I Slept with the Villain Holding My Hand

 

✿

 

Reukis jumped up from his seat and walked in front of Merria and knelt on one knee.

 

Then he held out his hand holding a flower to Merria.

 

Merria looked dazedly at the red beautiful rose in front of her. She didn’t understand this sudden situation and just stood still waiting for his next move.

 

Reukis, who moistened his lips while looking at Merria, said in a serious tone.

 

“Merria, I’d like to be your partner.”

 

“… partner?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What?”

 

Merria, who had asked over again, covered her mouth with one hand as if she realized something.

 

“So, your Highness was also going to the party?”

 

Merria asked in a surprised voice she didn’t even think of receiving the flowers Reukis was giving to her.

 

Unconsciously, a title popped out of her mouth that felt distant.

 

Reukis was a person who avoided such places as much as Merria before, but the first thing he said to her after coming to the mansion was that he wants to be her partner.

 

Of course, there was a place where even Reukis couldn’t even refuse.

 

For example, when a case like the Emperor’s order, to attend the previous victory banquet.

 

There were several other cases, such as celebrating the birthday of the Emperor and the engagement ceremony of the crown prince, but there were no significant events for the next few months.

 

“That’s right.”

 

“No wait, that’s…”

 

The next thing that came after the surprise was feeling troubled.

 

Of course, as the social world has become more open, many people have met and broken up.

 

Even so, officially being his partner and attending a party wasn’t a very good thing in a wise man’s situation.

 

I thought I had finally escaped the rumors, but if the two of us show ourselves affectionately in such a situation.

 

‘Wasn’t it like adding fuel to a scandal that has faded?’

 

It was only a few days ago that Merria decided to end her relationship with Reukis.

 

Merria, who was about to say,

‘Let’s take some time today

‘, wasn’t willing to accept his offer.

 

‘Still, I thought that I had treated him cold enough.’

 

She responded sparingly to the letter, didn’t show her face to him, and though she was consistent today as well.

 

Nevertheless, did this naive man not feel any signs of breaking up at all? Merria frowned as she stared at Reukis waiting for an answer in front of her.

 

What I had to do now was very simple.  The answer was almost fixed.

 

All I had to do was say no and decline him.

 

For some reason, it was difficult to open my mouth like a person with a mouth full of water.

 

While Merria was contemplating, agonizing over this and that, Reukis felt upset.

 

The thought crept up that maybe Merria wanted to go to the party alone.

 

‘Or maybe you want to go with someone other than me.’ 

 

Reukis thought as he stared at her face. He could tell just by looking at her that it wasn’t that she had feelings for him and became his lover.

 

Perhaps it was just a light-hearted way to fit in with his childish pranks.

 

But so far it didn’t matter. Reukis was a person who wanted nothing more and was satisfied with such a shallow relationship. He certainly did, but he couldn’t even understand why he felt so down.

 

For him, it was too sad that he was just a shell to be called a lover.

 

A minute passed by, and the hand of Reukis, who was holding the precious flower, slid down.  He couldn’t hold back the roaring feeling in his heart and spit out bitter words.

 

“Are you still reluctant to partner with me?”

 

His shoulders, which weren’t strong enough and drooped, gave off the feeling of a dog soaked in the rain.

 

Merria unconsciously reached out her hand and stroked his arm, as she looked at her pitiful partner, who was unable to arouse sympathy and pulled him 

 

His body, which was brimming with strength from the sudden contact, quickly loosened up.

 

It was thanks to the reassuring power of her touch.

 

Only a friendly touch with no suggestive intentions.

 

It was rare for Merria to come close, but she had approached him like this a few times before.

 

Like when she sided with him in front of the fountain and couldn’t stand the darkness of others’ intentions.

 

Merria’s calm consolation, which encouraged him as if it were natural to show weakness, shook his reason.

 

‘Are you calling this cheap?’

 

Reukis looked at Merria with the eyes of a hero who had been discovered by his enemies.

 

Merria’s complex red eyes were filled with clear sympathy and a little affection.

 

Even just that, and that alone. I’d like to receive at least that much affection. Even if it’s just sympathy, I’m willing to.

 

Every time Merria treated me with kindness, I tried to put up with this feeling, but today even my heart was weakened.

 

After my parents left, no one dared to comfort me like this. He was the heir of the Grand Duke Frederick, a cursed child, wounded by his thorny words.

 

No one approached Reukis.

 

Reukis face crumpled as Merria’s touch made him feel comforted.

 

‘No, I shouldn’t do this.’

 

A bastard who killed his parents doesn’t deserve this touch. He decided not to ask for anything. He gave a sharp scratch to his heart, which was stained and hardened by darkness again.

 

He thought that only by hurting his selfish self more would his turbulent heart subside.

 

Because he always let go of the guilt that flooded in by whipping himself up like that.

 

Ironically, however, as anxiety and distress grew, so did the desire for affection.

 

I wanted her to stay by my side and continue comforting this heart. After all, I hated myself for being powerless and weak, but I couldn’t shake this hand off.

 

Instead, I decided to hold her hand with all my might.

 

‘

Cause, that’s all I could do.’

 

“Are you going to leave me too?”

 

A choked voice escaped from Reukis’ throat.

