I Start with a Bad Hand!

The four years passed very slowly for Icarus. One of those years was spent in the underground prison of the royal palace, which wasn’t so bad except for the lack of sunlight. The real prison was the absence of any news from ‘there.’

“…In consideration of the gravity of his crimes, his status is revoked, and he is permanently banished from the empire.”

Disobeying the royal command and causing the death of the former emperor—these were the charges. For such grave accusations, the punishment seemed light, Icarus thought, as he touched the scar just above his heart where the magic stone had been implanted. If he ever crossed the empire’s borders, the magic stone in his heart would slowly expand and burst. He could never return to his homeland.

But that wasn’t entirely bad. He had spent little time with his feet planted in the empire from a young age, and this was merely an extension of his long wanderings. Of course, unlike before, there was now a place he wanted to return to.

“No. The weather here is too strange. Spring, summer, and autumn combined are only three months. The sun comes out briefly, flowers bloom for a while, then it rains for a month or two. And then it’s back to winter for about eight months.”

As someone had once described, it was a village covered in snow for half the year, with dark-faced people and frequent interference in each other’s affairs due to the small size of the village. And there was someone who had been asleep for a very long time.

Despite the risk of his heart exploding, he occasionally missed that barren territory.

‘It’s okay. As long as she wakes up again.’

So, while he dealt with assassins sent by unknown sources, moved from place to place, did mercenary work to make ends meet, and received the same responses from his co-conspirators in the empire whenever he wrote to them, he could endure it.

He often had to move, and irregular work meant he sometimes had no money for a meal. Yet, he always saved money to buy soap and perfume.

‘Because I never know when she’ll appear before me again.’

She liked things neat and clean. Remembering her cold expression when a group of swordsmen passed by reeking, his heart still felt a chill. He didn’t want her to see him from afar and think, ‘Who is that vagrant?’ and turn away. He didn’t want her to appear one day and then back away, looking disgusted at his appearance.

‘It’s better to go hungry for a few days than to show her that.’

So, with all the things he wanted to show her in his mind, he kept on living. However, there came a moment he could not endure, three years after he was exiled from the empire.

“Move quickly, quickly!”

“Damn it, I’ve never heard of such a huge monster appearing here!”

That week was unusually busy. Giant monsters that didn’t belong in the small rural village kept appearing, there were issues with his lodging, and a letter meant for him was misdelivered, with the postman not remembering the house, so he had to search for it.

‘Ha, what is this….’

The letter he finally managed to open contained the same old message. No changes, nothing new. As he steadied his wavering heart and prepared to wash his sweat-soaked face, he saw his reflection in the water—dusty, unshaven, and messy. Despite living such a disheveled week, she didn’t appear out of nowhere to surprise him, as he had half-expected. She didn’t tease him, saying, ‘Haven’t you been washing?’ and didn’t move away from him playfully. She didn’t point out his untrimmed beard like she had once done, sitting in the sunlight, pointing at her own cheek.

Even though he had fallen into disarray, nothing changed. Even if he didn’t take care of himself, nothing happened. That day, he cried for the first time in a long while.

Dietrich—no, Jahee—had been right. A world without anything to love was slow and burdensome. Even the brief moment of blinking was so boring that it felt suffocating. In his frustration, Icarus began to wonder: was it really she who had stopped time, or was it himself? Had the gods deceived him, trapping him in some eternal prison of unmoving time?

Whenever these thoughts overwhelmed him, he would lay down beneath the small clock tower, curling up as if to confirm the world hadn’t stopped moving. With every tick of the clock, a faint vibration would travel through the ground, reassuring him that time was still flowing.

Still, life felt interminably long. The intervals between the chimes of the clock were drawn out, and the time between sunrise and sunset stretched on endlessly.

At some point, he reduced his work and stopped wondering when she might come to find him.

***

A small commotion broke out in the village where he stayed, about a year after he had stopped caring.

“A woman?”

“Yeah. From the sound of her voice, she seems like a young lady.”

The inn, which doubled as a tavern, was unusually noisy. As Icarus stirred a stew filled with various ingredients, he froze at the conversation. Hope, as always, made him stop in his tracks. But the subsequent conversation moved him along again. There was no mention of a foreign woman. Of course, she wouldn’t come to this tiny village in a distant kingdom far from the empire.

“Why did she come all the way to this remote place alone?”

“She said she was looking for someone who ruined her life.”

“Is such a person here? Nah… there aren’t any people here capable of that.”

“Exactly. No one here seems capable of holding a grudge…”

Feeling the gaze of the villagers shift towards him—the only stranger around—Icarus pushed away the bowl of stew he hadn’t touched. Not wanting to draw attention, he got up and met the innkeeper’s hurried glance as they tidied up.

‘Looking for an enemy in this rural village…’

Icarus found the woman’s quest both amusing and enviable. At least she had something driving her life forward, the hope of finding the person she was desperately searching for. But he had none of that. He mocked the unknown woman and, in turn, mocked himself.

