talk to each other and even become …… friends easily. This image was what haunting Violette.

The place where she was supposed to be until yesterday is now shared.

“Oh! Ah……,”

The legs of the chair that she was sitting scratched on the floor, and an unpleasant sound echoed in the room. The mirror stand shook in reaction to the vigorous standing up, but the solid construction of the mirror stand was settled without showing any sign of falling.

The only thing that didn’t settle was Violette’s heart.

A crushing, uncomfortable feeling was brewing in her chest, and the nausea was accompanying it. The contents of her stomach were still waiting to be digested, and there was no sign of back-flow through her esophagus, but she reflexively covered her mouth, as if something was about to overflow.

Slowly, Violette took time to regulate her disordered breathing. She inhaled heavily through the gap between her blocked fingers and exhaled a little at a time. She took the time to breathe in and breathe out, slowly and patiently, to calm her brain, which had been dyed with something she was unaware of, just to normalize her consciousness.

She doesn’t know how long she did that.

Seconds, minutes, maybe much shorter than she thought. Violette didn’t even have the energy left to be conscious of time anymore.

It was such a shock and …… a tremendous disappointment.

(Did I want to …… monopoly Yulan?)

The reason for the fear she felt, the reason she was so insecure.

Violette was afraid that Yulan would be with Marijuan. That she would left her and think that Marijune was better than her, like what her family thinks. Just the thought of it made her want to scream.

Violette didn’t want to see Yulan with Marijune. She would never be able to bear it, neither would she ever forgive Marijune for this.

ッッ─！!

The scream that had never made a sound was crushed into a bite and traveled through her body. The fear of Marijune that had been there a moment ago was drowned out, and all that remained was a sense of disappointment in herself.

Violette absolutely did not want to hold on to it. She swore she would never make a mistake again. The desire that started it all and painted the ending, she would never walk that same path.

Violette’s world was so distorted and corrupted because she wanted to monopolize love and happiness.

She must have realized. She knew that her greed would not make anyone happy, not even herself.

That was why she decided to devote her life to devotion to God.

(Of all people, ……)

The hand that had been covering her mouth found itself on her forehead, roughly scraping up her hair, and an unpleasant sound followed from her mouth.

Yulan had always been an important childhood friend who she had always adored ever since they first met. A boy who is like a cute little brother. Violette thought she was happy just watching him grow up little by little.

She never thought that she didn’t want him to be taken away from her.

…… Sorry, Yulan.

Violette herself didn’t understand the meaning of the apology that no one, not even her, could reach.

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