I Start with a Bad Hand!

‘So that’s why… I was wondering what she was talking about.’

Watching Hayden, who looked utterly confused as he leaned against the railing, I casually brushed my arm. The goosebumps from acting so out of character still lingered.

“Well… I don’t really get it. You hate me, and that’s why you stole this, but why are you giving it back to me?”

The confession of conscience following a declaration of hatred felt out of place, and I had to strain to understand the connection between the sentences Roxanne had spoken.

‘And… why is she giving it back? Does she realize what it means for me to have this document again?’

Despite the frustration and bewilderment over the document’s disappearance, she had the chance to destroy it permanently but chose to return it to me. As an ordinary person, I couldn’t comprehend it. The timeline from when the document vanished to when it returned seemed tight. She wasn’t so foolish as to be unaware of the potential consequences of returning it.

‘If she hadn’t confessed, I wouldn’t have known she took it. I would have just assumed Hayden had stolen it, which also doesn’t quite fit.’

It felt like watching someone who had wrested a knife from a robber only to hesitate and return it, saying, ‘It’s yours, after all.’ Of course, I wasn’t a robber, and Roxanne, having enjoyed the benefits that should have gone to Dietrich while living in the ducal family, wasn’t an entirely innocent victim, but the analogy held.

There was another reason her decision was hard to grasp. She wasn’t just any noble; she was from a ducal family. Giving up that life was no easy feat, and admitting her entire life had been a lie was a monumental step. Despite not being her biological family, the people of the ducal house cared for her, and she had the Crown Prince, whom she loved.

‘Is she really willing to throw all that away for a matter of conscience?’

Could I have done the same if I were in her shoes? Really? As I wrestled with these hypothetical scenarios, Roxanne muttered.

“Hate you… but…”

Carefully, I pulled the document from its new envelope and examined it. It was indeed the original. Agnes’s greasy fingerprint from eating pastries was still on the back page. The document, impervious to fire, bore a stain from the butter in the pastries. Seeing that mark reassured me. Anyone could forge the text, but replicating such a messy stain was impossible.

“Okay, so… will you come inside? I can’t lend you the bathroom right now, but…”

Roxanne stood firmly, not budging even as I tried to pull her in. Maybe her strength came from her archery training; she had enough muscle to resist me.

“The guilt grew bigger than the hate…”

However, her next words made me stop my attempt to pull her into my room.

“…I’m sorry. It’s too late now, but not just for taking this document, for everything before that too….”

Soaked in the rain, Roxanne, looking disheveled and crumpled, was apologizing. An apology that, in reality, meant nothing to me. I understood her remorse, and despite being one of the few people in this world to apologize to Dietrich, her words still didn’t reach the one they were meant for.

“What can I do to make you forgive me? Even if you don’t forgive me, what can I do for you…?”

Watching her stumble over her words, trying to offer some form of reparation, I couldn’t help but sigh. This world is flawed, like a moldy, half-dried bag of garbage. Yet, sometimes, there are moments that make you think, ‘This isn’t so bad.’

Roxanne stammered through a brief explanation of her actions—why she stole the document, how she did it, why it was revealed in front of everyone, and how she retrieved it from Elius.

‘My door was open? That’s impossible. I’ve never left my door open when leaving.’

‘The document was on the desk? No way. I wouldn’t leave such an important document out, no matter how rushed I was.’

‘It ended up in the fireplace… did she just change her plan when something unexpected happened?’

I had to know. I couldn’t leave such doubts unaddressed, so I decided to ask directly.

“But I never left that document on the desk you mentioned.”

“…What?”

“I also never leave my door half-open when I’m out. It might not always be locked, but it’s never left ajar like that.”

Roxanne looked confused, her face turning red as she started shaking her head.

“No, the door was definitely open! Believe me, it’s true. If it wasn’t like you said, how could I have opened your door?”

But knowing a friend who could pick any lock in the world with bare hands, such a denial wasn’t convincing. I continued to look at her with suspicion, and the tears that had momentarily stopped were welling up in her eyes again.

“And I honestly don’t believe the fireplace story either. It just so happened that when you went to the student council room, a senior called you away, and in that short moment, the document disappeared and was thrown into the fireplace.”

Her face now red to her neck, Roxanne trembled as she nodded, looking embarrassed.

“So, can you tell me what you two talked about?”