After leaving the village for a while to do mercenary work, it was a week later when he heard new information about the woman.

“…She’s hiring people?”

“Yeah. Go see her. She’s desperate enough to hire mercenaries since she can’t find who she’s looking for.”

The innkeeper, who asked for a 30% commission for the introduction, whispered this to him.

“But that woman is strange too. She never shows her face. The only information she gave was that the person she’s looking for is as tall as a door. How are we supposed to find someone with that? She even said she doesn’t know what he looks like now. Honestly, in a small village like this, if they haven’t found him by now, hiring mercenaries won’t make a difference.”

Icarus stared at the gold coin in front of him. If she was willing to pay such a large sum, she must be desperate to find this person. After a brief hesitation, he picked up the coin. Money didn’t matter to him. What mattered was that, like the woman desperately searching for someone, he too was waiting for someone.

“All right.”

11:45. As usual, Icarus lay beneath the small clock tower, waiting for the woman. The appointed time was noon, but it didn’t matter. The only thing he had in abundance was time.

After what felt like an eternity, he heard someone approaching. Slow footsteps blended with the ticking of the clock. The woman seemed to notice him lying there, eyes closed. Suddenly, the footsteps quickened, and she roughly grabbed him by the collar, pulling him up.

“You lying bastard.”

Backlit and with a hooded robe obscuring her face, he couldn’t see her clearly. But when she threw off the robe, short black hair swung into his field of vision.

“You lied to me?”

What? A month? With a scoff, she adjusted her grip on his collar. When her blurred face came into focus in his foggy eyes, he slowly sat up. Before he could fully straighten, a scratchy and slow voice emerged, yet it carried an unknown warmth. Whether it was filled with anger or affection, he couldn’t tell.

“You dragged my friends into that damn lie, got yourself permanently exiled? Are you insane?”

“…”

“Say something. Never mind that you ruined my life, but you ran off alone, making me go through hell to find you….”

As he looked into her intensely angry light blue eyes, he thought, thank goodness. Listening to her rare, rapidly spoken words and smelling the faint scent of grass, he felt relieved.

I didn’t fail you….

A punch landed on his chest with enough force to make him gasp. 

I didn’t fail you.

Dong.

Like someone waking from a long-enchanted sleep, something briefly brushed against his dry lips and pulled away. The bell that was supposed to chime twelve times did not sound again. Now, lying on the clock tower’s base was not him, but her. Her pale face was streaked with tears, though her light blue eyes remained dry.

As if accepting the drops of rain falling on her, she spoke calmly.

“Don’t cry. I won’t forgive you even if you do.” 

Actually, seeing you in such a mess has taken away my anger. Jahee said, stopping Icarus’s hands from wiping away her tears, with a composed expression.

“…Forgive me.”

“What?”

“I’m weak now. I have nothing left.”

As she curled up tightly in his embrace, a bright laugh burst forth from her, echoing clearly.

“…Don’t be mad. I just…”

Icarus wanted to utter some grand words he once found in a poetry book, or more mature words, or at least a simple, calm explanation for why he had no choice but to do what he did. But unable to say any of it, he simply thought.

“What should I do? I have nothing either. I came to tell you that, despite being incredibly angry with you, I’m also grateful. But beyond that, I have nothing to offer you.”

“Stop crying.” Jahee’s expression was firm as she pushed his shoulder, making him meet her gaze. He feared what words might spill from her resolute lips.

“I’ve got nothing. I’m completely broke. Even my status is gone. On paper, I’m dead in the empire… Everything I achieved as Dietrich is now just scraps of paper, and I can’t go back. I returned all the property I received from her aunt, and I spent all the money I had left trying to find you.”

As she laid out her worst cards, Icarus feared the worst. He recalled Jahee’s words: “If you share misfortune, doesn’t it just make two unhappy people?” Clenching his fists, he repeated to himself, I’m fine. I’m already miserable and sad enough, long before…

“Still, if you’re okay with it, would you come with me?”

But the words she finally spoke were completely different.

“I want you to be with me on this journey, starting from scratch, just like you were with me at the end.”

I’ve become curious about the world I’d see with you. Icarus felt the body in his arms gradually stiffen. She was nervous. Jahee, who had never trembled before him, was shaking like she was facing something monumental, awaiting his response.

“…Let’s go together.”

It was the first invitation she had ever extended to him, the first promise to share a future together. Moving his trembling body to match her shaking voice, he buried his face into her shoulder once more.

He couldn’t remember what he said in response. Only that she laughed again, just like she used to, neither scolding nor comforting him as she patted his back.

The rumor that the exiled prince had fled with an unidentified woman soon spread throughout the empire, marked as the most dishonorable end in history.

But who cares?

Those who have left do not concern themselves with the stories told by those left behind. With every moment they faced storms, sandstorms, and morning dew together, he thought so.

― 『I Start with A Bad Hand!』 The End