 

“…what?”

 

“I forced you to be my lover, but you wanted to hide everything about me… You didn’t even want to meet me, did you? Like everyone else, someone who’s going to abandon me.”

 

“That’s…”

 

“Did you hate me for forcing you to take responsibility, for being so close to you without knowing the subject? Was that why you avoided me?”

 

“…”

 

“Or because I don’t belong with the likes of you, Merria, and I’m cursed…”

 

“Stop!”

 

Reukis demeaned himself with an almost crying voice at the end.

 

Merria, who was upset to see him like this, interrupted him in a calm voice.

 

“Ha…”

 

Merria tilted her head and let out a small sigh. Reukis’ body trembled at the sound of her sigh.

 

‘You’re looking at me.’

 

Merria patted Reukis’ droopy shoulder with her pitiful hand.

 

Despite his appearance, she had already noticed that Reukis was in an unstable state.

 

Because he’d never surprised her by his actions or his words that he wouldn’t have done to her otherwise.

 

Still, Merria didn’t like to see Reukis become weak.

For her, Reukis was nothing more than a villain that made a rebellion against the empire to monopolize Shannon.

 

He wasn’t that overbearing or scary, but she thought it was just because she wasn’t Shannon.

 

Merria wanted him and herself to be on the same wavelength as they passed through each other’s lives.

 

We met for a short time, but I didn’t want to leave any special memories and wanted to remain in an awkward relationship.

 

I thought I’d just be a side character in the novel after we break up and wouldn’t see each other anymore.

 

‘That’s why I didn’t turn a blind eye to him, but I followed the rhythm of being a coupl

e.’

 

Merria swallowed a sigh, repenting for her confident past.

 

It was a choice I made because it would be most comfortable to meet briefly and get dumped rather than get involved again later.

 

She knew that this was something she had deceived him with.

 

But that’s…

 

Merria has kept her conscience hidden for no reason and has been unaware of it all along.

 

‘So I guess I’m being punished now

.’

 

She now suffered this situation as if her conscience was on fire. It was the first time in her life that she was shaken so much because of herself, and she didn’t know how to get through this hardship.

 

Then she suddenly thought.  The problem was that she hesitates like this in the first place.

 

Now she has decided to become Reukis’ lover.

Merria would never change her mind about Reukis.

 

However, no matter how much Merria had thought, there was no way that she could just listen to his words and pass them on.

 

‘Cursed? Who’s ignorant of the subject?’

 

From Reukis’ point of view, the words he said were just a rambling of emotion, but Merria seemed to know what they meant to him.

 

The guilt of having killed his beloved parents with his own hands at such a young age, and an insatiable resentment towards himself.

 

The images of those who pointed fingers at him for being cursed and trembled with fear would still be embedded in his memory.

 

A young child who was loved by his parents couldn’t endure being alone for a moment and falling into the abyss.

 

It was natural for him to be hurt more than anyone else.

 

Reukis would have hated and wounded himself constantly. He would have stayed alone in the dark and lonely abyss.

 

Because of that one sentence that the author made fun of.

A cry of anger filled Merria’s throat.

 

“Do you think I’m the kind of person who goes out with someone just because I’s being forced?”

 

Her eyes distorted as she looked at Reukis. It started with impure intentions, and it was true that she had been avoiding it.

 

But she didn’t treat him half-heartedly.

 

At least I was honest when I met him and talked to him and made eye contact.

 

Although Reukis was sometimes clumsy in dealing with people, he wasn’t a ruthless and bad guy who didn’t hesitate to do anything stupid for what he wanted as in the original story.

 

Rather, he was the one who rejoiced like a child because of a piece of cake, and sometimes looked at her with quite affectionate eyes.

 

Such Reukis pushed himself up to this point and was frustrated enough to spit out his dark heart.

 

Only because she avoided him. Merria realized her previous life and was freed from her bondage, but this man was still trapped and tormented in it.

 

A given setting and narrative.

 

All of that made him weak and lonely.

 

So he couldn’t wait for the warmth and drove himself crazy.

 

Merria pulled him in, unable to hide her distorted face.

 

Reukis, who stood up, sat down next to her and hugged her tightly with his arms full of strength.

 

“It’s never like that, so stop it. I’m sorry for avoiding you… I’m sorry.”

 

Merria shook her head and hugged him tightly and patted his back.

Then she felt the tension drain from his body.

 

“It was my first time doing something like this, so I was unfamiliar with it. I didn’t expect you to be hurt this much.”

 

Reukis, who had collapsed at her friendly voice and touch, leaned his head against her shoulder in his arms.

Reukis spoke in a somber voice, his head squirming like a beast sharing the warmth.

 

“Merria.”

 

“…”

 

“Merria…”

 

“…Yes.”

 

Reukis repeated only her name over and over, like a baby bird that had just learned to speak.

 

Could I save him from the darkness who still couldn’t get out of the tragedy of the Grand Duke?

 She wasn’t sure. 

But if it’s just to hold on together in the dark. If it’s enough to give you warmth, pat your head, and call your name affectionately.

 

Even so, I wanted to get Reukis out of this damn setting.

From the bottom of my heart. I wanted to do that for him.

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