I Start with a Bad Hand!

Was I too aware of my existence? Although I sometimes felt people whispering or sending unkind glances my way, it wasn’t enough to bother me. I didn’t disrupt the original flow of the work, and days at the academy were passing without any major disturbances.

Feeling proud that I was blending well into this world, I was preparing for my first outing since entering the academy. I had a few opportunities to explore the capital before enrolling, but I always had to return quickly due to time constraints. This time, I was going out to buy some stationery to send to the Baron and Baroness Degoph, and I truly wanted to take a proper look around the capital.

More than anything, I wanted to get out of the academy for some fresh air. After encountering some crazy people several times, I didn’t want to run into them by spending the weekends at the academy. I didn’t want to ruin the peaceful everyday life I was finally enjoying.

Taking one of the carriages lined up in front of the academy, I rode to the heart of the capital. The buildings were certainly grander and more sophisticated than in Heylem. After a leisurely stroll, I entered a noticeable general store and bought some stationery and ink. Coming out, my next destination was unclear.

Thinking of entering a café, I noticed vendors at a stall selling small items. Approaching one, an old woman with hair as white as her cloudy eyes was selling small pins. From hairpins to cufflinks, the items were intricately made for street-sold goods.

Crouching in front of her, I considered buying one to send with the letter. The old woman looked up from the pin she was holding and stared at me. Feeling a bit embarrassed while examining a hairpin, she said softly, “Fake.”

It was an unexpected comment from a seller. ‘She must be very conscientious….’ Feeling even more embarrassed by her declaration of ‘fake,’ I put down the pin and picked up a cufflink, the color of which resembled Dietrich’s eye color.

“What about this one?” Normally, I shouldn’t use honorifics with someone selling goods on the street, considering Dietrich’s status… but speaking informally to an elderly person still pricked my conscience. Besides, who here would know of Dietrich’s status?

It was then, while proudly using honorifics as someone from the Eastern Land of Courtesy, the old woman looked at me intently again and said, “Fake.”

This item seemed fake too. Wondering if I lacked an eye for such things, I thought it would be quicker to ask the conscientious seller what was real.

“Grandmother… I mean, ma’am. Then, is there nothing real here?”

Though I doubted there would be real gems at such a stall… I couldn’t disregard the sincerity with which the old woman was answering. I felt there must be something here she considered genuine.

“No, not among these items.”

Taken aback by her unexpected response, I turned away from the goods and looked at her.

“You are the fake,” she declared.

The focus in her whitened eyes sharpened suddenly as they fixed on me.

Astute.

Feeling the piercing gaze of the old woman, I remembered a fortune teller who had once astoundingly guessed my past almost as if divinely inspired. But perhaps her words were meant to unsettle me.

‘Traditional shamans often start by shouting at newcomers,’ I thought.

I looked at her squarely and asked cautiously, “Why am I fake?”

The old woman clicked her tongue and gestured as if to beckon me closer. As I leaned in, she lowered her voice and said,

“Because you are living in another’s body, pretending to be its owner.”

“Ah.”

It seemed I had indeed come to the right place. A realization that this old woman knew my true identity flashed through my mind. I eagerly grasped her hand.

“Grandmother, or ma’am, or teacher! Yes, you are right. I am indeed fake.”

“How did you know?” I whispered, holding her hand tightly. She seemed a bit surprised by my admission. But I couldn’t let go of this unexpected stroke of luck. No library book, even after a hundred searches, could reveal the clue to why I was in this world, which had serendipitously come to me.

“I really want to return this body to its rightful owner. It wasn’t my choice to come here.”

I spoke more plaintively, almost clinging to her hand, hoping my desperation would resonate with her. I looked at her as pitifully as I could, appealing to her compassion.

As I used honorifics and clung to her pathetically, her tone softened from its initial sharpness.

“The gap between the body and the soul is sloppily wide. It’s because it was forcibly holding on to something that inherently doesn’t fit—the soul that remains in that body.”

Like a burdock seed, she said, making gestures with her hand of attaching and detaching something.

