I Start with a Bad Hand!

With a voice trembling slightly, Hayden asked me, “Why can’t I kill you?”

“Well….”

At that moment, I heard the sound of murmuring from below the clock tower. They arrived just in time. Fortunately, Hayden’s attention was completely focused on me, and he seemed unaware of who had come below. 

With one hand trying to fend off Hayden’s grip on my collar, I used my other hand to fumble for the doorknob I had half-broken earlier, hidden behind my back. As the knob made a clattering sound and finally came loose in my hand, I answered him.

“You’re a natural-born rat.”

“…What? Say that again, you crazy bitch.”

Who should I thank for allowing me to say such insolent things? First, I’d like to give credit to Cedric. Then to Cedric’s father, and Cedric’s brother-in-law. If anyone from the Ducal House edited out just that part of what I said, I’d surely seem like someone with severe moral and ideological issues.

“Ugh!”

Hayden, looking more distorted than I’d ever seen, tightened his grip on my throat. As I struggled to breathe, I began to cough dryly. When blood surged from my throat and splattered on Hayden’s face, he recoiled in genuine disgust.

That was the moment I struck his temple with the doorknob.

“Aaaargh!”

As he staggered, I kicked his shin, causing him to fall completely. After a brief hesitation, I struck his left hand with the doorknob. Having already hit his temple once, the second blow was easier.

‘It’s fine, he can still live with one hand,’ I rationalized to stifle the slight pang of guilt rising within me. The people murmuring below the clock tower grew louder and approached closer as Hayden’s screams filled the air.

“If your family fell because of Elexion, you should be strangling the Duke, not me, you coward. What changes by strangling me?”

I spat out the blood pooling in my mouth. The metallic taste mixed with the air entering my throat, which had been squeezed by Hayden.

“If I die, does Rosamund Elexion, who destroyed your family, come back to life? Does Elexion collapse overnight? If your revenge could be resolved by tormenting just me, then it was never a big deal to begin with.”

“You stupid bitch. Do you think the people of the ducal house will remain sane once they find out they cast aside their own child? Oh, but I guess you wouldn’t understand, never having experienced parental love. What would someone like you, abandoned by both your biological and adoptive parents, know?”

Hayden laughed at me, making a strange sound like his lungs were filled with air. Of course, he would bring that up.

“Looking at you, it doesn’t seem like you received any parental love either. If that kind of love only produces people like you, I’d rather live with hatred.”

I licked my gums and teeth with my tongue, trying to clear the metallic taste from my mouth. The pungent taste was becoming strangely addictive, making my mouth feel dry.

“And my real parents… well, the Duke of Elexion. He isn’t someone who doesn’t understand parental love. That’s why he took Roxanne in, knowing she wasn’t his biological child.”

“…What? What are you,”

“Oh… you didn’t know yet. The Duke knows. He knows Roxanne isn’t his biological child.”

No, he doesn’t know yet.

“And he still loves her. Isn’t that amazing? Even if she doesn’t share his blood… he still considers her his one and only daughter. I heard that and it brought tears to my eyes. The love was so touching.”

At that moment, Hayden’s face started to turn pale. What was his goal? Whether it was to make the Duke experience the pain of losing a child, just as Hayden had lost his family, or to see Roxanne no longer recognized as a noblewoman and thus fall into his grasp, whatever his objective was, it would never be achieved.

I coughed, spitting out more blood. There was too much to simply swallow now. I no longer hid my condition in front of Hayden.

“You know, because of you, I’ve suffered quite a bit, both physically and emotionally. But… if I disappear from this world, no one will be sad. Honestly, I don’t care much either. Anyway… rather than a legitimate child who could die any day, the Duke’s house prefers Roxanne, who they have cherished and loved for years, as their daughter… That’s how the ducal house feels.”

I looked down at Hayden sprawled on the floor. So this is the expression people make when the miserable, despicable blade of revenge they’ve honed for years crumbles. Having lived a life far removed from revenge, I thought this might be the last time I saw such a face.

“And… well, as I mentioned earlier, Roxanne knows all about the shameful things you’ve dragged her into. Do you know that it was the ducal house that sent me to Sereti? Roxanne helped with that.”

“No, it’s not true….”

“If you ask your detained relative, you can confirm whether it’s true or not.”

Hayden, his eyes bloodshot, muttered something. Watching him, I responded calmly.

“No. Don’t speak.”

I wanted to remain ignorant. In this crazy world, the question I asked most often was ‘why?’ His story was the only thing I didn’t care to ask ‘why’ about. With trembling lips, Hayden murmured in a shaky voice.

“If I get taken away from here, you’ll… never hear anything.”

“I don’t need to hear it.”

And as an outsider to this story, an observer of this novel, I knew what the biggest penalty I could give him was.

“I’m not curious. I’ll just… let your secret die with you, unrecorded. Like your family.”

Not giving any space to his story. Due to his revenge against Elexion and his duty to his family, he had never once been the protagonist in his own life. So he would pass by like this, again. He might have a reasonable story, but no one would know it. He would be a minor character, not even a supporting one, mentioned in a few lines.

I hoped his narrative would be insufficient to evoke sympathy from anyone.

“I guarantee it. You won’t even be able to harm yourself. You’re a coward worse than a rat. Even knowing that your remaining life will be a miserable one spent in the gutter,”

At that moment, I hesitated with my next words. I couldn’t bring myself to say them. Having experienced that despair myself, I didn’t want to say such things even to someone I hated.

Bang! Bang! The axe was now halfway through the door. I made eye contact with someone through the gap and then turned back to Hayden. But I had to finish it. That was my role in this story.

“A coward too afraid to die, entrusting even death to someone else, a hopeless piece of trash.”

At that moment, the door burst open, and the academy guards rushed in, overpowering Hayden. As he was dragged down the stairs of the clock tower, tattered and beaten, and disappeared from my sight, I met Roxanne’s ocean-blue eyes. A deep exhaustion washed over me, as if I was submerged in water. But the end brought a sense of liberation.

So, the play is over. No curtain call.