“Um… not much really. He wasn’t someone I was particularly close to, but he asked if I had any plans for the summer break. Then he talked about his own plans for a bit before suddenly leaving.”

Her explanation left me feeling uneasy, so I asked Roxanne another question.

“Who was the senior that called you? Can you tell me their name?”

“Lily Del. I’m not very close with her. She’s just a friend of a senior I know.”

…Lily Del? That name sounded familiar. At that moment, a strange sense of discomfort washed over me. Something about hearing that name triggered a memory.

‘Wait a minute, have I seen that name before? Not heard, but actually seen?’

It was odd to remember someone’s name by seeing it rather than hearing it. As that thought nagged at me, a faint recollection surfaced from the fragments of my memory. There was only one instance where I had seen a name on a document rather than just heard it.

“Did that senior you mentioned… ever manage the academy bulletin board?”

Roxanne’s eyes, which had widened for a different reason, now rounded in recognition.

“Yes, that’s right. She wasn’t part of the student council but she did post announcements and promotional materials on the dormitory bulletin board. She doesn’t do it anymore, though.”

When I described the appearance of ‘that’ Lily Del, Roxanne asked again.

“But how do you know that senior?”

An unnatural conversation with a senior she wasn’t close to. A fake promotional poster for bear hunting. Someone who partnered with Logan on my behalf. And… a girl who had once screamed at me in the hallway, accusing me of making a fool of her with my irresponsible love.

“Damn it… I’ve been such an idiot.”

Hayden had an accomplice. Someone I hadn’t even considered.

***

He was more diligent than I thought… The problem was that his diligence was directed in the wrong areas. Despite the considerable trouble he caused me, I tried not to show how it stressed me to the point of losing hair. I casually touched the inside of the jacket I had awkwardly put on. Beneath the cold metal, I felt the handle of a wooden object.

“I know about your scheme with Lily Del. Wow, you really put in the effort, didn’t you? With Logan, the bear hunting posters. But for all that effort, it felt a bit… inefficient. You need to step up your game.”

“….”

“Honestly, it was way too easy to find out all this information.”

It was difficult.

“After a while, it got boring. You probably thought you hid your tracks well… But if you hadn’t been so sloppy with leaving clues everywhere, I might have ended up hanging myself or jumping off a place like this, just as you wished.”

The traces Hayden left were almost crumbs. Even gathering them all, it wasn’t easy to identify them as Hayden’s work.

“Thank you. Your incompetence and stupidity saved my life. Life was so hard that I thought I wouldn’t live out my days even if you hadn’t meddled with me, but you did, and it made me realize I didn’t want to die.”

My cold face twisted into a forced smile as I spoke.

“Well said, Dietrich.”

“…”

“Your delusions… or should I say, fantasies about my hidden identity and Lily Del, none of it makes any sense.”

Hayden, his face pale as if he understood everything I was saying, responded with a calm demeanor.

“So, you brought me here to tell me these stories and act out this ridiculous play? I can’t believe this.”

“Of course not.”

With those words, I revealed the hammer I had been hiding. The fool in front of me didn’t even question why I was wearing autumn clothes in the middle of summer. As he realized the purpose of the hammer, his face turned even paler. But I didn’t intend to break his head with it.

‘That would be too barbaric.’

I leaned back, feeling the door handle at the highest point of the clock tower where Agnes and I had crawled up during the middle of the break.

“Huff, damn it, why did you drag me up here too… Huff.”

“Oh, stop complaining. Just look at this door handle.”

“Give me a break… Okay, wait… This handle, if it breaks, huff, no one can open it unless they hack it down with an axe.”

Agnes was certain. She knew more about closed doors and how to open them than anyone I knew. If she said the door handle couldn’t be opened without an axe, it was true.

“Why do you think I brought you here? To show you me jumping off from here?”

With that, I struck the door handle with the hammer. It hung loose, making it impossible for anyone to open the door without breaking it down.

“Obviously, I brought you here to make sure you couldn’t run away.”

I sighed in relief when I saw there was no one around. Standing a bit away from the railing where Hayden stood, I looked down. The surroundings of the clock tower were quiet with no passersby. I threw the hammer to the ground, hoping it wouldn’t hit anyone below.

“You saw the light earlier, right? Before I started screaming like a madman.”

A soft thud confirmed the hammer hit the ground. Fortunately, it seemed to miss any living creature.

“That was a signal from Roxanne’s servants, indicating they finished investigating your room.”

I relaxed my tense body, almost there.