A burdock seed… it seemed she was referring to Velcro. The soul remaining in this body must be Dietrich’s. But why? I looked at her, my expression filled with confusion, and she opened her mouth to speak again.

“What are you clinging to?” I pondered deeply upon the grandmother’s words. After Dietrich had slipped down the stairs and broken her leg, I had been possessed into this place. The only thing that came to mind that Dietrich might have been clinging to was her expulsion from the ducal house.

‘Could it be that she regrets not being filial to Baron and Baroness Degoph?’ I wrapped my head around this idea, which seemed influenced by Confucian thought, and decided to press on with more questions that had been nagging at me.

“Teacher, about the original owner of this body… the original soul. Do you know where it might have gone?”

“Eh, I don’t know that.”

“Why not?” I asked, almost springing up, my expression showing disbelief that such a capable person wouldn’t know.

“If someone next door runs away in the middle of the night, you might wonder where they went, but how would you know exactly where?” She shrugged.

Hmm, that made sense. But the real question that troubled me was something else.

“Teacher, about my real body, the one in another world. Is it still alive?”

“I don’t know that either.”

“Why not?” This time, I really pressed her, as this was crucial.

She seemed a bit annoyed now, giving me a dismissive look without meeting my eyes. “I know what’s going on in our neighborhood, but how am I supposed to know about someone else’s? For that kind of thing, you’d need to go to a temple.”

It seemed I would need to visit a temple and meet with a priest to find out what I really wanted to know. The problem was that meeting priests like the high priest required significant donations.

‘Of course, ordinary people might live well without meeting a priest, and the nobles who really need to ask something might easily afford the donation….’

The thought of having to visit the temple made my head throb.

“Thank… Thank you, grandmother. I’m sorry if I was a bother.”

The grandmother merely glanced at me without saying a word. Feeling embarrassed, I pressed my lips tightly and added a few more words.

“And… it was nice to feel like I was seeing my own grandmother after such a long time. I’ll try my best to return to my rightful place soon.”

“A moment ago, you called me ‘teacher,’ and now it’s ‘grandmother’ again,” she grumbled, but her tone was no longer harsh. She seemed to be focusing on making a cufflink but glanced at me briefly and said,

“You’re too naive.”

“Ah, is that a new piece of information you’re giving me?” I hurriedly asked. “Is that written all over my face?”

“No, it just looks that way at first glance.”

“Ah, got it.”

I was taken aback by her straightforward perception of me, and her response left me feeling somewhat embarrassed. After observing my discomfort, the grandmother clicked her tongue as if foreseeing the challenges I would face in the future.

Startled, I wondered if she could also see the future. “Can you see what’s ahead for me?”

“No, it’s just that naive kids like you tend to make life harder for themselves.”

“Oh, okay.”

Her continued cynical responses made me feel increasingly awkward. Sensing my embarrassment, she sighed and handed me back the pin and cufflinks I had been handling earlier. Thinking that after such a conversation, being strong-armed into buying a thing or two wouldn’t be too bad, I was just about to reach for my wallet when she stopped me.

“No need for money, just take them.”

Surprised by her unexpected generosity, she began packing up her stall’s goods. “Still… it feels wrong to receive help and a gift without giving something in return….”

I tried to catch her eye as she busily packed away her items, not looking in my direction. Persisting in my attempt to engage her, she finally grumbled, “Then come back later and buy a few things.”

“Absolutely, I’ll make sure to come by and buy lots before I return to my original state.”

Finally, our eyes met again, and for the first time since our conversation began, a slight smile seemed to pass over her face.

***

“…500 gold?”

“Yes. You said you wanted an audience with the High Priest.”

Yet, as expected, this world was not easily navigated. Following the grandmother’s advice, I had come to the temple only to face another hurdle.

“And you can’t just meet him immediately. You need to put your name on the waiting list and it might take about six months.”

“Six months?”

“That’s the minimum wait time.”

‘It’s like scheduling a medical check-up at a university hospital to meet a high priest….’ 

Frustrated by the lengthy process and the high cost, I wondered if there was any other way to navigate these challenges, reflecting on the unexpected journey my inquiry had led me on.