I Start with a Bad Hand!

‘What did you say?’

I wondered what Evan meant by saying that the name ‘Dietrich Degoph’—which seemed more fitting for a burly man capable of slaying a bear with his bare hands—suited me well. I pondered his intentions as he looked at me with those deep, ocean-like eyes.

Noticing my cane, Evan’s eyes widened as if he had just realized something. Seeing his reaction, I knew an uncomfortable conversation was imminent.

“Your leg…”

“Yes, it’s just… well…”

“……”

“……”

I awkwardly trailed off, deliberately ignoring his gaze that seemed to demand a more detailed explanation. I really didn’t want to engage in a conversation with Evan, especially not in a situation that might lead to an encounter with other members of the Elexion Ducal House.

The awkward silence grew unbearable, so I pretended to notice the clock tower of the academy in the distance.

“Ah, look at the time… My coachman is waiting, so I must be going.”

After a polite farewell, I began to walk away, but Evan quickly followed.

“I’ll escort you.”

“It’s okay.”

I declined hastily, wondering if I might have appeared too cold or inadvertently offended the younger son of the ducal house by rejecting his kindness.

But I truly did not want to be seen walking with Evan, drawing the attention of the Elexion house’s members. I didn’t want to hear them call me a ‘vulgar liar who dared to deceive the Ducal House.’ That was the last thing I needed.

I hurried towards the area where the carriages were gathered, moving as fast as I could manage with my cane, almost like I was completing a three-legged race alone. I felt Evan’s gaze persistently following me from behind.

The waiting after the exams had been a series of enduring different kinds of discomfort—bearing the pain from my broken leg, cramming the unknown history of the empire into my head, and sometimes feeling bouts of loneliness even when surrounded by kind people. None of these were more tormenting than the current wait.

Initially, the strangeness of the new environment was an excuse to stave off anxiety, then the preparation for academy admission. But now, without anything to immerse myself into, the worries I had put off came flooding back.

‘What has happened to the real me? If I just died on the company stairs… what then?’

‘Can I ever go back? And even if I can return, if too much time has passed in reality, even if I don’t die…’

‘Is going to the academy really the right choice? What if I fail the entrance exam, or even now, if here’s another way…’

The weight of these thoughts pressed heavily on my chest, a suffocating, powerless feeling that made tears well up even as I tried to fall asleep. Whenever these feelings overwhelmed me, I took to chopping firewood, crying as I swung the axe, chopping until all thought and anxiety dissipated, until I collapsed into sleep at dawn when I could no longer lift the axe.

Just as I was considering whether I needed to go to the forest to cut more trees, I saw the butler approaching with an unusually brisk step and a broad smile. I had a sudden intuition.

‘It’s done.’

Soon after, news spread throughout the fief that the Lady of Degoph had passed the academy entrance exam, securing the second rank. The villagers threw a celebration as grand as a birthday party with the guest of honor present.

***

If it weren’t for the elderly coachman, Hans, I would have struggled much more to move my belongings into the dormitory. When Hans learned that I had secured the second rank at the academy, he insisted that he had to be the one to drive me, staging a sit-in in the carriage until he secured his position. I was relieved, knowing Hans’s driving skills.

Local craftsmen in the village, showcasing their skills, gifted me accessories made from gems taken from ducal dresses and custom-made shoes with low heels to accommodate my injured leg. Although we lived in a modest domain now, these craftsmen once dominated the capital with their artistry. The accessories they crafted held a classical beauty.

“You will do well. Whenever you feel uneasy or need us, write to us.”

Watching my foster parents, their eyes reddening, I saw an overlay of my own parents bidding me farewell in the same way years ago. I quickly boarded the carriage. It was a good day, and I didn’t want them to see me cry.

Unlike last time, when I was frantic with studying, there was little to do in the carriage. I revisited the resolutions I had made before entering the academy:

First and foremost, do not stand out. Do not engage in any behavior memorable enough to draw the attention of those at the academy. Avoid getting involved in troublesome matters.

Having secured the second rank might already be complicating that, but I reassured myself that being the runner-up wouldn’t make as much of an impression.

‘Who remembers the second best?’

…Or do they? Actually, being second is still quite an achievement, isn’t it?

As I grappled with the intense competitive mindset ingrained by my Korean upbringing, questioning whether ranking second was actually impressive, I found myself caught in a self-debate that seemed to have no clear resolution. Eventually, I decided to put that argument on hold.

Regardless, I needed to ensure I avoided any unexpected or attention-grabbing actions. The thought of returning to my original world, only to find myself suddenly promoted to a team leader, with the head of the department pushing an unfamiliar project on me, and the CEO’s son watching me with amusement, was terrifying. I’d rather bite my tongue and die than face that scenario. I had to prevent that at all costs.

Secondly, I must not go against the flow of the original narrative. My goal was strictly to return Dietrich’s body to her as quickly as possible and return to my own reality.

This task was actually much more within my comfort zone than the first. The main plot of the original novel revolved around the protagonist Roxanne’s romantic entanglements with Prince Elius, typical of a romance novel. Given my views on romance, the chances of Roxanne, Elius, or any other characters making my heart flutter seemed negligible.

It seemed as if all the positive and vibrant energy of this world was focused on Roxanne, leaving all other characters somewhat shady and dubious. Therefore, I had no intentions of getting close to them.

Reaffirming the mantra “A healthy mind fosters healthy relationships,” I stretched out comfortably.

However, there was one troubling detail about sticking to the original storyline…

It was that in the original, Dietrich ultimately took her own life. Yet, this was a problem I believed I could handle on my own terms.

‘Suicide? As long as I don’t do it, it’s avoidable.’

Being murdered or dying accidentally was one thing, but suicide was something I could prevent. Simply put, I just had to not die.

‘Since I’ve taken over her body, such an event will definitely not occur. I certainly don’t feel like committing suicide.’

I consider taking one’s own life while inhabiting someone else’s body akin to murder.

‘Tomorrow’s the day I enroll.’

…The thought of going back to school at my age. Suppressing a creeping sense of self-doubt, I watched the landscape zip by through the carriage window.

***

“Evan Elexion!”

When the name of the valedictorian and representative of the new students at the Royal Academy was called, I suddenly remembered that Evan was the top student in the original story. As I followed the gaze of the other students, I saw a sea of heads with hair in various vibrant colors.

‘It’s amazing that people here can have pink hair naturally.’

Amidst the colorful spectrum of hair among the freshmen, Evan Elexion, with his standout silver hair, drew all eyes as he walked toward the platform. Silver hair was rare in this world, making him immediately recognizable even before he reached the stage. Watching him, I felt a wave of relief wash over me for not ending up as the top student.

As the entrance ceremony concluded with the announcement of a welcome ball to be held in the grand hall, I couldn’t help but groan internally.

‘Just the ceremony would have been enough, why a ball too…’

Every year, the academy hosted a royal-sponsored ball for new students. Having always despised recreational activities during school trips and detested karaoke during company dinners, the idea of attending a ball was nothing short of dreadful. Although attendance wasn’t mandatory, the societal expectations weighed on me.

“Thinking of the days when you’ll attend balls and make your debut, I made this for you.”

The blue dress made by the baroness, tucked away in my bag, seemed to touch a tender part of my heart.

‘Even though I can’t show her, I should wear it at least once.’

Dressing alone without any help was a struggle, but I managed to get into the dress and check my appearance. Since possessing this body, I hadn’t bothered with makeup, feeling quite out of place with it, and lacking proper cosmetics didn’t help. I had briefly considered buying some makeup before entering the academy but felt too embarrassed and gave up. At least brushing my somewhat disheveled hair due to dressing brought some shine and bounce back to it.

‘I might look a bit pale, but I’m not the star today.’

Today, I was not even a supporting character, but an extra. In terms of movie credits, I would be ‘Noble 17’ lumped at the bottom with others in a large group.

With my objective in mind, I left the dormitory. There was still quite some time before the ball began.

‘I should go early to avoid drawing attention and find a corner to settle in.’

As I was slowly making my way there, someone abruptly grabbed my hand in the dark corridor.

“Found you.”

It was a voice I didn’t recognize.